Second, Second Chances?

Second chances. What a concept.


The idea that one is entitled to make a mistake, but is granted the opportunity to make up for it.

God gave Mankind a second chance. Tyra gave Jaslene a second chance. Second chances make the world go 'round!

You know where this is headed...

I had finally spoken to MK since Friday (turns out he was involved in a fender bender) and we made plans together for Monday night. Of course I didn't set my hopes high because of his recent shortcomings, however, I did expect him to come through...Surprise, surprise. I sent MK a break up text message that night. I know, that's almost as low as an email. Or a Post-It. But in my defense, I only did it because I couldn't get in touch with him. It was a little disappointing because I did actually like the guy. But I knew I couldn't get used to the whole invisible man thing. So I grieved a little that night and went to sleep.

At 12:30 the next day, he called me. He apologized and plead his case. He promised me, it would never happen again, if I gave him a second chance.

Deja vu...I could've sworn we had this conversation about three weeks ago. Nevertheless, I gave him a second, second chance.

I know what some of you may be thinking. A "second chance" is just that. A SECOND chance. There's no such thing as a second, second chance. But are second chances really as open and shut as they sound? Are they really only second chances? Can there be third or fourth, second chances? Did you follow that (lol)?

The meaning of "second chance" is purely subjective. To some, it's only one opportunity to redeem yourself, and to others it's simply another chance. Personally, I mostly identify with the latter. Because, lets be realistic. We're human. We make mistakes--plural, not singular. And sometimes we need a second, second chance.

The real question is, where does the thin line between "fool me twice shame on me", and second, second chances meet?

Questions

I wasn't really expecting any feedback from my previous post. It was more of a personal rant. The question I posed at the end, a rhetorical one. But the responses I received were appreciated, and truly considered.

With my recent relationship trials, I was faced with every wise woman's delimma: Where do I go from here? Should I just be single and give the dating scene a break? Be less exclusive with one guy and test the waters? Or take a chance on love? I didn't know for sure.

After reading the comments on my post, I was only more confused about what I should do.

I was advised to stand still. Be alone. Be single.
I was advised to let go. Move on to the next.
And I was advised to take a chance on love.

Truth is, life is full of risks. Love is just one of them.

So the question remains, is he worth another chance? Granted, he's stood me up a few times, but all for ridiculously legitimate reasons. Am I entitled to have a low tolerance for bull sh*t and want to do away with him? Or am I being a bit hasty?

Move On or Hold On?

I was thinking about India.Arie's song, "Ready For Love"...It used to be my anthem. I loved Love so much and I wanted it so badly.

I am ready for love. Would you please lend me your ear? I promise I won't complain. I just need you to acknowledge I am here...

But after tonight I'm thinking otherwise. I'm not ready for love.
I don't think I'm even ready for dating.

Man oh man, it sucks to be stood up. There's no worse feeling in the world (at least in my little world at the moment) than having your hopes set high and then being disappointed. I even shed a tear--no lie. I'm just so tired of the conflict and confusion of wanting to take a chance, but being shocked back to reality. I've been burned recently, so I have to make sure that I'm carefully guarded. But if I'm too guarded than I'll write off my guy at the smallest misstep. So I change my thinking, and give second chances. I let myself be the least bit vulnerable and find out that I actually like the guy. And what happens then? He stands me up again. And not just in the usual way. It's in the I text and he doesn't text back sort of way; the I call and he answers then hangs up sort of way; the when I call him a third and final time, he lets me go to voicemail sort of way...Sigh.

I don't know what to make of it. Sometimes I feel like I'm looking for something to go wrong so that it'll be easier to break it off with him. Other times I feel like I let alot of things slide because I don't want to make the next guy pay for the mistakes my ex made. I don't know...I don't know how to be open to a new relationship without letting loose just a little. It's always all or nothing. It's never a little bit with me. So what now, do I send him a break up text? Do I ignore his phone call if he ever does return mine? Or do I just forgive and forget, let it go and just be casual about the whole thing? Man, I wish I could.

Another Quickie...

Man, I'm slacking for real, huh? I had an unexpected visit from a friend I knew since grade school, and she's been staying with me since Saturday. As a result, I've been occupied with entertaining and I haven't quite had the chance to stop and write. Forgive me, still love me lol...As soon as she leaves, which will be later on today, I will make the post that's been hard on my mind for the past three or four days. I've held myself to a personal daily deadline since I can't find a job and I'm trying to flesh out my portfolio anyway.

*Survey Update*

I'm thinking about pulling the survey down, as I said that I would do by Monday. Maybe I should left it up until Wednesday to complete a full week, but I don't think it will make much of a difference because five people voted. I'll do what I can with the results I have:)

Again, please bare with me, Love is a Minefield will be back in full swing tonight. Promise.

Quickie

Boy, do I have stories. Tomorrow I'm doubling (maybe even tripling) up on posts because I've got some shit on my mind--excuse my French. But for right now, I must make this post a quickie cause I'm about to go on a late date with MK...Oohhh La La...lol

Just wanted to thank those who have commented and voted. Even though both votes and comments are only in the single digits right now, I'm still appreciative lol...Keep them coming cause I feel an interesting thesis forming.

But I have to get going so everyone have a great weekend:)

Ciao!

Survey Wednesday

Hello all:)

Earlier this week, I installed a blog hit counter because I was curious about how many people visit my blog. I for one, frequent several blogs but never comment. I'm a lurker in most cases. Anyway, I can't help but wonder, who is reading my blog, since my count has reached 43 since Sunday (I started it at 100 hits, just so I wouldn't look pathetic lol)...So, since somebody is obviously reading this blog, may I ask that you kindly show your face? Leave a comment and I'll blog roll ya!

On to other things...I'm trying something new. Often times, for articles that I write for my school newspaper, I poll my peers. Since you all are my blogsphere peers, I'm polling you. I know I may not get too much traffic to this site, but anyone who does stop by, please take the short survey at the right. It's only one question and totally anonymous. I'll keep it up until Monday, and then I'll write about the results.

So, my question for you folks is, how many sexual partners have you had? Remember, it's anonymous, so please vote!

I'm No Expert But...

Just as an experiment, today I typed dating in the Google Image search engine. Here were a few of the results:






Is it just me, or is something missing? Oh, I don't know, maybe something like this?




I know this is nothing new, but I had to mention it. It just saddens me that there is so little representation of black relationships in the media. For pages upon pages, my search for "dating" delivered results of white couples, Asian couples, even interracial couples, but never once did I get a result of a black man and a black woman. Not until I typed in black dating.

Sometimes I think we've come a long way in terms of race in America but, at times like this, I have second thoughts. What ever happen to the days of The Cosby Show, Living Single, and Fresh Prince, when you saw black men and women lovin' on each other instead of fighting with each other? The only contemporary TV show that did a decent job of representing black love in a positive way was Girlfriends, and that got canceled! Now all we've got left is The Game, on which you can expect drama every week. Of course there are exceptions to the white representation of relationships on TV--controversy is what sells, so alot of shows on nowadays feature plot lines where the desperate housewife is having an affair with the plumber. But for the most part, the common perception of white relationships is that they are loving and functional, because that's what we see in Kay Jewelers commercials.

I'm not bashing white love, don't get me wrong. I just feel like black love has a bad rep. Just like in the news, the good is never shown, only the bad. Now, I'm no expert and I'm not the most experienced dater out there--I've only been in two real relationships and did a little casual dating in between--but black relationships are something to be celebrated. When the bond is real and the respect is mutual, they can be some of the deepest, most beautiful unions out there. But, unless you're a member of the black community, you wouldn't really know that.