The Dealbreaker

It may have been pretty obvious from my previous post, but just recently I had an unfortunate dating experience. It had a promising start. The Guy came over to my building for a movienight. I was very much looking forward to it considering I had a long day at work, and all I wanted to do was unwind, relax, and cuddle perhaps. Anyway, long story short: we popped in the movie, snuggled into bed, and before we could get past the previews, BAM! His breath hit me like a ton of bricks.

Let me try to paint a picture for you guys. Imagine a rat crawling into someone's mouth, dying, rotting for a few days, laying eggs, and then those eggs rotting too. I am well aware of the fact that deceased mammals cannot lay eggs but I'm trying to make a point here. Dude's breath was rancid.

I purposely left the degree to which his breath reeked, out of my question because I wanted to see just how tolerant people could be. Most of you said that you'd be willing to date a person with an unpleasant odor, just as long as it wasn't constant and/or distracting. Well lovelies, this was both constant and distracting. I desperately wanted to get closer to him (because it's been quite a while since I've been cuddled and/or molested) but I just...couldn't. Everytime he exhaled, I gagged. Seriously. It was THAT bad.

The unfortunate part is that I've known this guy for two years now. We've chilled on the friendly tip a few times in the past. On both occasions, I noticed his breath was on ten. But I let it slide for two reasons: 1) I wasn't really romantically interested in him at the time and 2) everyone is entitled to a few bad days of stanky breath. But after hanging with him this past time, I realized that his bad breath isn't a 'sometimes' sort of thing. It's a Halitosis sort of thing.

There are a lot of things I'm willing to put up with in a guy because I realize nobody's perfect. But my non-negotiable Have to Have quality is good hygiene. Yes, it sucks for the guys who have b.o. conditions that they can't help, but it's something I just can't skimp on. I truly cannot be attracted to you if your stink is constantly assaulting my nose. That's just my #1 Dealbreaker.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has certain expectations when it comes to dating. Things that you you just can't let pass. I told you mine, so tell me yours.

What's your dating dealbreaker?

Womp.

So yesterday was the big date. Before I opine about how it went, I'll give you a brief overview.

We met downtown at noon. We went to Subway for lunch. And then we went to a random vending machine/waiting room to talk. And that was the extent of the date.

Now, for the details:

He did arrive on time, which I was very gracious for. We met up at Millenium Park and he asked me if I had eaten lunch yet. I told him I hadn't so he suggested we go to Subway. We walked and talked a couple of blocks, and when we got there he told me that I could go ahead of him. I told him he could go first because I needed time to decide. He placed his order and then I placed mine. When we got to the register and the cashier asked, "seperate or together?" he turns to me and says, "you got this, right?"....Right. We sit down at a table and he excuses himself to use the restroom. Because there wasn't one in Subway, he went to a nearby building. 20 minutes later he comes back. At this point, I'm finished with my entire meal. We talk a little while and when he's done eating we get up and leave.

It's about 45 degrees outside but the lake effect made it feel more like 30. He asked me if I just wanted to walk around for a while, and I said "Ummm...no. It's freezing out here. Is there somewhere we can go to get out of the cold?" He says "There's this cafe I know of..." On the way to the cafe, this random guy asks us if he can take a picture of us. We decline. But as soon as he says, "C'mon man, you can make a quick $5."_____ stops dead in his tracks and agrees. We take the picture and he pockets the bill.

We continue walking to the cafe. When we get to the building, I realize that what he met by 'cafe' was a vending machine room that sold coffee and had tables set up in it. We sat down and talked there for hours until my mother called me. Because I had traveled from the suburbs, she was calling to find out if I needed a ride back home from the train station. I accepted her offer and we finally left. He walked me back to the train station, and we said our goodbyes.

What did you expect from a guy that doesn't have a car, my mom asked as I told her about the "date". I quickly corrected her that it wasn't about him not having a car OR making me pay for my meal OR not having any sort of itenerary planned OR not showing up looking (or smelling) presentable. It was the fact that there was just no effort. None whatsoever.

Now, maybe it was my fault for thinking this was a date when it wasn't. Apparently, to him all we were doing was hanging out. When a guy asks me on a date, I interpret that as two main things: He has a plan and he plans on paying. There was no planning involved, which sucked because I wasn't exactly familar with the area we were in. Granted, I am from the City. But I grew up on the Southside, not the downtown area. And by the time I made it to highschool, I moved to the suburbs of Chicago so it was harder to even get downtown without making a roadtrip out of it. Because he is more familar with that area, I expected him to at least have some sort of itnerary instead of basically asking me to lead the way.

Now let's get one thing straight: I'm soooo not materialistic or shallow. I already knew he was a struggling student and I was okay with that. I could deal with paying for my own meal and finding my own way to a date. But what was a major turn off was the fact that he didn't try. At all. I'm struggling too, but I still put my best face foward to leave a good impression. Though we met once or twice before, this was essentially our first real personal impression of each other. And he didn't try to make a good one at all. He showed up looking like he'd just rolled out of bed and smelling like he had just had a bomb ass workout. I felt extremely overdressed even though all I had on was jeans, flats, and a nice blouse.

I don't know if it was because of the lack of effort, but for some reason I just wasn't feeling him as much as I had been before. I mean, the conversation was okay, but the chemistry plummeted as the date went on. The romantic feelings that were once budding for him began morphing into friend feelings, and I knew then and there that ______ wasn't going to earn his nickname.

I spent $20 on food and transportation and now I only have $6 to my name. What sucks is that I can't even say the date was enjoyable. Truth be told, if I had known I would've had to spend my last pennies on this supposed "date" that he asked me out on, my broke ass absolutely would have declined.
So, please say it with me ladies: WOMP.

If I had to grade the date, I'd give it a D+. And the "+" is only because he was there on time.

Married Men, Fat White Chicks, and Cheaters...Oh My!

It's official. I'm no longer playing for team Hetero.

Why make such a drastic decision, you may wonder. Oh, just the fact that I seem to be a jerk magnet, and every relationship I hear about nowadays begins with the words "he cheated."

Married Man

My BFF, the one who had the boyfriend who wouldn't allow her to have male friends, told me about the latest guy who hit on her.

"He works at my job."

Oh, that's cool.

"He's about 32."

Um...okay.

"He slipped me a note telling me he wanted to get to know me better."

Uhh....

"He said he just got married four days ago."

WTF???

Please, please tell me how rotten a guy you must be, that you hit on your 19 year old co-worker less than a week after you've gotten married?

God, I have no words...

BFF decided to probe Married Man for his motives. I advised her not to because that's just opening a can of worms, but she insisted. So, she texted him and he told her that he thought she was a "sexy young thing" and that he wanted to "see where things could go." Oh yeah, and he wanted to know if she liked back/foot massages, and if he could give her one.

Is it just me, or are guys getting bolder with their inappropriate behavior?

Fat White Chick/Cheater

I met a guy a few days ago that I didn't dare introduce to my blog. He seemed nice but given my recent knowledge of Married Man and his obvious kin to the devil, I was less than enchanted by men. He worked at a restaurant on campus. He was 25 years old (a plus). We talked a while, flirted, laughed. He had a good sense of humor and he was attractive (another plus). He gave me his number and asked me to call him so we could get together sometime (plus, plus). I spotted him on the street a few days later and he gave me the sad "why you no call" face. So, I promised him I would, though I didn't really intend on it.

Last night, I got to thinking about my pattern with guys. I don't ever give the nice ones a chance because I don't feel chemistry with them. I made up my mind to end my pattern and give him a call tonight.

But, before I could, I ran into him today. Funny how I noticed him. I saw him from a distance and thought, what a cute guy. I noticed a fat, ugly white chick holding his hand and thought, why is it that some black guys are so damn determined not to be with black women that they settle for the bottom of the white barrel? A few seconds later and we're face to face. When he realizes who I am, he gives me the "oh shit" face and waves pathetically. I roll my eyes and turn my mp3 player up.

I thought the universe was telling me to call him because he was a "nice guy," but he turned out to be a jerk too. I am now convinced that I attract liars and cradle robbers, and that I can't tell a nice guy from a bad one.

So, now I'm thinking about seeing what the ladies have to offer. Anyone interested? You know how to reach me;-).