Spammers Beware.

Dear Anonymous Assholes.

Just because I said I was leaving this blog, doesn't mean yall can go spamming my comment sections with Viagra ads and shit. I still get email notifications on comments, so cool it.

xo,
bloggal

Last Post.

No sorrowful goodbyes. No grand finales. I'm moving on and not looking back.

You guys may probably be wondering why I'm so adamant about this right now, but don't worry. I'll clarify things for you on my new blog. I'm thinking about making the first post a vlog.

I also decided not to post the link to the new spot on this blog. If anyone would like to know the url, please post your email address in the comment section and I'll send it to you. If you don't want your email address to be public, you can just email me directly: riprue@yahoo.com

Umm...Yep, I think that's pretty much it. If/when I start seeing requests for the url, I'll send it immediately. Everything on the new blog isn't all snazzy like I wanted it to be, but whatev. That can come later. Oh yeah, and Halloween was a blast. But I'm going to just wait and post pics on the new blog.

Anyway. It's been real people. Hope to see you on the other side.

xo,
bloggal

**UPDATE**

I've already received requests for the link, but I'm actually going to wait a few days and send it as a mass email.

Happy Halloween! (Confession)

I have a confession guys.

I'm really tired of this blog.

I'm tired of the name. I'm tired of the way it looks. I'm tired of the way it feels. I'm tired of the content. I've been feeling this way for a while now but I've just chalked it up to being tired of blogging in general. But I realized that wasn't true considering I just made my blogging comeback about a month ago. What I'm really tired of is Love is a Minefield.

I've had this blog for almost two years, and it saw me through some of the most trying moments in my personal life. But now I feel extremely limited here. With a love/sex/relationships blog I feel obligated to write about things that fall somewhere under those categories. The problem is, there's SO much more going on in my life, and romance is the last thing I'm concerned with right now.

I know, it's my blog and I can write about whatever I want. But for so long this blog has been devoted to a particular topic, and even worse, a particular person. Everything else seems out of place. The only solution I can think of is to do a blog move. I entertained this idea a couple of times in the past but never followed through a) because of nostalgic reasons and b) I didn't want to lose my readers. But the way I see it now is, I'm not going to delete this blog, just move on from it. As for the loss of readers. If people want to keep reading, they will follow me to the next blog. If not, no big deal. A clean slate might be good for me.

I'm in the process of setting up my new blog at Wordpress and I'll post the new URL here in the next couple of weeks. The only thing stopping me from making the switch now is that I'm still working on the template. The process is a lot more complicated than Blogger, but the options are more diverse. If anyone is Wordpress savvy and knows how to install themes, please let me know.

Anyway, since it's Halloween weekend and I didn't do diddly-squat on Homecoming weekend, I'm going to try and hit up some parties. Midterms are over and it's only a few weeks until the next wave of exams and papers comes, so I figure I'd better get some partying out of my system while I still can. I posted pictures of last year's Halloween, so I'll post pics of this one too.

Hope you guys have a good weekend:) Have fun and be safe!

xo,
bloggal

"What is the Stanky Leg?"

This was my GRANDMA'S stastus on Facebook:

"Just a question fb family. What is the Stanky Leg, and did the world come out with it or the church? and if the world came out with it and church folk are doing it, how does it glorify God? Just at question, no offense."

LMAO.

Hey kiddies.

Just wanted to check in. Thanks a lot for those of you who sent emails wishing me well. I do feel a lot better now (physically). My fever has subsided, and so has the sore throat and body aches. All I have is the annoying cough but I can deal with it. I just can't wait for me to be over it entirely so I can't get back in my workout groove.

Without going into detail, today really sucked. I have no intentions on writing why it sucked, but sometimes it feels good to say that much. Anyway, just giving you guys a heads up that I may not blog much, if at all, this weekend because I have to play catch up from being sick last week. You'll be hearing from me soon enough though.

xo,
bloggal

Sick Day + Date Details

Hey blog fam.

I'd like to first thank you lovely ladies--antithesis, Experience, and QQ--for your suggestions. I just got back from Walgreens and I'm stocked with Theraflu, tea, orange juice, and vitamen C. I emailed my professor for the class that my big paper is due in, asking if I could email submit it because I wasn't feeling well enough to come to class. Instead she told me that I could just turn it in 'whenever I felt better'. I was stoked because I definitely woke up at 7 this morning to finish the paper that was due at 11. Now, I don't have to bull shit it at all, and can finish it up with a clearer head.

Yeah, I've gotten progressivly within the past 24hrs. Yesterday started off cool, but once I got off of work, the sickness returned. Not to mention the fact that I had a date to go on. I know they say the only way to really get over a cold is to get lots and lots of rest, which I never do. So, today I emailed all my professors to get excused from class so that I can spend the day sleeping and doping myself up with Theraflu. I emailed my boss too, but I'm waiting to hear back from him. Hopefully, I can get the night off because that would mean a full 24 hours of rest time. *Crosses fingers*

Now. About the date. I met this guy last Friday when my friend and I bar hopped all night. He approached me very respectfully and asked if he could by me a drink. Sidenote: I was already offered free drinks for the night by this hot bartender who coincidently turned out to be this guys room mate and friend. I'm telling yall, this bartender could've been the most beautiful male specimen I'd ever seen upclose. He looked like a biracial Brad Pitt--I'm not even lying. He had blue eyes and fair skin, but this dark, curly hair. We were making googly eyes at each other, when his room mate stole his thunder and started "buying" me drinks he had already offered me. Oh wellsies.

Huuuuuge tangent but Hottie Bartender was sex on a stick. Anyway, me and this guy had a few drinks, danced, and chatted for a while. It was fun. At the end of the night, he asked me if he could call me sometime and I gave him my number. He said, "Promise not to forget me, because I'm really gonna call you". I guess he thought I was drunk but I wasn't. He called me the following Monday asking if I'd like to get together Wednesday after work. I agreed.

Now, even though I blogged about this date Tuesday evening, why the hell did I almost totally forget the next day? I think I'm so used to guys flaking on me that I unconciously pushed the entire date out of my mind. He calls me at 6:30, telling me he got out of class early and asking if I wanted to push our dinner plans up an hour early? I'm sitting there in my PJs, eating a bowl of Ramen noodles, and typing my paper--clearly I didn't have plans on going anywhere--but I told him we could. He offered to pick me up but I'm kind of paranoid about strangers knowing where I live. He could turn out to be some crazed stalker. Y'all know how white boys can be (oh, did I forget to mention he's white?) lol j/k (not really). Instead of him picking me up, we met at the resteraunt--Flat Top Grill.

He showed up on time, smelling fresh, and looking presentable. These are probably givens, but after my disaterous date with Mr. Womp, I've come to appreciate these things. We, of course, got 'the what are yall doing together' looks. We probably did look like we weren't even from the same planet but we just ignored the stares. I won't go into the details of the date, but I have to say, I really enjoyed myself. The conversation was easy and unforced. He was a gentleman but not to the point of trying too hard. And most importantly, he footed the bill. I say this is important because, in the infamous case of Mr. Womp, he asked me on a date and I ended up paying. You'd better believe I came prepared with my debit card this time, but he made it clear from the beginning that I could get what I wanted and he'd pay the bill.

He wanted to take me salsa dancing at the bar Hottie Bartender works at (*swoon*) but I told him I needed to get back to finish my paper. He walked me back to my apartment and we called it a night. He leaned in for a good night smooch but I had to give him a good 'ole church hug instead. Sidenote: Besides the fact that I don't kiss on the first date anyway, I was literally afraid to do it. I've been kissing the same person for over a year now. I don't even know if I know how to kiss someone else. That's what happens when your ladyhood gets used to a particular manhood, if you know what I mean...I think you do.

I can't say for sure whether or not I'm attracted to this guy in "that way", but I did enjoy myself and would definitely go out with him again. He was outgoing, respectful, and courteous. The date was everything it should've been (by my standards) and I have to give him his props for bringing his A Game.

Now, I'm off to down some Theraflu. Hopefully by the time you hear from me again, I'll be back to normal.

xo,
bloggal

Ughhhh.

I feel like crap.

I managed to avoid getting sick for over a year. I obsessively wash my hands, ESPECIALLY before I eat. I make sure I take my vitamins to build up my immune system. I stay bundled up in cool weather no matter how bad I want to go coatless. With all of my precautions, you'd think I'd be safe from getting sick. Nope. I catch a sore throat in the dumbest way. Because my apartment is a frikkin' ice box, last night I got sick on my walk from the shower to my bedroom. I know, I know--there's probably more that contributed to it. But all I know is, when I got out the shower I felt fine, and by the time I got to my bedroom, about 8 seconds later, I started feeling the itchy beginnings of a full-fledged sore throat. I bundled up in a sweatshirt, extra blankets, and my beloved Snuggie, hoping that I would be able to sleep it off. But instead I woke up this morning feeling like death warmed up.

Forgive me for this randomness. I just hate being sick. All you want is somebody to baby your grown ass with soup and hot lemon & honey tea, but you gotta do it yourself. You wanna cuddle up with someone everybody treats you like you have coodies, which you kind of do. Not that I have someone to cuddle up with right now but you get the picture.

The worst part is, I have a date tomorrow night and a major paper due Thursday morning. I'm not up to either right about now. But I know the lazy Old Maid inside of me was just praying for a reason for me to cancel this date and I'm not about to satisfy her fuddy duddy ass. I've been putting off getting back in the dating game for months now and if I don't go tomorrow, I never will. So, if you guys know any natural or medicinal remedies PLEASE share. Over-the-counter drugs or grandma's famous cure--whatever. Just please share what works for you when you're sick. I can deal with a mild irritation but the pain has to be gone by tomorrow.

Trippin'

Didn't I just tell ya'll I still had issues?

I'm going to tell you guys a little story and I hope someone gets something out of it.

So, I was seeing this guy. He and I had a history that was at best...difficult. We were off and on, on and off for a long time. Finally, we were able to get along and be cool. We were friends. Then his circumstances changed, and suddenly it was okay for us to be more than friends. Only, niether of us were ready to take that definitive step. So, instead we decided to play it cool. Go with the flow. Just enjoy what we had without attempting to define it.

All was well until I started to get paranoid. I started thinking ahead and thinking behind. What if this happens? I can't forget when THAT happened. I'd freak out and tell him that I didn't think we should see each other anymore...and a day later I'd realize that I was TRIPPIN'.

We'd discuss what made me trip, and he agreed to make an effort to make me feel more secure about our 'relationship'. All is well and then a week later I get paranoid again. Only, for a different reason. I bring it to his attention and tell him, I'm not sure we're on the same page here. I mean, I can be okay with this kind of relationship but I can't be forever. TRIPPIN'.

He acknowledges my concerns and agrees to put forth even more effort to keep me comfortable. Two weeks go by without incident. Until one weekendm he has a ton of homework to do. He informs me that he'd be busy with a project for most of the weekend. He's lying...He's not doing homework. He's out romancing some other chick. I resolve that I can't trust him, I am completely unable to handle our relationship and that I don't think we should see each other anymore.

It doesn't take me very long to realize I was, what? TRIPPIN'.

I tried to fix it, but this time he wasn't going. You say you won't trip again, but how do I know that's true? ANYTHING can set you off. I don't know what to expect from you. He decided that it would be best for us to not continue our pseudo-relationship.

There's only so much a guy can take. I don't blame him for being tired of my insecurities even though he was the cause of most of them. The fact is, he was doing right by me, and I couldn't let go of my issues. Every time I thought of the past, I freaked out. And I verbalized my freak out. I invented scenarios that didn't exist, and even when he tried to reassure me, I found new reasons to freak out. As it turned out, I couldn't handle a pseudo-relationship with someone who hurt me in the past.

The moral of this story is this: If you decide your going to be in a relationship or whatever you wanna call it, with someone you've been through it with, realize its ramifications. If you're not willing to let go of your issues and insecurities, you're not ready to be in it. And if you decide to be in it, you have to be ready to roll with the punches. Especially when they are invisible ones. Let that marinate.

Updates...

What's new blog fam?

Last week was a very interesting for me. I was insanely busy, but it wasn't just because of school work. This semester, I've made it my mission to stay involved and take advantage of the educational and social activities my campus has to offer. And there are quite a few. On Wednesday, I attended a lecture by the lovely Marlee Matlin. You might know her best as the deaf dancer on Dancing with the Stars or as Jennifer Beal's love interest on The L Word.



She was plugging her memoir, I'll Scream Later, a book about her rise to fame, despite her deafness. I bought the book and actually got to meet her when she autographed it. I'd post pictures of the event but Blogger always screws me over when I try to...

Friday was pretty eventful as well. I already kind of told you guys about the exhibit I'm co-curating right? Well, if I didn't, I PROMISE to devote an entire post to it in the near future. I don't want to simply summarize it in a few sentences because it's a project that I'm really invested in. Anyway, on Friday my collegues and I had a round table discussion with community artists, museum curators, professors, and community leaders to discuss the way we wanted to execute the exhibit. We're teaming up with other organizations in the area to be apart of the 150th anniversary of the town (sorry for being so cryptic, but I'm not quite sure that giving away the name of my school and town is the best idea right now). It was an awesome networking opportunity, and my contributions definitely put me on the map with the curators at the museum I work at. Suddenly I went from just a student security guard to scholar in their eyes, and they recognize me as such.

After attending the panel discussion, a friend and I went to see a performance at the theater. Aftwards, we hit up a friends birthday party, and bar hopped for the rest of the night.

I had a good time. I'm trying to come out of my shell a bit and be more involved on my campus. Who knew that if I wasn't so antisocial, I'd start meeting people...Hehe.

p.s.

I have a date Wednesday. I hope it goes well...

RE: Titles and Labels

Hey there people.

This morning I received an email about my previous post. I appreciate the gesture of sending this private message, but it brings up a topic that I'd like to address publicly:


Hey there Sydney! It’s been a while right?! Anywhoo, I just have a quick question that I wanted to ask you that I didn’t want to ask in your comment section because I felt it was better suited as an email.

Okay, so in your post you said:

A piece of paper saying that two people are united in holy matrimony doesn't mean a thing.

Do you mind if I ask how do you feel about gay marriage rights? Because there are sooooooo many people who are trying to prove the exact opposite of what you are saying . I used to be like: It’s just a piece of paper and as long as Gays & Lesbians are afforded the same rights (through things like civil unions guarantying benefit,tax breaks etc) as hetero folks who cares? It wasn’t until I started law school and kind of started paying attention that I realized that it goes beyond that. And, all things being equal, a piece of paper saying that two people are united in holy matrimony means everything.

I just want to be clear on something. It wasn't my intention to offend any of my readers who are a) very happily married or b) a member of the LGBT community. Please understand that my comments were not intended to belittle the sanctity of marriage as an institution. I know that there is SO much more to marriage than fidelity and, as I said in my post, there's no way I could possibly address every combination of a relationship. My focus was only on the issue of honor within a marriage, or relationship for that matter. Everything outside of that, I won't attempt to speak on because I couldn't do the issue justic. That said, I'd like to reiterate something I probably didn't make entirely clear in my post. I was in no way suggesting that marriage itself is meaningless (I can understand how my statement about "a piece of paper saying two people are united in holy matrimony not meaning a thing" could be misconstrued as such). Though I have never bared witness to a successful, honest marriage, I do believe that when two people are fully commited to each other, it can be a beautiful thing. I was speaking ONLY in regards to fidelity. In this context, certainly the marriage title doesn't stop a person from being unfaithful. I think we can all agree on that. That was my only argument.

What I want you guys to realize is that I'm writing from my personal experiences and perspective. I come from single parent home; my parents divorced because of my father's infidelity (he cheated on my mother with six different women; the result was six half-siblings). What my father did to my mother is the epitome of everything I fear. They were, to her knowledge, happily married for 10 years. But then she found out that he was cheating on her the entire time. So you see, based on my own personal experiences with relationships (having been cheated on and cheated with) and the example of my parents', I am just a smidge disenchanted with marriage at this point in my life.

Mr. Right Now.

What's up blog fam?

Homecoming weekend was an absolute bust lol. I didn't go to a single party. For once, I actually attempted to get into party mode but it just wasn't meant to be apparently. Oh well, we'll see if I'll have better luck on Halloween. Experience--sorry I didn't run into you girly. Let me know when/if you'll be in town again so we can make plans :).

So, last Thursday I set this status on Facebook:

I'm never getting married.

There was nothing in particular that made me write it. Wasn't like I'd got into some huge fight with a dude and was in the mood to swear off men. It was just a thought. I didn't expect it to but the status received three comments almost immediately. One person, the lovely JessicaRae, agreed with me. The second comment was from a family friend: "Do you still plan on having children?" And the third comment was from my grandmother (yes, my grandma is on Facebook): "Don't say that. How else will I have beautiful grandchildren?"

My immediate reaction was to reply to both the family friend and my grandma: "Oh yes! How could I forget? The only way I could possibly have kids is if I got married first. Thanks for the the reminder!" Buuuuut, I didn't want my grandma to know how trifiling I was, so instead I just blocked her from my statuses.

The truth is, I can't say I'll never get married. Because, who knows, someone honorable may be able to convince me that it's a worthwhile institution. But currently, my faith in marriage, and titles in general, is kind of weak. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that relationships, monogamy, and marriages are obsolete. I just think that labels are.

Lately I've just started to recognize how much relationships, and what defines them, are changing at a rapid pace. You have people like David Letterman and Joy Behar, who have been with their significant others for over 10+, but aren't married; people who have been married for less than a year cheating on each other; sex without relationship titles; titles without sex; friends with benefits...I can't even begin to list every variation of a relationship. The point is, labels don't matter. A piece of paper saying that two people are united in holy matrimony doesn't mean a thing. If a man/woman wants to stray, they will. Period.

So, where does this leave us? Fearful, right? Terrified at the prospect of trusting anyone, even on a mere boyfriend/girlfriend level. Because, if marriage isn't going to keep someone from steppin out, what the hell is a 'relationship' title going to do?

This was how I felt at least. And the way I chose to deal with it for a very long while was to just be single and selective. Don't settle for anything or anyone. If he's not showing any indication that he's decent and willing to commit, he wasn't worth a milisecond of my time. I quickly saw how ineffective that approach was.

Robin aka Skinny Black Girl, is infamous for her opposition to the whole date-to-marry approach to relationships. She frequently blogged about how it irritated her the way some women would only date guys if they seemed like marriage material. Well, I was guilty of that. Only, I didn't date anyone, because NOBODY seemed like marriage material (lol). Now, fellas, I'm not trying to insult you. But it's becoming increasingly clear to me that if I continue to wait around for The One, my crotch will surely start accumulating cobwebs. So, I decided, since relationships were changing and men weren't, that I needed to change.

I have to make an important point here. When I say that I changed, I mean my attitude and approach towards dating. In the past, I was title/label obsessed. If we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, what the hell were we? Friends? Oh no. I didn't do boy friends. The way I changed was that I tried to just chill out on my reasons for dating. Once I realized that I'm in no rush to marry anybody (and no, this didn't just happen when I set that status the other day lol) I was able to just approach dating in a casual way. It's not about finding The One. It's about having fun, meeting new people, finding out what you like and dislike. And somewhere within that process, you may just get lucky and find someone you can see yourself with in the big picture.

Of course this approach doesn't eliminate the fear of getting hurt, which is certainly a legitimate concern. I've grappled with this very real fear for over a month now in regards to the person I'm involved with. On more than three occasions, I freaked out and told this guy that I didn't want to see him anymore because I was afraid of what might happen down the line. I've been through enough pain and bullshit to last a lifetime and I'm in no rush to experience any of it again. But I just had to realize that walking away from something that you enjoy in the moment, out of fear of the future, is a cowardly way to live. You have the choice oftaki ng a risk and possibly experiencing something wonderful, or protecting yourself but constantly wondering 'what it'? Sometimes you have to just take the chance of getting hurt.

Up until this month, I hadn't gone on a date in over in 8 months because I hadn't deemed any guy good enough for even that much. Do I have to remind you all of Mr. Womp? After that date, I was dead set on being single until I was sure a guy was worth of my time. The problem is, you can't figure that out unless you date. It's sort of a Catch 22. Mr. Womp could've turned out to be a great friend but I'll never know because I judged him on one bad date.

So, I'm not suggesting that you abandon your values and lower your standards to find a dude. I'm just saying, if you've been single longer than you'd prefer, consider reevaluating your approach. If you're like I was, waiting for Mr. Right to come around, you just might be waiting forever. Even if he isn't somoeone you can see yourself with long term (or maybe you can, but he's one of those comittophobes who's allergic to the word 'relationship' *ahem*) don't rule him out. He just might be good enough to be your Mr. Right Now.

Okay, okay...so I've been a little evasive on this blog lately. Well, really, for the past few months. Because some of the people I blogged about were actually reading my blog, I pretty much put a stop to venting about my personal life. I hurt more than one person with my harsh words and I just got tired of the whole bitchy blurby thing I had going on. I know it's my blog, and I can bitch if I want to. But I was getting tired of myself. Not only that but, I'll be honest, I was starting to feel a little judged about the things I wrote. Maybe it was more of me judging myself, than feeling judged by my readers, but I just hated how I always seemed to be eating my words. I'd make a decision and be fully committed to it, and then I'd backslide and feel like a complete idiot when I'd have to reveal it. So, I just stopped getting personal.

I quickly realized that a byproduct of my keeping a low blog-profile was that I wrote a lot less. And I can't say that was a bad thing. I've always been the type of person who has to talk about things. And if I couldn't talk, I'd write. The ultimate purpose was to get feedback. But I started becoming so dependent on the opinions of others, that I didn't know what I believed anymore. So, I stopped blogging about the personal issues and decided to be introspective. And actually, this went beyond blogworld. I stopped talking about my woes to my family and friends as well. It may not seem like the best idea to keep things bottled up inside, but for someone who has a classic case of PutItAllOutThere-itis, it worked. I learned to work through my problems myself. I learned to recognize my voice. And to not let it weaken when someone else's was thrown into the mix. I learned to be patient with myself and not expect to have everything figured out. It's okay to not always know what to do. But most importantly, I learned how to answer to myself. To be accountable, not to a blog community, but to myself. I made decisions and saw them through because at the end of the day, when everyone else is gone, I still have to look in the mirror.

All that said, as it turns out, what kept this blog alive were my issues. My drama. My confusion. My musings. And, while I've made tremondous improvements in my life, I'm FAR from fulfilled. I've never been the kind of this is what i did today type of blogger. So, the kind of blogging I've been doing lately leaves a little something to be desired...For me at least. I like to write about what's going on in my head. And in my heart. When I stopped doing that, and started making all these superficial updates on the mundane happenings of my life, I quickly lost interest. So, I can't blame those of you who have too.

I've made a resolution to myself. To not restrict what I write for anyone anymore. Now that I've found the medium between privacy and honesty, Ican finally handle blogging about my personal life again. But we all know blogworld isn't as anonymous as it used to be. So, while I'll definitely be real, I'm not going to put out all my business. Some things should stay sacred.

But I'm short on time and high on homework so I can't write about what's on my mind at the moment. I'm just making this post to let my readers know that you won't just be receiving the superficial life updates from me. If I'm going to blog, I'd rather it be the truth. And the truth is, it's not ALWAYS sunny in my world. Though I've found my focus, love is still confusing, life is still scary, and sex is still awesome lol. So, instead of sugarcoating and avoiding certain topics so I won't offend anyone, from now on, I just wanna be real.

Ignorance Is Bliss.

You guys will have to pardon me. It's 9am, exactly an hour before my first class, but I still had to blog really quick. I'm taking this art history course, African Art & Society, and it was far from what I expected. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE this class, and my professor. But the subject matter...whoo...It makes me want to start a riot.

I'm too short on time to go into detail here but, trust, you'll be hearing more about this in the future. I know it's not anything new for African Americans to take AFRO courses in college and become all militant and crap. In the grand scheme of things, a lot of the social unjustices and oppression is VERY recent, and understandably, I think, strikes a nerve. That said, I can hardly contain myself in this class, which focuses on the CURRENT injustices and oppression in Blacks in Africa, not America. Though this class focuses on art of the conitinent, my (white) professor, whom I'm pretty sure is anti-Western, makes a point to acknowledge the cultural ignorance involved in the perception of African art.

Y'all might be wondering why I'm even blogging about this at 9 in the morning. It's because I just had my coffee with a side of 'primitivsm' and 'fetishism' of the African female. I'm gonna have a mouthful to say in lecture today.

I hate what I know now because it means that I'll have to go and change the world all by myself. Dammit.

Buuut I'd better start getting dressed. I may be back later to elaborate on this post.

Til then, todaloo!

Happy Autumn!

What's happening people?

Just wanted to thank those who welcomed me back as well as sending their condolences for the loss of my classmate. Last week was a little rough and, although I wanted to update, I didn't really have the time to...Okay, I'm lying. I was just being lazy. It was cold and rainy outside, and all I wanted to do after class was dive into my blankets and catch up on my DVR. Yeah, I see a great relationship forming between us. After a long day of class and work, it feels oh so good to come home to Oprah, The View, and Jeopardy. I know, I'm a loser.

This is the week I'll be swamped. Tomorrow I have four mini-papers due, that I have yet to start on, and the rest of the week will be spent at the library doing research for an exhibit I'm helping curate. Oh, did I forget to tell you guys that I'm doing an internship? I'll fill you in on that later.

But for now, I just want to share some photos with you all. I went home this past weekend for an annual family outing. I went to an apple orchard with my grandma, mom, sisters, and family friends.

I took about 150 pictures but I know y'all don't wanna see all that lol. Anyway, I had a great time with my family. We're trying to make it a regular thing to have a family outing for each season. This one was a perfect segue into Autumn. Good times.

I also received some fabulous news last week....

I was accepted into the Study Abroad program and I'm going to Paris this Winter!

I'm sooooo excited!!! I couldn't believe that I was actually accepted, given how competitive the program is (only 30 students admitted) and the fact that my Spring semester was far from impressive. After my severe bout with Depression, my transcript wasn't looking so hot. I had a D- in one class and all B's in the rest. Not to mention the fact that I had a 'W' in the class I withdrew from. Given all that, I was sure that they wouldn't pick me. But I guess my essay is what did it. I told them what I had been through and practically begged them to look past my academic record, and consider the fact that I this was something I seriously wanted to be a part of.

The past few months have been simply amazing for me. Getting back my financial aid, getting my own apartment, an internship, acing ALL of my classes, and now this. I can't believe how much things have turned around for me. It's incredible what a little optimism and persistence can get you. I'll never say "I can't" again.

Hope you all are having a great week! I'll try to update again before the weekend, which is Homecoming Weekend. Whoop Whoop! lol.

xo,

bloggal

Loss.

::Sigh::

It's incredible how much can change in a day's time. This fact is becoming very apparent to me. What was good yesterday could be terrible the next. Who is here today could be gone tomorrow. We hear the adages everyday--life is full of uncertainties. Tomorrow isn't promised. But do we ever really realize what this means?

Loss. Whether you lose someone figuratively (breaking up with a significant other) or literally (someone passing away), it's just a strange and difficult thing to accept. The thought of someone you were used to being there for weeks, months, or years--to suddenly be gone. It's heartbreaking.

I've never lost anyone close to me before. I've had distant relatives pass away, but never anyone I had an emotionally intimate relationship with. Even with the distant relatives, I was too young to know what was going on. Too young to grieve.

A friend to many in the African American student body at my school, passed away. He went home over the weekend, but his visit--and life--was cut short by a stray bullet.

I heard reports of his death, but I couldn't identify with it; I didn't know him...Not by name at least. It wasn't until today, on my way to class, that I saw the school newspaper with his picture on it. I stopped dead in my tracks, spilling coffee down my shirt. My eyes filled up with tears when I realized that this was someone I knew. Not intimately. Not even on a first name basis. He was someone I pass(ed) everyday. Someone I casually nod(ded) and smile(d) to. I saw him just last Friday. And now he's gone.

It's terrifying to me--the thought of losing someone. And yet it's inevitable. Which is even more terrifying. It's taken me years to deal with a figurative loss. I can't even fathom what literally losing someone could do to my psyche.

I know, I know. Such depressing subject matter. But, as I said earlier, I've bared witness to quite a bit of Impermanence lately. It's a Law of Nature, a reality of life. But it's still difficult to deal with nonetheless.

Back in Black.

::Takes a deep breath::

I don't even know where to begin.

It's not that my life has been all that spectacular in the past few weeks. But I still feel like I owe some sort of explanation about my whereabouts.

....

However, I just realized that I am not in the mood, nor do I have the time to recount every single thing been happening on my end. It's just been Life. Which can be kind of boring when you transcribe each of its moments. Of all the things that have happened in the past month, the most important thing to make note of is that I finally FINALLY have the internet in my apartment two days ago. For over a month, I've been hitting up the library every night to do homework, because the technicians in my complex were too dense to figure out why AT&T couldn't install my internet. I finally got the kinks worked out and settled with Comcast, even though they charge out the ass for high speed internet. It turn out to be a semi-value because I was able to get cable with a DVR thrown in, minus the contract.

Absolutely enjoying living by myself. Being able to walk around pantsless, play my music as loud as I want, and just have my personal space has been AWESOME. Somehow I thought that it would be comparable to having a single occupancy dorm room lol. But now that I have an open apartment to myself, I can't ever imagine living in the prison-like cell I lived in last year. I'd go crazy...again.

The romantic life has improved. But for the moment, I'll leave those private details between myself and the fellow.

School is cool for the most part. Hasn't gotten too hectic yet, and I'm enjoying my classes so far.

But eh, this is getting a little boring so I'm gonna cut it short. Now that I have a reliable laptop AND the internet at my fingertips (for some reason in the past months, I've only had one or the other), I promise I'll be updating more regularly. Scout's honor. It may not be on a daily basis like it was last year when I blew off homework for blogging, but I will commit myself to AT LEAST one post a week. I didn't realize until recently that I actually need to write. Otherwise I go a little crazy.

So, I'd surely like to know what you fine people have been up to? How's life? What've have you been up to? How have you been? What's new in the blogosphere?

Bloggin from my iPod. Damn shame...

This is just a short but necessary update. I have NOT abandoned this blog. Been having the most heinous technical difficulties imaginable that have kept me from this place. But all of that SHOULD be resolved by Saturday. And once it is, I'llbe harcore revamping this blog. I l
know said that before but I mean it this time. I've missed my blog family immensly! I'm thinking about doing a vlog cause I have hella ish to update you all on...

Butfor now, just wanted to say I love and miss you guys and I haven't forgot about you!

xo,
bloggal

(Excuses, Excuses)

I know, I know...Yall don't have to tell me that I suck. It's evident by the sudden disappearance of Followers, that you guys think so. For all my loyal gals and guys out there, thank you for sticking with me and not unsubscribing as soon as the going gets tough.

What can I say, I've been BIZZZZAAY. And school has barely started yet. But I won't bore you guys with the details of my hectic schedule, and the insanity that ensued during the whole move-in process. All I will say is that things have finally seemed to slow down a bit, and I have a moment to update.

Unfortunately, I don't have the internet at home yet, and for once it's not because I'm too broke to afford it. There's something funky going on with the server where people aren't getting a wireless connection, and I decided to save my pennies and walk to the library when I need the internet. I know, defeats the purpose of having a personal computer but it also saves me money. Speaking of saving money, today I returned my HP and traded it in for a Toshiba. HPs are usually considered top of the line computers, but I was more or less unimpressed by mine. Plus, it weighed about 8lbs (not kidding) and it was a pain to lug around from class to class. It locked up a little more often than it should've and a terrible battery life, considering I payed a pretty penny for it. So, today I took it back and bought a smaller, sleeker Toshiba. Has the same specs but a cuter body, and it cost $100 less. Time will tell, but so far I'm loving this little laptop a lot more than the HP.

Sidenote: I rarely blog about mundane things like this, but I kind of want to right now. If you're bored, feel free to stop reading.

What's really been keeping me busy are my classes. I know I say this just about every semester, and I end up eating my words, but I love my schedule!

ARTH(istory) 310: African Art and Society I
ARTH 430: Italian Renaissance Sculpture
ARTH 114: Introduction to Japanese Art
ARTE(ducation) 260: Museums in Action
ANTH 143: Biology of Human Behavior

As I anticipated, all of my classes are research intensive, and require LOTS of writing. What I like about these classes is, even though each one focuses on a different region, all of them are cohesive. The skills I'm learning are ones that are absolutely critical in museum work, and I'm getting the experience all in one semester. In ARTH 310, for the entire semester we will be working on research files for the museum I work at. We will also be working closely with the curator to propose an exhibit installation for next year. In ARTE 260, we will undergo training on how to be museum educators. We'll be responsible for researching the objects in the museum, planning public events, going to local schools to teach children about art, and eventually, guide a 1 hour tour. Intimidating stuff...But I'm excited because this is experience that I need. I have to learn how to verbalize what I'm used to articulating through writing.

Let's see, what else....Oh! I'm training to get my motorcycle license. Before you say it, I promise I am NOT having any type of life crisis. It's just that my apartment is so far from where all my classes are, and I wanted a quicker way to get around. I had been contemplating a car, but didn't want to buy one just to go down the street. And I had been seeing a lot of people riding on scooters, mopeds, and motorcycles, that I just decided to go for it. Not to mention the gas mileage is incredible--you get about 80-100 miles/gln. It might seem random, but it's actually pretty practical. I've been studying the manual and I plan on taking the driving test in a couple of weeks. I already ordered my bike so when it comes, I'll get to start putting in the practice. I'm super geeked.

Note: In Illinios, you are required to have a motorcycle license for any motor engine powered vehicle. But the type of bike I'm getting is only 50cc, meaning it tops off at about 40mph. Which also means that it's classified as a moped, not a motorcycle.

Anyway, I have some reading to do so I'm going to stop here for now. I'm going to keep my mouth shut and not make any promises about the next time I'll blog. It seems to work out better when I do it that way...

A million kisses,
bloggal

Hey beautiful people: )

Updates are in order...

First off, I got a new computer. ::does an Irish jig and high-fives self::

It's an HP laptop with 3G memory, and a 320GB hard drive. This is my first real computer..! And by "real", I mean NOT previously owned, NOT refurbished, and NOT a Dell. My dad is a computer technician and he's always putting together some type of Franken-computer that eventually dies over the course of a year. I decided that I'd pay the money for a quality PC because I can't afford another one to break down on me mid year.

In other news, I signed a lease for my first apartment : -D. It's a nice two bedroom close enough to campus to be near the fun, but far enough to be away from the drama. It's newly renovated, newly furnished, and newly carpeted. But the best part is that I don't have a roommate. Whooo! Yall can call me a hermit if you want, but I looooooove my privacy and Me Time. I like the option of going out, but having a quiet place to come back to. But maybe that's just me....Anyway, I move in tomorrow.

It's been a busy week preparing to go back to school, but things are going according to plan, thankfully. It'll probably be a couple of days until I have my internet up and running, but expect me to be updating mucho more often from now on. Within the next few days, I'm doing a picure post. I figure that'll be the best way to sum up my Summer.

Hope you've all been having a fab week.

xo,
bloggal

Approved!

Hey blog family!

I am very pleased to report that, after much shameless groveling, the decision to suspend my financial aid has been reversed! I found out Thursday but this is the first chance I've had to blog about it. In the past few weeks I've been staying prayed up, and trying to be as positive as possible. But at the same time, realize that there was a very big chance I would be kissing my alma mater goodbye. I had come to the conclusion that, if I didn't get the money back, I would just take the semester off, apply to a different school, and attend in the spring. There would be no point in racking up $10,000 for one semester that I wouldn't even be able to pay back. Thank God it never came to that.

But anyway, as I said in my previous post, I knew that how ever things turned out, I'd have a testimony. And that I was sure to have gone through my delimma for a reason. After coming out of the situation victorious, I've learned some very important lessons.

First and foremost, I realized just how incredibly important my education is to me. I've always loved to learn, but I can definitely say that I began to take it for granted. I'd let all the stress of college overshadow the fact that I'm incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to get an education at such an esteemed university. Faced with the possibility of not being able to go back refreshened my perspective, and made me appreciate the opportunities laid before me.

In the same vain, I also learned how passionate I am about what I'm studying. For those who don't know, I am an Art History major. I'm working towards my doctorate in the hopes of becoming a museum curator or art director of a small gallery. It took me a while to figure out what career I wanted to pursue, but I finally came to the conclusion that curation best suit me. It's a career that's research and writing intensive, which I love, and I'd have the opportunity to work with artists. Anyway, this is the first semester that I'll be able to tackle my major courses and I'm ecstatic. The prospect of not having the chance to study art history was what broke my heart the most. The fact that I was so disappointed by the thought is what reaffirmed for me, that this is my career path.

Most importantly, I realized how frivolous my past two years have been. I'm a Junior in college and I don't have much to show for it. I have a decent GPA, but aside from that, my college years thus far have been punctuated by a bunch of childish nonsense. I've let things that weren't important effect my ability to be all that I could be, both personally and academically. I think more than anything else, this past month of waiting for a verdict has really lit a fire inside of me. It's made me want to WORK. I mean really work diligently for what I want in life, whatever it may be. Funnily enough, the way it has manifested itself as I awaited their decision is that I've been working out like a mad woman. In about a month I've lost 15lbs. Yay me! lol:)

Anyway, I'm just excited for another chance. My focus and enthusiasm is at a place its never been in my college career, and I'm ready for this semester. I'm still on probation, and if I don't finish the semester with at least a 2.0, I'm out. My GPA is waaaaaaay above 2.0, so I'm going to set a goal for myself of a 3.5 or higher. I know the type of student I'm capable of being. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is going to get in the way of what I need to do for myself.

I've got loads more to write about, but I'm going to end this post here and pick up tomorrow. Today I went to the Black Girl Long Hair Blog Meet-Up, but I'll save that for another post. And yes, my computer is still busted. But luckily, I'm buying a new one this week, so I'll be back to blogging soon. I promise.

In the meantime, I hope all of you have been great. Thank you all for your support, and kind words. It helps to know that friends have your back when your dealing with tough times :).

xo,
bloggal

ps

Please excuse the typos (I know there's probably a ton) and how scattered this was. I'm in a bit of a rush and can't go back and edit.