Ughhhh.

I feel like crap.

I managed to avoid getting sick for over a year. I obsessively wash my hands, ESPECIALLY before I eat. I make sure I take my vitamins to build up my immune system. I stay bundled up in cool weather no matter how bad I want to go coatless. With all of my precautions, you'd think I'd be safe from getting sick. Nope. I catch a sore throat in the dumbest way. Because my apartment is a frikkin' ice box, last night I got sick on my walk from the shower to my bedroom. I know, I know--there's probably more that contributed to it. But all I know is, when I got out the shower I felt fine, and by the time I got to my bedroom, about 8 seconds later, I started feeling the itchy beginnings of a full-fledged sore throat. I bundled up in a sweatshirt, extra blankets, and my beloved Snuggie, hoping that I would be able to sleep it off. But instead I woke up this morning feeling like death warmed up.

Forgive me for this randomness. I just hate being sick. All you want is somebody to baby your grown ass with soup and hot lemon & honey tea, but you gotta do it yourself. You wanna cuddle up with someone everybody treats you like you have coodies, which you kind of do. Not that I have someone to cuddle up with right now but you get the picture.

The worst part is, I have a date tomorrow night and a major paper due Thursday morning. I'm not up to either right about now. But I know the lazy Old Maid inside of me was just praying for a reason for me to cancel this date and I'm not about to satisfy her fuddy duddy ass. I've been putting off getting back in the dating game for months now and if I don't go tomorrow, I never will. So, if you guys know any natural or medicinal remedies PLEASE share. Over-the-counter drugs or grandma's famous cure--whatever. Just please share what works for you when you're sick. I can deal with a mild irritation but the pain has to be gone by tomorrow.

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: A Guide to Ass Kissing and Ego-Stroking

As you guys already know, I've been reading Steve Harvey's book. I started on it Sunday night, didn't give it much thought through the rest of the week. But today, I figured since I would be in the museum for four hours, it was the best time to read it without interruption. Took me less than two hours to complete it and, brace yourselves ladies:

I thought the book was a load of shit.

I know that a few of you reading this are probably like, "This bitch can't be serious. This book was soooo informative, so useful. Steve was on point!" Now, I'm not saying the book wasn't useful. I know it helped somebody. I just happened to think it was a bunch of generalized, ego-driven, one-sided hooey. But, as much as it would please me to, I'm not going to merely say the book sucked. Like a good reviewer, I'm going to give you examples of why I thought it sucked.

Act Like a Lady...


Even though I've have issues with the fact that Steve's writing was kind of atrocious, I'll let it slide for now. I understand he's not a writer so I won't hold that against him. My biggest fault with this book is in his over generalizations of women and his definition of what 'acting like a lady' is.

For starters, the "undesirable" women that he writes about are incredibly stereotypical. Undesirable Woman #1 is an emotional, clingy, gossipy, knit-picky Girly Girl who wants to sit around all day and talk about feelings. Undesirable Woman #2 is an independent, belittling, self-important, ball-busting New Millennium woman who wants quick and dirty, not strings attached sex. Both women embody everything a man doesn't want to settle down with. Steve's advice in a nutshell: Don't be either of these women and you'll keep/get you're man. He fails to acknowledge, however, that the women who fall in the middle still have trouble finding and keeping a man. He simply outlines key behaviors not to engage in (or vice versa) to be the 'lady' men want you to be.

Apparently, to Steve Harvey, one of the key components of acting like a lady is being a kiss ass. In his chapter, The Three Things Every Man Needs, he writes, "We've got to feel kingly even if we don't act kingly." Nothing wrong with a little encouragement. But what he suggests is for women to constantly compliment and validate their men. That's right ladies. If you want to keep your man, stroke his ego and stroke it well. Make him feel wanted, needed. Say to him, "you so big an strong and you're everything I need". And those are Steve's words, not mine.

In addition to ego-stroking, according to Harvey, being a lady means being a damsel in distress. Have an adventurous spirit? Not anymore. Harvey explains how his wife was a thrill-seeker before they married, but changed her ways for him. "Her life is in jeopardy and I can't do anything about it? No sir. No more of that." You see, being a 'lady' is all about making your man feel like your Protector. Don't put yourself in situations where he feels like he can't protect you. Oh, and being a lady also means minimizing your attributes so that you don't make your man feel like less of a man. If you're financially successful, don't flaunt it. Don't display your accomplishments because it may emasculate him. That would be baaaaad.


...Think Like a Man

Men are simple, Steve says. They only need three things, Steve says. Loyalty, support, sex, Steve says. These are their basic needs. If you're lacking in any department, than expect your man to stray. Fair enough.

Women, I'd argue, are simple as well. We want from a relationship, what we put into it. That's what we need. We show our love and devotion to our man, and we expect the same. Seems fair right?

Unfortunately, things aren't that open and shut. You see, according to Steve, our love isn't like their love. "Nothing on this planet can compare to a woman's love--it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure...Well, I'm here to tell you that expecting that kind of love from a man is unrealistic. That's right, I said it--it's not gonna happen, no way no how. Because a man's love just isn't like a woman's love." According to Steve, a man's way of showing he loves a woman is by professing it to people around them, protecting her, and providing for her.

Um, that's all well and good, but isn't that kind of expected in a long-term committed relationship? Hell, we do that shit in our own feminine way. Can't we get some of that sweet, nurturing, unconditional, love--the kind that makes us feel loved--that we give them in return? Steve says no. Because that's just "not in their DNA".

*Blank stare.*

What frustrates me about this book, and in general, is the fact that women are expected to change for men. Think like a man. Know what they want and cater to it. Know what they hate and don't do it. But when there is something we don't like about them, we have to live with it because "you can't change a man". We have to accept that men don't like talking about things, cuddling after sex, cheat just because "they can", and that there's nothing we can do about it. Because that's 'just the way they are'. We stroke his ego/kiss his ass, and hope that it'll be enough to keep him from going astray. Forget the fact that they we have unmet needs and desires. We just have to do everything in our power to keep them satisfied.

You've got books like this, shows like Tough Love, and movies like He's Just Not That Into You telling us everything we're doing wrong and how to change it. Maybe I've taken one too many feminist classes, but when the hell are we going to see a how-to guide for men? When is someone going to show them what they're doing wrong? Why does the woman have to think like a man? Why can't the man think like a woman for once?

Ughh. But I digress.

Unfortunately, my overall impression of this book was a big fat Meh/Womp. All it really did was confirm that men are complete self-righteous douchebags by giving me specific examples of how. And to top it all off, it told me that I have to accept the epic flaws of Man, kiss his ass, and be a modern day Stepford Wife if I want him to stick around and do right by me. If this is what it takes to find and keep a man, I might as well shave my head and go lesbo, because I am guaranteed to be single for life.

The only positive thing I can say about this book is, after explaining all the male bullshit, there is a chapter called The Playbook. Tips on how to 'win the game'. It was pretty basic really. 1) be upfront about what you want and don't settle for less 2) hold out on the sex if you want him to take you seriously. Um. Duh. Though we don't always obey these rules, most women know them. So, for me at least, this book didn't offer anything new.

Despite my obvious opposition, my final word would be to encourage women to read this book. Yeah, I hated it, but maybe it'll be useful to you. I understand that my take on this book is drastically different from many women. I'm reading it from a feminist perspective while others may be reading for a solution to their biggest relationship mistakes. My mother thought the book was wonderfully insightful. I thought it was wonderfully archaic and chauvinistic. The point is, different women have different views. So, don't let my review sway you. If you were considering it, I still say give it a read and see what you think. All I'm saying is it wasn't for me. And no matter how much praise this book gets, I ain't drinking the Kool Aid.

Source: Steve Harvey. Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man. 2008.

The "Date" That Ended Too Soon

Yo and hello, blog fam! How were your weekends? Mine was busy, busy, busy. So, busy that I totally and completely forgot about the Grammys. But I hear from a few reliable sources that it was a grand old scandalous fest not worth watching. I couldn't contain my laughter when I found out that Mr. Chris 'Squeaky Clean' Brown was on the run for beating up Rhianna. Wowzers.

My weekend was full of surprises as well--the good kind. On Saturday morning before going to work, I checked my bank account to find that $330 had been deposited into it from my university. WTF??? I checked my school email and saw that they had accredited me a refund because I had some extra scholarship money left. I can't even tell you guys how ecstatic I was. Especially since I've got a bunch of bills coming up, as well as having an over due hospital bill from February of '08 lol. Oh, and not only did I get a refund for that, I also got refunded for the money that that bogus ass vending machine stole from me. Saturday was turning out to be a pretty fantastic day.

But it didn't stop there. While I was at work that day, I received a text from that guy I was crushing on (because he's one of those guys who doesn't know how to pick up a phone and talk, we'll call him Sir-Texts-Alot.) He asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him...That night. I was giddy of course because it's been a hot minute since I've gone on a date. So, I agreed. We were going to see Taken but it was sold out. Then I suggested He's Just Not That Into You but he said he didn't like chick flicks. We settled for Underworld, which by the way, was sappier than any chick flick I've ever seen. Not worth the money unless you're a fan of the series.

The date went without incident. He picked me up 20 minutes before the movie started and we chatted in the theater for a while. The inevitable "ex" conversation came up; he told me about his, I told him about mine. I told him the Cliff's Notes version of the story and he says, "Ohhh, so ____'s the one that made you defensive?" LOL. Turns out that he's very well acquainted with Ex because they took about four classes together during their Freshmen year. He dropped me off as soon as the movie ended. I was forewarned many times by my BFF not to let him come up to my room, but that wasn't at all necessary. He didn't even ask. He was the perfect gentlemen, giving me a hug and a graciously thanking me for accompanying him to the movies. The whore in me was extremely disappointed in his propriety.

Afterwards, I started thinking, maybe this wasn't really a "date". He and I have had countless text conversations about what it is we're doing. He says that since he just recently got out of a relationship, he's only looking for someone "to talk to". A friend. But my thing is, if you're asking me on a one-on-one date, we've surpassed the "friend zone". Or am I wrong? I feel like I'm just getting a little too old for male friends. Is it just me? Any guy that I'm talking to in my adult life is potential mate material. I'm not looking for a friend. I'm not necessarily looking for a boyfriend either, but I do want to date. That's just where I'm at right now.

So, ever since he told me that he's just looking for a friend (this was before he asked me out), I backed off. Didn't ever text him first and pushed him out of my mind. But then out of nowhere, he asks me on a date and stays texting me out of the blue. However, his body language at the theater was straddling the line between "I like like you" and "I like you as a friend" so I don't know what to think. The unfortunate truth is, I don't know how to just be friends with a guy. At least not now. I only (figuratively) mess with guys who I'm attracted to. Which is why I even give Sir-Texts-Alot the time of day. I like his personality and I'm attracted to him physically too. Being that I've been single for over two years, why would I just want to be his friend?

Was it a date or just friends hanging out? I have no idea. All I do know is that it's been wayyyy too long. Hate to sound like a hoebag, but if this guy is really trying to "just be friends" than I might have to give him the old heave ho. My body needs fulfillment pronto but I've still got the Three Month Rule to think about. So, if he's not trying to get with me at some point, I've got to cut him lose and move on to the next. Of course there's always the chance that he's just trying to take it slow/be a gentleman, but I'm just too much of horny old slut to recognize that.

So, is he just not that into me or do I have good reason to be a little confused?

UPDATE
Let's just be clear on something, for those guys who think they know what's up. I'm not one of those delusional females who read into every little thing a guy does. If any other chick was on the receiving end of his actions and words, she'd be just as confused as I am. I know when to stay and when to walk away so, please, don't try to school me on recognizing subtle hints, fella(s). Seriously. Ugh. Making me want to put another 'ladies only' disclaimer and shit...

LADIES ONLY

Okay, I was avoiding this post as long as possible. I wanted to just pretend things were all well and good, which they really are in large part. But something that's been bothering me is starting to influence my writing. Or lack thereof. So, I figured I'd better out myself like Oprah did with her weight gain: I'm having a really really hard time getting over Ex.

I know what you're thinking: Um, duh, Bloggal. Just as obvious as that muffin top Oprah's been sporting before she announced it to the world, so is my difficulty moving on. So, why put it out there like it's some big secret? I guess it's because I feel like I'm lying to my blog, my readers. Like I'm trying to convince everyone, including myself, that I'm happy and at peace now that I've cut all ties with Ex. But the truth is, things aren't as peachy as they seem. I'm actually quite miserable. Okay, no. That's an exaggeration. I really am thankful for my current disposition. I have emotional stability for one, which is what I craved all along. But really, the only thing that's stable are thoughts of him. Ugh. Sad, isn't it? But it's true. I am heartsick. And the sooner I admit that, the sooner I can hopefully figure out how to get myself out of this mess.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm also "outting" myself because my dilemma has also been preventing me from blogging. Here's why: I'm trying my hardest to move/forget about Ex, right? Well, blogging primarily about love and relationships isn't exactly conducive to that, is it? Not to mention the fact that this blog has so much of our history on it. Sometimes writing here feels like I'm just perpetuating my love for him, which is why I've contemplated giving up this blog. Not giving up blogging in general, but this particular blog. Maybe a clean slate would help. I don't know. But that's a whole other issue. A whole other post...

Fact is, I'm tired of pretending to be happy. I know they say you've gotta fake it til you make it. But I've been faking it an awful long time. And I'm tired of it. What I want, is my own personal happiness. I admit, before, when I was far more disgruntled and bitter, I wanted revenge. Or, at least for him to feel the pain he caused me. But at this point, all I want is peace of mind. I want to be happy. Do you know, I pray for him at night? Yes, I actually pray for his happiness, protection, and prosperity in everything he does. I guess it's just my way of showing the Universe, God, that I don't feel any animosity towards him anymore. That I genuinely want him to be happy even if it's not with me. But, shit, I want to be happy too!

At this point, it's not even about having a significant other. I'm so damn selective that I've come to terms with the fact that I'm hard to please and will most likely be single until I die, if I don't slightly lower my standards and give any guy a chance. I think the only part of me that even wants a boyfriend is the part of me that's still in love with him. It's the part of me that wants a distraction, something to block those feelings out. Somewhere else to direct them. But in all actuality, I personally enjoy the lack of male bullshit in my life. While I would love to have a companion (and some consistent sex I can depend on) I'd be content single, happy even, if I could somehow lose the feelings I have for him. If there was some way for me to just...all of a sudden not love him anymore. I'm mentally ready to move on, dammit! But my heart won't let me.

We all like to believe that our situations are unique and new, but I know that somebody out there has been there and done that. So, I guess what I need from you (LADIES ONLY PLEASE...seriously, it's a girl thing) is some sound advice. A way to cope until I'm over him. But more importanly, some reassurance that someday I'll be over him. Someday, I'll be able to go a full 24 hours without him crossing my mind at least once...I know women who broke up with their men three years ago and have had zero contact with them since then and they still think of their exs daily. I practically see this guy only a daily basis (though he doesn't see me cause I'm constantly dodging), so is that something I have to expect? To be sprung on this dude for the next 5 years?

So, all the single ladies, veterans, yougin's, married, divorced, seasoned daters, female players, the heart breakers and heart broken-- everybody: please help me out here. I need your take on this, what you'd do or what you did when you were trying to let go of a past love. I need some advice on how to deal because I'm tired of faking it. I'm determined to stand my ground and not contact him because I know the satisfaction will be fleeting and temporary. But the desire to rekindle is very real, and I just need some advice on how to handle the temptation and the impulses. Because the very last thing I need to be doing is running back to him...

Sidenote: I know that there are quite a few family members and friends who somehow foudn their way to my blog. No offense to you guys, but I have one request if you insist on reading: Please don't try to talk to me about my posts. I write what I can't or rather, choose not to, express verbally. So, the last thing I want to do is talk about the things I write on here. If you don't mention anything I write about, and I'll pretend not to know your reading. Thanks:)

Damn, Damn, DAMN!

I think Ex read my blog.

Remember when I mentioned that he stopped by my room the other day, but said it wasn't worth elaborating on? Well, maybe I it was.

It was a completely random and unexpected visit so when he knocked on my door, I was in the process of blogging. I yelled, "Come in!" because I figured it was just a floor mate or someone. Once he walked in, I tried to minimize my blog but before I could, he caught sight of it. So, he of course, wanted to read it. I didn't mind showing him the latest entry that I'd made because, for once, it wasn't about him. But I realized that I had recently made a few posts about Mr. Cocky, and I didn't want him to see them, so I kind of made a fuss about him not scrolling down. Anyway, he eventually gave up and we chatted a while longer before he left.

That was Monday. Tonight I ran into him and he seemed kind of weird. Though he was on the phone, he barely made eye contact or even said hello. So, once I made it back to my room, I gave him a call but he didn't answer. About ten minutes later, he calls back and greets me in the coldest tone. I asked if everything was okay, and he insisted that it was, but I could tell it wasn't. After a while, he admitted that something was bothering him, but said it was 'no biggie'. At first I thought it was a fight with his girlfriend, but it turned out that it was something about me. After nearly 15 minutes of trying to get it out of him, he got off the phone with me because he was on his way to his girlfriend's house.

Okay, he definitely knows about Mr. Cocky, was my initial thought. But how? I started to wrack my brain for possible explanations. Is Cocky going around bragging to his friends? Did that nosey girl on my floor turn out to be a friend of Ex, and she told him that she heard me getting freaky at 5 in the morning?

And then it hit me. Gasp...My blog!!!

Thinking back on the moment when Ex was fighting to read my blog, I realized that, for a good 10 minutes the URL was in plain view. He could've easily seen it, took a mental note, and visited it later..It may sound a bit nuerotic and far fetched, but I don't know what else to think.

Ugh, I'd be mortified if he read my blog. If he's reading it right now....I hate that I still care what he thinks of me. And I hate that he can still get to me like this. Only him...

I'm so used to being persistent when he does the whole tight lipped routine, but I'm wondering if I should just leave it be this time. If he knows, he knows. If he thinks I'm a slut for it, then so be it. I guess I feel the need to explain my actions to him for some reason. But I know I don't owe him an explanation.

Remind me I don't owe him an explanation...

What Would You Do?

I think I'm a relationship leper.

Today Mr. Cocky sent me a text saying "I think we shouldn't see each other for the next couple of days."

Damn. What is it about me that makes guys want to take "breaks" all the time?

I tried to contain my dismay (and I think I did a pretty good job) but I can't help but wonder, what the eff? Things were dandy just last night. He and I had gotten over the whole blog incident mere hours after it happened, so that's not it. In fact, we had a good old fashion make out session last night. He had me walking around today looking like a hooch because I had a hicky on my neck that I didn't know was there. (I hate hickies. Guys leaving them reminds me of a dog peeing on a fire hydrant to mark its territory. Ugh.)

He claims the break is because he wants to avoid "another tempting situation". I never got a chance to write about this past weekend. He and I almost did it. We didn't do it, but it came extremely close. It was one of those "did that count?" situations. Anyway, I was really freaked out about it so I told him we needed to slow things waayyyy down. So, now he says he needs space because spending too much time together makes the temptation harder to resist, which I agree with. But I'm just not sure I believe that's the real reason.

I know that I've had a particulary guarded/bitchy/don't-take-no-shit type of attitude towards him. I guess it's because he's clearly used to getting his way, and I wanted to show him things don't come that easily with me. I think that's the real reason why he wants a break. I know I'm probably being nuerotic and overly sensitive right now, because he probably does only want space because I'm too much of a cock tease. But either way, it still sucks to be dissed.

No worries though. It's a Hairflip.



LOL...Get's me everytime.

Sometimes I can't help but ask myself though, what the hell is wrong with me? I'm such an extremist when it comes to relationships. I either act like a total pushover, catering to my guy's every whim to the point of being a doormat. Or I act like an uncompromising hard ass, in attempt not to be walked all over; I either put up with a guys complete bull shit or I leave him at the slightest sign of a flaw. Why can't I ever find a happy medium?

If you were faced a new prospective relationship, but you were trying to protect yourself from being hurt again, how would you handle it?

It's My Blog and I'll Hide If I Want To!

I originally planned on writing about my weekend but something that just recently happened with Mr. Cocky, has steered my thoughts in another direction. I've gotten so tired of bullshit that I think I'm intolerant of the slightest flaw. I need you guys to set me straight if I over reacted.

So, Mr. Cocky and I had our first argument. Leave it to me to fight with a guy I've known less than four days...Anyway, we were chatting online when he asked me what I was doing and I told him I was blogging. He asked to see my blog and this is how the conversation went thereafter:

Cocky (9/8/2008 5:30:18 PM): can i have the url
Bloggal (9/8/2008 5:30:36 PM): sorry. it's a personal blog. i can't tell you.
Cocky(9/8/2008 5:30:56 PM): can i see it please
Bloggal (9/8/2008 5:31:54 PM): maybe if you're in my room sometime. but i can't give you the url cause you'd probably go to it again. and if i know you might be reading, i'll censor myself.
Cocky (9/8/2008 5:32:22 PM): i promise ill go to it just once
Bloggal (9/8/2008 5:34:03 PM): lol i knew that was coming...and no you won't because my blog is about love, sex, dating, and relationships. and if you and i start dating, i'll be writing about you (anonymously of course) lol. so i can't. i can send you samples if you want. but not the web address.
Cocky (9/8/2008 5:34:18 PM): noooooooooooooooo

He then proceeds to type in a million sad faces.

Cocky(9/8/2008 5:38:20 PM): u are seriously mean for this
Bloggal (9/8/2008 5:39:04 PM): no, i'm not mean. i would just feel weird knowing you could possibly be reading my blog.
Cocky (9/8/2008 5:39:22 PM): i seriously dont have time to do that, to read all the time...but u know...whatever. it seriously doesnt matter anymore
Cocky (9/8/2008 5:39:58 PM): and idk if im gonna go to late night anymore
Cocky (9/8/2008 5:40:05 PM): so if i dont call u
Cocky(9/8/2008 5:40:10 PM): dont be surprised

Late Night is a diner on campus that stays open late. We made plans to go together later on tonight.

Bloggal (9/8/2008 5:40:22 PM): you're serious?
Cocky (9/8/2008 5:40:30 PM): ......
Bloggal (9/8/2008 5:40:48 PM): ok, if you're one of those moody boys then let me know now cause i don't deal with that
Cocky(9/8/2008 5:41:08 PM): im not moody
Cocky (9/8/2008 5:41:19 PM): just sometimes shit seriously makes me mad
Bloggal (9/8/2008 5:41:36 PM): that's a problem too
Cocky (9/8/2008 5:41:52 PM): i guess im not ur type then

Insert sad face.

Bloggal (9/8/2008 5:41:55 PM): so you have an attitude because i dont want to let you see my blog?
Cocky (9/8/2008 5:42:36 PM): yea...cuz ur thinkin imma keep going back to look at it...wtf? i just wanna see ur creativity. that's all.
Bloggal (9/8/2008 5:42:45 PM): that's not just it, okay?
Bloggal (9/8/2008 5:43:13 PM): i get weird about anyone reading my writing
Cocky (9/8/2008 5:43:24 PM): ITS A FREAKIN BLOG. THE WHOLE WORLD CAN READ IT
ITS ONLINE.
Bloggal (9/8/2008 5:44:18 PM): first of all, chill with the caps. secondly, i don't have to explain myself to you.

Yadayadayada....it goes on.

I know I was a little defensive, but he pissed me off with that attitude. Because you don't get what you want, you sulk? I don't deal with shit.

So, did I overreact? Do I owe him an apology?

Weekend Link Love: He's Just Not That Into You

Most of us have experienced it this: There's a guy/girl you were seeing, and you quickly realized that there was no chemistry between you two, so you decided you wanted out. But he/she was such a sweetheart and you didn't want to flat out say, "I'm sorry but there just aren't any sparks here...". You tried to give subtle hints that you just weren't that into him/her, but they persisted. So, you broke it off in the worst way possible: You disappeared.

This had been my routine for the summer. When I found it difficult to break up the civilized way, I'd ignore phone calls and texts until...well, that depended on how persistent the guy was. It was all fine and good until the tables were turned and it happened to me. I guess that's karma for you.

Yep, you guessed it, MK pulled a Criss Angel on me. Who else? THANKFULLY, I could've seen it coming so I am not crushed about this. But still a little pissed off. In my defense, I usually do the disappearing act ONLY after a first date, or conversation, when I realize that there's no connection. Not after three months, several encounters, and many orgasms (not through intercourse but there are other ways...).

Am I wrong to be a bit confused? Typically, I'd apply the phrase "He's Just Not That Into You" but it seems a bit out of place here. You know when a guy isn't feelin' you and you know right away, no smoke and mirrors. I'm thinking maybe this is his way of ending a summer fling. Maybe he didn't want to break up with me in person, because the conversation would've gone a little something like this:

MK: Well, you're going back to school in a week and...the summer's coming to an end so...maybe, you know, we should just break it off now.

The funny part is, I expected this to be a summer fling. I had no intentions of making a long-distance relationship with him work because he's flakier than Tony the Tiger. Instead, I was just trying to ignore my impulses to have another talk with him, and enjoy my last two weeks of wining and dining. And then he disappears on me...Damn lol.

After two phone calls and a text message, I decided to quit while I was ahead. I didn't want to turn out looking like the desperate stalker chick in addition to being dumped by his answering machine. I haven't heard from him since last Saturday, except for a pathetic "I lost my phone" voicemail message...Not falling for that one. I've used it before.

But, it's no biggie. It happens to the best of us (I hope lol). I'm just happy I'm getting out of this unscathed for the most part.

SO, in the spirit of being dumped, I've decided to post an article I found. We've all heard of the best-seller He's Just Not That Into You, but I wonder how many of us have actually read it. I know I haven't. After reading this review, and being tossed out like last week left-overs, I know it deserves a read lol.

Enjoy your weekends!


He's Just Not That Into You!
article by Denise Mann

After a magical first date, Susan was so sure that she would hear from Stephen again that she even boasted to friends that she'd met "the one."

Two agonizing weeks later, she was shocked that he never did.

"Maybe he got back together with his ex," one friend piped in. "Maybe he was too intimidated by you," another said. "Maybe you should call him," offered another. "Maybe he's gay," suggested yet another.

Or maybe ... he's just not that into you. Sure, these words sound harsh, but according to a best-selling new dating book, these six words can save women like Susan from a lifetime of heartache and stress....(click here to continue).

Weekend Link Love: 5 Reasons Not to Sleep With Him

Okay, so this is really eerie. Today when I was checking my Gmail account, I stumbled across a link to an article called "10 Reasons Not to Sleep With Him". I only noticed just recently, that Google basically spies on you through email, and provides you with links related to what you write about. But the weird thing is that I haven't even talked about the fact that I'm considering sleeping with MK, except on here just a couple of days ago...Strange.

Well anyway, I read through the list and I have to say it's a pretty informative article. Though it didn't totally win me over and convince me not to go all the way, it did give me a few things to consider.

The top five reasons that stood out to me were:

1. You’re not as detached as you think.
2. He may be cheating on someone else… with you!
3. He’s clingy.
4. He just got out of a relationship.
5. You’re not over your ex.

I think all of the mentioned reasons--including STDs, but that's a no brainer--were relevant but these seem right on target. I can't relate to all of them, but I think they are all very logical reasons a woman should think twice about having sex with a man she's trying to fling with.

To be honest, I think I may just be a lost cause. It's been so long since I've had some that no one can really talk sense into me at this point. But, just in case there's anyone out there who can benefit from a little professional advice, here are the top 5 reasons not to sleep with your summer fling. Enjoy!


1. You’re not as detached as you think.

Call it the curse (and blessing) of Sex and the City. Guys finally got the message that just because a woman wants to get naked with him doesn’t mean she wants a marriage proposal. However, it also advanced the idea of unemotional sex, which according to science is more difficult than it seems. In her book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, author Laura Sessions Stepp highlights research studies that conclude having sex releases a different set of brain chemicals in women than men.

Specifically, women get a large dose of oxytocin, the hormone that makes you want to bond and create relationships. Men don’t get the oxytocin warm-fuzzies because of testosterone, making it easier for them to “love and leave,” at least biologically speaking. Stepp says that evolution has hard-wired us for these tendencies, which can be confusing in our sexually liberated world. So be warned: You may want the sex to be casual… but you could end up with a serious case of attachment.

2. He may be cheating on someone else… with you!

Why is this your problem, you may ask? You’re not the one being unfaithful. But do you really want to be the “other woman?” The one who breaks up a relationship and causes another woman’s heartbreak? We’re guessing not.

Even the sneakiest guy can give away clues that he’s taken:

1. He only gives you his cell phone number and always leaves the room to take calls.
2. He’s quick to suggest hanging out at your place but never offers up his own digs.
3. He avoids taking you to certain neighborhoods (and not because they’re dangerous).
4. Suddenly no one has a name. He was out with “the guys” or “people from work.”
5. He becomes defensive when you ask him questions about his weekend plans, where he hangs out, etc.

Evn if you’re not planning a long-term relationship with the guy, you should steer clear of him and his unfaithful ways. And if you’re hoping your night of passion leads to a hand-holding, boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, just know that once a cheater, always a cheater.

3. He’s clingy.

It’s true that some women like this quality. But too often clingy turns into possessive, demanding and selfish. Beware of someone who moves at the speed of light when trying to win you over. It’s usually a sign that he’s uncomfortable being by himself, or he’s looking for a woman to help solve his problems. Asking for intimacy too quickly or spilling loads of very personal information could be acts of desperation, and that’s definitely a bad sign in a significant other. Signs that he’s clingy include:

1. He calls you several times a day and wants to talk for hours at a time, even when you have important things to do.
2. He becomes short-tempered or whiny when you want to spend time with anyone else.
3. He’s excessively close to his mom (or both parents). He may be expecting you to mother him the way she does.

4. He just got out of a relationship.

Timing can be everything. While a rebound relationship might work out for the best, a recent breakup is usually a big, glaring red flag. If you’ve been through a bad split, you know that it takes a long time to completely recover. And if your guy is newly single, he’s still going through the recovery process.Most likely, he’s not ready for another long-term commitment, even if he thinks he is. Without knowing it, he may be seeking another relationship to prove to himself that he is still desirable and worthy of love and affection… especially if he didn’t initiate the breakup. He could also be looking for validation that he wasn’t at fault. In short, he may be using you to fill his loneliness, whether he realizes it or not. Of course, guys aren’t always that introspective and may take a far simpler approach. You know those movies in which a guy’s buddies tell him he has to “nail some chick” to heal his broken heart? Don’t be that chick. Not unless you’re 100% sure your interest in him lies only below the belt.

5. You’re not over your ex.

The same issues from #5 apply to women, too. Breakups are painful, and too often we try to forget that pain by getting naked with a new guy. However, jumping back into the dating scene may not be the bandage your broken heart needs, says Sandra Ann Miller, author of A Girlfriend’s Guide to Getting Over Him. And sleeping with someone else isn’t revenge on your ex… unless your new flame is George Clooney. “Put yourself on a guy diet for a while, and put all the attention on yourself,” Miller says. Hang out with friends, pick up interests or hobbies that have been neglected – in general, get to know yourself again.As for the new guy, if he’s as great as you think, he won’t shut you out for not putting out. Become friends first, so when you’re ready to take it to the next level, you’ll know it’s for the right reason...(For the rest of the article, click here).

Hopefully, this has been useful to someone. I also hope that, by the time you read this, I'll have gotten laid.

I'm No Expert But...

You've been cheated on. It hurt you so bad that you decide to be prepared the next time, and expect the worst from your new boyfriend. But unknowingly, you drive him away because of your constant accusations and suspicions. Or, you decide to walk away from a relationship because it appears that your girlfriend is cheating. The truth is, she's honest and faithful, and you're just paranoid. Or, you're so busy preparing yourself for infidelity of your guy that you don't give him a genuine chance from the get go.

*In corny infomercial voice*
Has this ever happened to YOU?


I'm not too fond of giving out advice on this blog simply for the fact that I'm no professional. But, I do have enough experience to offer a word of wisdom to men and women who haven't made the same mistakes I have made.

I'll spare you all the anecdote and cut right to the chase: when it comes to relationships, do not assume ANYTHING. This could, of course, be broken down into a number of subcategories--do not assume he/she is in love with you, do not assume he/she isn't married, do not assume he/she is straight, etc. But for now, let's just narrow it down to what could possibly be recognized as one of the worst assumptions to make: assuming that he/she will cheat.

Sometimes we think that it's safer to anticipate cheating before it happens, especially those of us who have previously been cheated on. We have our emotional guards up and expect our significant others to be unfaithful, as an alternative to being shocked by the news, should it ever come. It seems like a wise route to take but the truth is, when you assume that your partner is cheating, you risk sabotaging a perfectly healthy relationship.

I'm not saying be naive, but finding middle ground is the name of the game people. Be wise, but don't be cynical. Be cautious, but not paranoid. I know it's easier said than done, but when you're able to find that happy medium--you can be in a relationship, sincerely give it your all, and still walk away unscathed even if you're betrayed. It's all about recognizing the possibility of betrayel, while also realizing that by dating, you're willingly risking your heart; you're prepared for the worst, but you're still willing to take the chance.

So yeah, just a little word of advice. If you keep the risk factor in mind while entering a new relationship post-traumatic break up, you could possibly save that next one.

Age Ain't Nothin But A Number....Right?

Just to start off this post I have to say, if you haven't already, go see Sex and the City. It's something that the ladies can enjoy with a group of their closest gal pals, or even with their boyfriends, who begrudgingly agree to be dragged along. I already saw it twice, but I guess I don't really count because I'm a long time SATC fan. I won't make this entry a movie review or analysis, though I do have a couple of critical responses to the ending. But I don't want to ruin it for those who haven't seen the movie yet, and still wish to. So I'll save that for another time. Perhaps next week.

So anyway, age has never been a big issue to me when it comes to matters of the heart. I won't go into detail but I'll just say that I've befriended men older than my father. Now, don't get it twisted, the key word is befriended . I love listening to people who are older than I am speak. They're so much more experienced and wiser than I am, and I love hearing their views on life. I can have a friendship with someone nearly three times my age, without feeling weird about it. With that said, I can't help but wonder why I'm feeling a bit squeamish about seeing a man six years older than me.

I'm 19. MK is 25. The difference doesn't look so drastic on paper, but when you factor in where we are in our lives right now, and where we see ourselves in five years, there's something to think about...In five years, I'll be 24. Hopefully out of grad school and starting my career. He's already out of school. In five years, he'll be 30. If he hasn't already settled down by then, than he probably will be ready to.

I know it is a bit nuerotic (and presumptious) of me to think that far into the future, but I can't help it since I'm noticing the gap already. At times, it's hard to hold a phone conversation because we don't have very much in common in our lives right now. We usually resort to talking about movies since we're both film buffs. Right now my priorities are school, family, friends, having fun. And his are working, paying bills, and taking care of his daughter...Yes, he has a daughter.

I've always liked to think of myself as an equal oppurtunity dater and that age or race weren't issues to me. The only requirement is that you're male. Oh, and straight, of course...But now I'm not so sure.

ANY advice is welcome here. Should I just go with the flow and keep seeing this guy or should I keep moving and find someone my own age? I know what my heart's telling me to do, but listening to my heart hasn't always been the wisest thing I've ever done.