Sitting, Waiting, Wishing.

Just when I had lost all hope of change, JT rocked my belief system with the ultimate gesture.

His biggest problem has been cowardice. Because he didn't want to hurt her feelings by breaking up with her, he's stayed in a relationship he didn't want to be in, and cheated on her with me. I know, I know--I'm a homewrecker. But judge me later, listen to the story now...So anyway, his fear of hurting her feelings is what has kept him from telling her that he and I are still in love. That he prematurely entered a relationship with her and wants to give it a go with me again...God, why do men have to be such cowards? They don't want to look like the bad guy so they stay in relationships they don't want to be in and they cheat! The girl always finds out (because guys never get away with cheating) and ends up more hurt than she would've been if he was just real with her in the first place. Any woman would rather be alone than be used. Why don't they get that?

So anyway, this has been the situation with JT and I. He was waiting for the "right time" and the "right excuse" to do break up with her and I was getting VERY impatient. Why wasn't I enough of a reason? Why did he need an excuse? I asked him these questions and he could never give me a straight answer. Being fed up and believing that the truth was just that he really did care about her and actually wanted to be with her, I gave up. I decided to call it quits and walk away (see yesterday's entry). I told him that he and I would no longer be staying in touch and I think the prospect of that kind of got to him. He knew I wasn't kidding. And much to my surprise, I received this text from him last night:

"Hey. Just so you know, I'm going to have a LONG talk with her about you. I probably won't call you back tonight. I'm gonna be honest for the most part and I'm not sure how that will turn out. You and I still gotta talk which can be tomorrow or Fri. There are just some things I wanted to tell her before we talked.So... Yeah. I'll give you a call tomorrow."

Gasp! Could it be that he actually came clean to her about everything? Even though he says that he was going to ge honest "for the most part"--anything he'd tell her would be substancial...This may not seem like much of a development, but it you only knew how long I've been in this situation and how long I've been waiting for this to happen. This is very climactic in my sad little life.

Of course, I'm trying not to count the eggs before they hatch, though I have allowed myself to fantasize just a little...Right now, I'm just being patient. Assuming we'll talk tonight or tomorrow, I'll soon know the truth.

Can Ex Lovers Really Be Friends?

At the risk of angering all parties involved, I'm going to pose this question.
I can't help but ask it on a daily basis. Is it really possible to remain friends with your ex? Well,there are a few things to consider:

How serious the relationship was, why you broke up, whether you were in love (because everyone knows love doesn't die just because a relationship ends), and finally, whether or not either people are in new relationships.

I'd like to believe genuine friendship is possible at a relationship's end. But, judging from my own personal experience, I think it's a better idea to burn all ties of communication with your ex, if you want to have a healthy emotional life after them. My ex and I dated on and off for about a year before we "officially" called it quits. Because we do attend the same school (and live in the same dorm) it was kind of hard to cut eachother off completely. As a result, since the beginning of the school year, we've been trying to turn our remains of relationship into a friendship. But it wasn't as easy as we'd thought it would be. To dig up the list I mentioned earlier:

Yes, our relationship was serious.
Yes, it was a bad break up.
Yes, we were in love.
And, yes, we had "moved on".
....well, at least one of us had.

Trying to maintain a friendship with an ex who has a new girlfriend, while you're still single, is a very bad idea. I didn't realize how jealous, possessive, and annoying I could be until I attempted to do it. Having to see pictures of them, gifts and cards from her, and actually see them together is enough to drive me up a wall. I've become ultra sensitive, extremely emotional, and I've turned into the super bitch I didn't know I could be. I take everything personally, and always assume that whenever I can't get in touch with him, it's because he's ignoring me for her...the list goes on.

Obviously there's more to the story (I'm just protecting his privacy) so I'm not as psychotic as I sound...But the point is, to avoid the emotional rollercoaster, don't try to be best friends with your ex. It's just not logical.

Mistakes

When does a mistake stop being a mistake?

After the first time?

The second time?

Third?

Eight?

Twentieth?

Fortieth?

....When you make the same mistake a hundred times, what does it become?


An addiction.