Sunday, November 30, 2008

Thanksgiving Break Down

Yo and hello to everyone. How does it feel to be back at work and school? Hopefully you're all feeling rejuvinated and ready to take on the rest of the year like I am. I admit, I'm dreading Hell Week Part Deux, which will be hitting universities everywhere in 2-3 weeks, but at least I had some time to collect myself.

As for the post title--relax kiddies, not that kind of break down. Since I'm back at school now I thought I'd give a brief recap of my week. Let's see...

Well, most of my break was spent doing my braids. From Sunday to Thursday, I worked at it and this was the finished product:

I'm pretty satisfied for it being my first time. I've been getting tons of Poetic Justice jokes, but it's cool cause I like them.

Aside from that, Thanksgiving was great. I saw lots of family that I hadn't seen in a while and I got quite a few belated birthday presents (cash baby, yeah!). I took advantage of the "Black Friday" sells, but only on Saturday because I knew people would be acting a damned fool on Friday. So this weekend I managed to get three new pair of jeans, a new coat, two hats, two scarves, a purse, a sweater and a pair of boots all for about 80 bucks. Hehehe, I know. Pretty amazing. I'll definitely take some pics of a couple ensembles because I now have my very own camera! Yay!!! I know I've posted pictures in the past but those were all pirated from my friends' Facebook accounts. Now I can take my own pics:) Be forewarned that for the next week, I'll probably be a little snap happy.

Let's see, what else...Hmm. Nothing really. I guess my break wasn't too excited. Or maybe I'm just not feeling inclined to write with a whole lotta umph since I know for a fact that NOTHING can top QQ's Thanksgiving weekend. Nothing at all. Yep yep, I'm a hating little horny bitch right now.

Oh well, hopefully some bomb ass sex is in the post for me...Aha, who am I kidding? lol

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Why I'm Convinced I'll Marry A Gay Man

This Bitch Is Feirce.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Insomniac Blurbs

Tonight I'm feeling random and blurbalicious.

*I loved all of your responses to my last post. How is it that you all always know just what to say? You guys like frickin Hallmark cards and fortune cookies. It was a relief to see that all of the comments were optimistic "don't give up on love" messages. Sometimes it get's so hard out there that it's easy to get cynical an cold. But thank you ladies for reminding me that it still exists:)

*Do you ever have the desire to radically change your appearance? I get that impulse every six months or so. For some reason, I want to go back to school looking totally different. New hair, new wardrobe, maybe a new piercing or tattoo...But I'm kind of broke right now, so I'm going to have to settle for a new hairstyle. Don't laugh at me, alright. I'm going to try and do my own braids for the first time. I've mastered sew-ins but I've never attempted extensions before. I'm doing kinky twists, but not in the traditional way you see them. I'm using a softer textured hair, and they're gonna be longer, thicker, and semi-straight. Kinda like this:

Sidenote: I've been lovin' Kelis lately. I've had Kalidescope, Tasty, and Kelis Was Here in HEAVY rotation for the past week. She's that bitch.

I've been at it since Sunday morning and I'm a little less than halfway done. I'm praying that I'll be finished by Thanksgiving and I won't have to rock a hat or one of those bogus ass pony tails that chicks wear when they're trying to hide an unfinished center. Either way, I promise to post pics of the finished product since you guys didn't get to see my haircut. Even if they turn out wack as hell, I'll post them anyway. But don't be surprised if the flash is off. Just a warning.

*I feel so unloved yall lol. Since coming home on Friday, I haven't had to charge my phone once. You wanna know why? Because I haven't received not one phone call/text since I got home from school, therefore I still have two whole bars left. My last incoming call was on Friday at 3:30pm. I checked my call log and all it said was Mommy, Home, Sister, Best Friend, Mommy, Home, Sister, BF, etc. And now that I am home with my mommy and sister, nobody is calling my ass. Sad.

*I've been on a cell phone plan with my mom since I was in high school. For convenience purposes, I'm still on the plan with her, but I pay my own bill. Anyway, I've never been a big texter, but I just recently decided to get an unlimited texting plan since I've been doing alot of it lately. So, I gave my mom an extra ten bucks in addition to the $50 a month I give her and asked her to add texting to my line. This was sometime in October. Why did this broad just slam me with a $40 bill the other day??? I according to her, she doesn't recall me requesting unlimited, so she only got me 250. And U.S. Cellular charges 25 cents (hey, I just noticed there isn't a "cents" key on the keyboard lol). So, now I'm $40 in the hole. May not sound like much but 40 dollars is A LOT to me (I only get 150 per check--I know, that shit is sad).

So, I will not be texting for a while. At least not from my phone. I'm gonna do it the bootleg (free) way and email peoples phones from my computer. I get free incoming so, yes QQ, you may continue to bless me with the shwingshwong shots...*swoon*

*Is it just me or did the YouTube screens like, double in size?

*This blurb is just for the ladies. All you fellas may want to head over to clnmike's blog right about now because I'm about to dip into "female issues." And if there are any ladies who would prefer not to hear details about conditions pertaining to the bajingo, I'd advice you to skip to the next blurb as well.

Soooo, about a two weeks before school let out, I started feeling like I was developing a yeast infection. I had all the symptoms, and I assumed that's what it was. So I just skipped the examination and asked for a prescription to get rid of it. A week later, all the symptoms were still there. Afraid that it was "something else" I made another doctors appointment. The lady gave me a pap smear and said that everything "looked normal" and I had "nothing to worry about". But she ran tests anyway. Long story short, it turns out that I have Vulvodynia.

Those of you who are familiar with this episode of Sex and the City have heard of this condition. It's basically like a yeast infection but a little harder to get rid of. The symptoms are caused by an imbalance of pH levels in the vagina, and all you have to do to cure it is take antibiotics and antidepressants. Yes my friends, you heard right. My vagina is depressed. Go figure.

I neglected to write this on my blog for two reasons. 1) I wanted to be on the rode to recovery (only 3 more days of antibio-depressants) before I did so, and 2) I new it would probably give a lot of people a case of the ickies. But I thought, what the hell.

*There's a humongous spider on the wall and I know I won't be able to go to sleep while it's still alive.

*This is about to be so random, but here are various Youtube videos I've bookmarked over the past two weeks.

Otters fucking holding hands? Seriously? I nearly died of cuteness overload.

No this bitch did NOT just say "I love you" and then do that beautiful wolfy ass howl. This dog is gorgeous.

I know I'm a fool for this one but it crrrracks me up!

Ummm, I think that's enough randomness for one night. It's 2:09 am. I'm about to try to take my ass to sleep.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I Believe(d) In A Thing Called Love...

Yes, I know that just about all my post titles have been song titles recently. Sue me. I've been loving my music lately.

Soooo, yes kiddies. I survived Hell Week! I turned in my last essay at 3:30pm on Friday, and my mom was at my dorm to drive me home by 4. I am feeling so much better guys, I can't even tell ya. I was stressed beyond belief and it had me freaking out for real. Now, I have a week to unwind and replenish because once I go back, it starts all over again lol.
I would've posted Friday night, but I figured I'd wait until Monday and bask in the newness of my vaca. Besides, I was a little preoccupied when I got home that night. My little sister had been talking my ear off all week about wanting to see Twilight when it came out. I promised I'd see it with her so that was the first call of duty when I reached home.

For those who live under a rock and don't know what the movie is about, here's a little synopsis courtesy of IMDB, most likely written by a 14 year old fan (cause I'm too brain dead to write it myself right now).

The movie was mediocre. It didn't suck, but it didn't blow me away either. I've read the first book of the Twilight series way before there was even a sequel, and there were tons of things that didn't make the film. That's usually the case though. The acting was actually pretty good, and yet the movie was extremely dramatic; I still haven't figured that one out. It was full of cheesy one liners, it was sappy, long winded, and oh so cliche...All that said, I absolutely loved it.

I found myself doing alot of scoffing and eye rolling at the beginning of the movie. I frequently leaned over to my mom, who decided to tag along for the ride, to whisper "Ugh, this is so ridiculous. She JUST met the guy and she's talkin about 'I can't live without you'. Could this be any cheesier?" But then occasionally, I'd look over at my little sister--13 years old. Young. Niave. Unjaded. Her eyes were glowing as she watched the illogical romance unfold on screen. I decided to shelve my cynicism for an hour, and watch it from the perspective of someone who had never been burned. Someone who had never even been in love. It was only then that I could really appreciate it. By the end of the movie, I felt a bit lighter. While my mom was whining about spending $20 on "that mess" I was actually glad that I forked out the cash for it.

It made me kind of miss the days of young, passionate love. The kind of love that changes you. That you feel in every fiber of your being. That love that is so devestatingly beautiful. The love that is agony and ecstacy. The love that is bitter sweet. The love that makes you feel as if you'd die without that person.

I don't want to "fall" in love again. Because when I fell in love, I fell hard. And I shattered into a million little pieces. But what I do want is to feel passionate about someone again. I want to look forward to hearing his voice. I want to be giddy and anxious when I know he's visiting. I don't want to settle. I want chemistry and sparks and butterflies. But I know I'll never have those feelings again. You only experience that kind of love once in a lifetime.

I used to be such a hopeless romantic. I know every girl says that, but I really was. I lived for love stories. For love itself. I believed that it could truly conquer anything. But now I'm not so sure I believe anymore because in my case, love didn't conquer all. It didn't conquer anything. I hadn't realized how disenchanted I had become with love. I guess I just don't feed into the "you're all that I live for" love anymore. Does that make me cynical, or a realist? I'm not sure. What I do know is, watching that movie (re)awakened a desire for unfettered Love in me (see, you're not alone kb ;-).

I'm kind of on the fence whether I believe in love or not. I mean, I want to believe. But I'm not so sure if I do. Maybe all it takes is the right person to come along and remind me that it's out there. And it's real.
If you're a sucker for cheesy love stories, go see this movie. You won't regret it.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Hey everybody,

I know my blog has been sucking mighty big balls of late. I've been all out of sorts because of my midterms, and my writing is reflecting that. So, I've decided to take a true hiatus until Thanksgiving break (don't worry, that's just two days lol). I won't write until my head is clear and I can make a quality post because frankly, I'm annoying myself with all this blog whining.

I especially want to apologize to my new readers who found me by way 20 Something Bloggers (I just joined the network about a week ago. If you're in your 20s, I highly recommend you join too. It's a pretty cool community). I promise I'm not usually as nuerotic, emotional, or spastic as I've been lately. It's just that work and school kind of torture my soul. I'll be back to normal when I get a break.

Also, I just want to make a little statement about comments. Someone (who shall not be named, but whose IP address is now blocked ;-) has been making alot of negative and uneccesary comments on my blog. Remember what they taught you in grade school? If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I'm not saying at all that you can't disagree with my posts or offer constructive criticism. But making ignorant and rude remarks just for the sake of being a douchey asshole is NOT acceptable, mmmkay? So, for anyone who has a problem with what I say on MY blog, keep on lurkin' or keep on truckin' :)

To everyone else who has expressed concern via comments/shout box/email, I just want to say thank you. I really appreciate your care and advice. I've been having a rough time lately, but I'm pulling through thanks to your love and support. *Big cyber hugs for everybody*

So, my apologies again. I tend to be an emotional little bitch when stressed out, but I'll be okay soon. For realsies.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Letter to Self

DELETED....A little too personal for Blogland :-*

Anyone who read this post (or didn't) and is curious what it was all about, email me (


Monday, November 17, 2008

Broken Heart Syndrome

Remember that guy I wrote about a few posts back? The 40 year old who started going coo-coo bananas when his first love dumped him? Well, his claims that his "heart hurt" and that he felt like he was "going to die" weren't totally unfounded. According to this article, a tragic or shocking event (such as a break up) can stun the heart and produce classic heart attack-like symptoms, including chest pain, shortness of breath and fluid in the lungs.

Luckily, unlike a heart attack, Broken Heart Syndrome (medically known as Stress Cardiomyopathy) is reversible if diagnosed early. Patients are hospitalized and can recover within days with no permanent damage to their hearts. Once medical issues are stabilized, seeking a trained mental health specialist will help cure the emotional trauma.

Wow, who knew?

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Cry Me A River

Bloggal had a full-blown breakdown last night.

I've always prided myself on being the type of person who doesn't let stress get to me. I'm usually the one comforting my friends who have stress induced panic attacks and freak-outs. But last night I had an extreme case of writers block. It was 1 in the morning and I hadn't even started writing a paper that was due at 12 noon. I freaked the hell out. I sat there staring at a blank screen for hours and nothing would come. Nothing at all. So I cried like a big ass baby. And I couldn't stop crying for the life of me. All of the things I was suppressing caught up with me and I had to let it out. Truth is, your girl's been pretty stressed for the past three months. I do school work Mon-Fri and then I work work, Saturday and Sunday. And then it starts over again. I never get a break. I haven't been able to sleep more than five hours in God knows how long. Though I've been killing myself, I've been trying to keep a positive and upbeat attitude. But the truth is, I'm beat.

It's funny too, I just wrote about how I haven't cried in a long time. I haven't really had a reason to. No boys to disappoint me, no terribly worrisome situations. Just the normal everyday stressors. But I guess School was like: "Hey bitch, I heard you were single....and happy? Well, I can fix that."

I cried for hours and hours like a little punk because I was tired, sleepy, stressed, worried, lonely...Of course, I didn't realize I was as holding all of that shit in. When I talked to my sister, I was like:

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel perfectly fine. I haven't cried in months."

To that she said: "That's why you're crying. You were all backed up."

I think she's right. They had to come out sometime. Now that I got it out of my system, I do feel a little better. I guess you could say my waterworks were comparable to a man's wet dream. If you don't get one off every now and then, they'll come when you least expect them to...except tears are alot easier to clean up.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Do You Wanna Touch?

You know me, I couldn't really stay away:). Being the little nerdy weirdo that I am, I've decided to take my one and only break of the day to blog. Not to sleep, not to chill or watch a movie. To spend more time in front of a computer screen pecking away...I think I have an addiction.

It's been a busy week. But more than being busy, it's been lonely. It's always when I'm overwhelmed with an enormous workload that I become aware of the fact that I'm alone. When I say "alone" I'm not just talking about being single. I mean, I am physically alone most of the time. When midterms creep up, I'm forced to decline every invitation to mingle with the rest of humanity.

Friends: "Hey, do you want to grab a coffee tonight?"
Me: "Oh, I can't--homework."

Family: "I haven't talked to you in days! When can we catch up?"
Me: "Never--homework."

Guys: "Are you doing anything tonight? I was thinking we could watch a movie or something."
Me: "Sorry--homework."

I kind of hate school right now. It's robbing me of the time to do everything I want. To write, read, date, spend time with family and friends; time to be around people. It sucks.

I understand that I'm probably just having a Midterm Meltdown. It doesn't help that I am also post-menstrual at the moment (my Bitchy McBitch symptoms last about 4 days after my last "day"). But I don't think this is only stress and hormones talking. I do miss being around people. But more specifically, I miss male company. The male presence. The male touch. And I'm not just talking about sex. I miss the closeness, the warmth a man. There's a void in my life that a vibrator just can't fill...No pun intended (hehehe).

"Science tells us that a touch triggers the release of brain endorphins: an endogenous analgesic more powerful than heroin or morphine. But touch is more than just a scientific confluence of brain chemicals. A touch provides comfort in a freezing night. It makes us feel secure because it unites us with an affectionate, loving, and feeling human being. The warmth it brings is better than the warmth a fireplace can provide. " (click here to read more).

According to this article, physical contact is essential for proper development and general well-being. In a nutshell, this means that people who have the privilege of being touched are more or less happier than those who don't (moi).

In my own research, I've come across these tips for fulfilling the desire to be touched.

  • Give, and ask, for hugs.
  • Snuggle with your children.
  • Pet your dog.
  • Link arms with the elderly and help them across the street.
  • Splurge on a manicure, pedicure, haircut or even a massage
Unfortunately, The Touch isn't the easiest thing to find on a college campus. I can't very well walk up to someone and say:

"Hey, can I have a hug? I kind of need to be touched right now."

I mean, I guess I could but only at the risk of being told to fuck off. Aside from that:
  • I have no children.
  • I have no pets.
  • Elderly people on a college campus? Come on.
  • I can't even afford a new toothbrush, let alone a massage.

For your viewing/listening pleasure, here are a few videos. Gary and Blondie...They feel my pain.

"Do You Wanna Touch Me?"-Gary Glitter

*Sidenote: This video is adapted from the movie Velvet Goldmine (said to be based on David Bowie's career). If your a fan of glam rock, homo erotic sex, glitter, musicals, and orgies--watch this movie! (This means you QQ lol)

"I Touch Myself"-Blondie

Enjoy your weekends! Get touched on my behalf:-)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Blog Break

Ugh, this is TOTALLY involuntary guys. I have a ton of things that I want to write about, but I'm swamped with work right now. Next Friday is when my Fall break starts, so of course all of my professors are piling on the homework before our vacation. Get this: I have SEVEN papers to write by next Friday. (I only have four classes, so don't even ask how ended up with almost twice as many papers lol). I'm trying not to freak out, but this shit seems pretty impossible. Still haven't figured it all out, but I know one thing is for sure. I can't do anything recreation for the next week. And that means no blogging unfortunately :(

Don't worry, I'll still be doing my blog rounds even if only on some stalker-type shit. But I just won't be able to write for a little while. Sucks too, cause I've had alot on my dome lately. Lame.

Well, this is goodbye for now guys. Look for a post from me by next Friday.

Take care 'til then!


Monday, November 10, 2008

Keep Your Aura To Yourself

To the requests that I post pics of the new haircut, it may be a while. The only working camera I have is the one on my phone (the pics I posted from Halloween were ones I stole from friends' cameras). Anyway, my phone takes pretty really crappy pictures so I'll have to wait until I can get my hands on a quality camera.

It's official guys. Winter is here and we're probably not going to see the end of it until next June. I kid you not, non-midwesterners. Generally, we don't get four seasons a year. There's usually about six months of Winter with a few "nice" days at the tail-end (that's our supposed Spring), and then suddenly, it's Summer. We get a mixture of unseasonably hot and cold weather for about four months, and then BAM! It's Winter again. No, Fall segue. Just frigid, bitter Winter. I love Chicago, but I think I'm going to have to settle on the West Coast.

It's easy to get in a funk when it's cold outside. Winter depression is the absolute worst. With constantly cloudy skies and below freezing weather, you have to ask yourself on the daily, why you even get out of bed in the morning. I've been there before, and I'm going to try my hardest not to go back. When I find myself letting the weather get to me, I give myself an attitude check by saying positive affirmations. Something like, Today is going to be a great day! You've got your health, your family, a roof over your head, and food in your stomach. You're amazingly blessed. What are you sad for? It may sound kind of simple, but reminding myself of the positives does actually help oust my bad moods.

I guess I've been thinking alot about being positive because of all the negativity I've been dealing with lately. I've always believed that people have emotional auras and energy they put out in the universe, but I've never been as certain of it as I am now. Eversince I was really young, I've had the gift (or curse) of being able to identify with someone else's emotions to an elevated degree. So, since I'm always so aware of everyone else's negative energy, I try to make sure I put out nothing but positivity. Don't get me wrong, we all wake up on the wrong side of the bed sometimes. So everyone is entitled to a funk. But I'm just saying, if you're having a bad day, try to keep it to yourself so you won't bring somone else's down. When people are depressed, I feel it. When people are angry, I feel it. That's why, when I was dealing with my depression, I made sure to stay away from people since I knew my mood couldn't be disuaded.

I tried to do a little research on moods and auras, but didn't find much. It wasn't until I typed in "emotions are contagious" that I got a ton of results. According to this New York Times article, all it takes is a millisecond for someone else's mood to affect your own, or vice versa. So, if you've ever woken up extremely happy, but the second you made it to work/class your mood suddenly sank, it wasn't a case of feminine whim. You indeed contracted an ETD (Emotionally Transmitted Disease).

So, now that you know this phenomenon exists, protect yourself! When you leave the house, make sure you have enough pep in your step to counter any of the negative energy that you may encounter. This is a two way street though. If you know that you're in a really shitty mood, try to steer clear of crowds until you feel a little better. You wouldn't want to infect anyone else, now would you?


Since we're on the topic of positive energy, this is what I decided on for my next tattoo:
It's called a Cho Ku Rei:

Cho – full
Ku – ceremonial vessel
Rei – transcended mystery, Holy Spirit or Universal Life Force

Its literal translation is: Put the power of the Universe here. The symboly is used to command and attract all of the positive energy in the Universe. I'm getting it on my inner left wrist. I think it'll complement the Ohm on my right one.

What do you guys think?

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Thanks For The Birthday Wishes!

I ended up staying in and watching Kissing Jessica Stein (one of my all time favorite movies), and pigging out by myself. I woke up with chronic heartburn, but that's the small price for being a fatass. Tomorrow means back to exercising (or at least dieting). I passed out by 11:30pm last night, but was awaken at 12 by my darling sister singing "Happy Birthday" to me. I didn't go back to sleep until about 7am because of a birthday visit from an old friend. I gave myself a haircut this morning and I like how it turned out. Kind of doing the asymmetrical Rhianna thing. I get bored with my hair easily. Plus, I figured since it's my birthday, it's time for a change. I went to work at the museum at 2 and got stationed in my favorite gallery. The current exhibit is called Out of Sequence: Underrepresented Voices in American Comics. It's a really awesome showcase of comics created by America's minorities. Anyway, been bringing in droves of people. Today we had a open forum and I got to meet a few of the artists featured. And all the while I was at work, I got birthday texts and phone calls from the people who matter most to me.

It may sound kind of lame, but I actually did have a pretty splendid birthday.


Just a heads up for the week. I've got two term papers due so I may not post as regularly as usual.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me.

I am admittedly a lame. My Big 2-0 is in about 6 hours, and I have absolutely no intentions on going out tonight. My friends can't stand how much of a homebody I am, but what can I say? I party hard about once or twice a season--Homecoming and Halloween were it for me. Plus, it's too frickin' cold outside!

A part of me thinks I should get out there and do something though. After all, this is a milestone birthday. I've reached the end of my teenage years; you only turn 20 once. And aside from that, I didn't get to celebrate hardcore about Obama winning the election and I know errrrrrbody is about to be out tonight. Especially since the Black Alumni Reunion is this weekend....Hmm, I think I just talked myself into party mode.

Enjoy your weekends! I might have pics for you on Monday.

Blog-No Longer A Teenager-gal

Friday, November 7, 2008


Thursday, November 6, 2008

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

For some strange reason, alot of people have been coming to me for relationship advice lately. Or at least to vent their relationship woes. An old friend of mine just revealed to me that she just broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years who had been abusing her; I've been counseling another friend who broke up with her boyfriend and had an abortion three weeks ago; Even my mom has been talking to me about a male friend of hers who fell in love for the first time at the age 40, and is now dealing with the breakup.

(Sidenote: Hearing about all of their problems and pains have made me realize how incredibly happy I am to be single right now. Sure, I get a little lonely sometimes, but it feels good to know that I'm the only person who can disappoint me. My school year has been virtually free of boy-related tears, which is something I haven't been able to say in a long time. But enough of my Single Girl Tangent lol).

With everyone going through their terrible break ups, I'm noticing a couple common factors.

1). Each person identifies their ex as his/her "first true love."
2). Each person has admitted that they feel clinically insane.

"I hate myself for letting him manipulate me...Why do I keep going back?" asked my friend who's boyfriend beat her.

"I miss him like crazy. He's such an asshole but I love him. Why do I still love him???" pleaded my friend who aborted her baby.

"You don't know what it feels like! My heart hurts! I feel like I'm going to die!!!!" cried the 40 Year Old (Love) Virgin, to my mom.

(I do feel a little bad for this guy. He's going through the painful breakup that most people experience between the ages of 16-20. He doesn't know what to do with himself, poor soul. He's been stalking his ex--going to her church, writing her friends and family letters, driving by her house at night, begging her to take him back etc. He's doing all the crazy post-breakup stuff most of us have done, but he's a grown ass man and it's quite pathetic. He even sent my mom naked pics because he was "lonely." Ugh, sad.)
What I've learned from my own experiences is that, pretty much everyone is reduced to a hot plate of crazy with some psycho on the side, when we break up with our first loves. Some of us take the high road and break up peacefully. We try to salvage a little pride and self respect. But we still break down and at the mention of his name, the tune of his favorite song, or a glimpse of his picture. As a result, we feel like schizophrenic maniacs.

And some of us refuse to accept the break up, and we fight to the bloody death. We try to to win their hearts but the reality is, the more we love them, the more we pursue them. And the more we pursue them, the less attractive and pathetic we become in their eyes. We end up throwing ourselves at someone who comes to find us completely repulsive. We end up losing our sanity because we just can't understand why someone we love to death won't love us back.
How ever it goes down, love makes us do crazy things.

When people remind me of my own psycho days, I am quite amazed at how far I've come. Because, when I say I was crazy, I mean I was CRAZY. I was stand outside his window/e-stalk his girlfriend/throw cell phones at doors/cry for hours/neglect homework/skip classes to sulk/write one million word emails/try to buy his love/beg him to take me back/lost the will to live kind of crazy. I guess that's why everybody has been confiding in me. Because they remember how much of depressed/psycho/suicidal stalker I was last year. Maybe they figure, if anyone would understand their pain, it would be me.

If someone had told me earlier this year that I'd be as happy, healthy and functional as I am today, I would've said "tell that to my bleeding heart." But incredibly, I have healed. And, aside from some residual resentment, I've made amends with my past. Heartbreak is a rite of passage. We all experience that one love that makes us question who we thought we were. We experience it and, hopefully, become stronger people from it.
I would even argue that a case of the crazies is perfectly normal in dealing with your first true love. Maybe some of us just have to lose our marbles before we can find ourselves.


With all the Obama Mania going on, I know everybody is Barak-O-Blogging right now. Being that this blog isn't a political one, I'll return to my regular topics after today. But first, I just have to allow myself to bask in the afterglow for a little while.

Today really did feel like a New Day. Since when do we get 75 degree weather in early November in Illinois? Never. It felt like the universe was trying to show us that this really is the dawning of a new era. I felt an energy in the air--it was electric. At a university where black people make up less than 15% of the population, it's easy to be intimidated. To want to fade into the background. But not today. Today, I wanted to be noticed. I walked around with my head held high. I looked my counter parts square in the eyes. I looked at them differently and they looked at me differently. I'm so proud right now. Proud of our new President. Proud of the young voters. Proud of the white voters. Proud to be Black. Proud to be an American.
My president is Black....Wow, I'll never get tired of saying that lol.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Barack Obama: Mr. President

I just had the most amazing experience of my entire life. Peep this shit.

This was my campus after Obama was announced President! I can't even express how amazingly beautiful it was to be a part of something like that. Over 1,000 students came together tonight and celebrated like it was the New Year. So freaking amazing. Seeing us all together like that made was such a surreal moment. Hugging strangers, cheering maniacly, chanting "Obama" and "Yes We Can!"--I was boo-hooing all over the fucking place.
Ahhh, I have no words. I can't even type right now....and I won't try.
WE made it happen guys!!!!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Monday, November 3, 2008

HalloWeiner Weekend

Okay, so this will be my first picture post ever. I'll let the photos do most of the talking, but before I post them, I'll give you all a little background.

This weekend was full of non-stop fun and fuckery. I had a fantabulous time, to say the least. I went to a black house party, and on a "clear" (lol Jaded) one. Had to balance it out, you know. Anyway, I feel the need to give a heads up on the clear party I went to, as it was a hot coonish mess, even more so than the black party. It was themed All Slutz Day. Sorry if that offends any hardcore Christians (All Saints Day). The idea was to come in your skimpiest attire. Bras, panties, boxers, fishnets--the cuntier, the better. (I thought I was skimpy enough but it turned out I was overdressed. You'll see in a minute). Just a way to make fun of and exaggerate the sluttery that is everpresent on Halloween. Think Mean Girls. The only thing I didn't know was that 80% of the guys there would be gay. A grand old fag fest. So please be forewarned that there may be a few penis shots and/or homo makeout sessions. I'll try my best to spare you, but I can't make any promises.

Sidenote: I was a tad bit tipsy. You'd have to be too, in order to participate in this type of fuckery. Please believe alot of these pictures (of me at least) will be be deleted within a 24 hour period. And um, also keep in mind that the camera adds 40lbs.
All Slutz Day The only non-flash pic of the night. Just try to imagine this lighting throughout the entire house.My gay crush (left) and my RA (center); I need new friends.

One of the many Jokers we ecountered that night.

My BDF (Best Dorm Friend) posin' with the 'mos.

The gayest shot of the night.

(I almost died when the played the remix version of "I Kissed a Girl"...Nastiness.)
There are actually about 30 more pics, but I don't want to have to put a content restriction on my blog. So use your imaginations if you're curious.
Okay, so I cheated. There were a few more pics of me participating in all sorts of shinnanigans (a few risque poses, and a some suggestive shots with the homos) but I'm too much of a punk to post them.
Halloween Party

As much as much as I enjoyed some clear people coonery (we'll spread that word like wildfire, Jaded lol), it was nice to participate in some black people coonery.
Me in my sexy witch costume...totally it up.

Lil Jon, MIA, and Lupe Fiasco

Dave Chapelle fans know--I love this one lol

Please note the the stretcher being taken into my dorm to save some poor drunken ass mess.
Over all, I had a pretty awesome weekend.

Picture posts are a bitch to format! Ugh.