Sunday, November 16, 2008

Cry Me A River

Bloggal had a full-blown breakdown last night.

I've always prided myself on being the type of person who doesn't let stress get to me. I'm usually the one comforting my friends who have stress induced panic attacks and freak-outs. But last night I had an extreme case of writers block. It was 1 in the morning and I hadn't even started writing a paper that was due at 12 noon. I freaked the hell out. I sat there staring at a blank screen for hours and nothing would come. Nothing at all. So I cried like a big ass baby. And I couldn't stop crying for the life of me. All of the things I was suppressing caught up with me and I had to let it out. Truth is, your girl's been pretty stressed for the past three months. I do school work Mon-Fri and then I work work, Saturday and Sunday. And then it starts over again. I never get a break. I haven't been able to sleep more than five hours in God knows how long. Though I've been killing myself, I've been trying to keep a positive and upbeat attitude. But the truth is, I'm beat.

It's funny too, I just wrote about how I haven't cried in a long time. I haven't really had a reason to. No boys to disappoint me, no terribly worrisome situations. Just the normal everyday stressors. But I guess School was like: "Hey bitch, I heard you were single....and happy? Well, I can fix that."

I cried for hours and hours like a little punk because I was tired, sleepy, stressed, worried, lonely...Of course, I didn't realize I was as holding all of that shit in. When I talked to my sister, I was like:

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel perfectly fine. I haven't cried in months."

To that she said: "That's why you're crying. You were all backed up."

I think she's right. They had to come out sometime. Now that I got it out of my system, I do feel a little better. I guess you could say my waterworks were comparable to a man's wet dream. If you don't get one off every now and then, they'll come when you least expect them to...except tears are alot easier to clean up.


Que.P said...

Definately gotta let the river flow from time to time. This happened to me when I was working full time, dating steadily, doing a lot for the church, and had just enrolled in grad school. I freaked out when my first two papers were due. I thought I'd forgotten how to write a paper. But I cried out all the stress from work, lack of sleep, stressful relationship, and writers block. Cried out the stress and felt better. Glad you're feeling better.

clnmike said...

Yeah that sounds like you need a little stress relief and crying was the trick. Nothing wrong with that.

Anonymous said...

You were about due for a good cry.

You're probably about due for something else too ;-) and that's why you've got all that pent up stress! LMAO

Anonymous said...

ah hon, don't even sweat it, everyone goes through them shitty " I can't take it no more" moments

Depressurization and all!

Anonymous said...

Awww poor thing... it's good you got to let it out though. Also-- I emailed your ass back... totally.... check your spam. Gave you the new site address and the story behind it...

antithesis said...

lol! you r too funny comparing it to a wet dream. but it's true, you can only suppress for so long.

karrie b. said...

let it out, let it on out. a good cry is what we all need sometimes. dont hold it in. hope u feel better.


owen said...

its ok to break down every now and then but don't make a habit of it or you'll become that friend. theres go to be some outlet better to release before end up crying at a wedding, lol

Bloggal said...

@ que p: yes girl, that's EXACTLY how it was. i was so stuck. and it was a puney 3 page paper! so i know it was totally psychological. i ended goin to bed and writing it when i woke up. i do feel better though. still a little stressed, but at least i'm not holding anything in.

@ mike: thanks man. cause SOME people on here are makin me feel like a punk for crying like that. *ahem*...owen lol.

@ skinny: ugh, you are SO right about that girl! i feel like a freakin guy with how much i've been thinkin about sex lol. i don't want a boyfriend/boo right now, but i still have needs...oh soooo frustrating lol.

@ QQ: thanks mammi. i got it all out of my system and should be able to focus a little better now!

@ glo: it;s so funny girl, cause i was thinking, "what should i title this post" and "had to let it out" kept comin to me lol. but i didn't use it cause i didn't want to steal your tagline lol.

and i SO didn't get that email! i turned my spam guard on so that it automatically deletes them, which means it's long gone by now:-/...weird, i wonder why it woulda gone to spam anyway.

@ anti: heheh, well that's what it kind of reminded me of. i know how guys get backed up and it just comes out at the most inopportune moments. but like i said, maybe guys would disagree cause crying is nothing like blasting off in your pants LOL.

@ karrie: i did let it out and i do feel a little better. i'll fell MUCH better once hell week is officially over. but thanks babe:)

@ owen: well, watcha tryin to say owen? you think i'm a cry baby or something? all honesty, i AM "that" friend. but not all the time. it's usually when i'm going through some really hardcore issues that i'm the girl who cries AT LEAST once a day. i'm cool now though lol.

Dope Fiend said...

:( dot cry!

Im in practically the same position as you and i REALLY dont want to cry! i hate crying!

35 hours of late nigt work plus uni 4 days a no break whatsoever= torture!

problem is i think im nearing the breaking point!

i guess sometimes its beter to let it all out, hope you're feeling better! do somethingf or yourself when you can ok! treat yourself!

Bloggal said...

awww babe, you're worse off than me!!! take your own advice and treat yourself. cause i know if i freaked out, you'll probably reach your boiling point soon too:-(

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