Friday, January 30, 2009

Do you guys remember this book? It used to be my favorite growing up.

Poor Alexander, he was having the worst luck of his life that day. And today I can relate. Oh, just a heads up. There's no point to this post. I just feeling like bitching and moaning.

So, I have Friday's off this semester. Awesome, right? I use this as my sleep late/ take care of non-school related business/chill day. Top priority today is laundry (yes, another laundry debacle). The change machine was broken so I did what I usually do in that case. I put my solid dollars in a vending machine to get quarters in return. Only today it did't work. I lost a whole damn dollar! What was fucked up was I couldn't even get anything out of the machine because it was some $2 vitamin water and I wasn't about to fork up another buck for some watered down ass Koolaid. Fortunately, I managed to scoop up some spare change, and I was able to do start one load. Yep, threw errthang in that bitch regardless of color.

So about 30 minutes ago, I went down to start drying my clothes, another dolla bill in hand....Ugh, now I might be a dumbass for trying this again, but I went to a different vending machine this time. And, mind you, the trick usually works. I just thought that particular machine was tweeking today. So, I tried it again in a different one. I put the dollar in, pressed 'coin return', and in big dumb letters I see: You must select a product.


Oh, but it gets better. So, now I'm sitting there with the shit face on because I have NO money to dry my clothes. But since I put my dollar in a cheaper machine this time, I decided to buy something. The only thing that was a dollar, and wouldn't destroy my diet, was a tiny ass bag of overpriced Chex Mix. I hit the botton and, what do you think happens? The bitches fall forward and get stuck in the vending machine.

I seriously thought I was being Punk'd. Annnnnd the machine had the nerve to taunt me, saying some "Thank you for your purchase. Have a great day." Fuuuckkk YOU, thieving ass vending machine!

I went to the front desk and made a complaint. Of course, since the desk is run by unconcerned students, they had nothing helpful to say. Just shrugged and gave me a complaint form to fill out.

If it wasn't for my girl, the Best Former Roommate in the World and fellow blogger Heather K., I would be ready to give somebody hell. Luckily, she had my back and gave my broke ass $.75 to dry my clothes with. Thanks babes!

Whew! But isn't that like, the worst luck ever? Now I know how little Alex must've felt. I still think I was being Punk'd or on Boiling Point though. I wish I hadn't lost my cool. Could've got a $100 out of it...

Thursday, January 29, 2009

My New #1

So, I was just checking my iTunes Top 25 and guess what my #1 song was?

...with 117 plays.

"Caught Out There" was the former #1 about two months ago, but it's not even in the top 25 anymore. Guess that means I'm making progress, huh?

But the song is still dope so I'm posting it anyway.

LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE this shit. It never gets old.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

From Crushed to Crushing

When you manage to finally get out of toxic relationship that's taken a toll on your emotional health, the last thing you're ready to do is put your heart on the line again. At least that was true for me. For whatever reason, I couldn't seem toconnect with guys. Or better yet, I wouldn't connect with guys because I specialize in self-saboteur. It's a little thing I discovered about myself recently. Whenever there's something that I'm afraid/not ready to do, I somehow manage to convince myself that it was the worst possible idea ever conceived and I was certainly better off not pursuing said idea. Example? That night I went out, I had really convinced myself that partying was a terrible idea, and completely irresponsible this early in the semester. You should stay home and do homework! If you don't, you'll fall behind! is what I convinced myself of and actually believed it. But look how things turned out, I had a wonderful night with my girlfriends AND I managed to get ahead in my homework.

The same way I convinced myself that going out was a bad idea, I also convinced myself that there was no guy out there that I'd ever connect with again. Because I was afraid to even get that close to anyone again, I rationalized that nobody was out there for me. I was so fed up with meeting guys that I didn't connect with or feel any sparks toward, that I kind of gave up. I couldn't understand why guys never seemed to approach me, but the truth was, I was alienating myself. I didn't exude any desire to be approached, and so I wasn't. It may sound like I'm reading too much into myself but, I kid you not, the second I acknowledged the fact that I was subconciously sabotaging every chance I had with a guy, was the moment that opened up to the possibility of chemistry with someone. And you know what happened? I met a guy, and we sparked.

Yep, I've got a crush on someone! Well, I didn't actually "just" meet him. I met him last year, but we never talked like that before. I thought he was cute and nice, but I hadn't been open to anything with anyone so that didn't matter. But this guy could be anybody. I'm not so much excited about who I'm crushing on as I am about the fact that I'm crushing at all. It's been a really long time since I've had chemistry with a guy. Real chemistry that made me want to be around him. I've had about three semi-relationships since Ex and I broke up, but I didn't feel a connection with any of them because I wasn't ready to. They didn't give me butterflies, and I didn't get excited when I thought of them. I didn't even look forward to seeing or hearing from them. They were just rebounds that, though satisfying, were less than fulfilling. But this guy charmed me from the get go. Not charmed me in the a Lost-My-Better-Judgment kind of way. But in the Makes-Me-Feel-Giddy kind of way. I haven't had that in a long time.

So, whether or not this crush goes anywhere, I look at it as a milestone. The mere fact that I'm actually capable of getting excited about another guy shows that I'm slowly but surely letting go and moving on. Before, nobody compared to Ex. I couldn't imagine having the same feelings of passion and excitement with anyone but him. But the fact that there's a guy that makes me feel even a little giddy shows me that I'm ready, really ready, to date again. And maybe even, at some point, love again.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

I'm All Smiles

Hey honeys!

So, I've been reading your comments and found them really helpful. I knew you ladies would know just what to say, so keep the comments coming!

The consensus seemed to be that I need to get myself out of the house and do something fun. Keep myself busy. Well, tonight was going to be one of those early-to-bed-movie-for-one nights but after reading your comments, I opted to go out. Today was the probate, step show, and party for a frat on campus so I joined my girlies for a night out. I had a pretty good time, especially considering I managed to get into the step show and party without paying. I was looking fab, full of energy, having a grand old time, when I happen to see Ex's girlfriend (we'll call her Baby Spice today). Surprisingly, I wasn't the least bit affected for once. I just casually gestured toward her and my girls gave me the knowing eye-roll: Ex was definitely near by.

I paid no mind and decided to keep dancing. Eventually, he and I were shoulder to shoulder. We never once made eye contact but I think it was obvious that we when in each other's presence. But again, I was strangely unaffected.

The party goes on, all the while he and I somehow kepting ending up in each other's vicinity, but never once acknowledging each other. Eventually, the lights came on and it was time to go. We all filed out, and I waited at the door for my friend. I happened to look up and see Ex across the the room. My gaze must've lingered a little too long because our eyes finally locked. We smile and nod. Nothing more.
I continued to wait by the door while the droves of people come rushing through, when I saw Baby Spice approaching. By then I'd somehow taken the post of the door person and was propping it open for the people filing through. For a split second I had the mind to drop the door when she came walking through lol. But that would've been severely bitchy so I held it open for her. As she walks through, this broad actually shoots me a dirty look and then says (audible as hell) to her friend: There goes ____'s ex girlfriend. Her friend proceeds to look around and says, Where? Then they both look back at me as Baby Spice says, Her. My immediate reaction was to was laugh. She didn't even have the decency to talk about me until she was at least two inches away from me. I found that incredibly hilarious for some reason.

So, finally the mob has exited the dance hall and we're all kind of loitering in the lobby. I spot Ex and his pocket-size girlfriend standing together. I guess she saw me to because she instantly did one of those territorial This-Is-MY-Man moves and grabbed his hand. Again, all I could do was smile.

I'm actually quite happy that I decided to go out tonight because I had already had plans to have an old fashion pitty party. I gave my girls the excuse that I would be doing homework when I knew good and well that I was probably going to end up watching a movie by myself. And then I read you all's fabulous advice and decided not to stay home feeling sorry for myself. I glammed up, went out, and had an awesome time tonight. What's best is that I didn't even anticipate the fact that Ex or his Baby Spice would be there. But still, seeing them did nothing to my system like it usually does.

This was the first time I've seen Ex since we've stopped talking. I was dreading the moment but I think it played out in the best way possible. In a situation where I should've felt at least the slightest bit anxious, I felt supremely confident and at ease. And in a situation that I could've handled in an undignified, hoodrat sort of way, I handled with pure class. Feels like a small victory.

See...All smiles=)

Friday, January 23, 2009


Okay, I was avoiding this post as long as possible. I wanted to just pretend things were all well and good, which they really are in large part. But something that's been bothering me is starting to influence my writing. Or lack thereof. So, I figured I'd better out myself like Oprah did with her weight gain: I'm having a really really hard time getting over Ex.

I know what you're thinking: Um, duh, Bloggal. Just as obvious as that muffin top Oprah's been sporting before she announced it to the world, so is my difficulty moving on. So, why put it out there like it's some big secret? I guess it's because I feel like I'm lying to my blog, my readers. Like I'm trying to convince everyone, including myself, that I'm happy and at peace now that I've cut all ties with Ex. But the truth is, things aren't as peachy as they seem. I'm actually quite miserable. Okay, no. That's an exaggeration. I really am thankful for my current disposition. I have emotional stability for one, which is what I craved all along. But really, the only thing that's stable are thoughts of him. Ugh. Sad, isn't it? But it's true. I am heartsick. And the sooner I admit that, the sooner I can hopefully figure out how to get myself out of this mess.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm also "outting" myself because my dilemma has also been preventing me from blogging. Here's why: I'm trying my hardest to move/forget about Ex, right? Well, blogging primarily about love and relationships isn't exactly conducive to that, is it? Not to mention the fact that this blog has so much of our history on it. Sometimes writing here feels like I'm just perpetuating my love for him, which is why I've contemplated giving up this blog. Not giving up blogging in general, but this particular blog. Maybe a clean slate would help. I don't know. But that's a whole other issue. A whole other post...

Fact is, I'm tired of pretending to be happy. I know they say you've gotta fake it til you make it. But I've been faking it an awful long time. And I'm tired of it. What I want, is my own personal happiness. I admit, before, when I was far more disgruntled and bitter, I wanted revenge. Or, at least for him to feel the pain he caused me. But at this point, all I want is peace of mind. I want to be happy. Do you know, I pray for him at night? Yes, I actually pray for his happiness, protection, and prosperity in everything he does. I guess it's just my way of showing the Universe, God, that I don't feel any animosity towards him anymore. That I genuinely want him to be happy even if it's not with me. But, shit, I want to be happy too!

At this point, it's not even about having a significant other. I'm so damn selective that I've come to terms with the fact that I'm hard to please and will most likely be single until I die, if I don't slightly lower my standards and give any guy a chance. I think the only part of me that even wants a boyfriend is the part of me that's still in love with him. It's the part of me that wants a distraction, something to block those feelings out. Somewhere else to direct them. But in all actuality, I personally enjoy the lack of male bullshit in my life. While I would love to have a companion (and some consistent sex I can depend on) I'd be content single, happy even, if I could somehow lose the feelings I have for him. If there was some way for me to just...all of a sudden not love him anymore. I'm mentally ready to move on, dammit! But my heart won't let me.

We all like to believe that our situations are unique and new, but I know that somebody out there has been there and done that. So, I guess what I need from you (LADIES ONLY PLEASE...seriously, it's a girl thing) is some sound advice. A way to cope until I'm over him. But more importanly, some reassurance that someday I'll be over him. Someday, I'll be able to go a full 24 hours without him crossing my mind at least once...I know women who broke up with their men three years ago and have had zero contact with them since then and they still think of their exs daily. I practically see this guy only a daily basis (though he doesn't see me cause I'm constantly dodging), so is that something I have to expect? To be sprung on this dude for the next 5 years?

So, all the single ladies, veterans, yougin's, married, divorced, seasoned daters, female players, the heart breakers and heart broken-- everybody: please help me out here. I need your take on this, what you'd do or what you did when you were trying to let go of a past love. I need some advice on how to deal because I'm tired of faking it. I'm determined to stand my ground and not contact him because I know the satisfaction will be fleeting and temporary. But the desire to rekindle is very real, and I just need some advice on how to handle the temptation and the impulses. Because the very last thing I need to be doing is running back to him...

Sidenote: I know that there are quite a few family members and friends who somehow foudn their way to my blog. No offense to you guys, but I have one request if you insist on reading: Please don't try to talk to me about my posts. I write what I can't or rather, choose not to, express verbally. So, the last thing I want to do is talk about the things I write on here. If you don't mention anything I write about, and I'll pretend not to know your reading. Thanks:)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

This Love... the kind I dream about.

I've watched this video three times in a row and I cried every single time. I feel so proud and, dare I say it, hopeful...It's simply beautiful and inspiring.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

21 Things I Want In A Lover

I'm playing it like KB today, and letting a video speak for me...

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And dont believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny?
la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

Im in no hurry I could wait forever
Im in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime
Ill live like theres no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week?
Up for being experimental? are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted? ...curious and communicative...

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

So, today was my first official day of class. I can tell already that I'm going to like this semester. I'm taking one course called Early American Modernism. It's a survey of art between the 1930s and 1940s. I like how short and specific the time period is because that means we will be focusing on what we study instead of breezing through the material, which is my biggest pet-peeve of attending a large university. My second class is Latin 101. They say it's a good class to take if your studying any romantic language because French, Italian, German, Spanish, Slavic, and even English are composed of Latin roots. I have one more class today called Writing Across Media. It's basically a class that integrates writing with diffrent types of modern medium including photography, typography, video and sound. The description sounded interesting so I think the class should be pretty cool. But the best part is, I have the perfect gaps between classes that will allow me time to blog! Lol. I'm a loser, I know.

But enough about academics...Last night, I was stood up. Great way to start off the semester, right? Surprisingly enough though, I wasn't disappointed. In fact, I was a little relieved. As much as I harp about 'being ready' for a relationship, it's a little bit daunting. All of my relationships past have been more challenging than necessary because I made alot of mistakes going into them. They were like crash courses, What Not To Do's, and relationship How-To's. So now, knowing what I know, any relationship I enter will be the true test. I know I'm fully capable of not only being a good girlfriend, but also being good to myself. That said, any guy that I deem good enough to even commit to could possibly be...gulp...The One.

Sigh. When did the prospect of The One become a scary thing? Oh wait, I know. When the guy I thought was The One, tore my heart to shreds. Right! I guess that's the downside of experience. It teaches and prepares you for life, but it also scars you for life.

Sometimes I wish that I could erase my memory of everything Ex related. Everything. The good and the bad. When I first saw Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind earlier last year, I cried. Those who've seen the movie know that it revolves around the concept of memory manipulating and erasing. In the film, there was an agency that provided the service of erasing all memories tied to a painful source. The process took a few hours and by morning, the person would have no recollection of the person or event they erased. Deep stuff...Every now and again, I think to myself, If a service like this existed, would I ever do it? About a year ago, my answer would've been a definitive, hell yes! But the more time that goes by, and the stronger I get, the more I reconsider. If I erased all memories of Ex, I'd also be erasing the lessons I've learned and the wisdom I've acquired. Although I do have my days when I'd rather not remember him, I think I'd still choose to keep him in my memories.

But maybe that's just me. If you had the power to erase a painful/traumatizing memory/person in your past, would you?


Oh yeah. And my Presdent is Black.


Here's the trailer. It's a fabulous film. If anyone wants to see it, hit me up because I have it on my computer and I'd be happy to send it to you.

"Blessed are the forgetful: for they shall have done with their stupidities too."

Monday, January 19, 2009

My Happy Place

Hellloooooo everybody! Happy Martin Luther King Day/Day Off!

Funny that most people's day off is my first day back at school. Well, technically classes start tomorrow, but I moved in yesterday and the work has already started. Sigh. I got used to being a lazy bum over break. I'm going to miss the insomniac nights and sleeping til noon the next day. But I'm also semi-ready to get back on my educational grind so it's cool. At least I can finally make the blog rounds today. I've missed your blogs so much, I just didn't get the chance to read them. And if I did, I never really had time to comment. So I've got alot of catching up to do with some of you.

Coming back to school after a break is always...strange. It's amazing how much you can change in such a short time. Or better yet, how your environment can change you. I had a fabulous break even though it was less than spectacular. Going home is just always such a cathartic experience. There's just something about being around my family that always brings out the best in me. At home I'm happier, friendlier, all around more easy going. But when I get back to school, I'm a little more introverted and less amiable. What gives? I don't really know. But it's something I notice every time I come back here.

For some reason, being here can zap my energy in a millisecond. I don't know if it's the stressors of school, the people, the negativity, or the monotony of it all, but I always fall into a rut at some point. My goal this semester is not to lose my Happy Place. I was, and am, very much at peace with myself right now. And I don't want to lose that peace. So, if it takes chanting or meditating or praying to keep myself where I am, I'll do it. Because I'm not going to let this school steal my happy again.

Just something to think about. As emotionally impressionable as we are, try not to let your surroundings steal your joy. I know it's difficult if you find yourself trying to be happy in the midst of down-trodden people who exude negativity. But at best, all they can do is put a damper on your day. They can't extinguish the hopeful flame that burns in your heart though. If you're happy, stay happy. And if you're not, do what it takes to be happy. May sound easier said than done, but it isn't. Figure out what you need to do to get there. And just do it.

Am I happy? Content would be the better word. I'm incredibly blessed right now and, though there are things I still desire, I'm in a good place. All it took was doing what I knew I needed to do. And as hard as it was to do it (pardon my vagueness), I know it was the best thing for me.

So, find your Happy Place. Find it, and don't let anyone take it from you. Period.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Hello, dear readers! How has your week been? Mine has been pleasant, but extremely busy. I intended on writing alot sooner, but the week sort of just flew by after I made my last post. I've been finalizing my Spring schedule, getting my finances in order, and starting the FAFSA process, which is absolutely crucial if I want to go back to school in the Fall. But speaking of my last post, I just have to sincerely thank you all for your support, kind words, and encouragement. You guys have no idea how many times I cried reading your emails and comments. I wanted so badly to comment back, but I didn't know what to say. Seriously. You all literally left me speechless. So much that a simple 'thank you' wouldn't suffice.

All I can say is that you are all such amazingly wonderful people and I'm so appreciative to have you in my life. Your inspiring comments keep me going when I want to give up, they give me hope when I'm close to losing it, and they reassure me when I'm in doubt. I wrote that post because, since I was in the process of cleansing the toxins in my body (I'll come back to that), I thought it was time to cleanse the toxins in my heart and soul as well. In writing that letter to my emotional and physical abusers, I was hoping to free myself from the resentment and animosity I feel towards them. And you know something? It actually helped. Though it'll take me some time to entirely forgive them, it felt good to "directly" address them and tell them how I feel.

So, you guys may or may not be wondering how my Master Cleanse went. I'm quite proud to say that I successfully completed it! I honestly thought I was going to fall off a few times, which was why I didn't want to keep a day to day diary lol, but I never did. I stuck it out and I feel better than ever. My energy level is crazy high, and I feel lighter, healthier, and more alert. I purposely didn't weigh myself before the cleanse because I didn't want it to be about weightloss. But I will say I definitely dropped some pounds and inches, and I can't complain about that. I won't go into the gritty details, but I really suggest that everyone does at least a five day cleanse twice out of the year, because you'd be surprised what accumulates in our bodies after a year of malnutrition and abuse. It's not unsafe likes some people think, but a very beneficial detox and I definitely recommend it. I'm not saying it wasn't difficult because, trust me, it was a mental challenge. But if you have the discipline and motivation, it's definitely worth it.

This will probably be the last entry I make until Sunday, when I move back into my dorm, unless something significant goes down. I can't WAIT to get back to my own computer and privacy. Once I'm back at school, I promise to post more often. It's just been a little tough considering my limited internet access.

Soooo, check out my new tattoo:

Just got it today! I absolutely LOVE it. I made in entry a while back about it's meaning but I'll copy and paste it again:

It's called a Cho Ku Rei:

Cho – full

Ku – ceremonial vessel

Rei – transcended mystery, Holy Spirit or Universal Life Force

Its literal translation is: Put the power of the Universe here. The symbol is used to command and attract all of the positive energy in the Universe.

It's on my left wrist, if you can't tell. What's crazy is I actually got this tattoo for free! This guy who's apprenticing and trying to build a portfolio sent my mom a message on Myspace (yes, Myspace) saying that he'd tattoo her for free in exchange for a photo for his portfolio. We thought it was a bogus offer but it turned out to be legit so we went in and he hooked me up! He also touched up my tattoo on my right wrist for free as well.

Pretty awesome, right? It's really crazy how perfect the timing was. I had planned on getting the tattoo during this break but couldn't for lack of funds. And then out of nowhere, this guy contacts my mom the very day my cleanse ended. I knew I couldn't NOT get the Cho-Ku-Rei.

Anyway, I just want to thank you all again for being so supportive. You don't know how much I appreciate each and every single one of you.

Loads of Love,


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

It's Not Me, It's You

Yes, you read the title correctly.

I've been learning quite a bit about myself since I've been on break. I've been keeping to myself, staying warm, catching up with the fam. There have been a couple of instances where I've actually left the toasty confines of home and was romantically solicited. But I nipped it in the bud because, either they approached me in the "wrong way" or I just wasn't in the mood. And then remember Frenchie, my first boyfriend/foreign exchange student? Well, we had plans to get together. They kept falling through for whatever reason, so at one point, I gave up on him. I said, "We'll just catch up in the summer." And yesterday, he boarded his flight to Sweden...or Switzerland. Can't remember where.

The whole point of this little rant, is because I came to a few realizations about myself and why I'm single. I seem to have this strange notion that I'm perfect. That I do no wrong. That whenever a relationship goes to shit, it's always "his" fault. Truth be told, I'm probably somewhat responsible more than half the time. I just don't realize.

Now, here are my dating credentials (their a little outdated since I haven't been in a relationship in almost two years): Bright. Witty. Talented. Smart. Supportive. Passionate. Sexy. Sweet. Reserved. Attractive. Selfless. Compassionate. Empathic. Accommodating. Loving. Affectionate...and um, I throw down in the bedroom and kitchen. I'm perfect, right? lol

But no, I'm also a little crazy. And in the past, I haven't been quite able to hide my crazy. I show "him" (let's be clear that "he" is no one in particular just in case a former "he" is reading this) how jealous, obsessive, neurotic, and insecure I am. These are all things that, I admit, can be a smidge bit unattractive. But that's just in relationships. On the dating end, I'm alot more no-nonsense because of all the crap I've been through with Ex. So, I tend to sometimes make harsh, ego bruising comments just to let them know they they're not running shit. Or, I'll thwart a budding relationship when "he" does something that vaguely reminds me of a past failed relationship. I can also be a bit impatient, but that goes back to daddy issues. I tend to emotionally attach pretty quickly, and when I have this revelation, I do something like pick a fight with him so he won't know I really like him. See? Crrrazzzy.

Anyway, whole point is, I realize that it's not entirely the guy's fault when a relationship. I admit, I've got a hell of a lot of issues that emerge ONLY when a guy isn't on top of his game. Though it's a little hard to accept that I may have somehow sabotaged my past relationships, I know it's even more unrealistic to put the blame on "him"

So, I accept partial responsibility for the demise of my relationships. Though I know that "he" was always more to blame than I, I still played a hand in the my relationships ending catastrophically.

...but only, like, a really really small hand. 'Cause I'm semi-perfect and shit.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Resolutions Not to Make This Year

I stole this post from the Yahoo! homepage. I know, this is ubber lazy blogging, but I'm doing it anyway. By the way, I'm sorry for not posting as often and/or keeping my entries relevant. Truth be told, I'm actually enjoying my break from computer/internet. I was chained to my computer at school and it feels good to not be refreshing my inbox every few minutes. Anyway, in light of the new year, I'm making this copy cat post because alot of us tend to make resolutions that we can't keep. I, personally, object to the concept of resolutions; they're only made to be broken. I prefer to look at the new year as a clean slate. A fresh start. Nothing more. I try not to set expectations for myself that I know I can't live up to. That said, here are a few resolutions not to make, courtesy of Cosmopolitan Magazine:

1. Quit your job and wait for a dream career opportunity to present itself. Recession shmecession.Reality check: Suck it up and hang on to your gig for now. Appease yourself by taking a class or picking up a hobby that will make your résumé stand out, like learning a foreign language or starting a blog.

2. Lose five pounds.Reality check: Hot chicks like Jessica Biel, Beyoncé, and ScarJo are proof that toned and curvy is the new skinny.

3. Finally win back your ex-boyfriend.Reality check: Move on. We give you permission to engage in some rebound relationship therapy.

4. Buy into all the latest trends.Reality check: It’s okay to be a slave to fashion...just be a slave to cheap fashion, rather than dropping serious bank on each and every look. Kick yourself later for wearing it, but don’t kick yourself for blowing your paycheck on it.

5. Change your man.Reality check: While some relationship tweaking is to be expected (hey, few guys are natural-born good kissers), if the words “fixer-upper” and “project” could describe your boyfriend, it’s time to get real.

6. Triple the number of friends you have on Facebook.Reality check: Less time stalking your friends’ friends’ friends. More time catching up with buddies you actually care about.

7. Don’t eat any junk food.Reality check: Cutting out all unhealthy food from your diet will most likely lead to binge eating, followed by intense guilt, by mid-January.

8. Watch less trashy TV.Reality check: Zoning out and de-stressing for a bit every night with the help of good bad television is harmless.

9. Save more money.Reality check: Let’s be honest. In this economy, we’re just happy to be able to pay our rent, gas, and credit card bill.

10. Keep your number down.Reality check: Nothin’ wrong with notches on your bedpost, as long as you’re being safe.

Friday, January 2, 2009

My Dirty Little Secrets...

"Seperated by routine, we are all mourning in parallel form the same silent

Like thousands of people around the world, I visit Post Secret every Sunday to read the latest confessions of men and women. I never really knew the significance of reading the secrets of strangers until last night.

Yesterday, I was up into the wee hours of the night reading a Post Secret book that my sister got for Christmas. There were several instances when I'd read a postcard and nearly cried thinking, My God...that's exactly how I feel.

That I realized was, even though the secrets are from anonymous strangers from God knows where, I was comforted. When you read someone else's feelings or experiences that mirror your own, it lessons the pain. It helps to know that you're not alone.

I took pictures of the secrets that I identified with the most. I hope this isn't copyright infringement.

If you're brave enough to tell, what's your secret?