I decided to change my blog theme again. I thought the colors were too menacing. Even though this is more boring, I think it's more inviting....Meh, I might change it again though.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Posted by Bloggal at 12:48 PM
If you are even remotely au fait with the motifs of Sex and the City, the scene will be instantly familiar. A female journalist, at work in her city apartment, ponders the blank screen of her laptop. Her fingers hover, the cursor winks invitingly and this week's pressing question is tapped out.
Because it's probably common knowledge that I'm an SATC fan if you frequent this blog, I try to steer clear of the topics and questions that Carrie poses at some point in each episode. But, for some reason, it's extremely difficult. Maybe it's just me being impressionable, but often times my life, and those burning relationship questions, parallel those that staple each episode of the show. Seriously, is it just me, or can all who watch the show relate?
Well anyway, from now on, instead of avoiding using Carrie's topics in attempt not to appear like an unoriginal writer, I'm going to start a "I couldn't help but wonder..." series. In it, I'll pose her question, attribute it of course, and put my spin on it...Make sense?
I've been thinking about doing this for a while, but never did, until I saw the wonderful miss Karrie B. make a new segment of her own. I figured, if she can do it, so can I (imitation is the highest form of flattery chica lol)!
So, stay tuned cause an entry is coming your way tonight.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I didn't write yesterday because I was still heated. At times like that, it's usually best to steer clear from my blog to avoid saying something that I'd later regret...like announcing that I'm gay lol. Not true. Only sometimes. Anyway, after a cathartic workout at the gym, I can write again. So, no slander today:).
I'm taking a class called Women Writers in America. The course is taught by an eccentric Jewish woman named, "Most Dangerous Feminist" by the Wall Street Journal. She has a potty mouth, wild curly hair, and claims she merely "tolerates" her husband and twin boys--my kind of lady. I can already tell I'm going to love this class. I need a little institutionalized man-hating in my life.
I just finished our first assigned reading, a short story called Turned by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. It's the story of a wealthy married couple who hires an 18 year old servant girl. She's got the body of a goddess and the face of an angel, but she's extremely naive and childlike. During her time there, the couple grows to love her like their own daughter, and treat her as such. While her husband was away on business, the wife finds out that the servant is pregnant. And who's baby is it? Her husband's. She at once orders the girl to leave, but after much reflection she tells her to stay. She realizes the girl, innocent and inexperienced, was the real victim, and that the husband was the one to be held accountable. The woman moved out, with the servant girl, leaving her husband to return to an empty house. Eventually she sends a letter simply saying, " I have gone. I will care for the girl. Good-bye." The husband decides to look for his wife, and plead her forgiveness. He's sure that he'll accept his indiscretions and take him back. Meanwhile, the wife helps the servant settle with her child on a cottage. When the husband comes looking for his wife, he finds the two women standing side by side, the servant holding her baby. The man stands there looking stupified and the wife says to him, "What have you to say to us?"
You can't help but have a got-his-ass! moment when you finish this story. But, then you're brought back to reality. Could this ever happen in real life?
You never see two women who are victims of infidelity band together. At best, you'll see them attack the man. At worst, you'll see them attack each other. But never do you see them conduct themselves calmly, recognize who's at fault, and leave karma to take care of it. In the story, the wife recognizes it as "the sin of man against woman". Though she is obviously hurt, she sees the bigger picture, which is a girl's naivete having been taken advantage of. Is it possible to be so clear-headed about betrayal that you can make such a distinction?
I think it's fiction for a reason.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Have you ever wanted to slap somebody and hug them at the same time?
I do. Boy, do I...
It's official. I'm no longer playing for team Hetero.
Why make such a drastic decision, you may wonder. Oh, just the fact that I seem to be a jerk magnet, and every relationship I hear about nowadays begins with the words "he cheated."
My BFF, the one who had the boyfriend who wouldn't allow her to have male friends, told me about the latest guy who hit on her.
"He works at my job."
Oh, that's cool.
"He's about 32."
"He slipped me a note telling me he wanted to get to know me better."
"He said he just got married four days ago."
Please, please tell me how rotten a guy you must be, that you hit on your 19 year old co-worker less than a week after you've gotten married?
God, I have no words...
BFF decided to probe Married Man for his motives. I advised her not to because that's just opening a can of worms, but she insisted. So, she texted him and he told her that he thought she was a "sexy young thing" and that he wanted to "see where things could go." Oh yeah, and he wanted to know if she liked back/foot massages, and if he could give her one.
Is it just me, or are guys getting bolder with their inappropriate behavior?
Fat White Chick/Cheater
I met a guy a few days ago that I didn't dare introduce to my blog. He seemed nice but given my recent knowledge of Married Man and his obvious kin to the devil, I was less than enchanted by men. He worked at a restaurant on campus. He was 25 years old (a plus). We talked a while, flirted, laughed. He had a good sense of humor and he was attractive (another plus). He gave me his number and asked me to call him so we could get together sometime (plus, plus). I spotted him on the street a few days later and he gave me the sad "why you no call" face. So, I promised him I would, though I didn't really intend on it.
Last night, I got to thinking about my pattern with guys. I don't ever give the nice ones a chance because I don't feel chemistry with them. I made up my mind to end my pattern and give him a call tonight.
But, before I could, I ran into him today. Funny how I noticed him. I saw him from a distance and thought, what a cute guy. I noticed a fat, ugly white chick holding his hand and thought, why is it that some black guys are so damn determined not to be with black women that they settle for the bottom of the white barrel? A few seconds later and we're face to face. When he realizes who I am, he gives me the "oh shit" face and waves pathetically. I roll my eyes and turn my mp3 player up.
I thought the universe was telling me to call him because he was a "nice guy," but he turned out to be a jerk too. I am now convinced that I attract liars and cradle robbers, and that I can't tell a nice guy from a bad one.
So, now I'm thinking about seeing what the ladies have to offer. Anyone interested? You know how to reach me;-).
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Okay, I couldn't stay away. I miss my blog. I miss your blogs. So, school can wait.
Alrighty, here's the thing. Since I've been back to school, I've been seeing my Ex constantly and it's not really helping the whole "build new memories" thing. I hate it. How is that I went an entire summer without seeing him and now that I'm back here, he's all I can think about. Just to make a disclaimer, I'm not thinking about him in "that way." It's just that he was like my only male friend on campus. Sad, I know. But now, when I'm bored and I don't feel like being bothered with females, he's the person who pops into mind. But, hanging with him isn't an option. And I'll tell you why.
He's...how can I say...addicted/sprung on my sex. The first night we made contact, he was asking to stop by. I thought, no harm, so I allowed him over. After about 20 minutes in my room, the sexual tension was palpable and he practically pounced on me. I'd never seen him that way and it kind scared me...and turned me on a little (lol). BUT, I pushed him away with a firm hand, told that the friend thing wouldn't work since he was clearly unable to contain himself, then told him to leave.
He came to me the next night, apologizing for his behavior but no sooner had he made himself comfortable in my swivel chair, was he trying to put the moves on me again.
By then, I was just insulted. I know I've got that good-good, but to come to me for nothing more than sex is infuriating! So, I told him to never contact me. That we couldn't be more than associates.
Ever since then though, I've been seeing him everywhere. And not just alone...
I'm kind of disappointed in myself. How is it that, after all this time, I can still be affected when I see them together?
Today I was on the quad and they walked past me, hand-in-hand. I hadn't noticed at first, but my friend made sure to make a scene and my heart nearly stopped when I saw them. The reaction was all to reminiscent from last year. From that point on, my mood was slightly ruined and I couldn't get the pep back into my step.
It's actually a little more difficult than I thought it would be--being down here, seeing him again. It's weird. I wish I didn't have to see them together. Ever. No matter how much I've grown and gotten past it, I can't help but be disturbed. It doesn't make sense. I don't desire to be with him anymore, so why does it still bother me to see her with him? I guess it's because I can't help but wonder, why not me? Why wasn't I good enough to be with him? He had commitment issues with me, but he can stand a relationship with her...I don't get it. He treats her well (besides the fact that he's all too eager to cheat with me). He does the sweet boyfriend things that I always wanted him to do when we were together...How can I not take it personally. Everything I always wanted from him, he can do for her. I think that's the real reason we can't be friends. I'll always resent him. She's a constant reminder that I wasn't good enough for him. That it wasn't that he couldn't commit. It was that he wasn't willing to commit to me. For a long time I wondered, why her? But now I know the real question is, why not me?
It reminds me of that episode of Sex and the City when Big tells Carrie that he's engaged to Natasha. God, that is my all time favorite episode because it's my story. A guy who has difficulty committing can suddenly be emotionally available to someone else. You feel cheated.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
So, things have been super hectic since I landed on campus, but I'd always rather be busy than bored. I'm not quite settled yet, but I missed blogging so I decided to take a break and make a post:)
Today I did a six hour training session for a mentoring program I signed up for last year. Now I'm kind of regretting it. It's such a huge time commitment...Ugh. But I've gotta do a little community service to feel good about myself, so what can you do.
I had a run in with the Ex and Potato Head already but details on that later...
I had a couple of run ins with Ex by himself but, again, more details on that later...
I don't expect to have time to make many more posts this week, but I will most definitely be back in full swing by next Monday at latest. By then all the orientations, move-ins, and meetings will slow down and I'll be able to make more in-depth entries. For some reason, I can't write unless it's a 200 word post (minimum) lol.
So, have a great day/week/weekend:)
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I originally had another idea for this weekend's article, but a comment I just read to my previous post redirected my thoughts.
If you haven't already, peep the post before this one...
Okay, now why don't you take a look at the comment.
I have a few issues with it. First off, it was kind of inappropriate, and irrelevant, to what the main point of the post, which was my anxiety about returning to such an environment where such negative memories reside. A comment like that seemed a bit insensitive and combative to me.
But my main issue is that it was severely misinformed. Yes, I told my story with a semi-humorous spin but that's what writers do. What I didn't say was, while Ex and I were on this "break", he was openly dating Mrs. Potato Head and was doing everything BUT having sex with her since she was a virgin. But, clearly, they had to already be pretty cozy if he could take her virginity a mere two days after our break up.... "Just friends" my ass.
I failed to mention all this because, as I said before, "if you want to know the gritty details, hit up the archives or the Ex Files".
So, to be told that I did "do him wrong" was a bit off base because the whole story wasn't known (and still isn't). I'm not above admitting when I'm wrong. For example, I was completely wrong for being the other woman. I was a homewrecker. I can admit that. But to be accused of doing him wrong because I did EXACTLY what he did is just plain hypocritical to me. And for the record, a kiss was considered cheating. It turned out he did much more than that with Mrs. Potato Head.
In all actuality, yes, I was wrong. I did "cheat". But did I do him wrong? Hell no. I just did to him what he was doing to me. Two wrongs don't make a right, but the same wrongs aren't gender discriminate. We were both offenders.
This all brings me to my topic of discussion: Double Standards. What makes me absolutely livid is how guys can be cheaters, sluts, or homewreckers, and they can get away with the "he's just a man" excuse. But when a woman does the same things a man does, she becomes a hoe or a bitch.
Enough of my rant. I think it's time I leave you guys and gals with a couple of links.
I did a little research and found an article called Gender, Sexual Experience, and the Double Standard: Evaluations of Female Contreceptive Behavior. It's based on a the results of a study comparing the sexual habits of men and women. The article is a bit lengthy (13 pages) but it's definitely worth a look:
Tradition holds that a sexual double standard exists for women in American society. This double standard prescribes that a woman's sexual behavior be more conservative than a man's (e.g., women must be in love to have intercourse and should have fewer sexual partners than men, Lamanna & Riedmann, 1997). Acknowledgment of the sexual double standard has been demonstrated even in interactions among adolescents.... (click here to continue).
Don't worry fellas, I didn't forget about you all. I understand that double standards are a two way street, and I know there are some nice guys left out there who have to pick up after the messes of the bad guys. For you, I've found a very good article called, The Top 10 Double Standards Men Face:
In the dating world, it is not very difficult to generate controversial topics of conversation, which, if discussed with the opposite sex, often end in disagreements. The behaviors and practices that have become ingrained in dating etiquette often lead to double standards between men and women.
Actions that are acceptable for guys are frowned upon if women act that way, and vice versa. This phenomenon is subject to much study but, for now, let's take a look at some of the most blatant double standards in the ever-complex world of dating...(click here to continue).
Maybe I've blown this a little out of proportion (sorry if I did torrance lol) but this is just a topic that gets under my skin. Double standards suck ass.
Have a fine weekend ladies and gents.
P.S. Tropic Thunder was the shit. Go see it.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Well, blog fam, by the time I make my next entry, I'll be settled in at school. For the most part I'm ready, but there's a small part of me that's a little anxious. I really shouldn't be. I've secured a job at an art gallery as well as being an art blogger for the217.com, a local entertainment website. I'm in a better mindset this time around and I've got my priorities straight. I'm all around in a much better place this year. I should be excited. But I can't help but still feel that slight pang of anxiety when I think of going back.
Those of you who just joined me this summer may not know too much of my history. You've heard me refer to the Ex, but you don't quite know the story. If you want the gritty details, hit up the archives or The Ex Files (see side bar). But to sum it up, I was dating this guy for a year before we broke up. Within that year, he cheated on me numerous times, decided he wanted a break with benefits when he got caught, and like a dummy, I obliged. We finally called it quits when I "cheated" on him while we were on yet another break. He retaliated by taking Mrs. Potato Head's virginity...and that's when their relationship basically started. Only ours hadn't technically ended. So for the entire 07-08 school year, I played the role of the dip, only I was too blind to see it that way. I felt like I had done him wrong, and I wanted to prove to him that I was still worthy of his love. He said he was confused but he still loved me, not her. He promised he'd leave her but he never did. For the whole year, he strung me along thinking that we'd end up back together. But it never happened. It broke my heart into a million little pieces but I couldn't let him go. I couldn't move on. It wasn't until the summer, when I moved back to Chicago and he stayed in college town with Mrs. Potatohead, that I actually got my closure. And my sanity.
So, here I am, three months later. I've come very far since then. For one thing, I find the guy absolutely repulsive now. What I ever saw in him, I don't know. What I do know is that I deserve way better, and that I no longer have feelings for him. None whatsoever. I'm not afraid of being tempted to sleep with him again either, because there'd have to be an attraction for that to happen. So, I guess the question is, what am I afraid of?
My freshmen memories aren't good ones. All I can remember is being depressed and crying all the time. My friends and family were always concerned for me, as I was for myself. I was even seeing a counselor through it all because, at times, I felt like I couldn't cope...That entire year was the lowest point of my life. On more than one occasion, I had contemplated ending it.
That said, it's kind of daunting going back to a place that I associate with so much dispair and sadness. I'm not afraid of falling back into depression, but the mere fact that I'll be back in that very same place is...disturbing. How do you cleanse an entire campus of negative, bad relationship energy?
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Hello blog family. How are you all doing on this glorious night?
It's 2:30am and I have no clue why I'm still awake. Especially since I have to work in the morning. I guess I just have alot on my mind.
I've tried to downplay the effect being dumped and ignored has had on me, but I'll be real, it did hurt. I liked MK alot. I think I still do. Or maybe I just liked having someone around. Even though he never really was.
I know my pms is partially to blame for my mood swings, but I think my feelings of loneliness are stemming from a much deeper place. I'm no expert, but I have a theory.
I noticed that, as the seasons change, so does my desire to be in a relationship. This entire summer I kept guys at an arm's length because I didn't want a "serious" relationship. But now, as the tempature begins to drop and the sun sets sooner, I'm feeling more inclined to commit.
I'm really curious if there's any research about seasons and relationships. I mean think about it, don't you notice alot of break-ups around Spring time and alot of hook-ups when Winter hits hard? There has to be a clinical explanation for it. There was a proven correlation between seasons and emotions (seasonal depression) so there must be some type of research out there. If I find it, it'll be my next post for Weekend Link Love.
In the meantime, I'll be singing the Lonely Girl blues lol.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I've been hunched over my computer all day tweeking my blog. I thought it was time for a change. Since I'll be hurled back into the chaos of school in a week, I thought I'd make the change while I still had time to. Besides, I thought my previous theme didn't really fit with the content. It didn't illustrate how brutal the dating world can be. I think this does the job lol.
Anywhoo, you'll likely see changes to this theme because the perfectionist in me won't rest...In fact, it's very possible that you might see it revert back to the old theme.
Even though it may not look like much, the header took alot of work and I'm kind of proud of it. So, even if you think it looks like crap, tell me you like it but you liked the old one more lol.
Hope you've had fantastic weekends!
Take my poll please. Any feedback is appreciate:)
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Most of us have experienced it this: There's a guy/girl you were seeing, and you quickly realized that there was no chemistry between you two, so you decided you wanted out. But he/she was such a sweetheart and you didn't want to flat out say, "I'm sorry but there just aren't any sparks here...". You tried to give subtle hints that you just weren't that into him/her, but they persisted. So, you broke it off in the worst way possible: You disappeared.
This had been my routine for the summer. When I found it difficult to break up the civilized way, I'd ignore phone calls and texts until...well, that depended on how persistent the guy was. It was all fine and good until the tables were turned and it happened to me. I guess that's karma for you.
Yep, you guessed it, MK pulled a Criss Angel on me. Who else? THANKFULLY, I could've seen it coming so I am not crushed about this. But still a little pissed off. In my defense, I usually do the disappearing act ONLY after a first date, or conversation, when I realize that there's no connection. Not after three months, several encounters, and many orgasms (not through intercourse but there are other ways...).
Am I wrong to be a bit confused? Typically, I'd apply the phrase "He's Just Not That Into You" but it seems a bit out of place here. You know when a guy isn't feelin' you and you know right away, no smoke and mirrors. I'm thinking maybe this is his way of ending a summer fling. Maybe he didn't want to break up with me in person, because the conversation would've gone a little something like this:
MK: Well, you're going back to school in a week and...the summer's coming to an end so...maybe, you know, we should just break it off now.
The funny part is, I expected this to be a summer fling. I had no intentions of making a long-distance relationship with him work because he's flakier than Tony the Tiger. Instead, I was just trying to ignore my impulses to have another talk with him, and enjoy my last two weeks of wining and dining. And then he disappears on me...Damn lol.
After two phone calls and a text message, I decided to quit while I was ahead. I didn't want to turn out looking like the desperate stalker chick in addition to being dumped by his answering machine. I haven't heard from him since last Saturday, except for a pathetic "I lost my phone" voicemail message...Not falling for that one. I've used it before.
But, it's no biggie. It happens to the best of us (I hope lol). I'm just happy I'm getting out of this unscathed for the most part.
SO, in the spirit of being dumped, I've decided to post an article I found. We've all heard of the best-seller He's Just Not That Into You, but I wonder how many of us have actually read it. I know I haven't. After reading this review, and being tossed out like last week left-overs, I know it deserves a read lol.
Enjoy your weekends!
He's Just Not That Into You!
article by Denise Mann
After a magical first date, Susan was so sure that she would hear from Stephen again that she even boasted to friends that she'd met "the one."
Two agonizing weeks later, she was shocked that he never did.
"Maybe he got back together with his ex," one friend piped in. "Maybe he was too intimidated by you," another said. "Maybe you should call him," offered another. "Maybe he's gay," suggested yet another.
Or maybe ... he's just not that into you. Sure, these words sound harsh, but according to a best-selling new dating book, these six words can save women like Susan from a lifetime of heartache and stress....(click here to continue).
Thursday, August 7, 2008
A very close friend of mine recently approached me with a problem. She met a guy at work and they clicked. He's funny, charming, and really easy to talk to. She thinks she has a small crush, but mostly she just likes his personality. The only problem is, she has a boyfriend.
She expected me to say, "Girl, you CAN'T talk to him. You have a man!" But my actual response was, "Hey, it's always cool to meet new people. No harm done."
Alot of people think that, to be in a relationship means to not have friends of the opposite sex. In my opinion, that's a very restricting way to live. I mean, I get the concern; you don't want your guy/girl to be buddy buddy with anyone other than you. But is that really fair? And more than that, is it healthy? I think sometimes we become so dependent on our significant others that we forget how to interact with members of the opposite sex--I know I did. I used to feel like having a male friend was a betrayal to my boyfriend and made it a point to keep only female company. As a result, I didn't get that male-friend-within-a-relationship experience, and it was easier for me to get swept away when a very charming guy came along.
I know it can be a thin line between having a girl/boyfriend and a girl/boy friend, but sometimes we can be so afraid of crossing that line that we don't even approach it. Don't get me wrong, I see the dilemma. I can't say that I didn't have a problem with my Ex, who was prone to having alot of female friends. But at the same time I knew I couldn't tell him not to talk to other girls. It's kind of unavoidable. I think that, as long as both parties set clear friend boundaries that are never to be crossed, having friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship is okay. Of course, it's still important to be observant of those little red flags. Like, if I started to hear the name of a NEW friend my girl/guy made a little too much or if late night chill sessions became a regular thing--then I'd be a little concerned.
So anyway, my friend, like a good girl, decided to tell her boyfriend about this guy. She told him they meshed well and he seemed like someone cool to get to know. Her boyfriend's response: "I don't want you to talk to him anymore."
I won't even voice my opinion on that. Instead, I'll ask you. Do you think it's fair that he demands she doesn't talk to him?
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Okay, so this is really eerie. Today when I was checking my Gmail account, I stumbled across a link to an article called "10 Reasons Not to Sleep With Him". I only noticed just recently, that Google basically spies on you through email, and provides you with links related to what you write about. But the weird thing is that I haven't even talked about the fact that I'm considering sleeping with MK, except on here just a couple of days ago...Strange.
Well anyway, I read through the list and I have to say it's a pretty informative article. Though it didn't totally win me over and convince me not to go all the way, it did give me a few things to consider.
The top five reasons that stood out to me were:
1. You’re not as detached as you think.
2. He may be cheating on someone else… with you!
3. He’s clingy.
4. He just got out of a relationship.
5. You’re not over your ex.
I think all of the mentioned reasons--including STDs, but that's a no brainer--were relevant but these seem right on target. I can't relate to all of them, but I think they are all very logical reasons a woman should think twice about having sex with a man she's trying to fling with.
To be honest, I think I may just be a lost cause. It's been so long since I've had some that no one can really talk sense into me at this point. But, just in case there's anyone out there who can benefit from a little professional advice, here are the top 5 reasons not to sleep with your summer fling. Enjoy!
1. You’re not as detached as you think.
Call it the curse (and blessing) of Sex and the City. Guys finally got the message that just because a woman wants to get naked with him doesn’t mean she wants a marriage proposal. However, it also advanced the idea of unemotional sex, which according to science is more difficult than it seems. In her book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, author Laura Sessions Stepp highlights research studies that conclude having sex releases a different set of brain chemicals in women than men.
Specifically, women get a large dose of oxytocin, the hormone that makes you want to bond and create relationships. Men don’t get the oxytocin warm-fuzzies because of testosterone, making it easier for them to “love and leave,” at least biologically speaking. Stepp says that evolution has hard-wired us for these tendencies, which can be confusing in our sexually liberated world. So be warned: You may want the sex to be casual… but you could end up with a serious case of attachment.
2. He may be cheating on someone else… with you!
Why is this your problem, you may ask? You’re not the one being unfaithful. But do you really want to be the “other woman?” The one who breaks up a relationship and causes another woman’s heartbreak? We’re guessing not.
Even the sneakiest guy can give away clues that he’s taken:
1. He only gives you his cell phone number and always leaves the room to take calls.
2. He’s quick to suggest hanging out at your place but never offers up his own digs.
3. He avoids taking you to certain neighborhoods (and not because they’re dangerous).
4. Suddenly no one has a name. He was out with “the guys” or “people from work.”
5. He becomes defensive when you ask him questions about his weekend plans, where he hangs out, etc.
Evn if you’re not planning a long-term relationship with the guy, you should steer clear of him and his unfaithful ways. And if you’re hoping your night of passion leads to a hand-holding, boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, just know that once a cheater, always a cheater.
3. He’s clingy.
It’s true that some women like this quality. But too often clingy turns into possessive, demanding and selfish. Beware of someone who moves at the speed of light when trying to win you over. It’s usually a sign that he’s uncomfortable being by himself, or he’s looking for a woman to help solve his problems. Asking for intimacy too quickly or spilling loads of very personal information could be acts of desperation, and that’s definitely a bad sign in a significant other. Signs that he’s clingy include:
1. He calls you several times a day and wants to talk for hours at a time, even when you have important things to do.
2. He becomes short-tempered or whiny when you want to spend time with anyone else.
3. He’s excessively close to his mom (or both parents). He may be expecting you to mother him the way she does.
4. He just got out of a relationship.
Timing can be everything. While a rebound relationship might work out for the best, a recent breakup is usually a big, glaring red flag. If you’ve been through a bad split, you know that it takes a long time to completely recover. And if your guy is newly single, he’s still going through the recovery process.Most likely, he’s not ready for another long-term commitment, even if he thinks he is. Without knowing it, he may be seeking another relationship to prove to himself that he is still desirable and worthy of love and affection… especially if he didn’t initiate the breakup. He could also be looking for validation that he wasn’t at fault. In short, he may be using you to fill his loneliness, whether he realizes it or not. Of course, guys aren’t always that introspective and may take a far simpler approach. You know those movies in which a guy’s buddies tell him he has to “nail some chick” to heal his broken heart? Don’t be that chick. Not unless you’re 100% sure your interest in him lies only below the belt.5. You’re not over your ex.
The same issues from #5 apply to women, too. Breakups are painful, and too often we try to forget that pain by getting naked with a new guy. However, jumping back into the dating scene may not be the bandage your broken heart needs, says Sandra Ann Miller, author of A Girlfriend’s Guide to Getting Over Him. And sleeping with someone else isn’t revenge on your ex… unless your new flame is George Clooney. “Put yourself on a guy diet for a while, and put all the attention on yourself,” Miller says. Hang out with friends, pick up interests or hobbies that have been neglected – in general, get to know yourself again.As for the new guy, if he’s as great as you think, he won’t shut you out for not putting out. Become friends first, so when you’re ready to take it to the next level, you’ll know it’s for the right reason...(For the rest of the article, click here).
Hopefully, this has been useful to someone. I also hope that, by the time you read this, I'll have gotten laid.