Saturday, August 2, 2008

Weekend Link Love: 5 Reasons Not to Sleep With Him

Okay, so this is really eerie. Today when I was checking my Gmail account, I stumbled across a link to an article called "10 Reasons Not to Sleep With Him". I only noticed just recently, that Google basically spies on you through email, and provides you with links related to what you write about. But the weird thing is that I haven't even talked about the fact that I'm considering sleeping with MK, except on here just a couple of days ago...Strange.

Well anyway, I read through the list and I have to say it's a pretty informative article. Though it didn't totally win me over and convince me not to go all the way, it did give me a few things to consider.

The top five reasons that stood out to me were:

1. You’re not as detached as you think.
2. He may be cheating on someone else… with you!
3. He’s clingy.
4. He just got out of a relationship.
5. You’re not over your ex.

I think all of the mentioned reasons--including STDs, but that's a no brainer--were relevant but these seem right on target. I can't relate to all of them, but I think they are all very logical reasons a woman should think twice about having sex with a man she's trying to fling with.

To be honest, I think I may just be a lost cause. It's been so long since I've had some that no one can really talk sense into me at this point. But, just in case there's anyone out there who can benefit from a little professional advice, here are the top 5 reasons not to sleep with your summer fling. Enjoy!

1. You’re not as detached as you think.

Call it the curse (and blessing) of Sex and the City. Guys finally got the message that just because a woman wants to get naked with him doesn’t mean she wants a marriage proposal. However, it also advanced the idea of unemotional sex, which according to science is more difficult than it seems. In her book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, author Laura Sessions Stepp highlights research studies that conclude having sex releases a different set of brain chemicals in women than men.

Specifically, women get a large dose of oxytocin, the hormone that makes you want to bond and create relationships. Men don’t get the oxytocin warm-fuzzies because of testosterone, making it easier for them to “love and leave,” at least biologically speaking. Stepp says that evolution has hard-wired us for these tendencies, which can be confusing in our sexually liberated world. So be warned: You may want the sex to be casual… but you could end up with a serious case of attachment.

2. He may be cheating on someone else… with you!

Why is this your problem, you may ask? You’re not the one being unfaithful. But do you really want to be the “other woman?” The one who breaks up a relationship and causes another woman’s heartbreak? We’re guessing not.

Even the sneakiest guy can give away clues that he’s taken:

1. He only gives you his cell phone number and always leaves the room to take calls.
2. He’s quick to suggest hanging out at your place but never offers up his own digs.
3. He avoids taking you to certain neighborhoods (and not because they’re dangerous).
4. Suddenly no one has a name. He was out with “the guys” or “people from work.”
5. He becomes defensive when you ask him questions about his weekend plans, where he hangs out, etc.

Evn if you’re not planning a long-term relationship with the guy, you should steer clear of him and his unfaithful ways. And if you’re hoping your night of passion leads to a hand-holding, boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, just know that once a cheater, always a cheater.

3. He’s clingy.

It’s true that some women like this quality. But too often clingy turns into possessive, demanding and selfish. Beware of someone who moves at the speed of light when trying to win you over. It’s usually a sign that he’s uncomfortable being by himself, or he’s looking for a woman to help solve his problems. Asking for intimacy too quickly or spilling loads of very personal information could be acts of desperation, and that’s definitely a bad sign in a significant other. Signs that he’s clingy include:

1. He calls you several times a day and wants to talk for hours at a time, even when you have important things to do.
2. He becomes short-tempered or whiny when you want to spend time with anyone else.
3. He’s excessively close to his mom (or both parents). He may be expecting you to mother him the way she does.

4. He just got out of a relationship.

Timing can be everything. While a rebound relationship might work out for the best, a recent breakup is usually a big, glaring red flag. If you’ve been through a bad split, you know that it takes a long time to completely recover. And if your guy is newly single, he’s still going through the recovery process.Most likely, he’s not ready for another long-term commitment, even if he thinks he is. Without knowing it, he may be seeking another relationship to prove to himself that he is still desirable and worthy of love and affection… especially if he didn’t initiate the breakup. He could also be looking for validation that he wasn’t at fault. In short, he may be using you to fill his loneliness, whether he realizes it or not. Of course, guys aren’t always that introspective and may take a far simpler approach. You know those movies in which a guy’s buddies tell him he has to “nail some chick” to heal his broken heart? Don’t be that chick. Not unless you’re 100% sure your interest in him lies only below the belt.

5. You’re not over your ex.

The same issues from #5 apply to women, too. Breakups are painful, and too often we try to forget that pain by getting naked with a new guy. However, jumping back into the dating scene may not be the bandage your broken heart needs, says Sandra Ann Miller, author of A Girlfriend’s Guide to Getting Over Him. And sleeping with someone else isn’t revenge on your ex… unless your new flame is George Clooney. “Put yourself on a guy diet for a while, and put all the attention on yourself,” Miller says. Hang out with friends, pick up interests or hobbies that have been neglected – in general, get to know yourself again.As for the new guy, if he’s as great as you think, he won’t shut you out for not putting out. Become friends first, so when you’re ready to take it to the next level, you’ll know it’s for the right reason...(For the rest of the article, click here).

Hopefully, this has been useful to someone. I also hope that, by the time you read this, I'll have gotten laid.


Anonymous said...

I'm aaaalllll lover this post, but Number one is exactly what I was talking about previously... is just hard for chicks to be detached... almost as hard as it is for men to be civil and decent about "friends with benefits" arrangement (because conversely they are SUCH compartmental creatures that is either they can and will love you or you are a play thing and they have a hard time even calling you to say hi or just being themselves in front of you for the sake of just being... "cause you are their f-buddy")

Don said...

Funny post. Especially @ It's been so long since I've had some that no one can really talk sense into me at this point. Don't let it ever get to be like that, bloggal.

Where do I begin? I read the entire post and the entire time I was trying to figure out how each subject coincided with lust. LOL. Maybe it's just me, but I can get past anything with a female if she and I have that kind of chemistry that makes me see past every and anything, 'cept being alone with her. Maybe I'm just a freak.

Enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing.

Bloggal said...

@ Q: I know I'm guilty of getting the attachment chemicals the article references. No matter how detached I try to be, it just doesn't happen that way for some reason...I think that's the biggest thing that keeps me from having sex all willy nilly...

@ Don: Thanks for stopping by again! I'm glad you found the post entertaining lol.

But I feel you, most of the things mentioned could be considered minor concerns by the sexually frustrated (like me) lol. I'm still a little torn. The neurosis in me is saying "don't do it!" but my body is telling me I HAVE to do it lol.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

if u work 18hrs aday and come home, whats wrong with being clingy with kids or woman - im lost, or he may be clingy with another

Don said...

you have no reason being sexually frustrated. none. not one.

Taryn "Skinny Genes" B. said...

Some women are hardwired like men though (me) *cough* in certain aspects when it comes to emotions

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