Thursday, August 7, 2008

Just Friends

A very close friend of mine recently approached me with a problem. She met a guy at work and they clicked. He's funny, charming, and really easy to talk to. She thinks she has a small crush, but mostly she just likes his personality. The only problem is, she has a boyfriend.

She expected me to say, "Girl, you CAN'T talk to him. You have a man!" But my actual response was, "Hey, it's always cool to meet new people. No harm done."

Alot of people think that, to be in a relationship means to not have friends of the opposite sex. In my opinion, that's a very restricting way to live. I mean, I get the concern; you don't want your guy/girl to be buddy buddy with anyone other than you. But is that really fair? And more than that, is it healthy? I think sometimes we become so dependent on our significant others that we forget how to interact with members of the opposite sex--I know I did. I used to feel like having a male friend was a betrayal to my boyfriend and made it a point to keep only female company. As a result, I didn't get that male-friend-within-a-relationship experience, and it was easier for me to get swept away when a very charming guy came along.

I know it can be a thin line between having a girl/boyfriend and a girl/boy friend, but sometimes we can be so afraid of crossing that line that we don't even approach it. Don't get me wrong, I see the dilemma. I can't say that I didn't have a problem with my Ex, who was prone to having alot of female friends. But at the same time I knew I couldn't tell him not to talk to other girls. It's kind of unavoidable. I think that, as long as both parties set clear friend boundaries that are never to be crossed, having friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship is okay. Of course, it's still important to be observant of those little red flags. Like, if I started to hear the name of a NEW friend my girl/guy made a little too much or if late night chill sessions became a regular thing--then I'd be a little concerned.

So anyway, my friend, like a good girl, decided to tell her boyfriend about this guy. She told him they meshed well and he seemed like someone cool to get to know. Her boyfriend's response: "I don't want you to talk to him anymore."

.....

I won't even voice my opinion on that. Instead, I'll ask you. Do you think it's fair that he demands she doesn't talk to him?

4 comments:

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

u matchmaker.com aint u

Qucifer said...

NO ONE guy or girl has the right to tell their partner what to do


You can (and should) have FRIENDS but common sense Would dictate, that in the context of a relationship your BEST friend of the opposite sex should be your partner and that's who you should be working on building that with... and then you have your OTHER friends, male and female OUTSIDE of that

If you are crushing on a person of the opposite sex, however, if we are being honest, that's someone that(if you are in a relationship) you really are playing with fire if you insist in cultivating a close link with in spite of whatever feelings you know you are naturally having

I'm not saying that once you are in a relationship you don't look, you don't lust or have crushes but that is the point of a relationship: Of always choosing the one you're with... and out of respect for that person out of your own volition, yes having friends, but not making it to where you are carrying on with loaded extra emotional-crush like, or "platonic" friendships (which is a bullshit cop out for folks you've fucked or have a desire to fuck) with people of the opposite sex

n0days0ff said...

im not into telling a mate what they CAN or CANT do cause thats how you treat a child but if i was with someone and they had a male friend that they talk about me,went to the movies, meet up for lunch and all that shit ,no i wouldnt be with it. i had a friend like that but i had to let her go cause it was disrupting my relationships.

a lot of women say theyd be cool with it but if their dude had a friend who looked better,dressed better and was an all around dime piece they know theyd be mad.im talking from experience

Bloggal said...

@ torrence: yep, and proud of it babe lol

@ Q: I get what you're saying on that. While I told her to go ahead and be cool with the fellow, I also told her to be honest with herself and question her true intentions. She swears that she's only in it for the friendship, which I do believe cause she loves her man to pieces. So she doesn't plan on pursuing anything with this guy. "Crush" may have been the wrong word, but the fact that she finds his personality attractive could also complicate things.

@ Nodaysoff: I'm speaking from experience as well and I'm saying that when my guy had a close female friend, it did bother me slightly. But I took my concerns to him and we set boundaries, to make me comfortable.

But I get what you're both saying and I agree. What it comes down to is that your significant other should come first, even before a friend you may have known longer. As long as you keep your partner informed and satisfied--and void of jealous feelings--I think you're cool. Just my opinion.

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