Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

So, today was my first official day of class. I can tell already that I'm going to like this semester. I'm taking one course called Early American Modernism. It's a survey of art between the 1930s and 1940s. I like how short and specific the time period is because that means we will be focusing on what we study instead of breezing through the material, which is my biggest pet-peeve of attending a large university. My second class is Latin 101. They say it's a good class to take if your studying any romantic language because French, Italian, German, Spanish, Slavic, and even English are composed of Latin roots. I have one more class today called Writing Across Media. It's basically a class that integrates writing with diffrent types of modern medium including photography, typography, video and sound. The description sounded interesting so I think the class should be pretty cool. But the best part is, I have the perfect gaps between classes that will allow me time to blog! Lol. I'm a loser, I know.

But enough about academics...Last night, I was stood up. Great way to start off the semester, right? Surprisingly enough though, I wasn't disappointed. In fact, I was a little relieved. As much as I harp about 'being ready' for a relationship, it's a little bit daunting. All of my relationships past have been more challenging than necessary because I made alot of mistakes going into them. They were like crash courses, What Not To Do's, and relationship How-To's. So now, knowing what I know, any relationship I enter will be the true test. I know I'm fully capable of not only being a good girlfriend, but also being good to myself. That said, any guy that I deem good enough to even commit to could possibly be...gulp...The One.

Sigh. When did the prospect of The One become a scary thing? Oh wait, I know. When the guy I thought was The One, tore my heart to shreds. Right! I guess that's the downside of experience. It teaches and prepares you for life, but it also scars you for life.

Sometimes I wish that I could erase my memory of everything Ex related. Everything. The good and the bad. When I first saw Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind earlier last year, I cried. Those who've seen the movie know that it revolves around the concept of memory manipulating and erasing. In the film, there was an agency that provided the service of erasing all memories tied to a painful source. The process took a few hours and by morning, the person would have no recollection of the person or event they erased. Deep stuff...Every now and again, I think to myself, If a service like this existed, would I ever do it? About a year ago, my answer would've been a definitive, hell yes! But the more time that goes by, and the stronger I get, the more I reconsider. If I erased all memories of Ex, I'd also be erasing the lessons I've learned and the wisdom I've acquired. Although I do have my days when I'd rather not remember him, I think I'd still choose to keep him in my memories.

But maybe that's just me. If you had the power to erase a painful/traumatizing memory/person in your past, would you?


Oh yeah. And my Presdent is Black.


Here's the trailer. It's a fabulous film. If anyone wants to see it, hit me up because I have it on my computer and I'd be happy to send it to you.

"Blessed are the forgetful: for they shall have done with their stupidities too."


Griever said...

I didn't take what you said literally but if we forget things we can't learn. The scars we get- wear with pride.

Miss Moody said...

As of now, with the situation that I am in, I would choose to erase all the good things. If I only remembered the bad, then I wouldn't even think about giving him chance after chance after chance.

Charles said...

I've never seen that movie...it sounds interesting. As much as I would like to erase and forget, there were some serious life lessons that I learned that I can't give up, no matter the pain associated with it, cause it makes me who I am. So, you have the whole movie on your computer??

Qucifer said...

I LOVED that Movie, I mean LOVED it like why can Jim Carrey only have made this, and thee truman Show???

Anyways... In a Heartbeat! I would...maybe that way I would be a happy lil chance giver instead of an ice cold go-get-what-I-want-step-out-of-line-get-cut-without-so-much-as-a-call-back

Coogie Cruz said...

Now that I have learned to love and accept myself - flaws and all - I wouldn't erase anything about my past and the things done to me or erase the people from my life that did me wrong and violated me. Because as you pointed it, you learn from it and learn to wear the scars proudly. I wasn't broken just fractured temporarily.

karrie b. said...

this post is eerily similar to mine, and i dead ass didnt read yours til just now. our energies are reaching out to eachother. get in touch with me if you need to.


karrie b. said...


Bloggal said...

@ griever: i completely agree.

@ miss moody: i know that's how you're feeling right now and i don't blame you. but the sooner you get out of your situation, the sooner you'll start appreciating your hardships with him. it takes time to make the break. you'll do it when you're ready...

@ charles: i feel you, man. i've been to hell and back but i've also learned a great deal so i wouldn't trade it for the world.

yep, i have the whole movie so if you want it give me your screen name and i'll send it to you.

@ qq: i know! this movie should be in EVERY film lover's collection. it was just too amazing for words.

that's another unfortunate downside to life experience--cynicism. i hate that i'm so critical towards love now.

@ coogie cruz: "I wasn't broken just fractured temporarily."

okay, i'm SO stealing this! i couldn't agree with you more:)

@ kb: it really is eerie. but let me extend the same invitation to you hun. our energies crossed for a reason, and seeing that i feel at peace right now, don't hesitate to call/text me if something's on your mind as well.

antithesis said...

i've contemplated that same question because that is one of my favorite movies. my answer used to be that i didnt want to erase the assholes because i didnt want to get hurt over and over by the same things and not know that id been there and done it b4. now i dont know b/c i still keep gettin the same bullshit thrown at me in different packages and i still am hurt at the end of the day. i guess u just cant win.

strangetimes said...

Never would erase bad memories. They, along with the good ones, made me what I am today.

Caspar608 said...

One of my favorite movies of all time...I don't like to talk about E.S.O.T.S.M because its GOLDEN to me. A lot of people would have a hard time "getting it" so I dont bother saying a word. Let them find it on their own...Winslet and Carey were perfection. And the Truman Show made me cry like a baby.

I am glad you watched. Makes a lot of sense for you baby!

Hope you are well.

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