Age Ain't Nothin But A Number....Right?

Just to start off this post I have to say, if you haven't already, go see Sex and the City. It's something that the ladies can enjoy with a group of their closest gal pals, or even with their boyfriends, who begrudgingly agree to be dragged along. I already saw it twice, but I guess I don't really count because I'm a long time SATC fan. I won't make this entry a movie review or analysis, though I do have a couple of critical responses to the ending. But I don't want to ruin it for those who haven't seen the movie yet, and still wish to. So I'll save that for another time. Perhaps next week.

So anyway, age has never been a big issue to me when it comes to matters of the heart. I won't go into detail but I'll just say that I've befriended men older than my father. Now, don't get it twisted, the key word is befriended . I love listening to people who are older than I am speak. They're so much more experienced and wiser than I am, and I love hearing their views on life. I can have a friendship with someone nearly three times my age, without feeling weird about it. With that said, I can't help but wonder why I'm feeling a bit squeamish about seeing a man six years older than me.

I'm 19. MK is 25. The difference doesn't look so drastic on paper, but when you factor in where we are in our lives right now, and where we see ourselves in five years, there's something to think about...In five years, I'll be 24. Hopefully out of grad school and starting my career. He's already out of school. In five years, he'll be 30. If he hasn't already settled down by then, than he probably will be ready to.

I know it is a bit nuerotic (and presumptious) of me to think that far into the future, but I can't help it since I'm noticing the gap already. At times, it's hard to hold a phone conversation because we don't have very much in common in our lives right now. We usually resort to talking about movies since we're both film buffs. Right now my priorities are school, family, friends, having fun. And his are working, paying bills, and taking care of his daughter...Yes, he has a daughter.

I've always liked to think of myself as an equal oppurtunity dater and that age or race weren't issues to me. The only requirement is that you're male. Oh, and straight, of course...But now I'm not so sure.

ANY advice is welcome here. Should I just go with the flow and keep seeing this guy or should I keep moving and find someone my own age? I know what my heart's telling me to do, but listening to my heart hasn't always been the wisest thing I've ever done.

Sex and the City!

Of course I had to plug this...

Tonight at 12:01am, I will be seeing the movie version of my all-time favorite TV shows. You should see it too:).

Ciao!

Daddy Issues

Last night I had a date with MK. We made plans on Tuesday to get together on Wednesday, once he was off work. He didn't know exactly when he'd be getting off though, so he told me that he would call me when he did.

Me, being the frantic nerd that I am, showered, dressed, and did my hair before 5 o'clock and lonnnnggeee before the date would actually take place. I hadn't even received a call from him, before I was completely ready. He called around 5:30 to tell me that we were going to see a 8:30 showing of Indiana Jones. Even though Harrison Ford isn't my cup of tea, I decided to suffer through the flick and be picky on our next date. He said he'd call at 7:30, just to confirm things with me.

6:30 came...7:30 came...8:30 came...9:30 cam...Still no MC. And not even a phone call.

It would've been one thing, if this was the first time it happened. But only a week early, he called and canceled our date twenty minutes after he was supposed to be here...Maybe it all seems a bit petty, but I think I had a good reason to be upset/disappointed/pissed off when he didn't show up.

Ever since I could remember, whenever my father made plans with my sisters and I, he'd never come through. "I'll be there, I promise," is what he always said. But he never was. I remember being so excited to spend the day with my daddy, that I couldn't even sleep the night before. I'd be tossing and turning, counting sheep, doing whatever kids do when they can't sleep. Eventually I'd just give up, jump out the bed bright and early, and get dressed. My sisters and I, we'd all sit patiently, all dressed up, for our father to come. Or at least to call. Half the time he never showed up. And if he did, he was usually 8 to 10 hours late. It took me a while to catch on to the trend and realize that my father couldn't keep his word. I stopped waking up early, stopped expecting him to come, and stopped getting excited. It spared me the disappointment of getting my hopes up and having them shattered.

So, yes, I was a little angry last night. Though he did evenutally make his way over here, the damage was just the same. I felt like a child again; I felt like a fool for looking forward to this date so much, that I let my guard down enough to even be disappointed.

Is it in the Stars?

I've been wanting to update this blog for a few days now, but I didn't quite know what to write. Now that my dating woes with my ex have come to a screeching halt, there seems much less to write about...Why does drama make the best content?

Well, I do have something that may be worthy of posting to my blog. I met someone, only I didn't want to write about him because I didn't want to jinx it. We only met about three weeks ago; everything is still fresh and new so I don't know if he's really worth my blogspace and time yet. But, just in case he is, I thought I'd introduce you to him.

Meet MK.

6'2. Brown eyes. Caramel complextion. Athletic build. Culinary Arts major. Sports lover. Cancer.

Now, you may roll your eyes at the fact that I believe in Astrology. But all I have to say is that some of the readings are just too accurate not to be true. No, I'm not talking about the generic "Today will be your lucky day" fortunes. I'm thinking more along the lines of character descriptions. Every reading on Scorpios (moi) that I've ever come across talk about how passionate and intense we are. They go more in-depth than that, but I've made a post in the past about zodiac, so I'll spare you the details. Aside from that, every Gemini description I've ever seen talks about how flighty, free spirited, and flirtatious, they are--all of which are characteristics of my ex. And when you put the two together, Scorpio and Gemini, the most common response I received was "You two are so different! This would NEVER work!"...So much for my optimism, but all the readings were right. We were just too different to get along. I loved intimacy and security, he loved to flirt and couldn't commit. We lived life with totally different expectations and the only way we would've worked is if we were at least on the same page. We weren't even in the same book.

So forgive me for getting a little excited when I read the description for Cancers. They are described as being sensitive, romantic, gentle, and loyal. And when paired with Scorpios, it is said to be "one of the more intense and romantic combinations than you ever imagined, where each partner's strengths balancing the other's weaknesses." They say the Cancer's tendency toward caring will never generate the jealousy characteristic in the Scorpio whose intimate strength will provide the security that sensitive Cancer seeks.

I'm trying to be careful not to count the eggs before they hatch, or even begin to fantasize about a relationship with him for that matter, but the "what ifs" are a bit hard to ignore...He seems nice. He seems caring. And he seems to like me alot. But I still have my guards up and, though I'm willing to give him a chance, he's going to have to work alot harder for me to give him my heart.

Random Thought.

The say that sex is the fastest way to heal a broken heart. About a month ago, I probably would've tested that theory. Thank God I'm stronger than that now.

The Pursuit of Happyness

My freshmen year of college is almost over. What can I say--I survived.

After a year of an emotional roller coaster ride, the ending almost seems anti-climactic. I've cried on average of three times a week since school started in August and now it's soon to be over. In four days I'll be leaving behind the campus where my life's biggest disappointments took place. Where do I go from here?

"Getting away will solve all my problems". That's what I've been telling myself. But what if it doesn't? What if I still feel depressed, heartbroken, unmotivated? What if I'm still bitter and jealous? This summer was supposed to be my time to break the right way and move on with my life. What if I don't? I'm afraid that I'll be just as miserable at home, as I am here.

The pretense of happyness. For the past week or so, I've been walking on air. Smiling, singing. Happy for no good reason which was just fine with me. I thought I was good. I thought I was ok. I thought that I didn't care anymore. But last night, when time stopped and I ran out of things to keep my mind busy, things set in. The pain. The resentment. All of it weighed on my heart. Though I didn't cry, my heart ached. I hadn't realized that I was just pretending to be happy.

When will this pain be a thing of the past? When will I be able to give him my blessings and wish him good luck in love, in life? When will I really be happy?

"One is easily fooled by that which one loves"

A reasonable person might think that it would be easy to tell if a boyfriend/girlfriend is lying to them. After all, people are very intimate with their partners. They know how they typically behave. Because of this, it should be easy to catch a lover in a lie, right? In theory, this makes a lot of sense, but unfortunately, the opposite is more likely to be true.

When people are in love, they place a lot of trust into their significant others and think they know them well. While this trust provides people with a sense of security and comfort, it also creates an opportunity for deception.

According to statistics from studies conducted at a website called “The Truth About Deception”, lovers have a very difficult time actually telling when their partners are lying. This concept is called the “truth bias” and it is one of the most documented findings when it comes to deception, love, and romance.

Experts assert that, when we become emotionally involved with someone, it is more difficult to spot their lies. Seeing the truth would simply cause too much pain for us, especially when it comes to serious issues dealing with love and romance, including cheating.

Perhaps the best way to see the truth bias is not in your own relationship, but in someone else’s. Have you ever had a friend who was involved with someone whose lies seemed obvious to everyone else, but your friend could not see them? This is because it’s much easier for other people, who are not blinded by love, to see the truth.

Taken together, an interesting pattern begins to emerge. Studies show that as intimacy increases:

• Confidence in detecting deception increases
• Actual ability to detect deception decreases

What does this mean?

Unfortunately, it means people sometimes place the most trust in the person who is most likely to deceive them. There’s no real way to know if your partner is lying to you, but there are ways to protect yourself from getting hurt:

• Simply be on guard. You can trust your partner, but don’t do it whole-heartedly until they have proven they deserve your complete confidence.
• Trust your instincts. If you have a gut feeling, don’t ignore it! It’s your intuition telling you something your eyes and heart cannot see.

Surviving a Long Distance Relationship

Challenging and difficult are the words that best describe long-distance relationships (LDR). Keep in mind however, that the words are challenging and difficult, not impossible. The truth is, an LDR has just as much a chance of succeeding as any other relationship.

Setting the foundation

The most important thing for a couple facing distance to do is discuss how exclusive their relationship will be. This is one area commonly overlooked. It shows where each person stands and sets clear ground rules for the relationship.

When one person is more committed, he/she starts ruminating over whether or not their partner will cheat. It creates high anxiety and can become a serious problem.
So, talking candidly with your partner about your expectations for the relationship is one of the first things you should do. This is way it is easier to avoid heartbreak in the future.

Staying in touch

With any relationship, it is a necessity to be very commutative with each other. When distance is a barrier, it’s even more important to stay in touch. With cell phones, email, and instant messaging, you might think communicating with your partner would be as easy as signing in to AIM or dialing their phone number. It isn’t.

Though people nowadays are more in touch, communication isn’t better. You have to make sure that what your partner says is understood, not just heard. When you do that, you develop trust and closeness.
To achieve this closeness, it’s a good idea to have conversations about the mundane events of your life with your partner. This creates a kind of intimacy that geographically close couples don’t have to work as hard to achieve.

Other simple ways to keep in touch are sending texts, frequent emails, voice mails, personalized cards, hand written letters, tape recorded messages, and even videos. The key is to think of creative ways to help your partner feel secure and keep them interested.

Have faith

With the right amount of effort and interest on both ends, a long distance relationship can survive the obstacles it will frequently be challenged with. As long as you both trust each other, inform one another of your personal lives, keep in touch, and visit regularly, your relationship can turn out to be one of the most successful and happy relationships you’ve ever been in.

Love and Sex

Remember my vow not to have sex anymore? (See April 7th post, "Sex is the root of all EVIL!") Well, I couldn't stick it out. Figures.

I was going through withdrawal and I had to have it. So I went to Old (un)Faithful to get my fix. But for some reason, I wasn't satisfied this time and I couldn't understand why.

He's a great lay usually, but I just wasn't feeling it for some reason. At first I thought I had lost my orgasm (one of those myths floating around out there about people who have too much sex), but further experimentation disproved that theory. After much contemplation, I figured it out.

For me, sex isn't enjoyable. I prefer lovemaking. What I had with my ex the other day was just sex. Whenever I am desperate enough to have sex with him, I emotionally shut down because it makes me care less about him or what he does. But what I sacrafice when I do that, is the passion of lovemaking. I don't kiss him, I don't caress him--there's no emotional connection. And as a result, I don't come.

I thought I was abnormal for not being able to have an orgasm if I wasn't in love with the person, but I think it makes sense. Love can and should be poured into many vessels: in words, in tender gestures, in empathy and consideration, suffused with the right kind of silence or bursting with the joy of momentary unity. Love is the art of merging the distinct and still maintaining the distinction. What better way of applying this principle than sex? What is the orgasm of a loving couple if not a moment of fusion, individually experienced?

So, I think love and sex do go together. Not to say you can't have sex without love. People do it everyday. But I would argue, that the sexual enjoyment derived from emotional and spiritual union is more gratifying than that derived from a mere sex fest.

Only a Week

In less than one week, I will be free.

Free from homework.

Free from racist professors.

Free from my ex-boyfriend and his new girl.

Free to update this blog more frequently.

Free to relax...if only for a little while.

Free to work AND play.

Just free:)