Sunday, May 4, 2008

"One is easily fooled by that which one loves"

A reasonable person might think that it would be easy to tell if a boyfriend/girlfriend is lying to them. After all, people are very intimate with their partners. They know how they typically behave. Because of this, it should be easy to catch a lover in a lie, right? In theory, this makes a lot of sense, but unfortunately, the opposite is more likely to be true.

When people are in love, they place a lot of trust into their significant others and think they know them well. While this trust provides people with a sense of security and comfort, it also creates an opportunity for deception.

According to statistics from studies conducted at a website called “The Truth About Deception”, lovers have a very difficult time actually telling when their partners are lying. This concept is called the “truth bias” and it is one of the most documented findings when it comes to deception, love, and romance.

Experts assert that, when we become emotionally involved with someone, it is more difficult to spot their lies. Seeing the truth would simply cause too much pain for us, especially when it comes to serious issues dealing with love and romance, including cheating.

Perhaps the best way to see the truth bias is not in your own relationship, but in someone else’s. Have you ever had a friend who was involved with someone whose lies seemed obvious to everyone else, but your friend could not see them? This is because it’s much easier for other people, who are not blinded by love, to see the truth.

Taken together, an interesting pattern begins to emerge. Studies show that as intimacy increases:

• Confidence in detecting deception increases
• Actual ability to detect deception decreases

What does this mean?

Unfortunately, it means people sometimes place the most trust in the person who is most likely to deceive them. There’s no real way to know if your partner is lying to you, but there are ways to protect yourself from getting hurt:

• Simply be on guard. You can trust your partner, but don’t do it whole-heartedly until they have proven they deserve your complete confidence.
• Trust your instincts. If you have a gut feeling, don’t ignore it! It’s your intuition telling you something your eyes and heart cannot see.


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