Loss.

::Sigh::

It's incredible how much can change in a day's time. This fact is becoming very apparent to me. What was good yesterday could be terrible the next. Who is here today could be gone tomorrow. We hear the adages everyday--life is full of uncertainties. Tomorrow isn't promised. But do we ever really realize what this means?

Loss. Whether you lose someone figuratively (breaking up with a significant other) or literally (someone passing away), it's just a strange and difficult thing to accept. The thought of someone you were used to being there for weeks, months, or years--to suddenly be gone. It's heartbreaking.

I've never lost anyone close to me before. I've had distant relatives pass away, but never anyone I had an emotionally intimate relationship with. Even with the distant relatives, I was too young to know what was going on. Too young to grieve.

A friend to many in the African American student body at my school, passed away. He went home over the weekend, but his visit--and life--was cut short by a stray bullet.

I heard reports of his death, but I couldn't identify with it; I didn't know him...Not by name at least. It wasn't until today, on my way to class, that I saw the school newspaper with his picture on it. I stopped dead in my tracks, spilling coffee down my shirt. My eyes filled up with tears when I realized that this was someone I knew. Not intimately. Not even on a first name basis. He was someone I pass(ed) everyday. Someone I casually nod(ded) and smile(d) to. I saw him just last Friday. And now he's gone.

It's terrifying to me--the thought of losing someone. And yet it's inevitable. Which is even more terrifying. It's taken me years to deal with a figurative loss. I can't even fathom what literally losing someone could do to my psyche.

I know, I know. Such depressing subject matter. But, as I said earlier, I've bared witness to quite a bit of Impermanence lately. It's a Law of Nature, a reality of life. But it's still difficult to deal with nonetheless.

Back in Black.

::Takes a deep breath::

I don't even know where to begin.

It's not that my life has been all that spectacular in the past few weeks. But I still feel like I owe some sort of explanation about my whereabouts.

....

However, I just realized that I am not in the mood, nor do I have the time to recount every single thing been happening on my end. It's just been Life. Which can be kind of boring when you transcribe each of its moments. Of all the things that have happened in the past month, the most important thing to make note of is that I finally FINALLY have the internet in my apartment two days ago. For over a month, I've been hitting up the library every night to do homework, because the technicians in my complex were too dense to figure out why AT&T couldn't install my internet. I finally got the kinks worked out and settled with Comcast, even though they charge out the ass for high speed internet. It turn out to be a semi-value because I was able to get cable with a DVR thrown in, minus the contract.

Absolutely enjoying living by myself. Being able to walk around pantsless, play my music as loud as I want, and just have my personal space has been AWESOME. Somehow I thought that it would be comparable to having a single occupancy dorm room lol. But now that I have an open apartment to myself, I can't ever imagine living in the prison-like cell I lived in last year. I'd go crazy...again.

The romantic life has improved. But for the moment, I'll leave those private details between myself and the fellow.

School is cool for the most part. Hasn't gotten too hectic yet, and I'm enjoying my classes so far.

But eh, this is getting a little boring so I'm gonna cut it short. Now that I have a reliable laptop AND the internet at my fingertips (for some reason in the past months, I've only had one or the other), I promise I'll be updating more regularly. Scout's honor. It may not be on a daily basis like it was last year when I blew off homework for blogging, but I will commit myself to AT LEAST one post a week. I didn't realize until recently that I actually need to write. Otherwise I go a little crazy.

So, I'd surely like to know what you fine people have been up to? How's life? What've have you been up to? How have you been? What's new in the blogosphere?

Bloggin from my iPod. Damn shame...

This is just a short but necessary update. I have NOT abandoned this blog. Been having the most heinous technical difficulties imaginable that have kept me from this place. But all of that SHOULD be resolved by Saturday. And once it is, I'llbe harcore revamping this blog. I l
know said that before but I mean it this time. I've missed my blog family immensly! I'm thinking about doing a vlog cause I have hella ish to update you all on...

Butfor now, just wanted to say I love and miss you guys and I haven't forgot about you!

xo,
bloggal

(Excuses, Excuses)

I know, I know...Yall don't have to tell me that I suck. It's evident by the sudden disappearance of Followers, that you guys think so. For all my loyal gals and guys out there, thank you for sticking with me and not unsubscribing as soon as the going gets tough.

What can I say, I've been BIZZZZAAY. And school has barely started yet. But I won't bore you guys with the details of my hectic schedule, and the insanity that ensued during the whole move-in process. All I will say is that things have finally seemed to slow down a bit, and I have a moment to update.

Unfortunately, I don't have the internet at home yet, and for once it's not because I'm too broke to afford it. There's something funky going on with the server where people aren't getting a wireless connection, and I decided to save my pennies and walk to the library when I need the internet. I know, defeats the purpose of having a personal computer but it also saves me money. Speaking of saving money, today I returned my HP and traded it in for a Toshiba. HPs are usually considered top of the line computers, but I was more or less unimpressed by mine. Plus, it weighed about 8lbs (not kidding) and it was a pain to lug around from class to class. It locked up a little more often than it should've and a terrible battery life, considering I payed a pretty penny for it. So, today I took it back and bought a smaller, sleeker Toshiba. Has the same specs but a cuter body, and it cost $100 less. Time will tell, but so far I'm loving this little laptop a lot more than the HP.

Sidenote: I rarely blog about mundane things like this, but I kind of want to right now. If you're bored, feel free to stop reading.

What's really been keeping me busy are my classes. I know I say this just about every semester, and I end up eating my words, but I love my schedule!

ARTH(istory) 310: African Art and Society I
ARTH 430: Italian Renaissance Sculpture
ARTH 114: Introduction to Japanese Art
ARTE(ducation) 260: Museums in Action
ANTH 143: Biology of Human Behavior

As I anticipated, all of my classes are research intensive, and require LOTS of writing. What I like about these classes is, even though each one focuses on a different region, all of them are cohesive. The skills I'm learning are ones that are absolutely critical in museum work, and I'm getting the experience all in one semester. In ARTH 310, for the entire semester we will be working on research files for the museum I work at. We will also be working closely with the curator to propose an exhibit installation for next year. In ARTE 260, we will undergo training on how to be museum educators. We'll be responsible for researching the objects in the museum, planning public events, going to local schools to teach children about art, and eventually, guide a 1 hour tour. Intimidating stuff...But I'm excited because this is experience that I need. I have to learn how to verbalize what I'm used to articulating through writing.

Let's see, what else....Oh! I'm training to get my motorcycle license. Before you say it, I promise I am NOT having any type of life crisis. It's just that my apartment is so far from where all my classes are, and I wanted a quicker way to get around. I had been contemplating a car, but didn't want to buy one just to go down the street. And I had been seeing a lot of people riding on scooters, mopeds, and motorcycles, that I just decided to go for it. Not to mention the gas mileage is incredible--you get about 80-100 miles/gln. It might seem random, but it's actually pretty practical. I've been studying the manual and I plan on taking the driving test in a couple of weeks. I already ordered my bike so when it comes, I'll get to start putting in the practice. I'm super geeked.

Note: In Illinios, you are required to have a motorcycle license for any motor engine powered vehicle. But the type of bike I'm getting is only 50cc, meaning it tops off at about 40mph. Which also means that it's classified as a moped, not a motorcycle.

Anyway, I have some reading to do so I'm going to stop here for now. I'm going to keep my mouth shut and not make any promises about the next time I'll blog. It seems to work out better when I do it that way...

A million kisses,
bloggal