Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Loss.

::Sigh::

It's incredible how much can change in a day's time. This fact is becoming very apparent to me. What was good yesterday could be terrible the next. Who is here today could be gone tomorrow. We hear the adages everyday--life is full of uncertainties. Tomorrow isn't promised. But do we ever really realize what this means?

Loss. Whether you lose someone figuratively (breaking up with a significant other) or literally (someone passing away), it's just a strange and difficult thing to accept. The thought of someone you were used to being there for weeks, months, or years--to suddenly be gone. It's heartbreaking.

I've never lost anyone close to me before. I've had distant relatives pass away, but never anyone I had an emotionally intimate relationship with. Even with the distant relatives, I was too young to know what was going on. Too young to grieve.

A friend to many in the African American student body at my school, passed away. He went home over the weekend, but his visit--and life--was cut short by a stray bullet.

I heard reports of his death, but I couldn't identify with it; I didn't know him...Not by name at least. It wasn't until today, on my way to class, that I saw the school newspaper with his picture on it. I stopped dead in my tracks, spilling coffee down my shirt. My eyes filled up with tears when I realized that this was someone I knew. Not intimately. Not even on a first name basis. He was someone I pass(ed) everyday. Someone I casually nod(ded) and smile(d) to. I saw him just last Friday. And now he's gone.

It's terrifying to me--the thought of losing someone. And yet it's inevitable. Which is even more terrifying. It's taken me years to deal with a figurative loss. I can't even fathom what literally losing someone could do to my psyche.

I know, I know. Such depressing subject matter. But, as I said earlier, I've bared witness to quite a bit of Impermanence lately. It's a Law of Nature, a reality of life. But it's still difficult to deal with nonetheless.

3 comments:

Ms. Liryc said...

Damn, when you hear or read thing like this it just makes you value your life just that much more. Life isn't something that should be taken for granted. Its supposed to be cherished every single day! Be strong and enjoy every waking second!

MR. CHAP said...

I'm the same way when it comes to not losing someone close. I've had the distant relative pass away, and it was like, oh..dang

I'm afraid the older i get, the closer the people that will die, and I'll be affected more than I would want to be.

Sorry about classmate.

Experience is the best teacher. said...

Sorry to hear this. The complete disregard for human life that seems to have developed lately is disgusting.

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