It's incredible how much can change in a day's time. This fact is becoming very apparent to me. What was good yesterday could be terrible the next. Who is here today could be gone tomorrow. We hear the adages everyday--life is full of uncertainties. Tomorrow isn't promised. But do we ever really realize what this means?
Loss. Whether you lose someone figuratively (breaking up with a significant other) or literally (someone passing away), it's just a strange and difficult thing to accept. The thought of someone you were used to being there for weeks, months, or years--to suddenly be gone. It's heartbreaking.
I've never lost anyone close to me before. I've had distant relatives pass away, but never anyone I had an emotionally intimate relationship with. Even with the distant relatives, I was too young to know what was going on. Too young to grieve.
A friend to many in the African American student body at my school, passed away. He went home over the weekend, but his visit--and life--was cut short by a stray bullet.
I heard reports of his death, but I couldn't identify with it; I didn't know him...Not by name at least. It wasn't until today, on my way to class, that I saw the school newspaper with his picture on it. I stopped dead in my tracks, spilling coffee down my shirt. My eyes filled up with tears when I realized that this was someone I knew. Not intimately. Not even on a first name basis. He was someone I pass(ed) everyday. Someone I casually nod(ded) and smile(d) to. I saw him just last Friday. And now he's gone.
It's terrifying to me--the thought of losing someone. And yet it's inevitable. Which is even more terrifying. It's taken me years to deal with a figurative loss. I can't even fathom what literally losing someone could do to my psyche.
I know, I know. Such depressing subject matter. But, as I said earlier, I've bared witness to quite a bit of Impermanence lately. It's a Law of Nature, a reality of life. But it's still difficult to deal with nonetheless.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009