Monday, June 9, 2008

Shhhh! Don't Ask, Don't Tell...

Things are pretty great with MK. The communication is getting better, and so is the chemistry. With the way things have been going lately, I had to stop and think today. Why is everything so peachy with this guy after a month of dating him, while I was already having drama with Ex at the four week mark? I attribute it to the fact that I've kept alot of my past from him.

Let me explain. Of course I have flaws. At times, I can be ultra sensitive, emotional, jealous, and obsessive. And then there's the whole drama with Ex that I went through. I met MK at the height of my withdrawal, but I made sure to make the whole affair seem like it wasn't a big deal. Even though I can have my low moments, I am also a very affectionate, nurturing,out-going, and fun person. So why does he need to know any more than that right now?

I'm not talking about that terrible phenomenon that is pretending to be someone you're not in the beginning of a relationship and then pulling the old switcharoo after your one year anniversary. I'm just saying, it may not always be the best thing to divulge all your personal information to someone you're dating.

In effort to clear up some of the misunderstandings that my Ex and I were having while we still (technically) together, I came clean to him about all of my "issues". From my problems with co-dependency to my mild case of separation anxiety, I told him my deepest insecurities and then instantly regretted it.

I realize now that, although honesty is important for a relationship, you don't have to be honest about everything. Once I told him about my problems, whenever I had a complaint about our relationship--even if it was a valid one--he was always thinking, "Oh, she just being over-sensitive and clingy" or "She's not feeling too good about herself right now." Both were claims that may have held some truth at certain times, but I didn't want them to be his go-to-explanations for why we argued on occasion. I'd rather him have blamed it on PMS.

What I learned is not to divulge my issues to my boyfriends anymore. What they don't know won't hurt them. And what they don't know won't make me look unstable lol.


Muze said...

it may not always be the best thing to divulge all your personal information to someone you're dating.

i have to agree with you here. i once thought that being open and trusting was the business. i eventually found out how it's nowhere near being the business.

i think the 'what they don't know won't them' approach is for the best.

Anonymous said...

I wholeheartedly agree, especially in the context of casual or not so deep relationship dude does NOT need to know that damned much about you any ways... point case, I STAY telling y girlfriend from telling dudes things on the first date such as:

" this Is my one of my first dating experiences after my 11 year relationship"

"im very self conscious about my boob job scar"

Bloggal said...

LOL, exactly! The less they know, the better.

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