I decided to change my blog theme again. I thought the colors were too menacing. Even though this is more boring, I think it's more inviting....Meh, I might change it again though.

"I Couldn't Help But Wonder...."

If you are even remotely au fait with the motifs of Sex and the City, the scene will be instantly familiar. A female journalist, at work in her city apartment, ponders the blank screen of her laptop. Her fingers hover, the cursor winks invitingly and this week's pressing question is tapped out.

Because it's probably common knowledge that I'm an SATC fan if you frequent this blog, I try to steer clear of the topics and questions that Carrie poses at some point in each episode. But, for some reason, it's extremely difficult. Maybe it's just me being impressionable, but often times my life, and those burning relationship questions, parallel those that staple each episode of the show. Seriously, is it just me, or can all who watch the show relate?

Well anyway, from now on, instead of avoiding using Carrie's topics in attempt not to appear like an unoriginal writer, I'm going to start a "I couldn't help but wonder..." series. In it, I'll pose her question, attribute it of course, and put my spin on it...Make sense?

I've been thinking about doing this for a while, but never did, until I saw the wonderful miss Karrie B. make a new segment of her own. I figured, if she can do it, so can I (imitation is the highest form of flattery chica lol)!

So, stay tuned cause an entry is coming your way tonight.

Ciao.

"The Sin of Man Against Woman"

I didn't write yesterday because I was still heated. At times like that, it's usually best to steer clear from my blog to avoid saying something that I'd later regret...like announcing that I'm gay lol. Not true. Only sometimes. Anyway, after a cathartic workout at the gym, I can write again. So, no slander today:).

I'm taking a class called Women Writers in America. The course is taught by an eccentric Jewish woman named, "Most Dangerous Feminist" by the Wall Street Journal. She has a potty mouth, wild curly hair, and claims she merely "tolerates" her husband and twin boys--my kind of lady. I can already tell I'm going to love this class. I need a little institutionalized man-hating in my life.

I just finished our first assigned reading, a short story called Turned by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. It's the story of a wealthy married couple who hires an 18 year old servant girl. She's got the body of a goddess and the face of an angel, but she's extremely naive and childlike. During her time there, the couple grows to love her like their own daughter, and treat her as such. While her husband was away on business, the wife finds out that the servant is pregnant. And who's baby is it? Her husband's. She at once orders the girl to leave, but after much reflection she tells her to stay. She realizes the girl, innocent and inexperienced, was the real victim, and that the husband was the one to be held accountable. The woman moved out, with the servant girl, leaving her husband to return to an empty house. Eventually she sends a letter simply saying, " I have gone. I will care for the girl. Good-bye." The husband decides to look for his wife, and plead her forgiveness. He's sure that he'll accept his indiscretions and take him back. Meanwhile, the wife helps the servant settle with her child on a cottage. When the husband comes looking for his wife, he finds the two women standing side by side, the servant holding her baby. The man stands there looking stupified and the wife says to him, "What have you to say to us?"

You can't help but have a got-his-ass! moment when you finish this story. But, then you're brought back to reality. Could this ever happen in real life?

You never see two women who are victims of infidelity band together. At best, you'll see them attack the man. At worst, you'll see them attack each other. But never do you see them conduct themselves calmly, recognize who's at fault, and leave karma to take care of it. In the story, the wife recognizes it as "the sin of man against woman". Though she is obviously hurt, she sees the bigger picture, which is a girl's naivete having been taken advantage of. Is it possible to be so clear-headed about betrayal that you can make such a distinction?

I think it's fiction for a reason.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever wanted to slap somebody and hug them at the same time?

I do. Boy, do I...

Married Men, Fat White Chicks, and Cheaters...Oh My!

It's official. I'm no longer playing for team Hetero.

Why make such a drastic decision, you may wonder. Oh, just the fact that I seem to be a jerk magnet, and every relationship I hear about nowadays begins with the words "he cheated."

Married Man

My BFF, the one who had the boyfriend who wouldn't allow her to have male friends, told me about the latest guy who hit on her.

"He works at my job."

Oh, that's cool.

"He's about 32."

Um...okay.

"He slipped me a note telling me he wanted to get to know me better."

Uhh....

"He said he just got married four days ago."

WTF???

Please, please tell me how rotten a guy you must be, that you hit on your 19 year old co-worker less than a week after you've gotten married?

God, I have no words...

BFF decided to probe Married Man for his motives. I advised her not to because that's just opening a can of worms, but she insisted. So, she texted him and he told her that he thought she was a "sexy young thing" and that he wanted to "see where things could go." Oh yeah, and he wanted to know if she liked back/foot massages, and if he could give her one.

Is it just me, or are guys getting bolder with their inappropriate behavior?

Fat White Chick/Cheater

I met a guy a few days ago that I didn't dare introduce to my blog. He seemed nice but given my recent knowledge of Married Man and his obvious kin to the devil, I was less than enchanted by men. He worked at a restaurant on campus. He was 25 years old (a plus). We talked a while, flirted, laughed. He had a good sense of humor and he was attractive (another plus). He gave me his number and asked me to call him so we could get together sometime (plus, plus). I spotted him on the street a few days later and he gave me the sad "why you no call" face. So, I promised him I would, though I didn't really intend on it.

Last night, I got to thinking about my pattern with guys. I don't ever give the nice ones a chance because I don't feel chemistry with them. I made up my mind to end my pattern and give him a call tonight.

But, before I could, I ran into him today. Funny how I noticed him. I saw him from a distance and thought, what a cute guy. I noticed a fat, ugly white chick holding his hand and thought, why is it that some black guys are so damn determined not to be with black women that they settle for the bottom of the white barrel? A few seconds later and we're face to face. When he realizes who I am, he gives me the "oh shit" face and waves pathetically. I roll my eyes and turn my mp3 player up.

I thought the universe was telling me to call him because he was a "nice guy," but he turned out to be a jerk too. I am now convinced that I attract liars and cradle robbers, and that I can't tell a nice guy from a bad one.

So, now I'm thinking about seeing what the ladies have to offer. Anyone interested? You know how to reach me;-).

Why Her?

Okay, I couldn't stay away. I miss my blog. I miss your blogs. So, school can wait.

Alrighty, here's the thing. Since I've been back to school, I've been seeing my Ex constantly and it's not really helping the whole "build new memories" thing. I hate it. How is that I went an entire summer without seeing him and now that I'm back here, he's all I can think about. Just to make a disclaimer, I'm not thinking about him in "that way." It's just that he was like my only male friend on campus. Sad, I know. But now, when I'm bored and I don't feel like being bothered with females, he's the person who pops into mind. But, hanging with him isn't an option. And I'll tell you why.

He's...how can I say...addicted/sprung on my sex. The first night we made contact, he was asking to stop by. I thought, no harm, so I allowed him over. After about 20 minutes in my room, the sexual tension was palpable and he practically pounced on me. I'd never seen him that way and it kind scared me...and turned me on a little (lol). BUT, I pushed him away with a firm hand, told that the friend thing wouldn't work since he was clearly unable to contain himself, then told him to leave.

He came to me the next night, apologizing for his behavior but no sooner had he made himself comfortable in my swivel chair, was he trying to put the moves on me again.

By then, I was just insulted. I know I've got that good-good, but to come to me for nothing more than sex is infuriating! So, I told him to never contact me. That we couldn't be more than associates.

Ever since then though, I've been seeing him everywhere. And not just alone...

I'm kind of disappointed in myself. How is it that, after all this time, I can still be affected when I see them together?

Today I was on the quad and they walked past me, hand-in-hand. I hadn't noticed at first, but my friend made sure to make a scene and my heart nearly stopped when I saw them. The reaction was all to reminiscent from last year. From that point on, my mood was slightly ruined and I couldn't get the pep back into my step.

It's actually a little more difficult than I thought it would be--being down here, seeing him again. It's weird. I wish I didn't have to see them together. Ever. No matter how much I've grown and gotten past it, I can't help but be disturbed. It doesn't make sense. I don't desire to be with him anymore, so why does it still bother me to see her with him? I guess it's because I can't help but wonder, why not me? Why wasn't I good enough to be with him? He had commitment issues with me, but he can stand a relationship with her...I don't get it. He treats her well (besides the fact that he's all too eager to cheat with me). He does the sweet boyfriend things that I always wanted him to do when we were together...How can I not take it personally. Everything I always wanted from him, he can do for her. I think that's the real reason we can't be friends. I'll always resent him. She's a constant reminder that I wasn't good enough for him. That it wasn't that he couldn't commit. It was that he wasn't willing to commit to me. For a long time I wondered, why her? But now I know the real question is, why not me?

It reminds me of that episode of Sex and the City when Big tells Carrie that he's engaged to Natasha. God, that is my all time favorite episode because it's my story. A guy who has difficulty committing can suddenly be emotionally available to someone else. You feel cheated.

Just checking in...

So, things have been super hectic since I landed on campus, but I'd always rather be busy than bored. I'm not quite settled yet, but I missed blogging so I decided to take a break and make a post:)


Today I did a six hour training session for a mentoring program I signed up for last year. Now I'm kind of regretting it. It's such a huge time commitment...Ugh. But I've gotta do a little community service to feel good about myself, so what can you do.

Oh yeah...

I had a run in with the Ex and Potato Head already but details on that later...

I had a couple of run ins with Ex by himself but, again, more details on that later...

I don't expect to have time to make many more posts this week, but I will most definitely be back in full swing by next Monday at latest. By then all the orientations, move-ins, and meetings will slow down and I'll be able to make more in-depth entries. For some reason, I can't write unless it's a 200 word post (minimum) lol.

So, have a great day/week/weekend:)