Monday, June 29, 2009

Sexy vs. Beautiful

Yo and hello.

My apologies to you all for not updating sooner. Last week was hectic, with me going out of town for three days. But don't worry. I plan to make up for my absence because there's been a lot on my mind since I returned.

I went back to my alma mater to take care of some financial aid business, as well as visit a friend. But more on that later. When I was dropped off at the bus terminal--Grey Hound is the way to go in this economy lol--I was about an hour early. So, I went inside of the terminal Subway restaurant to order something to tie me over until I got home from my 2-3 hour trip. There was a family of 8 ahead of me and they were all making complicated orders so I knew it would be a while before I got to the counter.

As the line slowly crept forward, I noticed the guy who was making the sandwiches and ringing them up kept looking at me. He was attractive. About 5'9, cocoa brown skin, dark brown eyes, cute smile. He looked at me apologetically and mouthed "I'm so sorry..." as he made eyes at the large family ahead of me. I laughed and shook my ahead, telling him it was totally fine.

I finally made it to the counter and placed my order for a Veggie Delight. He gave me a look. "You're a vegetarian?" I smiled sheepishly. "Oh...yeah. Just recently." He smiled back and said. "That's cool." He finished my sandwich and we proceeded to the register. I gave him my money, and as he gave me my change, he said, "Before you leave, I just have to tell you...I think you're really beautiful." I took my change, and smiled (probably a little too hard) and said, "Awww, thank you." We gave each other one last smile, and I left.

When I decided to ditch the weaves and wear my hair natural, I knew that there would be a decline in the amount of guys who would try to talk to me. Because, let's just be real, natural hair is far from the highest standard of African American beauty. On top of that, I'm not light skinned, I don't have thin facial features, and I don't have what so many black people love to call "good" hair, so that puts my appeal even lower on the totem pole. Again, we're just being real here. While it does suck that black women with darker skin tones and kinky hair are somehow considered less attractive, I'm not phased a tiny bit. I take pride in the way I look. My darker complexion, my kinky hair, my round, full features. It took me years to really love my Blackness, and the status quo isn't going to change that.

Now, you may be wondering the significance of the aforementioned story. From my experience in most of my young adult life, I have never been addressed to by a guy in the manner I was the other day. The most I've ever gotten was "Ay ma! You lookin' sexy as hell today!" Hearing those words make my skin crawl. For me, no attention is better than bad attention, so I was more than happy to part with the hits that my old look attracted. It doesn't validate me, nor does it flatter me. But, while I realized that I probably wouldn't be approached in that way anymore, I hadn't anticipated was the positive attention that my new look would attract.

I'm starting to notice that a whole different breed of men talk to me now. Their looks are more refined, their demeanors are more subtle, their words are more complimentary, their actions are more flattering, and they are all around more respectful. And a little more mature too. Granted, it was a very small compliment. And, while I hate that someone else's opinion of me me meant so much, I really appreciated it. The best part was that he wasn't even hitting on me. He didn't try to get my number or anything. He just paid me a very decent compliment. It makes me a kind of giddy inside to realize that I'm going to meet my future husband with my natural hair. Right off the bat, he'll accept me for who I am instead of questioning me. He's going to find me attractive and not wonder why I wear my hair this way.

As I said before, I'm often called sexy, but very rarely called beautiful. While I do appreciate the compliment, I really don't like being called sexy. More often than not, what the guy is commenting on when he calls me that, is my body. In my opinion at least, being called beautiful is much more flattering. "Sexy" is just a phyiscal word. But "beautiful" can be interpreted on the surface level as well as on the intellectual level. Maybe that's just me though...

Ladies, which do you consider more of a compliment--being called Sexy or Beautiful?


I replied to your comments on my previous post. Thank you all for your wonderful feedback! : )


Jaded said...

Ok. lol. I guess I am the opposite of you look wise. Because I am light skinned. And I have naturally curly hair. And I guess some thin facial features. That said. I RARELY get the "Ay yo ma." shit. But I also don't get very much of the your beautiful stuff either (I get, wow, you have a beautiful smile a lot). I'm just not approachable (not purposely its just too much for me)

I think its moreso about your attitude adjustment. You feel more confident in your new look and likely are emanating that confidence outwardly. Thus, good for nothing losers (maybe) are less likely to holla.

Mt two cents.

strangetimes said...

I have always been drawn to women who wear their hair natural. Always, always, always. I'm glad to see that it is getting you the right attention.

2nd - I am curious, of the experimentations that you have done so far with the blog, have you come to any conclusions about what the new design should look like?

Anonymous said...

That IS a Shame that the expectation almost is " Oh I won't get attention as I used up" as opposed to , normalcy?? you know? likewise that Gross fucking disgusting Jvenile EY Boo, Yo Ma, HEY SEXY?.... there is pretty much nothing lower as far as the English language goes for me, I despise that stuff, which is also why i refuse to talk to some dudes and only laid back, subtle, respectful approaches are the ONLY things that I even entertain

karrie b. said...

i prefer to be called beautiful over sexy. beautiful is the heart speaking, sexy is your dick speaking.

that said, i too are well aware of my brown skin, round nose, (hair i never had an issue with, it's always been considered "good" but that term makes my ass itch)

oh and another thing? body image. i was gonna do a post on that but i dont know what angle i wanna take...but im peeved when i hear things like "real women have curves" and such...utter bullshit.

Video Vix[o]n said...

obviously being called beautiful because it more deeper than just being sexy.

it crazy cuz there will be woman out in the street, on the train, etc. who i would just want to say that they're beautiful to, but because every guy is trying to talk to every girl, i'd probably get a stink look or be ignored. i wouldn't even want a number or anything. even to have a nice conversation with them would make my day, but hey thats the world we live in.

I'm quite dark and it took me a while to realize how handsome i am. people need to be told, and tell themselves, that they're beautiful everyday, and the last time i checked, anything that is natural is not ugly. embrace it cuz you obviously got it.

Video Vix[o]n said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
YoungBlackBeauty said...

Im partial because I liked to be called sexy but I do think beautiful has more sincerity to it. I've been called sexy buy a guy one minute and the heard him turn around call a car sexy with the same enthusiasm.

unequivocal difference said...

It depends on who is saying what to me. I would never want to hear a random man on the street call me sexy b/c it's insincere, but I'd take beautiful from them - even though I'd still probably be skeptical. But if my significant other is saying I'm sexy, he probably has also called me beautiful in a sincere way so I'd like it.

Natural hair, because many black woman do not yet wear their hair this way, makes a person more striking. And loose natural hair is different than locks, special in its own right.

Personally, I feel as if my natural hair because it's big and noticeable has made me stand out in a crowd. I loves it, and I loves it on you.

And not that it needs repeating, but I think you're gorgeous!

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