Thursday, October 8, 2009

Okay, okay...so I've been a little evasive on this blog lately. Well, really, for the past few months. Because some of the people I blogged about were actually reading my blog, I pretty much put a stop to venting about my personal life. I hurt more than one person with my harsh words and I just got tired of the whole bitchy blurby thing I had going on. I know it's my blog, and I can bitch if I want to. But I was getting tired of myself. Not only that but, I'll be honest, I was starting to feel a little judged about the things I wrote. Maybe it was more of me judging myself, than feeling judged by my readers, but I just hated how I always seemed to be eating my words. I'd make a decision and be fully committed to it, and then I'd backslide and feel like a complete idiot when I'd have to reveal it. So, I just stopped getting personal.

I quickly realized that a byproduct of my keeping a low blog-profile was that I wrote a lot less. And I can't say that was a bad thing. I've always been the type of person who has to talk about things. And if I couldn't talk, I'd write. The ultimate purpose was to get feedback. But I started becoming so dependent on the opinions of others, that I didn't know what I believed anymore. So, I stopped blogging about the personal issues and decided to be introspective. And actually, this went beyond blogworld. I stopped talking about my woes to my family and friends as well. It may not seem like the best idea to keep things bottled up inside, but for someone who has a classic case of PutItAllOutThere-itis, it worked. I learned to work through my problems myself. I learned to recognize my voice. And to not let it weaken when someone else's was thrown into the mix. I learned to be patient with myself and not expect to have everything figured out. It's okay to not always know what to do. But most importantly, I learned how to answer to myself. To be accountable, not to a blog community, but to myself. I made decisions and saw them through because at the end of the day, when everyone else is gone, I still have to look in the mirror.

All that said, as it turns out, what kept this blog alive were my issues. My drama. My confusion. My musings. And, while I've made tremondous improvements in my life, I'm FAR from fulfilled. I've never been the kind of this is what i did today type of blogger. So, the kind of blogging I've been doing lately leaves a little something to be desired...For me at least. I like to write about what's going on in my head. And in my heart. When I stopped doing that, and started making all these superficial updates on the mundane happenings of my life, I quickly lost interest. So, I can't blame those of you who have too.

I've made a resolution to myself. To not restrict what I write for anyone anymore. Now that I've found the medium between privacy and honesty, Ican finally handle blogging about my personal life again. But we all know blogworld isn't as anonymous as it used to be. So, while I'll definitely be real, I'm not going to put out all my business. Some things should stay sacred.

But I'm short on time and high on homework so I can't write about what's on my mind at the moment. I'm just making this post to let my readers know that you won't just be receiving the superficial life updates from me. If I'm going to blog, I'd rather it be the truth. And the truth is, it's not ALWAYS sunny in my world. Though I've found my focus, love is still confusing, life is still scary, and sex is still awesome lol. So, instead of sugarcoating and avoiding certain topics so I won't offend anyone, from now on, I just wanna be real.

4 comments:

Qucifer said...

That was a very good resolution, stick to it, we *heart* you so no hate from us!

Qucifer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Experience is the best teacher. said...

I like your decision. I've been ignoring my blog lately as well, most likely because my life has been so up in the air. I guess that's the best time to blog though. I'm going to get back on it so I look forward to reading your thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

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