Sunday, July 20, 2008

I'm No Expert But...

You've been cheated on. It hurt you so bad that you decide to be prepared the next time, and expect the worst from your new boyfriend. But unknowingly, you drive him away because of your constant accusations and suspicions. Or, you decide to walk away from a relationship because it appears that your girlfriend is cheating. The truth is, she's honest and faithful, and you're just paranoid. Or, you're so busy preparing yourself for infidelity of your guy that you don't give him a genuine chance from the get go.

*In corny infomercial voice*
Has this ever happened to YOU?


I'm not too fond of giving out advice on this blog simply for the fact that I'm no professional. But, I do have enough experience to offer a word of wisdom to men and women who haven't made the same mistakes I have made.

I'll spare you all the anecdote and cut right to the chase: when it comes to relationships, do not assume ANYTHING. This could, of course, be broken down into a number of subcategories--do not assume he/she is in love with you, do not assume he/she isn't married, do not assume he/she is straight, etc. But for now, let's just narrow it down to what could possibly be recognized as one of the worst assumptions to make: assuming that he/she will cheat.

Sometimes we think that it's safer to anticipate cheating before it happens, especially those of us who have previously been cheated on. We have our emotional guards up and expect our significant others to be unfaithful, as an alternative to being shocked by the news, should it ever come. It seems like a wise route to take but the truth is, when you assume that your partner is cheating, you risk sabotaging a perfectly healthy relationship.

I'm not saying be naive, but finding middle ground is the name of the game people. Be wise, but don't be cynical. Be cautious, but not paranoid. I know it's easier said than done, but when you're able to find that happy medium--you can be in a relationship, sincerely give it your all, and still walk away unscathed even if you're betrayed. It's all about recognizing the possibility of betrayel, while also realizing that by dating, you're willingly risking your heart; you're prepared for the worst, but you're still willing to take the chance.

So yeah, just a little word of advice. If you keep the risk factor in mind while entering a new relationship post-traumatic break up, you could possibly save that next one.

6 comments:

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

had it happen to me was honest, accused me of every thing
foul aint it jones

Eb the Celeb said...

previous cats by musiq... women have to not let their past relationships effect the demise of their new one... granted each failed relationship should make you smarter in new ones...but a new man shouldnt have to suffer because of the faults of the last...

Bloggal said...

Exactly. I'm thankful that I have a patient man who's willing to bare with me as I learn that lesson.

Gotta Let it Out said...

I'm with you here girl... its a very difficult to NOT do this when you've been hurt before. Often times its referred to as baggage, and I cant think of a single homegirl of mine, who doesn't have it or deal with it when their current.

Gotta Let it Out said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Qucifer said...

I Definitely am the Cynical one about dudes

Related Posts with Thumbnails