Monday, March 2, 2009

Stupid Girl's Advocate


This morning, my blog feeds were flooded with reports of Chris Brown and Rihanna getting back together. I clicked on the headlines, saw the incriminating photographs, and the comment sections that followed. The consensus was basically this:

That girl is stuuuuuupid.

Alot of people are saying that it's extremely irresponsible of her to go back with him because it's teaching other young women to go back to their abusers. Well, that might be true. But people need to realize that she is a growing young woman. She isn't perfect. And I know that everybody is saying, she's a celebrity. Being a positive role model comes with the job description. Fuck that, though. She's human, just like you and me. And she's going to make some dumb decisions. Just like you and me.

I think it's pretty obvious why I'm playing Stupid Girl's Advocate. I feel pretty ridiculous every time I have to blog about my latest shortcoming. But, thanks to my more experienced blog sisters, I'm starting to realize that every young woman is entitled to making a few stupid mistakes, major or minor. Young and old, we don't always make the best choices. Truth be told, she is super stupid to take Chris back. But, I can't help but empathize with her. How many times have I made the mistake of going back to Ex? Too many times to count. Making stupid relationship choices is a rite of passage. What sucks for Rihanna, is that she's making these stupid decisions on a world stage. Everybody can see it. And everybody's shaking their heads and wagging their fingers at her. I'm mortified enough to have blog world judging me. I can't imagine how she must feel.

I'm just saying, let her be stupid for a while. She's got to learn from experience. That's just how some people are. Some are smart enough to take heed to advice and not make the same mistake twice. For others like me, experience is the only way. After she gets her face pummeled a few more times, she'll figure it out. But until then, give her a break and quit being so damn judgmental.

12 comments:

s a s h a said...

I agree with you on that one. About living and learning and yadda yadda. BUT... Im really not feeling her decision. Personally i feel she went back to chris due in part to insecurity. Homegirl must have issues with herself to feel like its still possible she thinks he can change. Cases like that... Usually means homei hit her b4 n she had kept quiet. Smh.. All the lil birds on the block wont mind wen they booskies hit em upside the head! :\

Bloggal said...

i hear you honey, i disagree with her decision too. clearly this isn't the first time this has happened. and it really does suck that alot of girls are gonna see her example and probably think it's ok. but the reality is girls in 'love' will be girls in love. females going back to their abusers has been happening forever, and it's gonna continue to happen until a strong, mature woman stands up and speaks out about it. it's just not rihanna...yet.

antithesis said...

im sayin though, is this another excuse for people not to raise their own kids? people are blaming tv shows, music videos, games, etc. for influencing the youth. rihanna and other celebrities are in the public eye but it is not their responsibility to instill morals. their job is to entertain. they are human like everyone else and when you delve into their personal lives, you have to take whatever's there. the good and the bad. no, i dont agree with her choice but it's HER choice.

Robin Monique said...

Now you KNOW how I feel about early 20s stupidity. It's unavoidable. So I agree with this post 100%. Regardless of how we feel about her decision, it's her life and OUR job to teach our little sisters that domestic violence is intolerable.

Coogie Cruz said...

I love the term Robin Monique used "Early 20s Stupidity", ain't that the truth!

I agree with you and you know even though it is a bad choice it is a choice most women would make at that age (or even older) but considering their status they are put under a microscope and scrutinized.

Qucifer said...

The problem I think I have with her level of stupid vs doing some lil dumb shit level of stupid is:

Her life/health/future and peace of mind could be compromised... SERIOUSLY (if her sense of self worth isn't already)

kinda like I OD but decide: Hey Self, you know what would be superfun??? Do drugs all the way to oblivion again

plus let that shit happen again (with him or the next douchecock du jour) Who is going to believe the girl who "cried wolf" (even though she didn't cause that shit is fact and police record)

YoungBlackBeauty said...

I think him and her getting back together is a prime example of people just have to mind their own business when it some to relationships. Especially beucz women are going to do what they want to do. Its sucks that they are living their lives for all to see but it's obvious that they care more about just living their life than what the media and the public think about them despite the fame.

Gem said...

See, I hesitate even to chalk this up to age because women of all ages and backgrounds return to their abusers. My aunt has been in a relationship for almost 16 years with somebody who abused her in the past (don't know if it still goes on). I don't believe she is stupid, and I don't think calling every woman who goes back stupid is right.

A lot of times they feel they have no other options or feel at fault somehow.

Also, I disagree that being a musician means you have to automatically be a positive role model. Everyone is human. Kids may look up to an artist but the parents are ultimately responsible to follow up on what the kid is perceiving.

ALSO, I HATE how all these male rappers and singers are saying leave Chris alone, we all make mistakes like he got caught with crack or something. Culture of abuse, anyone?

Glo said...

I agree with you 100% on this shit. I keep reading about everyone calling her dumb and this that and the other, and I'm like "MAN! SHE'S YOUNG!!!"

We've alllllll done stupid shit for men, about men, and with men in our twenties, so why would she be any different? I say leave her ass alone and let her find her own path. She'll get there, one way or another.

Noticed but Invisible said...

My issue is with the people who are commenting on how both of them are so bad. My comment is...So What? I mean that's not any of our business, let her go back if she wants. I knew she would because obviously she did before and I agree that it is stupid to MAKE her be a role model. She signed up to sing and get money not be a model for all girls in the world.

I don't think I would ever go back to an abusive relationship, because I have a temper and we would be like Ike and Tina in th end, but people do it. I think it is a stupid decision, but isn't going back to somebody who constantly hurts you and makes you feel down, is that not emotional abuse?

And to comment about Chris I'm not saying he is right or wrong (the funny thing is he is trying to claim self defense, like seriously dude it was self defense when you pushed her away not when he beat her to a pulp, but if you say so). I just think he needs to get himself together and we as the audience (sadly enough to say, abuse is not something to be an audience to) should realize we weren't there, we don't know the whole story so we can't judge people as outsiders.

Experience is the best teacher. said...

I don't think she is dumb b/c she's young... I think she's dumb b/c she's dumb... Sadly, a lot of women choose 2 be dumb. They're so scared of being alone that they continue to return to the same f-ed up idea of "love". This becomes normal for them. And these dumb 20-somethings turn into dumb 30-somethings, dumb 40-somethings, and so forth...

I had a friend in an abusive situation, so I struggle with calling these women dumb... Maybe they're not dumb, they're just VERY unfulfilled. And they think this abusive relationship can provide them with whatever it is that they are missing, whether this is conscious or subconscious.

I think women really need to learn to love and respect themselves fully. Then, they won't let anyone disrespect them, be it mentally, verbally, or physically...

karrie b. said...

all im sayin is let a nigga sock me in the mouth, and yall bitches post my pic & talk a bunch of indignant boooolshyt. imma have an attitude.

-kb

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