One Day I'll Fly Away

Damn, where have I been? Hell, where has everyone been? Blogworld is looking kind of bleak these days. It's definitely because of Twitter. Bloggers giving up blogging and are twogging instead. Not me though. I've abandoned Blogosphere and Twogosphere. Would like to blame it on school, but I can't even lie. I've been slacking in all aspects of life. I've got every type of -itis you can imagine right now. Bloggeritis, Summeritis, Sophomoritis, Lazyitis, Procrastinitis. I've been bumming it hard these days. And I can't even blame it on Depressionitis either.

Sidenote: You are what you say you are. If you claim Depression, Insanity, Worthlessness, Unloveability--you will be those things. Speak of yourself only in the affirmative, never in the negative. And if you can't do that, just remember what they used to tell us when we were kids: If you can't say anything nice (about yourself), don't say anything at all.

I'm no longer affected by "depression". I've faced my demons and found the power within myself to battle the feelings I was having. Still, I don't know why, but I'm just not feeling it. Though I'm not quite sure what "it" is. I'm so ready to be through with where I am. You ever get sick of seeing the same people everyday? Going to the same places? I'm at that point. I haven't signed a lease for my next school year because I'm anxious about living in a community where alllll the people I see in the dorms right now, will be. I want a fresh start. A clean slate. I don't want to see anyone I know now, give or take a few close friends.
I heard this quote recently:

People are most themselves when they are in a place where no one knows them.

I couldn't agree with this statement more. It struck me recently that, the person I am in college, isn't who I really am. When I first started, maybe I felt more comfortable because I wanted to fit in. Well, not so much fit in, but I wanted to have friends. New to a university, I didn't want to be a loner. I wanted to be and feel accepted. So, when I found my niche and group of friends, I was excited that I had 'people'. But now, I just want to be free to be me. To be my sometimes weird and quirky self. To sometimes lay on the Quad at night. To sometimes go see an Indie rock band or the classical piano man. To sometimes get it crackin at a black frat house. Or dance with no rhythm at a white one. I want to be free to be my Hippie/Hip Hop/Rock/Black conscious/Stanky Leg lovin'/Classy/Grungey/Jazzy/Artsy/Hopeless Romantic/Feminist/Earth-loving//God-fearing/Buddha believing/Astrological/ Spiritual Self.

Why do I have to just be one thing? Why can't I be an Artist? A Humanist? A Writer? Why can't I be everything. I feel incredibly limited. My current friends only know one side of me. But there's so much more to who I am.



The entire monologue is amazing, but she sums my world up at 2:28-3:07.

Sometimes I feel like my mind and spirit have outgrown my body, my surroundings, even my friends. How do you transcend to the next level without leaving everyone behind?

ps

To my lovely family and friends who read my blog, this is one of those posts that are off limits for discussion. I would have kept it to myself, but sometimes I just have to write it out. So please, take no offense, but don't try to probe me about this. It is what it is, and I'm searching Myself for the best solution.

pss

This post doesn't relate to you, blogfam. Because this is my blog. I feel like I can be myself here, truly and fully. If only I could say the same about the real world...

The Dealbreaker

It may have been pretty obvious from my previous post, but just recently I had an unfortunate dating experience. It had a promising start. The Guy came over to my building for a movienight. I was very much looking forward to it considering I had a long day at work, and all I wanted to do was unwind, relax, and cuddle perhaps. Anyway, long story short: we popped in the movie, snuggled into bed, and before we could get past the previews, BAM! His breath hit me like a ton of bricks.

Let me try to paint a picture for you guys. Imagine a rat crawling into someone's mouth, dying, rotting for a few days, laying eggs, and then those eggs rotting too. I am well aware of the fact that deceased mammals cannot lay eggs but I'm trying to make a point here. Dude's breath was rancid.

I purposely left the degree to which his breath reeked, out of my question because I wanted to see just how tolerant people could be. Most of you said that you'd be willing to date a person with an unpleasant odor, just as long as it wasn't constant and/or distracting. Well lovelies, this was both constant and distracting. I desperately wanted to get closer to him (because it's been quite a while since I've been cuddled and/or molested) but I just...couldn't. Everytime he exhaled, I gagged. Seriously. It was THAT bad.

The unfortunate part is that I've known this guy for two years now. We've chilled on the friendly tip a few times in the past. On both occasions, I noticed his breath was on ten. But I let it slide for two reasons: 1) I wasn't really romantically interested in him at the time and 2) everyone is entitled to a few bad days of stanky breath. But after hanging with him this past time, I realized that his bad breath isn't a 'sometimes' sort of thing. It's a Halitosis sort of thing.

There are a lot of things I'm willing to put up with in a guy because I realize nobody's perfect. But my non-negotiable Have to Have quality is good hygiene. Yes, it sucks for the guys who have b.o. conditions that they can't help, but it's something I just can't skimp on. I truly cannot be attracted to you if your stink is constantly assaulting my nose. That's just my #1 Dealbreaker.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has certain expectations when it comes to dating. Things that you you just can't let pass. I told you mine, so tell me yours.

What's your dating dealbreaker?

Is B.O. a No Go?

I asked this question on Twitter but I'm curious what you guys think.

Would you not date a person because of something as simple as really bad breath? Or any other type of body odor?

I <3 Granny Panties

One of the best things about being single is this:

I get to wear Granny Panties whenever I want!

You know how some women go through all their sexy underwear first and, the closer it gets to laundry day, all they have left are Granny Panties? It's the exact opposite for me. I know it's time to wash when all I see is lace and silk in my underwear drawer. I don't know about you ladies, but I actually prefer a pair of 100% cotton bikinis to having a piece of string stuck in my ass all day.

Now, don't get me wrong. I do like to sex it up every now and then. Not for anyone in particular but because, well to be honest, I think I look damn good in lingerie. So, sometimes I will wear a thong, silk undies, or swexy boyshorts just for the hell of it. But this, this ^ is wear my heart is <3.

Y'all might think it's silly thing to blog about, but it's something I genuinely appreciate. Guys have gotten so picky about sexy underwear that they're starting to consider anything that isn't a g-string Granny Panties. So, as a single lady not getting any kind of action, I'm taking full advantage of my right to comfortable underwear and repping Granny Status hardcore. Everyday that I get to walk around without a constant wedgie is pure happiness.

I miss you mofos.

Better Late Than Never.

Today I was on Facebook and happened to notice that I had an Honesty Box message. The fact that I had one at all was surprising because I was sure I'd deleted my H-Box long ago. When I clicked it, I saw that I had received these three messages in the past four months:

-I think you are a charming, sharply funny, and sweet person. You come across as a person who has her likes and dislikes and is not afraid to make them known. You are not afraid to call people out when they disappoint you or when they do the wrong thing. You are also strong and resilient. You might also be tired of having to be strong all the time; maybe you just want one time to just let your guard down and feel at ease.

-To Define Beauty One Only Needs To Find You. You Are Truly One Of GOD's Most Beautiful Creations

-You are an incredible and remarkable woman. Despite all of the drama that goes on in your life, you are resilient and you know how to endure. Despite everything that has been thrown at you, hope still resides in you. You want to hold onto it and protect it, so it can be nurtured and grow spectacularly. Frankly, you are what I consider to be my dreamgirl.

This absolutely made my day. The timing couldn't possibly have been better.

Maybe I wasn't meant to see this until now.

Thank you, stranger(s). Whoever you may be...

ps

Thanks to all who replied to my previous post. Contrary to how it may seem, I am do substantially better now. I wanted to come to a point where I was completely confident that I was on the path to happiness before I posted about what was going on with me. I take everything life throws at me is a learning and growing experience. What I'm dealing with now is no different. So, don't worry about me lovelies. You know I'm a strong girl, and getting stronger everyday. I'm going to come out on top. I always do ;-).

xo,
bloggal

Love @ First Spark.

So, I got the responses I expected to the love at first sight question. But I have another one for you guys: Do you believe in love at first spark? Is it possible to vibe so well with a person during that very first encounter/conversation that you are instantly smitten?

I definitely believe in love at first sight, though it's incredibly rare. It is true that, often times people misinterpret lusty, physical adoration as love at first sight. But there are some cases when a man or woman instantly recognizes that someone is the One. On sight. It's not rational. It's not superficial. They just pick up on something about this person. Something soulfoul, something internal. They are drawn in, in a way that they never had been before. And, though they may not call it love at first sight, they'd realize later that's exactly what it was.

This hasn't ever happened to me but I'm saying, I do believe it can.

I do, firmly, believe in love at first spark. Not merely lust, chemistry, charm, or infatuation. I believe that two people's energies can mesh so well; that the compatability is so palpable; that conversation is so easy; that their personalities are so aligned, that you can truly gauge that person is a keeper the instant you converse with them.

But maybe that's just me.

Love @ First Sight.

Do you believe in it?

I think I do...<3

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: A Guide to Ass Kissing and Ego-Stroking

As you guys already know, I've been reading Steve Harvey's book. I started on it Sunday night, didn't give it much thought through the rest of the week. But today, I figured since I would be in the museum for four hours, it was the best time to read it without interruption. Took me less than two hours to complete it and, brace yourselves ladies:

I thought the book was a load of shit.

I know that a few of you reading this are probably like, "This bitch can't be serious. This book was soooo informative, so useful. Steve was on point!" Now, I'm not saying the book wasn't useful. I know it helped somebody. I just happened to think it was a bunch of generalized, ego-driven, one-sided hooey. But, as much as it would please me to, I'm not going to merely say the book sucked. Like a good reviewer, I'm going to give you examples of why I thought it sucked.

Act Like a Lady...


Even though I've have issues with the fact that Steve's writing was kind of atrocious, I'll let it slide for now. I understand he's not a writer so I won't hold that against him. My biggest fault with this book is in his over generalizations of women and his definition of what 'acting like a lady' is.

For starters, the "undesirable" women that he writes about are incredibly stereotypical. Undesirable Woman #1 is an emotional, clingy, gossipy, knit-picky Girly Girl who wants to sit around all day and talk about feelings. Undesirable Woman #2 is an independent, belittling, self-important, ball-busting New Millennium woman who wants quick and dirty, not strings attached sex. Both women embody everything a man doesn't want to settle down with. Steve's advice in a nutshell: Don't be either of these women and you'll keep/get you're man. He fails to acknowledge, however, that the women who fall in the middle still have trouble finding and keeping a man. He simply outlines key behaviors not to engage in (or vice versa) to be the 'lady' men want you to be.

Apparently, to Steve Harvey, one of the key components of acting like a lady is being a kiss ass. In his chapter, The Three Things Every Man Needs, he writes, "We've got to feel kingly even if we don't act kingly." Nothing wrong with a little encouragement. But what he suggests is for women to constantly compliment and validate their men. That's right ladies. If you want to keep your man, stroke his ego and stroke it well. Make him feel wanted, needed. Say to him, "you so big an strong and you're everything I need". And those are Steve's words, not mine.

In addition to ego-stroking, according to Harvey, being a lady means being a damsel in distress. Have an adventurous spirit? Not anymore. Harvey explains how his wife was a thrill-seeker before they married, but changed her ways for him. "Her life is in jeopardy and I can't do anything about it? No sir. No more of that." You see, being a 'lady' is all about making your man feel like your Protector. Don't put yourself in situations where he feels like he can't protect you. Oh, and being a lady also means minimizing your attributes so that you don't make your man feel like less of a man. If you're financially successful, don't flaunt it. Don't display your accomplishments because it may emasculate him. That would be baaaaad.


...Think Like a Man

Men are simple, Steve says. They only need three things, Steve says. Loyalty, support, sex, Steve says. These are their basic needs. If you're lacking in any department, than expect your man to stray. Fair enough.

Women, I'd argue, are simple as well. We want from a relationship, what we put into it. That's what we need. We show our love and devotion to our man, and we expect the same. Seems fair right?

Unfortunately, things aren't that open and shut. You see, according to Steve, our love isn't like their love. "Nothing on this planet can compare to a woman's love--it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure...Well, I'm here to tell you that expecting that kind of love from a man is unrealistic. That's right, I said it--it's not gonna happen, no way no how. Because a man's love just isn't like a woman's love." According to Steve, a man's way of showing he loves a woman is by professing it to people around them, protecting her, and providing for her.

Um, that's all well and good, but isn't that kind of expected in a long-term committed relationship? Hell, we do that shit in our own feminine way. Can't we get some of that sweet, nurturing, unconditional, love--the kind that makes us feel loved--that we give them in return? Steve says no. Because that's just "not in their DNA".

*Blank stare.*

What frustrates me about this book, and in general, is the fact that women are expected to change for men. Think like a man. Know what they want and cater to it. Know what they hate and don't do it. But when there is something we don't like about them, we have to live with it because "you can't change a man". We have to accept that men don't like talking about things, cuddling after sex, cheat just because "they can", and that there's nothing we can do about it. Because that's 'just the way they are'. We stroke his ego/kiss his ass, and hope that it'll be enough to keep him from going astray. Forget the fact that they we have unmet needs and desires. We just have to do everything in our power to keep them satisfied.

You've got books like this, shows like Tough Love, and movies like He's Just Not That Into You telling us everything we're doing wrong and how to change it. Maybe I've taken one too many feminist classes, but when the hell are we going to see a how-to guide for men? When is someone going to show them what they're doing wrong? Why does the woman have to think like a man? Why can't the man think like a woman for once?

Ughh. But I digress.

Unfortunately, my overall impression of this book was a big fat Meh/Womp. All it really did was confirm that men are complete self-righteous douchebags by giving me specific examples of how. And to top it all off, it told me that I have to accept the epic flaws of Man, kiss his ass, and be a modern day Stepford Wife if I want him to stick around and do right by me. If this is what it takes to find and keep a man, I might as well shave my head and go lesbo, because I am guaranteed to be single for life.

The only positive thing I can say about this book is, after explaining all the male bullshit, there is a chapter called The Playbook. Tips on how to 'win the game'. It was pretty basic really. 1) be upfront about what you want and don't settle for less 2) hold out on the sex if you want him to take you seriously. Um. Duh. Though we don't always obey these rules, most women know them. So, for me at least, this book didn't offer anything new.

Despite my obvious opposition, my final word would be to encourage women to read this book. Yeah, I hated it, but maybe it'll be useful to you. I understand that my take on this book is drastically different from many women. I'm reading it from a feminist perspective while others may be reading for a solution to their biggest relationship mistakes. My mother thought the book was wonderfully insightful. I thought it was wonderfully archaic and chauvinistic. The point is, different women have different views. So, don't let my review sway you. If you were considering it, I still say give it a read and see what you think. All I'm saying is it wasn't for me. And no matter how much praise this book gets, I ain't drinking the Kool Aid.

Source: Steve Harvey. Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man. 2008.