One Day I'll Fly Away

Damn, where have I been? Hell, where has everyone been? Blogworld is looking kind of bleak these days. It's definitely because of Twitter. Bloggers giving up blogging and are twogging instead. Not me though. I've abandoned Blogosphere and Twogosphere. Would like to blame it on school, but I can't even lie. I've been slacking in all aspects of life. I've got every type of -itis you can imagine right now. Bloggeritis, Summeritis, Sophomoritis, Lazyitis, Procrastinitis. I've been bumming it hard these days. And I can't even blame it on Depressionitis either.

Sidenote: You are what you say you are. If you claim Depression, Insanity, Worthlessness, Unloveability--you will be those things. Speak of yourself only in the affirmative, never in the negative. And if you can't do that, just remember what they used to tell us when we were kids: If you can't say anything nice (about yourself), don't say anything at all.

I'm no longer affected by "depression". I've faced my demons and found the power within myself to battle the feelings I was having. Still, I don't know why, but I'm just not feeling it. Though I'm not quite sure what "it" is. I'm so ready to be through with where I am. You ever get sick of seeing the same people everyday? Going to the same places? I'm at that point. I haven't signed a lease for my next school year because I'm anxious about living in a community where alllll the people I see in the dorms right now, will be. I want a fresh start. A clean slate. I don't want to see anyone I know now, give or take a few close friends.
I heard this quote recently:

People are most themselves when they are in a place where no one knows them.

I couldn't agree with this statement more. It struck me recently that, the person I am in college, isn't who I really am. When I first started, maybe I felt more comfortable because I wanted to fit in. Well, not so much fit in, but I wanted to have friends. New to a university, I didn't want to be a loner. I wanted to be and feel accepted. So, when I found my niche and group of friends, I was excited that I had 'people'. But now, I just want to be free to be me. To be my sometimes weird and quirky self. To sometimes lay on the Quad at night. To sometimes go see an Indie rock band or the classical piano man. To sometimes get it crackin at a black frat house. Or dance with no rhythm at a white one. I want to be free to be my Hippie/Hip Hop/Rock/Black conscious/Stanky Leg lovin'/Classy/Grungey/Jazzy/Artsy/Hopeless Romantic/Feminist/Earth-loving//God-fearing/Buddha believing/Astrological/ Spiritual Self.

Why do I have to just be one thing? Why can't I be an Artist? A Humanist? A Writer? Why can't I be everything. I feel incredibly limited. My current friends only know one side of me. But there's so much more to who I am.



The entire monologue is amazing, but she sums my world up at 2:28-3:07.

Sometimes I feel like my mind and spirit have outgrown my body, my surroundings, even my friends. How do you transcend to the next level without leaving everyone behind?

ps

To my lovely family and friends who read my blog, this is one of those posts that are off limits for discussion. I would have kept it to myself, but sometimes I just have to write it out. So please, take no offense, but don't try to probe me about this. It is what it is, and I'm searching Myself for the best solution.

pss

This post doesn't relate to you, blogfam. Because this is my blog. I feel like I can be myself here, truly and fully. If only I could say the same about the real world...