Tuesday, May 12, 2009

FIN, bitches.

I am OFFICIALLY done with finals. Whoo! You guys can't imagine how good this feels right now. It's been a really tough year for me, and not just for academic reasons. When you're striving for new heights in a building with a six foot ceiling, you're going to bump your head a lot. Or else, get a crook in your neck.

Bad analogy?

Well, I get. I explained this before but, I've felt really trapped here. Not at my school, but at this God forsaken dorm that I'm at. It's adjacent to dorm I stayed in last year, while I was in deep with all my Ex bullshit. I always felt like, since I didn't choose to move far away (because I secretly wanted to still be close to him), I kept myself from literally moving on. This year has been a series of failed attempts to let go of old shit. Everytime I tried, I'd let him coax me back. Everytime I told him I never wanted to talk to him again, I'd run into that very day. Call me a weak bitch if you want, but sometimes you NEED space to get over someone. For three years I've been involved with this guy. Seeing him every single day, it was hard to ignore him.

It's really hard when your heart (and body, for that matter) doesn't do what your mind tells it to. I've been so over Ex. I've accepted that he'll never respect or love me the way I want him to. I've accepted that, it wasn't that he didn't want a girlfriend. He just didn't want me. I've accepted my mistakes and errors in the situation. And I've accepted that there's nothing I can do to change it. It is what it is: It just wasn't meant to be. But despite my realizations, I kept going back to him. To be completely frank, I wasn't strong enough to let the fact that, I knew he was no good for me override the fact that I had a sore spot for him deep down.

But now, we're both going our seperate ways. He's moving to an area where all the black folks go, and I'm moving to an obscure apartment where no one will know me. This means saying goodbye to most of the friends I've made here so far. Sounds extreme? I don't think so at all. I think it's just what I need. New surroundings, new people. I need to shake off everything that reminds me, not just of Ex, but my past self. There comes a time in a person's life where Change is absolutely necessary. Who I've been and who I want to be, dramatically differ...But I won't go into all of that again.


I'm just happy that I can finally break free from Ex. Like seriously, break that shit off because the chances of seeing him around have gone from 9/10 to 1/10. For the first time in two years, I'm getting the physical distance I need. say, I'm never going to talk to him again, I can mean that shit. Not chance of running into him this Summer or when I come back here in the Fall. No reason to smile politely or try to keep things civil, just for the sake of being neighbors. I can finally, and literally, move the fuck on.

12 comments:

Dope Fiend said...

hey hun.

congrats on finishing school!
and you're not weak, you take all the space you need to completely let him go.

xoxo

unequivocal difference said...

Hellz Yes! To finishing school, and "x-ing" the ex out.

Make summer 2009 glorious!

Experience is the best teacher. said...

Yay!

I'm glad you and he are moving away from eachother. That'll help in your healing process.

You guys don't live near eachother back at home do you? In either case, I'm sure we'll be reading about your great summer!

Glo said...

Let the healing begin babe

Erin Michell said...

Congrats on being done!!!!!

Jaded said...

Outta sight/ outta mind. Finally.

Good shit.

strangetimes said...

Congradulations on finishing all of your finals and the new apartment. It's all well deserved.

Make May to August of '09 your time.

It's going to be an interesting summer, I can feel it in my bones.

YoungBlackBeauty said...

Yippee! Im glad ur are done with that. If you like it, i love it!

Tuotierugif >^..^<© said...

congrats on finishing up with finals I know it's a sigh of relief ;)

Robin Monique said...

*Doing my coony happy dance*

WOO-HOO! End of finals (I still have nightmares and my last final was 3 years ago!) and the end of the ex era.

Now you can go home and get comfortable in your new skin so that when you come back in the fall, you're wearing your new self well!

Miss Moody said...

"There comes a time in a person's life where Change is absolutely necessary."

That's a word right there.

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