Just thought I'd warn you that this post has no order. I'm just ranting. Just saying.
Well, I think I just about bombed my Art History final today. I studied all day and all night for it yesterday. Even woke up early this morning to get a little extra studying in before the exam. And then I get there...Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
It was one of those exams where I had to basically guess what would be on it. Everything from Roman architecture to Christian iconography could appear. Obviously, I didn't to test my luck and only focus on one thing. So I did a survey of everything. Only problem was, it didn't all stick like it should've. And, as luck would have it, everything I decided to skimp on, because it seemed so unlikely to be on the test, was there. Every single question.
So much for that 3.8...
Yesterday I reread the post I made a couple of days ago. You know, the one about the Facebook note. I was reading my own commentary within the post and in response to some of your comments and couldn't help but say, "Oooh...that wasn't nice." I had the mind to delete it, but decided against that because I never delete posts, unless they're too personal. So I left it. But then today, I got a few email notifications from a rare/new commenter. I don't know if this was his first time coming through, but what he left in response to "What Do These B**** Want From a N****" was: Such venom in here. Too much venom.
Now, it didn't bother me that this commenter didn't particularly care for our/my venom, because I still maintain that this blog is a place of free expression. So, I'll continue to say what I want here, and I encourage you gals (and guys) to do the same. What disturbed me was the fact that he was right. There was alot of venom. But what disturbed me even more was how much of it was on my end.
I've been really angry lately. Like, really, really angry. And not just at the world in general, because we all have those moments where we hate the world and everything in it (...right? lol). I thought long and hard about what's been causing me alot of strife lately and it hit me. MEN.
I've been hearing so many stories about men being...men. Lying, cheating, mistreating, abusing, abandoning, flaking, heartbreaking...I've seen so many strong women cry. I've cried myself. And it just makes me angry.
"The good ones screw you. The bad ones screw you. And the rest don’t know how to screw you." ~Sex and the City
You expect it when bad men do bad things. But when "good" men do it too, it just leaves a sense of hopelessness. Like, wow. Are there any decent ones left in the world?
Notice I'm using the word men and not boys? "I'm done talking to boys. I'm looking for a MAN". You know what I'm starting to realize? There's really no difference. Maybe I'm being too general here, but man or boy, most don't seem to know what they want.
He's 21 and she's 20. They were together for four years. She's a very beautiful young woman. She attends one of the top two schools in the country. And she's an incredibly devoted girlfriend. She just got out of school for the semester and decided to surprise her boyfriend at his. She bought a plane ticket, flew from Chicago to Florida...and caught him with another girl.
Oh, and did I mention he was a nice guy?
Now, I'm not even about to rant about men or bash them. It's not even worth it. I will say this though: When you hurt my friends, you hurt me. And I'm just...disappointed. Very disappointed.
Honestly, I feel like quitting. I feel like I'm holding my breath for a "good" one. I feel like he doesn't exist.
I'm just ready for this school year to be over. I'm ready to be home with family and old friends. I know getting away from school won't make a difference. Bad guys will be bad guys. And nice guys will be bad guys too. But, I don't know. There's just something about being around family that makes me not care so much.