Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Game Over.

Just thought I'd warn you that this post has no order. I'm just ranting. Just saying.

Well, I think I just about bombed my Art History final today. I studied all day and all night for it yesterday. Even woke up early this morning to get a little extra studying in before the exam. And then I get there...Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It was one of those exams where I had to basically guess what would be on it. Everything from Roman architecture to Christian iconography could appear. Obviously, I didn't to test my luck and only focus on one thing. So I did a survey of everything. Only problem was, it didn't all stick like it should've. And, as luck would have it, everything I decided to skimp on, because it seemed so unlikely to be on the test, was there. Every single question.

So much for that 3.8...

Sigh.

Yesterday I reread the post I made a couple of days ago. You know, the one about the Facebook note. I was reading my own commentary within the post and in response to some of your comments and couldn't help but say, "Oooh...that wasn't nice." I had the mind to delete it, but decided against that because I never delete posts, unless they're too personal. So I left it. But then today, I got a few email notifications from a rare/new commenter. I don't know if this was his first time coming through, but what he left in response to "What Do These B**** Want From a N****" was: Such venom in here. Too much venom.


Now, it didn't bother me that this commenter didn't particularly care for our/my venom, because I still maintain that this blog is a place of free expression. So, I'll continue to say what I want here, and I encourage you gals (and guys) to do the same. What disturbed me was the fact that he was right. There was alot of venom. But what disturbed me even more was how much of it was on my end.

I've been really angry lately. Like, really, really angry. And not just at the world in general, because we all have those moments where we hate the world and everything in it (...right? lol). I thought long and hard about what's been causing me alot of strife lately and it hit me. MEN.

I've been hearing so many stories about men being...men. Lying, cheating, mistreating, abusing, abandoning, flaking, heartbreaking...I've seen so many strong women cry. I've cried myself. And it just makes me angry.

"The good ones screw you. The bad ones screw you. And the rest don’t know how to screw you." ~Sex and the City

You expect it when bad men do bad things. But when "good" men do it too, it just leaves a sense of hopelessness. Like, wow. Are there any decent ones left in the world?

Notice I'm using the word men and not boys? "I'm done talking to boys. I'm looking for a MAN". You know what I'm starting to realize? There's really no difference. Maybe I'm being too general here, but man or boy, most don't seem to know what they want.

He's 21 and she's 20. They were together for four years. She's a very beautiful young woman. She attends one of the top two schools in the country. And she's an incredibly devoted girlfriend. She just got out of school for the semester and decided to surprise her boyfriend at his. She bought a plane ticket, flew from Chicago to Florida...and caught him with another girl.

Oh, and did I mention he was a nice guy?

Now, I'm not even about to rant about men or bash them. It's not even worth it. I will say this though: When you hurt my friends, you hurt me. And I'm just...disappointed. Very disappointed.

Honestly, I feel like quitting. I feel like I'm holding my breath for a "good" one. I feel like he doesn't exist.

I'm just ready for this school year to be over. I'm ready to be home with family and old friends. I know getting away from school won't make a difference. Bad guys will be bad guys. And nice guys will be bad guys too. But, I don't know. There's just something about being around family that makes me not care so much.

14 comments:

strangetimes said...

I'm sorry to hear about your exam. Ideally, you did better on it than you think. Worse comes to worse, you do very well in one second semister course to counterweight the final mark for this particular one.

As to the rest of the note...if I was there with you right now, I'd just be quiet and give you a hug. I think you need a hug more than anything. First chance you get, hug your mom for a good long while.

Tuotierugif >^..^<© said...

hopefully you did better than you thought on the exam, I go into half of my test's the way you did and manage to do okay ;) lol

People always raise thier daughters to be ladies and Women but they don't put the same effort into thier son's they live by the "boys will be boys" and thats what we end up with..."boys" smh :(

Bloggal said...

@ strange times: you know, i hope you're right about that. i completely froze in the beginning when i didn't recognize ANYTHING i studied. and once that happened, it kind of stole my confidence for the rest of the test. i eventually did get it back though. it was a written test so i managed to bs my way through it. let's just hope the professor can't tell.

and um, i'd like that hug right now lol. i think that is what i need. a nice, long platonic hug...

@ tuo: do you notice i shorten your name every time? lol from now on, i'm gonna just call you 'tgif' cause those are the letters that stand out...LMAO.

it's all really sad. maybe it's not as it seems. maybe i'm just stuck in a rut. but it just feels like stupidity/infidelity/doggitry is spreading like an std on a college campus. ugh.

Jaded said...

Ah. Bombing exams...you're in good company. Are you a good gauge on how well you do on exams? (like do you frequently think you've aced/ failed but the exact opposite occurs?)

I have to be honest I didn't comment on the facebook post because (even though I didnt agree with his POV) I felt like it was no diff then reading what a lot of others who are disenchanted with the opposite sex write (admittedly dumbed down lol).

The responses and your entry...while I wouldn't have described them as venomous...def had a whole "fight fire w/ fire" vibe going on. lol.

As for nice guys being bad...welp, I guess that depends on how you'd describe "nice". lol.

Qucifer said...

ah bebeh! shit happens... don't give up on yourself, an exam is not life, it won't determine the outcome of your path or anything like that


as for guys... you already KNOW good and well my stance on them and the ridiculousness they perpetrate for shits and giggles.... and yeah "the good guys" those are the worst cause they just got good at hiding their dirt and finessing their way in and out of situations with a minimal amount of damage (according to them) but is all the more shocking to chicks cause we realllllyyy don't foresee it coming from certain types

karrie b. said...

mannnnnn...

that's why i disabled that anonymous comments shit. i would have LOTS of venom every day!

but men, feh.

im tired of going hard when they could care less. whatever. when the right one comes along, i'll know. till then im just gonna live my life and have a bitchin time wit my girls and my guitar.

-kb

1/3 said...

aww:-( I hope you did ok on your test. If it was written you got it girl! you write really well:-)

You know I was gonna come at you with my usual advice "there are good guys out there" but its true alot of guys just dont care when it comes to a woman's heart.

I say live your life and if a good guy (not a poser) comes along and compliments your life and goals go along with it. no settling k???!!
:-)

clnmike said...

Sorry about your exam but you might want to wait for the results.

As for the rest...I leave yall to it.

Mista Jaycee said...

Sorry about your exam. You probally didn't do as bad as you think.

As far as the dude. That's jacked!
But be realistic, long distance relationship, young people, her included with raging hormones and all these new and interesting people just inching to satisfy said raging hormones. Both of them as probally you too are not ready for a real commitment other than you like and care for each other.

Y'all gotta respect the distance and the youth of each other. Heal and even though he pulled a jerk move, don't let it taint you. Dig?
Mista Jaycee

Bloggal said...

@ jaded: ugh, i know...i feel bad for anybody who happened to visit my blog for the first time on that day. they were probably like, "this chick got some anger management issues" lol.

and true too, that trashing them was no worse than him trashing us. BUT, i saved my bitch fit for the blog. when i commented on his actual note, i was much more respectful which was why he understood the offense...gotta vent here first, you know? lol

@ qq: crossin my fingers ma. i know i'll still no doubt pass the class but i really wanted an "a" for the semester. i'm probably looking at a "b-" if it went as bad as i think...oh well.

that's EXACTLY what i was telling kb. nice guys are extremely good at hiding they're dirt. being on the outside (the cheated on) and inside (the homewrecker) i know how it feels. they hide that shit so well that you don't EVER see it coming. it's kind of scary.

@ kb: amen babe. that's what i'm seriously thinking. not giving up but giving it a break. i feel like i'm standing at a discontinued bustop lol. time to walk home.

@ 1/3: girl, i love your optimism so much. it's refreshing because i can feel myself getting more and more cynical everyday. thanks for always laying some hopeful words on my blog. i appreciate it girly.

@ clnmike: thanks...but you don't have to "leave it to us"...no bashing here. like i said before, ain't even worth it.

@ mista jaycee: ok, a couple of things:

1) this ONE guys actions have not disenchanted me. obviously this is your first time here so you might wanna check the archives.

2) i understand "raging hormones" and all that. i understand that long-distance relationships are difficult. what i DON'T understand is why this guy had to CHEAT. why couldn't he break up with her? because he was being a selfish, greedy coward. nothing can justify that.

3) "Both of them as probaly you too are not ready for a real commitment other than you like and care for each other."

no disrespect, but you don't know me. i know what i'm ready for. i've been through enough to know what i want. "youth" is irrelevant here.

karrie b. said...

*daps bloggal*

Bloggal said...

@ kb: ...you feel me, right?!

::daps karrie baby and slaps her on the ass::

Eb the Celeb said...

that sex and the city quote is so on point... its definitely hits your harder when the good ones mess up... ugh!

Caspar608 said...

"Taking Control of Your College Reading and Learning"

Highly recommend it. Has study techniques in it that you might benefit from...it worked for me and my mind was so antiquated it had cobwebs hanging in it and ish.

Next semester will be dealt with in the same manner you would use an 8 ball in a black tube sock. Swing that thang around and get it crackin.

Until then, enjoy this much needed break and take care of YOU.

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