Monday, December 8, 2008

The Madonna/Whore Complex

A man with a Madonna-Whore complex is one who will sleep with and lust for a sexual and beautiful woman, but he will never respect her as "wife" material or marry her. In his eyes, she is tainted, impure, unworthy of the status of wife---yet he may possess passionate and contradictory feelings for her. He may even be in love with her but will never allow himself to be with her in any real sense. He will look for a "good girl" to marry---usually a woman who is cold sexually but, for example, is good at "wifely" domestic things: cooking, cleaning, homemaking in general, etc. A proper, pure "madonna" type woman who will bear his children. -Urban Dictionary.com

So, I know you guys are wondering: Which are you, Bloggal?

Well, this may come as a total shock (heheh) but based on this criteria, I'm definitely the "whore."

But lets, from now on, refer to this as something other than the Madonna/Whore Complex, so as not to offend any other "whores" who are sensitive to that word...Let's call it The Good Lover, Bad Mother Complex.

Brace yourselves for a little TMI. I'm not ashamed to divulge my "number" (and you shouldn't be either). I've been with four guys eversince I first became sexually active. But even before I lost my virginity, I was already very aware of my sexuality. So, when I had sex for the first time, it all came very naturally. Granted, it took me a little practice in the technique department, but I inherently knew what it would take to leave my partner satisfied. With every guy I've been with since then, I've gotten better and better at what I do.

While the guys were all appreciative of the special attention I gave them, there always seems to be a downside. The trend was usually that we dated for a while, I gave him amazing sex, and then he'd eventually dip to hook up with a more "wholesome" chick. A girl who seemed less "out there", less frank about her sexuality. A pure, virginal girl. One who made him wait a little longer. Or one whose resistance made her that much more desirable.

Now, I'm not saying that the reason most of my long/short-term relationships ended was just because the guys I was dating thought I was too much of a freak to take seriously. But there is a definite correlation there. It's a shame we live in such a close minded society where a woman who knows how to handle her business in the bedroom is thought to be impure, or unfit for mother/wifehood. That's some super prehistoric shit right there. Since when does a woman's sexuality dictate her parental and matronly abilities? I'm one of the most devotional and nurturing people you'll ever meet. But apparently that doesn't matter in a culture wracked with societal double standards.

I'm not gonna lie, I used to let it get to me. And sometimes, it still does. Sometimes I feel like, in order to be respected and taken seriously, I'd have to suppress my sexuality. Appear to be a prude who's all icky about sex, and then maybe they'd want to stick around. But then I realize that I like sex far too much for that shit. I know I have alot going from me. It should be known that, while I'm good in bed, I also make a really great girlfriend. I'm Loving. Loyal. Passionate. Supportive. But at the same time, I know how to keep things interesting. If a guy was smart, he'd stick with chick like me.

So, if being a good lover makes me a whore, I take it as a compliment.


23 comments:

Deutlich said...

Uhm.

I'm really all sorts of glad I found your blog.

Just sayin.

karrie b. said...

heffa, PLEASE. ok?

i did an inventory just 3 weeks ago on how many men i've slept with...why did i FORGET like 4 on the list?

"toto, i don't think we're in single digits anymore..."

i'm up to 16. you better be proudddddddd miss honey, because forgetting some of the men you slept with is NOT what's hot in the streets...

then again some of them were pretty forgettable *shrugs* oh well.

-kb

p.s. yea, i'm the "whore" too...but looking for romance. it's the carrie in me :-/

N.I.K.E. said...

For Me, It Takes A Real Strong Woman To Be Open About Her Sexuality. This By Far, Is The Most Realest Post I've Ever Read.

Bloggal said...

@ deutlich: aww, thanks babe. i'm glad you like it! i know you see me followin your ass like a stalker. i'm lovin your blog as well:)

@ karrie: hoe, (and you know i'm using that as a term of endearment lol) ain't nothin wrong with being in the double digits. nothin at all. i fuckin hate that double standard. i'm still on one hand for the mere fact that i tend to sleep with the same guy for a lonnnnnnge as time. one time me and ex tried to calculate how many time we did it...had to be WAY over 300. not even kidding.

the fucked up part is, the thing that makes a woman a "whore" in this case is the fact that she has skills! if that ain't the most nonsensical thing i've ever heard of, i don't know what is.

@ N.I.K.E.: thanks, i appreciate that. it would be nice if more women would do the same...

QUESTION TO ALL THE FELLAS: do you have the complex? be honest.

clnmike said...

Yeah I suufer from that complex as well but hey i dont make the rules I just follow them.

Bloggal said...

ugh mike. why?

Qucifer said...

Guys are sorry dicks when they pull that ridiculosity, plain an simple, why? cause what sort of sense does it make that your dumb ass would want to continue to perpetrate the concept of a side piece or a sexually unsatisfying marriage just cause YOU ar e small minded instead of having a c COMPLETELY Awesome partner, cause, um, I can such a mean dick and cook and although I don't favor children, i'm quite competent in that department, likewise in a relationship My whore does not come out for anyone else but my man.... Ugh this bullshitry disgust me


and my number is quite high and I'm quite happy with it.. why? cause i THOROUGHLY enjoyed every single orgasm I got from it, and every toe, finger, pussy back ass licking and hair pulling I've got, it's all been well thought out, thoroughly and deviously planned out and kinkily enjoyed

No. Regrets!

Qucifer said...

WAIT! and I gotta come back cause like; um so Dude wouldn't want to marry someone..Why.... cause she satisfies him in bed? too much ?? *head scratch* howdafuckdoesthatoneevenmakesense???

Bloggal said...

@ qq: ugh quddha. how i love you so, momma.

"i can suck a mean dick and cook and although I don't favor children, i'm quite competent in that department, likewise in a relationship My whore does not come out for anyone else but my man...."

this right here is so on point! a guy who believes a woman who is good in bed wouldn't make a good wife is not only severely ignorant, but also a full blown dunce. like you said, why the hell wouldn't you want a woman who can please you sexually, spiritually, AND mentally? that's why mofos are always cheating--they settle with the "nice" girl who can't please him worth a lick, when they could've had the whole package!..but i'm getting personal here so let me stop lol.

you know, mike's comment had my blood boiling for a minute too. i actually started typing my "WTF??? you're a fool" response, but erased it cause i wanted to give him a chance to state his case. i'm also serious what the logic is behind that mess, especially when you KNOW that it's an ignorant generalization.

Bloggal said...

@ mike: i'm not gonna lie, i'm shocked you actually admitted that, without even backing up why.
"i don't mak the rules, i just follow them." REALLY ??? i would hope that you make your OWN rules, and say fuck what society tells you feel. like qq said, wouldn't you WANT a woman who could give you mind blowing sex as well as a mind blowing meal?

Brothers Blog said...

Well I live by the creed "I want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets." So as long as she conducts herself lady like in public then I hope that she can work wonders in the bedroom. As long as it's just for me and she's disease free I don't mind how many have come before me (not too too many though lol). But I like sex too much as well to be dealing with some female that don't know what she doing when we get in the bedroom. That's not what's up there.

Bloggal said...

@ brother's blog: see, now THAT'S something i can respect! i too live by that same creed. i guarentee you that not one dude i've been with could tell by looking at me, that i'm as sexual as i am. why? because i don't advertise it.

thank you for help proving that not all guys are slave and followers of social "rules". kudos to your enlightenment.

Skinny Black Girl said...

You have no idea how much easier my life would have been had I figured this out when I was your age.

Any man who allows stereotypes to dictate what's right for him, rather than doing some (gasp) critical thinking to figure it out on his own is for the birds.

I ALLOW NO MAN TO DETERMINE THE VALIDITY OF MY WOMANHOOD. I DETERMINE MY WORTH.

Tell those clowns to keep it moving. They'll be pissed when they're 45 and married to a chick they have to damn near beg to give them head. Trust.

Tuotierugif >^..^<© said...

I hate that guys are sopposed to push and push and push and girls are sopposed to resist and say no. I mean wheres the logic? lol I think people just need to grow up, I hate that guys will sleep with a woman on the first date and then judge her but wont jugde themselves! ugh, I could go on all day lol love the blog!

Video Vix[o]n said...

i'd call myself a whore, yeah that sounds pretty much right...

i'm trying to slow my role. whoring aint causing me nothing but trouble.

and that whole double standard thing is wack, i mean really, we're in 2009, that shit needs to get out of ppls heads about misconceptions, lets be on our grown shit here folks.

nice post.

Bloggal said...

@ skinny: "Any man who allows stereotypes to dictate what's right for him, rather than doing some (gasp) critical thinking to figure it out on his own is for the birds."

amen, amen, and amen!!! i couldn't agree with you more on this. i pray that at least SOME men aren't as closeminded as that...though the majority probably is. sad.

@ tuotier: i know girl, it's ridculous and disgusting. double standards suck for real. whenever i write about it, i get pissed off. will soon retire the topic for about 6 months so i won't be unleashing my wrath on my male readers lol.

thanks for following me babe:)

@ vv: LMAO!...um, i think you're a little confused about what a "whore" is IN THIS CASE--someone (a woman usually) who thoroughly enjoys and is good at sex. so how many partners she's had is irrelevant.

of course, i'm just saying that's the whole idea behind the complex. it's by no means true.

but thanks for your honesty hoe...uhp! i mean THOUGH. LMAO!! J/P buddy:-D hahaha

Nina said...

great post!

i think i kinda gave up giving a fuck along time ago what people think. i think that men (rather pussies) tend to run away or get intimidated by a woman who is secure in herself sexually.

once you get older, it becomes easier to handle because the men you deal with (will hopefully) be more secure in what they are doing and who you are...

A.M. said...

As u should take it as a compliment. I know exactly what u mean, well kinda. Everyone looks at me as the good girl, but really its just me suppressing that side because I've seen how so many women much like urself, who know what they want, get treated in the end. Being caged sucks.

Video Vix[o]n said...

*sound of airplane going over head*

yeah, i clearly knew that. ;$

Bloggal said...

@ nina: thanks! you know, i'd like to believe that guys get better about that sort of thing, but it hasn't been so. i've dated a few older guys and it seems that they're doing the same shit that youngins do. except they just have bigger balls.

@ a.m.: i totally feel you. we can be the "good girl" and conceal your sexuality, or we can be a confident sex goddess. either way, we're screwed. we're really limited as womomen in what persona we can put out there.

@ vv: dude, i'm so not good at reading internet sarcasm so if you were trying to treat me, that went right over my head lol!

Muze said...

what?

so wait... if you make his toes curl TOO much you're not worthy of meeting mama?

so. WACK.

first, they need to remember the term, like brothers blog said, lady in the streets and freak in the sheets.

that's the only way to do it, as far as i'm concerned.

and any man who has this archaic thought process doesn't deserve to be with me anyhow. i'm cool with my number AND with my skills, and i dare a man to say anything about my 'worthiness' as a mother, girlfriend or wife.

Jaded said...

I'm late but and maybe this has been said but...women have a tendancy to do the same thing...except I refer to it as a bad boy complex: they lust after men who don't treat them as well as they want/ claim/ desire to be treated, while plenty of so called nice guys lay in wait.

Honestly, I'm not sure what I am on this but I've only been with one guy. Some how I'm thinking I'm not Madonna. lol.

Bloggal said...

@ muze: YES!!! i couldn't have said it better. like, seriously, i couldn't lol.

@ jaded: why am i just now seeing this??? you're so right, girls do have their own version of this. but if you think about it, it's kind of reversed. we want to settle with the bad guy, try to change first of course, but we're not even interested in DATING the nice one...hmm. thanks for bringing that up. i think i'm gonna make a post about that.

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