Why Ghosts Don't Scare Black Women

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Girls Who Hit On Gay Guys

So, there's this guy I kind of have a crush on. He's pretty much a flamer. But that doesn't stop me from flirting with him.



You don't scare me, Chris Crocker!

What the D.U.F.F.???

Sometimes I feel like such a fuddy duddy because I'm so out of the loop on today's slang. I just recently became aware of an acronym that is apparently common knowledge:

D.U.F.F.

I've heard this expression being thrown around alot lately, but I had no idea what the hell it meant. Eventually my curiousity get the best of me, and looked it up in my trusty Urban Dictionary. These were my findings:

D.U.F.F.=Designated Ugly Fat Friend

1.
Often in many large groups of women (usually adolecents) there will be a D.U.F.F. as a means to look better by comparison.

I only hang out with her becuase I need a D.U.F.F., otherwise, she'd be, so, history.


2.
The cock-blocking friend of the hot chick you're trying to hook up with, often the target of the wingman.

I was totally in with this chick and then her D.U.F.F. totally cock-blocked me! -or- I'll take her, while you distract her D.U.F.F.!

Who thought of this shit?

I did a little more research on the D.U.F.F. Theory and found this:



I wouldn't suggest watching the entire video because this negro is a total douche, but the first 30 seconds pretty much surmise the D.U.F.F. Theory.

Here's another video. According to this guy, every group has a D.U.F.F. Not just girls. I wouldn't suggest watching this in its entirety either. I didn't.


So anyway, my question is if there's anyone out there--guy or girl--who believes in this theory? I know you don't want to come off as a douchebag, but I'm curious. Do you have a D.U.F.F.? Or better yet, are you a D.U.F.F.?

Here To Stay

It's soooooo flippin' cold outside. 29 degrees. 29 effing degrees!!! Ugh, I hate midwestern weather.

But that's not the point of today's post. I've been thinking alot about this whole url change. I've noticed the votes, and that most people believe I shouldn't change it. I talked to my mom about it, and she told me the same thing:

"You have to stop changing things for people. If it's what you wanna do, than do it. But if you're not uncomfortable knowing he's reading, than why should you?"

I love my mommy. *smiles*

She got me thinking about the bigger picture though. As a writer, I can't please everybody. Someone is going to have a problem with something I say--it's unavoidable. Everytime that happens, am I going to shut down my blog, run away from my critics? No. I have to keep writing. Keep doing what I love. And keep at it without abandon.

Anyway, after much consideration, I've decided not to change my url. In fact, I'm going to buy the domain, like I always wanted to.

Sorry for making everybody post up their email addresses lol. It's still good to know who's reading; I'll make a point to visit your blogs and return the favor:).

I know you all are probably like, "big whoop--you're keeping your url". But it is a big deal for me because I do have the tendency of making changes whenever something doesn't please someone, and I'm not just talking relationship wise. I'm a people pleaser in every sense, and I hate to disappoint. But I realize that sometimes you have to do what's best for yourself, even if it displeases someone else. Because, if you don't do what's best for you, who else will?

So, yes, Love is a Minefield is here to stay.

p.s.
For those of you who emailed me concerned about it, from now on I will keep mentions of Ex to a minimum. Meaning I'll rarely, if ever, write about him. As for worries about my content being censored, I'll continue to write as I always have.

xo,
bloggal

Crazy-Bitch Blurbs

I love my museum job. I was made for it. To some people, standing in a quiet art gallery for hours could be the most boring occupation imaginable, but not to me. After all the hustle and bustle of the work week, it's a nice slow down. Since I'm in there for eight hours, there's no rush. I can clear my head and think for as long as I need to. It's usually a good thing, as it gives me time to reflect on things I've repressed for the past week. But this weekend, all I could think about was what I said I wouldn't talk about. More specifically, who I said I wouldn't talk about. I made a promise, and I'll keep it. But before I can keep it, I've got to rant for a minute lol.

*So I've been thinking about him alot lately. I could say it's due to what recently happened. Or because I recently had sex with him. Or because I'm currently off the market, and I have the tendency to think about him when no one else is in the picture. Maybe it's a combination of all of these things, because whatever it is, I can't stop thinking about him. And it's driving me crazy. I've learned to control my impulses, so I don't act on the thought of texting/calling him everytime he pops into my mind. But the thoughts still occur as frequently as the did before, when I was in the midst of my situation with him. And I can't quite figure out why. I guess that's my Big question: Why now? Why, after all this time, can't I get him out of my head?

*It makes me think of that episode of Sex and the City, when Charlotte talks about Great Loves. Ex was mine--the "one that shook me to my very core. The one that, after which I was never the same..." Yep, that's him. But, I thought that you were supposed to eventually move on. Get over the Great Love. I feel like I'm over him, but something still remains and I don't quite know what to call it.

*"Don't look back at a new direction/I loved you once, needed protection/You're still a part of everything I do/You're on my heart just like a tattoo."

I loathe this song for some reason but it's true.

*I saw him with his girlfriend together at lunch before I went to work today. No matter how much time goes by, it shakes my system everytime. They were sitting at a table and I was looking for one. I made momentary eye contact with his girlfriend before I realized it was her. I stole a glance at him. He gave me a barely detectable pinky wave, I gave him my "well whadduya know" smile, and made my getaway. The tension was palpable, as it always is. At least my hair was on point today lol. It sucks to run into your ex and his new girl while you're looking like a wreck. Anyway, I thought I wasn't fazed by it until I realized I was shaking almost uncontrollably when I attempted to serve myself from the salad bar (croutons all over the place, hot ass mess lol). But what's with that??? How is that still my reaction seeing them together after allllll this time?

*It's kind of pathetic that I still even care. I mean, it's clear that he doesn't anymore. And he shouldn't. Normal people move on, and that's what he did. But there's something inside of me that can't--won't--let go. As much as I want to...

I used to think it was about closure. But it isn't. I got closure a long time ago. Sometimes I think maybe I am still in love with him but I don't know it. Other times, I think it's my romanticized idea of the First Love. You know the way it works in the movies. You date...break up...date...break up...date...break up for three years...and then you realize that you couldn't find anyone better than your first and so you marry them. Maybe I've watched Sex and the City the movie one time too many lol. The fairy tale ending doesn't look like it's in the cards for me and Ex. He and his girl are never breaking up. I'm sure of it. They have their petty fights but they get each other...

*Ugh, I just hate that they're together. I might bitch about him and say mean things about her, but what it comes down to is, I can't stand that he's with her! I can't stand that he's being the boyfriend I wanted him to be, with her. I can't stand that there's just something about them that...works. It doesn't hurt me the way it used to. It's not the pain in my heart that it used to be. It's the rock in my shoe that just irritates me. So, maybe it's not him. Maybe it's not them. I think it's HER. SHE'S the one that he left me for. SHE'S the one that he cared for more than me. SHE is the constant reminder of what I went through to try and be with him. If it was anybody else, I could take it. I'm not opposed to seeing him with someone new. In fact, I'd prefer it. I think it would make our friendship better. But it's her. It's still her...I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!

...And with that, the Crazy-Bitch Rant has reached its conclusion lol.

But seriosuly, we officially broke up over a year ago. They've been together about as long as we've been apart. And I'm still on this bullshit. Somebody please talk some sense into me lol.

Bye, Bye Loveisaminefield.com..:-(

So, I don't think I have to wait a full 6 days for the poll to be over because it seems pretty unanimous; I'm changing my url. I guess it's for the best, but I honestly don't want to do it. I love my url lol. I was actually planning on buying the domain and everything. To be honest, I'm not worried that I'll censor my writing now that I know Ex is reading because he and I aren't together anymore. I know he couldn't care less about whether or not I'm sleeping with someone else. I'm more uncomfortable about the fact that everything I've ever written--all the things I wrote in moments of sadness, anger, or pain--will always be there for him to refer to. They are hurtful words that may have been true at some point, but aren't now. And I don't want to delete that stuff because, well, it is my story. I learned a great deal from all of my experiences with him, and I don't want to erase the past. But I guess my hands are kind of tied on this one so, I'm going to just do what needs to be done.

As for Ex and I, we talked about things. We made up in the best way we know how, and I think we're okay for the most part. Except for the fact that I know he'll never confide in me again. But all I can do is apologize and not dwell too much. After today, you won't hear anymore about this drama. Cause I know I do have the tendency to obsess lol.

Since I don't want to lose my readers, I'm going to try to make this change as unnoticeable as possible. Please leave your email address as a comment (or email it to me: riprue@yahoo.com) so that I can send you the url when I finally do change it. I'll make the official change next Wednesday. Hopefully, by then everyone who regularly stops by will have left there addresses and won't miss out on the move. Until then, I guess I'll have to just deal with the awkwardness for a while...ugh.

Hopefully by Monday I'll be less weird about all this because, honestly, it is kind of getting to me. Anyway, enjoy your weekends!

Retraction.

I think we can all agree to an extent that the people we are on our blogs aren't exactly the same people we are in real life. GLO, I know you wouldn't be cursin' up a storm in the work place the way you do on your blog. Same with you, Jaded. And Q, you'd never call Talky Bitch that to her face. And Karrie, you wouldn't--well, nevermind. I forgot you're the girl who said "cunt" to her own momma lol...The whole point is, we all take safety and solace in knowing that no one in the "real" world reads our blogs. It's like leading a double life; sometimes we're a litte two-faced. We say shit we wouldn't normally say. We talk about people we wouldn't normal talk about. As writers, we allow our creative juices to flow and we sometimes embellish a little. I know I do. Which is why...

I am abosolutely mortified.




Earlier today, I made a post about Ex and I having sex on Homecoming weekend (yes, I'm still a homewrecker, but judge me later). If you haven't read it already you'll never get a chance to because I deleted it. As much as it killed me to--because that post took a good hour to write--I did it by request. Yes dear readers, say hello to Ex because he is reading right now.


He called me about an hour ago and we had a nice long chat. Turns out he read my blog through and through pretty much--from it's hellish beginnings up until now. He told me he was hurt by the things that I said about him and I can understand why. This blog is basically built on a story of heartbreak and pain that was the result of a relationship with him, therefore, alot of the times I mentioned him I may have said some less than benevolent words. He feels like I've portrayed him as an asshole, a sex fiend, a liar, and a cheater. I didn't think that was true until I read through the posts myself and realized that the majority of the things I've said about Ex were negative. The truth is, while he and I do still have our differences, we are friends today. And I admit, it is a bit unfair of me to only write about the bad things he's done. So, Ex, consider this an apology and a retraction, among other things.



Now ladies, I know you may not be crazy about the fact that I'm issuing this public apology, but I'm doing it because I think it's necessary. I admitly have said some very harsh things about Ex, and I can understand why he's hurt. If I hated him like my writing on here implies, than my behavior towards him should reflect that. But it doesn't because I don't hate him, which is why it came as such a surpise/disappointment for him to read the things I've said about him. It's not so much the old slander that bothered him as it was the recent stuff. Things I've said when we were supposedly "cool". So readers, please excuse me now while I kiss my ex's ass. Feel free to stop reading.


Here's the real truth:



Ex and I are on good terms right now. Well we were before this. While I do have some risidual feelings for him, I am for the most part over our little love triangle. I do at times secretly miss him but it all passes before the end of the day. That said, if I ever gave the impression that he is a total jerk, it was false. Everything I write here is based on my real life experiences. I write as things happen to me, but as a writer, I do exaggerate for the sake of narrative. Don't get me wrong, nothing I write here is fabricated or untrue, but I do embellish sometimes. And these little embellishments can mean the difference between Ex simply seemingly lile a heartbreaker versus him seeming like the Devil. So, although Ex may come off as an asshole from my writing, he's isn't. My post from earlier today was extremely one sided, so I know he looked like a big man whore. He's not though. He's human and makes mistakes, and it was kind of grimy of me to only point out (and exaggerate) his flaws. In spite of his mistakes and everything I went through with him, he really is a nice guy. Seriously.



I know what you're probably thinking, Ex. Bullshit. Total bullshit. But it's true. I do think you're a nice guy. And I know you're wondering why I'd write these things if I didn't hate you. Yeah, you broke my heart, but if I'm as "over" as I say, than my writing needs to reflect that, right? Mmhmm, there-in lies the problem. I am still just a little bitter. It is hard to accept that you and her are still together, even after alllllll this time gone by. If you really did read my blog as thoroughly as you said, you probably remember reading this:


He does the sweet boyfriend things that I always wanted him to do when we were together...How can I not take it personally. Everything I always wanted from him, he can do for her. I think that's the real reason we can't be friends. I'll always resent him. She's a constant reminder that I wasn't good enough for him. That it wasn't that he couldn't commit. It was that he wasn't willing to commit to ME. For a long time I wondered, why her? But now I know the real question is, why not me?

So, I admit. There is still a little animosity there. And it might occasionally leak out in my posts. But, I really do sincerely apologize for hurting your feelings and being that two-faced little bitch we all know and hate. No matter what you've read hear, I do still care for you and I considered you that friend I could call on if I ever needed to, even if we didn't talk daily....I do still love you, Ex. Even though I'm not "in love" with you anymore, you're still a person that I hold near and dear to my heart. And I'm terribly sorry that I've hurt you and betrayed your trust. I TOTALLY understand if you never confide in me again, but I just want you to know that I don't hate you. I still deeply care for you and I still think you're one of the coolest people I know. Yes, despite all that bullshit. And I'm sorry that you had to see this blog because I know it doesn't reflect that...

But seriously, Ex is not just my ex. Nor is he an asshole, a sex fiend, a liar, or a cheater. He's my friend. And I guess that makes me a bad friend for making him out to be the villain all the time....And, I guess that also means I should stop bitching about the past and just get over it, right?

Right....

UPDATE: Please take my poll--> Thanks:)

Blogroll Update

I have about 20 blogs bookmarked on my computer so I decided it's about time to update my blogroll. Before I do, I was wondering if anyone had any good blog recommendations? Or, if you read this blog but have never commented, let me know so I can blogroll you.

thanks!

bloggal

I Want My Body Back!

Last year, I put on the Freshmen 15 and never took it off, so I've decided to finally do it.

My goal is to lose between 15-20 lbs by the end of the year. I know, that's alot but 20lbs in 9 weeks is totally doable. I did it two years ago so I should be able to do it again. And before any of you say that I don't need to lose 20 lbs, I'll say you don't know how much I weigh right now lol...I guess I'm less concerned with the pounds than with the inches. I just want to feel comfortable in my clothes. So that means none of this:

None of this:

And definitely, none of this:

LOL!!! Okay, I'm exaggerating. I don't have any fleshy overspillage like that (even though anybody can have a muffin top if you wear pants 2 sizes too small). But I do have some tummy fat that I'd like to firm up. Nothing drastic. This is a pic of me the summer before I went to college.

Not fat, not skinny--just healthy. I was happy this size. So, when I get back to my pre-college weight, I'll be satisfied. I've been doing good so far. Last week, I started a healthy diet and workout routine, and I haven't cheated or slacked off yet. Been in the gym 5 days out of the week and I've had less than my Estimated Calorie Maintenance Level everyday. Yay for me! Whenever I set my mind to losing weight, I always do. It's just a matter of determination and discipline and I've got plenty of that, right? lol

This is Better Than the Time When I....

....Made my 100th blog post, Bitches! *In nasally Peter Griffin voice*

Only true Family Guy fans can appreciate that moment lol.

When I first started this blog, I hardly expected to make it to the 15th post. I've been such a flake in the past with my blogs--I'd start one and desert it within a month--that I expected this one to be no different. But now I'm so glad I stuck to it because, if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met all the wonderful people that I have today.

Seriously, I appreciate each and every one of you. When something good (or bad) happens, you're the first people that I want to tell. I've truly began to regard you all as my family and friends; the ones I can depend on even when my real life ones aren't there for me. I can always count on you all for words of encouragement or advice, and that's invaluable to me. As you all may know--some more than others--I started this blog at a very dark time in my life. And without all of your support, I know I may not be doing as well as I am right now. So, thank you ALL so much for being here for me. I truly, truly appreciate it.

So, of course I have to do a few shoutouts to my immediate blog fam :) (in alphabetical order):

Antithesis: Yours was one of the first blogs I ever bookmarked. After reading a few posts I said, wow this is one head strong chick. You're single because you won't settle, and that's soooo refreshing. Alot of times, females (myself formerly included) end up in less than fulfilling relationships because they're afraid to be alone. Not you! You don't take bull shit from any man and I like that in a woman. So, thank you for being proof that being single isn't the end of the world, because alot of times we're taught to believe that it is.

Don: One of my few male readers:) You were the very first person to EVER comment on my blog. I remember when you did, I was like, "WTF??? Somebody is actually reading this shit?" lol. But you were there from the very beginning, when I was dealing with my baaaaad breakup with Ex and kept on falling back into the same cycle. I felt like a failure because of it, but you kept reminding me that I was human, that I'd make mistakes, but I'd eventually learn. And I did:)...So thank you for being there when I thought nobody was:).

Camila: Ever since I found out that you're 19 years old as well, I felt less alone in the blog sphere. We yougins have to stick together! lol...I may not comment often (because school is a biotch, you know how it is) but I make sure to stop by and see the latest at LEAST once a week. I'm still semi-new to your blog so I very much look forward to getting to know you (and your blog) better:)

Charles: You are one of those guys that make me realize there are some good ones left in the world. Whenever you comment, your words are always encouraging, warm, and sensitive to whatever I'm dealing with. You're so decent and understanding, and any chick would be very lucky to end up with a guy like you. So, thank you for giving me hope that the nice guys are still out there:).

Eb the Celeb: Renaissance Black Woman. You couldn't have named your blog better. You epitomize my ideal of a 20 Something Black Woman. I love the life you live--it's free and uninhibited. Your fearlessness, and that's so appealing in a woman. I love how you keep it real on your blog. You don't sugar coat anything. Your words are raw and unfiltered--I love it!

GLO: Girl, you always crack me up when I come to your blog. You've got the foulest blog vocabulary I've ever seen, and yet I find it incredibly endearing lol. You're smart, funny, and hella hot. If it doesn't work out with Dude, holla at your girl *wink* LMAO...But seriously, I love your blog. It's always entertaining and a pleasure to read. So keep writing and I'll keep coming back girly:)

Jaded: We only just recently "met" (lol) but I still regard you as a blog sis. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in my experiences because, I have to say, I see ALOT of myself in you, the good and the bad lol. And I still to this day, very much appreciate you taking the time out to send me a personal message of advice while I was in the midst of my Cocky Catastrophy lol. It meant alot:)

Karrie B: You were my first dose of Don't Give a Fuck blogging. I look forward to reading your blog everyday because I know that Ms. KB is going to apologetically say some wreckless shit lol. You let loose and say whatever is on your mind, regardless of what anyone thinks and I love you for that! (You're the one who motivated me to stop censoring my blog:). But in all seriousness, I love that you love yourself. And that kind of self-love is something that cannot be taught. Only learned. So kudos to you for being so young and content with who you are. It's bitches like you that inspire me to do the same.

Muze: Ahhh, another blog soul sister lol. The way you write--and what you write--so frequently echos my own thoughts and style that, that it's eerie. Yours is one of those blogs that I look forward to visiting because I know there will be always be something thought provoking and hmmm inducing lol. So, keep writing and I'll most definitely keep reading:)

Qucifier: Because so many of my compliments to you often borderline homo, I'm going to keep them to a minimum right now. But as I've said before, your advice is always just in time. When I'm on the verge of a mini meltdown, I think back to something you said, and it does give me peace. I love your confidence and composure when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex--two areas that I need alot of work in lol. So, thank you so much Mama Q, for bestowing your wisdom on your little baby whore.

Skinny Black Girl: I remember when I first found your blog. I was a lurker for a long time because I never quite knew what to say. I was just in of awe by your story. You had been through so much and came out so strong and I found it increpdibly inspiring. I loved reading your blog because you seemed to have such a sense of self. I love how your experiences have made you the wise, strong, smart woman you are today. You find the light at the end of your darkest tunnels and you learn and grow from the hardships you endure. Your knowledge and self assurance is truly admirable, and I hope that one day soon, I'll arrive to that point in my life where I'm as self content as you are.

Torrance: Even though you're the One Million Comment/Blogroll Man, you still manage to stop by and lay some insight on my humble little blog, almost daily. Your commentary is always honest and I respect your frankness, even though I may not always agree with you. Sometimes you confuse the hell outta me, but I still love ya folk lol.

Sidenote: Why is that I felt the need to write "no homo" after nearly all of my posts about other female bloggers? Whatev. I'm not ashamed to say it. I love you ladies--ALL homo, NO hetero lol.

And as for my extended blog family, I haven't forgotten about yall. Those of you who may not be regulars, but have commented once or twice, thank you so much for stopping by and showing some love. Even though I may not comment often, I still peep your blogs on some stalker shit:)

Dope Fiend
Fluff the Artist
Philly's Andrea
Cee.Adon.is
The Love Collective
N0daysoff
TomGurl
Poison Ivy
Knowledge of the Union
Que. P
Kei
Lolita Flowers
iCandy21
Christopher
PhlyyGirl
(vixen chick)
Bombchell
Chic Reporter
The Flyyest

For anyone else I didn't mention, but still lurks: show yo self! I'll be sure to stop by and show some blog love.

Sorry for getting all mushy with yall, but you're like my real family :-). I truly appreciate each and everyone of you, and I feel privileged to be acquainted with such fine people.
XO, bloggal

Dating 101: The Truth About Why Men Cheat

I always see these little stories featured on Yahoo since it's been my homepage for so long. I never click on them, but this one caught my eye.

Out of 200 men surveyed:

48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.
66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair.
77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated.
40% of cheating men met the other woman at work.
Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.
Only 6% of cheating men had physical intimacy with a woman after meeting her that same day or night.

There's a full article, but I'm only posting the statistics because I found them the most interesting. Click here for the entire story.

I'm actually shocked that so many guys feel guilty (66%) during the affair. I'd like to say that I'm surprised that only 12% of the men said their mistresses were more attractive than their wives. But I'm not. Don't know what it is, but alot of times guys seem to downgrade in physical appearance when they cheat. That's what happened to me. WTF's up with that? I'd semi understand if the chick was hotter than me. But when she's got a busted face/body/attitude, I take that shit even more personally lol.

Me, Myself, and I.

It's a Friday night. Everyone's either at a frat party, the movies, the Homingcoming of another university, or they're caking with their boos. What am I doing on this lovely Friday evening, you may ask? Having myself a Scrubs marathon (God, that show is hilare!). Who am I watching it with? Me, myself, and I. And I'm absolutely having a ball.

I'm so content right now, I can't even begin to explain it...Okay okay, I'll try lol.

For the past year, I've been in search of something. Or someone, rather. I've been so afraid to be alone that I've bounced from one dysfunctional relationship to another. I've settled for momentary satisfaction, even though I knew that it would only be a matter of time before it went sour. And when it did go sour, yeah, it hurt. Bad. Each time, it bruised my ego, but not long enough for me to jump right in with someone else within a matter of weeks. All the while, hurting myself with each rejection. Each sacrifice I made in vain.

There were moments in between when I tried to accept being single. I'd adopt this "I'm too good for you anyway" attitude so that I wouldn't feel like I was missing out. But even though I tried, I couldn't convince myself of it. I didn't feel like I was too good for anyone. I felt like I wasn't good enough. Why was I not good enough? I wanted a boyfriend, someone to love me so badly. And I felt a void because I didn't have it. Thus, the vicious cycle.

Seriously, there must've been a shift in the universe because something changed in me a few days ago. I don't know if it was the conclusion of my midterms, or the fact that my best friend had an abortion, or because of the run in I had with my Ex (yeah, I still have to fill you in on last weekend lol). But for the first time in my life, since being out of a relationship, I'm actually happy being single. It's been a long time coming, but I now I get it. I've learned from my dating mishaps that it is me. Not that there's something wrong with me, but that I've been looking for love in all the wrong places. That's why it always ends so badly. Instead of looking in everyone else, I need to look within myself. Sometimes it takes a while for me to learn my lesson. It takes a couple of bumps on the head for me to get it. Now I finally do.

It's not about being "good enough" for anyone. It's about being myself, and that should be good enough for me.

It's not about having someone love me. It's about loving myself above anyone else.

It's not about accepting my singldome. It's about embracing it, and getting to know myself.

....Notice the trend?

It's all about me now. I'm done looking for myself in everyone else. I don't need anyone in my life other than my family and friends right now. And I say that without an ounce of animosity or bitterness. I'm not on an anti-love campaign or anything like that. This isn't a resignation or a surrender to the hardships it. I'm not even giving up on it. Ever. This is just a realization. I've been chasing love for so long that I've lost myself. And I want to find me again. I've been through the minefield and I know what it's like. Now I want to know what I'm like.

I'm a single. And I'm okay with that. No, scratch that. I'm single. And I'm happy with that.

Now, please excuse me while I get back to my Zach Braff/White Boy With the Juicy Lips marathon.

I'm Back!

Finally, right? I've been busting my academic ass for the past week and now I can finally post regularly again. Oh, how I've missed blogging. I was seriously considering taking a sabbatical, but I see now that I can't stay away from this blog for too long. With Homecoming and midterms a thing of the past, my schedule will definitely be less hectic and I can write as often as I'd like (for the most part).

Speaking of Homecoming...You know how the longer you wait to write about something, the more irrelevant it becomes? Yeah, that's kind of how Homecoming is starting to look. There were a few memorable moments, but the weekend as a whole isn't worth recounting detail for detail. Especially not after only a total of 14 hours of sleep in THREE days. Yes, you read correctly. I have to pat myself on the back though; I beat my midterm's ass! On Monday, I had two exams in the same afternoon so I had to study for them simeoultaneously. I had another exam Tuesday, but I also had TWO term papers due, so I had to write and study in the same night. I have no idea how I pulled it off, but I did. And I'm pretty confident that I aced both my exams and papers. That said, I'm am completely beat. I can hardly keep my eyes open as I type, so please forgive me if my writing is spastic and all over the place.

So, this is more of a Glad To Be Back post. Maybe tomorrow, after I make up on some much needed Zzzzs, I'll feel more inclined to talk about this past weekend (there are definitely some moments worth mentioning). As for right now, I'm about to take a hot shower and hop my sleepy ass into bed. It's about 1am and I have a 9:30 class so it's about that time...

Ahhh, sure feels good to be back.

Be patient with me blog fam. I've got back to back midterm exams and papers this week so it may be a minute until I can make a post. I will say this though. Much fuckery occurred this weekend. Details later...

Party Weekend!

Heyyyyyy everybody! It's been a minute, huh? I think this is the least I've written in months. Only twice in one week? Blasphemy! I'd like to say that I've been uber busy, but that would be a lie. Midterms are coming up, but that's not until next week...Whoo, next week is gonna be a busy one. Probably won't be able to make a post until next Wedneseday...But anway, I've just been taking a breather for the week. On Tuesday my mom came to visit me which absolutely made my day because it was so rainy and bleak. On Wednesday, I gave myself a sew-in. Sorry, I don't have any pics, but after this weekend, I should have some to post because it's homecoming at my school.

Those in the midwest may know that the University of Illinois is famous for its good academic reputation, as well as for its bomb ass parties. Since only about 10% of my school is Black, we get our own homecoming celebration. So, that means parties, after parties, and after after parties. Can't do too much tonight because I still have to work at 9am tomorrow, but I am going to the African American fashion show. Don't get the wrong idea, this is no amateur show. There are real make up artists, real hairstylists, and real models (as well as any students who audition that made the cut). As for everyone who's attending, it pretty much just gives us a good reason to dress up, which I'm really looking forward to. And tomorrow night is the BIG party (600 tickets have been sold)--the one that brings people in from other midwestern universities. I've already got my most slutified outfit picked out for it and everything.Needless to say, I'm gettin it crackin this weekend.

I'm going all out for homecoming simply because I never go out. I'm more of a homebody than a partyhopper. So, since I know this is going to be the last time I go to a party for a while, I want to make sure I have a good time.

By the time you hear from me again, I should have some visual evidence of my weekend. And by next Thursday definitely, I'll be back to my normal blog posting (and stalking), schedule since midterms will be over. I haven't forgotten about you all. I'll catch up next week. Promise.

Until then, have a fabulous weekend, my sweets. Try to enjoy the good weather will it lasts. I know I will.

Some People Have Real Problems

Ciao, blog fam! How's everyone's week going?

I feel so at ease right now. Wanna know why? Because I dropped my Italian class! I know, it's a little sad because I love Italian. But it I just didn't have the time to devote to studying it every single night, and I was flunking. So, I made the informed decision to drop the course so that it wouldn't effect my GPA, and I think it was for the best. Now I'm less stressed, and I don't feel as guilty about blogging when I should be doing other homework. I was only taking it because I plan on studying abroad in Italy, but I know alot of people who have gone there witout prior experience in the language, and got along fine. The good thing is that I was able to replace the class with another one so that I don't lose my credit hours (and my scholarship).

Lately I've been thinking about my "problems." My boy troubles and school stresses and money woes and....that's it. That's it.

I had a little epiphony and realized that I'm extremely blessed. I may encounter situations that break my spirit momentarily, but the big picture is incredibly whole. I have my health, my family, my friends, my education. And I realized that, I have to make a mental note whenever I get angsty or depressed. I've got to recognize all that I do have, instead of dwelling on what I don't.

So, today in honor of my revelation (lol), I'm making a music post. I've been listening to an album by an artist name Sia alot lately. She's a white girl from Austrailia with alot of soul--kind of a Joss Stone type, but her music is more experimental. Her album is called Some People Have Real Problems, and they are songs about love and relationships, but not just the dating disappointments. Anyway, here's a the video for her latest single. Seriously, watch it. It's such a creative concept for a video and, even if you don't like her genre, you'll appreciate it.



I saw this video and was hooked.

If you liked what you heard, here's a link to download the album.

Enjoy!

Not A Girl....Not Yet A Woman.

I found a Facebook chain-note actually worth reposting.

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Girls check their men for not calling them.
Women are too busy to realize they hadn't.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Women embrace it, and use it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make their men come home.
Women make their men want to come home.

Girls wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Women make their own plans and tell the guy to get in where he fits.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time.
Women realize that a little bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special.

Girls think a guy who cries is weak.
Women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Women know that was just one man.

Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Women know that sometimes the one you love, doesn't always love you back, and move on. Without bitterness.

Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Women will read this and pass it on to other women and their male friends.

Now obviously, this isn't the ultimate list that determines true womanhood. But I think it does make a good distinction between how women of different maturity levels approach relationships.
According to this, I'm about 20% Girl, 70% Woman, and 10% Other.

So, what's the verdict ladies? According to this criteria, are you a girl or a woman?

And what, in your opinion, is missing from the list?

Ladies and Gentlemen, Sarah Palin...

I never get political on this blog, but I had to post this picture. This is for you Charles.

The 80/20 Rule

The way I write about guys I'm dating, you'd think that they were the only ones I talked to. But the contrary is true. I'm not saying I've got dudes lined up around the block, but I do have a few options. It's just that I don't return their advances. It's not that I'm picky. I'm just selective. I may not know what I want, but I know what I don't want. So, when guys like me but I don't like them, I take being single over settling. That may mean that I'm responsible for my own loneliness, but I can live with that. I've been approached by plenty of guys who were fine--I'm talking, my type from head to toe. But their personalities either sucked, or they were boring as hell. I'm not so desperate for male companionship that I'd hook up with someone I felt absolutely zero chemistry with.

I can't help but wonder if I'm missing out though. When I reject guys because of the lack of chemistry, maybe I'm throwing away the chance of a great catch. Maybe sometimes we have to settle for less than we want. If we write guys off because they lack one quality, then it's possible that we're missing out on all of the other ones that we'd love.

Those of you who have seen Why Did I Get Married will remember this scene...Only 28 seconds. Watch it.



So my questio is, if you meet a guy that you don't click with, do you keep trekking in the hopes of finding the one who possesses all the qualities you want, or do you still give him a chance just in case he's got everything else you desire in a man?

Question of the Day

Hey blog fam. How's everyone doing today?

I for one, am feeling MUCH better. If you couldn't tell by my post before this one, I was still a little down in the dumps about Mr. Cocky and the whole FBW disaster. I was even contemplating discontinuing this blog for a while because I didn't even feel like thinking about dating, let alone writing about it. But I found my inner peace, thanks to everyone's wonderful comments...For real, ya'll. I'm really starting to realize how much I've grown to consider my blog family actual friends. Your words, encouragement, and advice are invaluable, and I just want to thank everyone who commented in the past few days. I really appreciated it :). *E-Hug*

So, I was surfing the Freelance Writers Job Board (a GREAT resource for writers seeking temporary/permanent positions) a few days ago and I found a website looking for a person write their Question of the Day column. The questions could range from politics to entertainment to relationships. It could be anything at all, as long as you came up with a new question everyday. The monthly stipend is $100, which may not seem like much, but would do wonders for a broke college student like me, so I jumped at the oppurtunity. But after I applied I started to realize that I've already got a ridiculous work load as it is. I have two blogs I try to update daily, a shitload of homework, as well as a weekend job, and I really don't have the time to devote to another blog. But the thing is, I liked the idea of a daily question. So, here's something I'm going to try from now on. I'm going to start really posting questions everyday. Depending on the level of participation, I might make it a Question of the Week instead. Or I might even make it a poll on the side bar. We'll see.

So anyway, I had my tongue pierced for about 6 months last year, but then I took it out because I was sick of the attention I was getting for it. I got the piercing because I always wanted one, so it wasn't for sexual reasons. But, to the public, having an oral ring was like having "I love giving head" tattooed on my tongue. I didn't like what conclusion guys instantly jumped to since I really did only get it for fashion purposes, so I got rid of it. But lately, I've been looking at my collection of tongue rings and I'm starting to miss it. So, I'm thinking about getting it peirced again.

That said, this question is directed to both girls and guys, because I've come in contact with quite a few fellas who've had their tongues peirced, believe it or not.

Tongue rings: turn-on or turn-off?