Retraction.

I think we can all agree to an extent that the people we are on our blogs aren't exactly the same people we are in real life. GLO, I know you wouldn't be cursin' up a storm in the work place the way you do on your blog. Same with you, Jaded. And Q, you'd never call Talky Bitch that to her face. And Karrie, you wouldn't--well, nevermind. I forgot you're the girl who said "cunt" to her own momma lol...The whole point is, we all take safety and solace in knowing that no one in the "real" world reads our blogs. It's like leading a double life; sometimes we're a litte two-faced. We say shit we wouldn't normally say. We talk about people we wouldn't normal talk about. As writers, we allow our creative juices to flow and we sometimes embellish a little. I know I do. Which is why...

I am abosolutely mortified.




Earlier today, I made a post about Ex and I having sex on Homecoming weekend (yes, I'm still a homewrecker, but judge me later). If you haven't read it already you'll never get a chance to because I deleted it. As much as it killed me to--because that post took a good hour to write--I did it by request. Yes dear readers, say hello to Ex because he is reading right now.


He called me about an hour ago and we had a nice long chat. Turns out he read my blog through and through pretty much--from it's hellish beginnings up until now. He told me he was hurt by the things that I said about him and I can understand why. This blog is basically built on a story of heartbreak and pain that was the result of a relationship with him, therefore, alot of the times I mentioned him I may have said some less than benevolent words. He feels like I've portrayed him as an asshole, a sex fiend, a liar, and a cheater. I didn't think that was true until I read through the posts myself and realized that the majority of the things I've said about Ex were negative. The truth is, while he and I do still have our differences, we are friends today. And I admit, it is a bit unfair of me to only write about the bad things he's done. So, Ex, consider this an apology and a retraction, among other things.



Now ladies, I know you may not be crazy about the fact that I'm issuing this public apology, but I'm doing it because I think it's necessary. I admitly have said some very harsh things about Ex, and I can understand why he's hurt. If I hated him like my writing on here implies, than my behavior towards him should reflect that. But it doesn't because I don't hate him, which is why it came as such a surpise/disappointment for him to read the things I've said about him. It's not so much the old slander that bothered him as it was the recent stuff. Things I've said when we were supposedly "cool". So readers, please excuse me now while I kiss my ex's ass. Feel free to stop reading.


Here's the real truth:



Ex and I are on good terms right now. Well we were before this. While I do have some risidual feelings for him, I am for the most part over our little love triangle. I do at times secretly miss him but it all passes before the end of the day. That said, if I ever gave the impression that he is a total jerk, it was false. Everything I write here is based on my real life experiences. I write as things happen to me, but as a writer, I do exaggerate for the sake of narrative. Don't get me wrong, nothing I write here is fabricated or untrue, but I do embellish sometimes. And these little embellishments can mean the difference between Ex simply seemingly lile a heartbreaker versus him seeming like the Devil. So, although Ex may come off as an asshole from my writing, he's isn't. My post from earlier today was extremely one sided, so I know he looked like a big man whore. He's not though. He's human and makes mistakes, and it was kind of grimy of me to only point out (and exaggerate) his flaws. In spite of his mistakes and everything I went through with him, he really is a nice guy. Seriously.



I know what you're probably thinking, Ex. Bullshit. Total bullshit. But it's true. I do think you're a nice guy. And I know you're wondering why I'd write these things if I didn't hate you. Yeah, you broke my heart, but if I'm as "over" as I say, than my writing needs to reflect that, right? Mmhmm, there-in lies the problem. I am still just a little bitter. It is hard to accept that you and her are still together, even after alllllll this time gone by. If you really did read my blog as thoroughly as you said, you probably remember reading this:


He does the sweet boyfriend things that I always wanted him to do when we were together...How can I not take it personally. Everything I always wanted from him, he can do for her. I think that's the real reason we can't be friends. I'll always resent him. She's a constant reminder that I wasn't good enough for him. That it wasn't that he couldn't commit. It was that he wasn't willing to commit to ME. For a long time I wondered, why her? But now I know the real question is, why not me?

So, I admit. There is still a little animosity there. And it might occasionally leak out in my posts. But, I really do sincerely apologize for hurting your feelings and being that two-faced little bitch we all know and hate. No matter what you've read hear, I do still care for you and I considered you that friend I could call on if I ever needed to, even if we didn't talk daily....I do still love you, Ex. Even though I'm not "in love" with you anymore, you're still a person that I hold near and dear to my heart. And I'm terribly sorry that I've hurt you and betrayed your trust. I TOTALLY understand if you never confide in me again, but I just want you to know that I don't hate you. I still deeply care for you and I still think you're one of the coolest people I know. Yes, despite all that bullshit. And I'm sorry that you had to see this blog because I know it doesn't reflect that...

But seriously, Ex is not just my ex. Nor is he an asshole, a sex fiend, a liar, or a cheater. He's my friend. And I guess that makes me a bad friend for making him out to be the villain all the time....And, I guess that also means I should stop bitching about the past and just get over it, right?

Right....

UPDATE: Please take my poll--> Thanks:)