The Devil Made Me Do It

There are certain things that go on in my personal life that I don't divulge to blogworld. Sometimes it's because it's irrelevant, and other times it because it's nunyo. But right now, I'm about to confess something that I had intended on not writing about for the sheer shame of it all. I figure it's the best thing to do so that somebody will hold me accountable. Otherwise I'd just convince myself that what happened didn't happen.

What I failed to tell you guys last week was that Ex had contacted me. Remember the 'big fuckup' I referred to? It was not ignoring his text when I should've. I told him about three months ago to never call me/text me/stop by or anything. This was my way of burning bridges...at least until I was ready to reconnect with him. I knew I had the willpower not to ever contact him, and I haven't. But I wasn't so sure that I'd be able to ignore him if he ever contacted me, hence my request for him not to. Turns out, he didn't honor that request and I couldn't ignore him. Nothing too regretable occured that night when he texted me, but I knew I had opened pandora's box by talking to him. I knew it was only a matter of time.

That time came last night. I had had the whole day to myself to think, which is usually not a good thing I was feeling a bit antsy about the fact that we were talking again after so long. Things had been pretty nice up to that point, but I still had so many questions. What would make things different this time? How are we going to REALLY make this friend thing work? I needed some answers. I couldn't accept the fact that we were actually being cordial to each other without overstepping boundaries. I couldn't leave well enough alone. I just had to Talk. He told me that he had a few guys over for game night, but that he'd let me know as soon as they left so we could have a decent conversation. It was about 12am when he told me this.

I got some things done in the meantime. Did some homework, did my nails, watched a movie, all the while oddly looking forward to his call. Oh no. This isn't good, I thought. Why should I be looking forward to a call past midnight. Those are Booty Call hours! When the realization struck me, I told myself , Nooooooo you're not doing that! And around 2am, I turned off my tv and went to sleep. Well, tried to but for the first thirty minutes I was forced to listen to the moans of my neighbors having sex. Didn't really help matters either...

I finally made it to sleep around three but was awakened, not by an Ex Text, but by some other noisy neighbors. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. What the hell was going on that everybody seemed to be having sex last night? I was laying awake for about twenty minutes, contemplating whether or not I was going to bust my upstairs neighbor's apparent sex fest, when I hear my phone go off.

Sleep?

I considered not replying. But what sounded like a banging headboard made ignore that idea.

I was but my noisy ass neighbors woke me up.

They must be getting it cracking lol.

Heheheh...

Well, I know you wanted to stop by but it's late so it's up to you.

It was decision time. I could say I was going there to talk but I knew I'd be lying. I knew full well if I went over to his room at 4am, what would happen. I don't know if it was the sound of the banging bed above me, or the sound of my heart beating in my ears, but something made me not give a fuck.

I've been awake for the past twenty minutes so I might as well stop by for a little while.

Keep in mind that I had to work a four hour shift at the gallery at 9am. But that didn't matter. Nothing did. It had been about five months since I had gotten any passable sex, (i.e. didn't last less than five minutes) and three months since I'd had sex period. I wanted it. And I wasn't going to let my morals, or my job, stop me.

I made it to his room and we chatted casually for a while. He told me about the game he and his mates had played, and I pretended to be interested. He put on a season of Family Guy and laid in his bed. I laid on his futton. We watched about three full episodes but all the while the tension was building.

He asked me if there was anything in particular I had wanted to talk about and I told him there was, but it was too late to talk. After a heavy, knowing silence he asked me the question that I'd been waiting for him to ask.

Well then, what's stopping you?

It sure as hell wasn't my conscience.

At approximately 6:30am this morning, I gave in to my baser instincts and slept with Ex.

And I did it again at 7.

I slept for thirty minutes until I had to go back to my room and get dressed for work. Went in all sleepy and sex achey. And on the day when it was open house for children to come and play in the museum. Triflin ass triflery in it's purest form.

All I could think about while I was at work was 1) how good those sex pains felt, 2) how bad I felt for being such a hoebag homewrecking loser, and 3) how the hell, I let that shit happen. I know it's been a while since I've had sex, but how did I just undo the past three months in one night? Hoooow did I let that happen?

I know I could've kept this to myself. Buried it away and pretended it never happened. But I don't want to. I clearly need some sense knocked into me because this wasn't a spur of the moment type thing. This was premeditated fuckery, and there's no excusing it. I was a woman possessed by the Dick Demon and I didn't give a shit about moral codes anymore.

KB, QQ: I was too afraid to text you all cause I already knew y'all were gonna e-beat my ass. Go hard, I give you permission. Everybody, please give me the verbal bashing I deserve.

Cheating is Biological

Men are made to chase women, and women are programmed to remain faithful to them. A macho point of view? Not at all! An eminent biologist maintains this point of view.

The essential goal of a man, in his quest to promulgate the species, is to collect a maximum number of sexual conquests, the biologist explains. As for women, once they've found the ideal father for their children, they have no motivation to look elsewhere....click here to read full article.

....Yeeaaahhh, I call bullshit.

Alone I Break?

First off, I'd just like to thank everybody who encouraged me to keep my blog the way it is. I think I needed the reminder that this is my blog, and I can write about anything I want here. So, I'm ousting the idea of creating an entirely new blog. I'm not that good at managing one, let alone two. The most I might do is give this one a makeover. We'll see. Dope Fiend, I might have to take you up on your offer for a new design:).

Anyway, it's finally finally the end of the week. Is it just me, or was this one extra unbearable? I had absolutely no energy or motivation to do anything for some reason. Didn't feel like getting out of bed, doing homework, exercising, going to class, going to work. Didn't even feel like blogging, which is strange, considering I blogged everyday this week. More than anything, I didn't feel like being around people. As soon as classes were done for the day, I retreated to my room and didn't come out until I absolutely had to.

Although this week I was particularly anti-social due to PMS, I'm no stranger to being a loner. I don't know why, but I just don't like being around people. I used to think it was just me liking my "Me Time". But every night is pretty much "Me Time", which is basically time alone. It struck me today that I'm alone pretty much 98% of the time. Not physically alone, but technically. Go to class alone, work alone, do homework alone. You'd think that, by the end of the day, I'd like a little human interaction. But no, it's when I get home that I really want to be alone. Because then, I'm alone alone. Physically alone.

I'm just one of those people who likes being by myself. I don't need a lunch buddy. I don't need anyone to accompany anywhere. I don't like doing things by committee. People look at me weird when I sit at a lunch table by myself, but I look at them weird because they can't bare the thought of eating a meal alone.

I will admit though, that my solitary lifestyle is border lining reclusive. I don't just like being alone. I like being left alone. When someone knocks at my door after 5pm, I wince. "Ugh, who is thaaaat?" It's gotten so bad that sometimes I just don't answer my door because I don't feel like seeing anybody.

I like to see it as, I like to keep to myself. I'm not a hermit; I do know how to go out and have fun when the time is right. But Mon-Fri, I don't like to see anybody but my own reflection. I never considered that to be unhealthy, but maybe it is. Maybe I need to force myself to be more social...

Like a Boy

Most of my older readers know that, when Bloggal is sexually frustrated, the whooooollllllleeee world knows. Well, the blogworld at least. So, forgive me if the next few posts I make are sex obsessed, or a little too much information for your liking. But really, why should it be? We're all adults here, right?

I've just got a simple question for you guys and dolls.

How often do you think about sex?

Nearly every survey I've come across has given a statistic like, most guys think about sex once every seven seconds while women think of sex once every ninety minutes.

Whaaa? Is this for real? Truth be told, on a particularly hormonal day, I may think about sex once every three minutes or so. I'm not exactly sure what that says about me. I have a few theories: 1) the women used for these surveys were all dried up with tanking libidos or 2) I'm a big nympho with an irrepressible sex drive.

I don't want to get all feminstic (now that can't be a word) here, but I think women think about sex more often than they claim to. They just don't want to own up to it. Just like the whole oral sex thing. Only one friend of mine openly admits to doing it while all others swear that they would never. Pleeaaase. It's a chain reaction. If one girl denies she does it, everyone else will because nobody wants to be 'that girl' who does. Well, I have no problem saying, I enjoy pleasing my man (when I have one). If she's not being a hoe about it, going around giving it to any and everybody, why should any woman be ashamed about giving her significant other oral sex? I tell you about archaic thinkers....But I'm getting off topic here. Now, women may not think of it quite as often as our male counterparts, but I know I'm not the only one out there who replays my last sexual encounter with salacious anticipation of the next. Maybe it's because I'm sexually deprived at the moment, but sex is on my mind at least 60% of the day.

I just find it hard to believe that women don't think of sex more often than once every ninety minutes. But like I said, maybe it's just me. Ladies, do you all have sex on the brain as often as I do or am I really thinking like a boy when it comes to sex?

Meet Florence Teye

I'm so excited guys! So, about a week ago I was moved to sponsor a child. Yep, straight up moved to. It hit me how fortunate and blessed I've been lately. I really wanted to find a way to give back and do something that would benefit someone. I let it marinate for a while and finally it struck me to sponsor a child. I did some research and decided to go with PlanUSA because it was less mainstream and more grassroots. Because the organization is smaller in scale, it's easier for relationships to be fostered between the child and benefactor. I also chose them because they promised that the $24 I give each month will go directly to the child and her family, instead of to a foundation.

Anyway, today my welcome kit came! It included all of the resources I'll need to communicate with the family. It came complete with a personalized letter and photo of my child, Florence Teye. She's 5 years old, from Ghana.


(I really hate Blogger sometimes. Tried to rotate this ^ picture but it kept coming in like this :-/)

Isn't she a cutie?

I'm really excited about sending my first letter. Can't wait to start building a relationship with this little girl and her family. Man, this just made my week=).

All Quiet On the Dating Front

Lately I've found it harder and harder to maintain this blog. What to write about, what to write about? I don't know. Ideas used to come so easily before. Homework would automatically take the backseat when a great post struck me. But now I'm suffering from extreme writer's block. And I'm starting to realize why.

This blog is called Love is a Minefield, right? Well, this much was true when I created it. Love certainly was a minefield. "You take a step and get blown to pieces, put yourself back together again and stupidly take another step. I guess that's human nature--it hurts so much to be alone that we'd all rather blow up than be single."

But there's just one problem here. I wouldn't rather blow up than be single anymore. I'd rather be single and watch everybody else spontaneously combust in their relationships. It looks like I've sort of evolved past my blog.

I genuinely enjoy being single now. I like the Me Time. I get to do things that you just don't get to do when you're in a relationship. I get to discover things about myself. Be solitary and independent. Not consider somebody else in every little action I make. I love it. That said, my main focus in life isn't love right now so I'm not as inclined to write about it anymore. Sometimes I just want to write about politics or movies or music or art. That's all a little out of place here so, in the near future, I'm going create a sister blog. One where I can write about anything, not just love. In addition to that, I'm thinking about giving this blog a new makeover or title. Most of my entries lately have been about being single and loving it. Not dreading it. I've changed quite a bit since I first created it and I think it's time for LIAM to change as well. After all, there's a whole lot more to me than musings about dating and relationships. So it only makes since to move on.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'll forever be interested in the way men and women relate to one another. So, I'll no doubt continue to blog about it. But I'm not only single, I'm not looking either. That said, to have a blog devoted entirely to relationships when you're not in one is a little difficult to say in the least. At the moment, I'm doing me 100%. It get's a little boring blogging about love all the time when my heart isn't in it. No pun intended.

I know this is a phase though. My love life is just experiencing a temporary but extreme drought. No love, no like, no lust, no dating kissing, no sex, no nothing. And as a result, no motivation to write about anything love-related anymore. But rest assured, the desire will return. Probably with the bloom of Spring when everybody's sex drive is kicked into full gear. Hopefully by then, the ideas will start gushing again...among other things. Please God, please...TMI?

Anyway, I'm kind of rambling now, so I'm calling it a night. And this may sound like a goodbye but it isn't. I'll be back. This week. Just probably with something totally irrelevant and not about love. Not really feeling lovey dovey too much lately.

PSA: Pay It Foward.

I won't even go into detail of my weekend. All I will say is this: I fucked up.

This will definitely be the last time I go out for a while. For one, I wasted hella money that I don't have. And two, wasted tiiiimmmmme that I didn't care to waste. So, Bloggal is definitely taking a party hiatus. Not like I partied a whole lot anyway so I know I won't miss it.

The sad part is, my major fuck up was the most interesting thing that happened this weekend.

Anywhoo, for a drastic change of topic, I'm taking this class called Writing Across Media. Absolutely loving it for the sheer fact that it's a class about the evolution of writing and communication. Our course work is primarily done online and on blogs, and we get to do all sorts of artsy fartsy projects, which is right up my alley. The latest project was to make a stencil that we'd hypothetically spray paint as graffiti. The idea was to come up with a meaningful message that would strike a chord in society if see on say, a garbage can or a the side of a building. Luckily, I'm somewhat a stencil fiend anyway, so I already had the tools and know-how going into this project. I stencil alot of clothing/artwork in my freetime so I wanted to do something a little more technically challenging for my piece. This is what I came up with.

Sorry for the blurriness:-/

Everyone's aware of this concept, right? If not from seeing the movie Pay If Forward, most people know that to 'pay it forward' is to perform a random act of kindness for a stranger, and in return, they do something nice for someone else. What results is a web of kind acts, that began with one person.

Sometimes we’re so stuck in our own worlds, so concerned about getting ahead in our own lives, that we don’t take the time to notice people in need around us. We're a very self-serving/absorbed people, and that's okay. That's how we were made. But every once in a while, it's good to do something that will benefit someone else...and without the expectation of getting something in return. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture. It could be something as simple as holding a door open for someone, or helping a little old lady across the street. The point is just do something for someone else.

So, consider this a public service announcement. A little reminder that a small kind act can go a long way.

"

My Inner Kitty

I told you guys I'd post a pic of my hair when it was finished so here it is. It's not really a clear one. And it doesn't even really show how well the hair turned out so I'll post another later. But somehow this picture blurred in a really weird way and made my eyes look all cat-like. I like it lol.

Late Night Love Rant

Life is good. Really, it is. I'm so grateful for how at peace I am right now. I'm doing incredibly well at staying positive and not letting things get me down. Meditating really helps. I chant, I tell myself good things. Might sound crazy, but it all keeps me centered. With each affirmation and mantra, I feel myself getting stronger. You know there's a 'but' coming though.

I can't help but wonder when my chance at love will come. I knew before, that I wasn't ready. I had alot of learning and growing to do. For one, I had to finally break free from my ex. Secondly, I had to learn how to be alone. And most importanly, I had to learn how to enjoy being alone instead of merely accepting. I've done all of the above. My life has never been more stable, fulfilling, and happy than it is right now. And yet, I still desire to have a man in my life.

Desire would be the operative word. The need is gone now. I can finally say that I'm perfectly happy being single, and actually mean it. But I feel like, I've learned my lessons. After going through so much emotional turmoil with Ex and coming out on top, shouldn't I be rewarded at some point?

I believe that everything happens for a reason. And that there is a plan in store for me. I just can't help but wonder when it'll actually come to fruition. When will I meet that man who'll respect and appreciate me? When will I get my shot at healthy love?

Maybe it's because the bar is set much higher, but I see no potential in anyone. It's not that I'm being close-minded, I just know what not to sacrafice. I know that I'd rather be single than to settle for a guy that I'm not feeling or doesn't treat me the way I demand to be treated, simply because I don't want to be alone. I've matured far past that point. And still, I wonder if maybe my high standards are limiting me.

And then there's my whole old fashioned approach towards dating. I don't like to court the guy, I want him to court me. And you know, it's not even so much about being old fashion as it is about simply wanting to be secure in knowing that the guy I'm talking to is actually into me. I've been that girl who has chased a guy who didn't want her and I refuse to do it again. It's much easier when the guy approaches me. That way I know he's interested, and then I can decide whether or not I'm interested too. But then of course, the feminist in me starts to bitch. Why should I wait for a guy to approach me? Why shouldn't I be the aggressive one? Why not take charge and get what I want, right? Because the hopeless romantic in me wants to be patient and wait for prince charming. But at what point does patience stop being a virtue and start prohibiting you?

A lot of questions....A lot of 'buts'....

The upside is, while all these questions persist, I'm still happy. And I know I've got at least three more months before I'll be bursting with the desire for man loving. In the meantime, until the right one comes along, I'll keep showing myself love. After all, maybe I have a few more lessons to learn. Maybe I'm not as ready for love as I think I am.

Well...

I'm really slacking on this blog lately. Between working out, working, and doing homework, I don't have much time to blog anymore. It makes me kind of sad:(. I miss writing, but more than that, I miss reading your blogs. Sigh...I can't help but wonder how I blogged so much last semester. I guess that's why my grades weren't so hot.

So, right now I guess I'm just making a mini-update. Can't say much though because I have about 10 minutes til my next class. I will definitely make a more thorough post tomorrow, if not tonight, because I'm so backed up with ideas that I can't not post.

Anyway, I sold my soul and made a Twitter account. I guess the only reason why I didn't already have one was because I don't have a cell phone that would allow me to make updates; I didn't really see the point in having an account if I couldn't do it mobile. But now that I have my iTouch with Wi-fi, I can update anytime. So, yep. I joined the bandwaggon. Though I don't think my life is nearly interesting enough to Tweet about. But it'll still be a nice way to stay in touch with my blog homies since I never have time do rounds anymore. Anyway, check me out at www.twitter.com/Bloggal. Add me if you're one. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing yet so any input would be nice.

Sooooo, I guess that's all for now. Pretty wack post, I know. But I'll try to make this blog more of a priority in the near future. For now though, school is numero uno.

Awesome Night...

I'm keeping this post short and sweet because I've got homework to do. But I just got home from Frank Warren's lecture and let me just say, it was one of the most eye opening experiences I've had in my life. I had many a revelation and conundrum during his lecture and the secret confessions of my peers. But for the time being, I'll just post few pictures.

Don't let the empty seats fool you. There were over 1000 people in attendance tonight. This is just the line to get his autograph. Which really makes the fact that I was actually lucky enough to have dinner with Frank before his lecture all the more incredible.

See me trying my hardest not to cheese from ear to ear? How the hell I managed to have dinner with this dude, be seated directly next to him, and get a picture with him, is beyond me. Guess it was just my lucky night.

I'll try to post a detailed account of the entire night tomorrow. Until then, help yourself to this week's secrets.

Post Secret + V-Day = A Happy BlogGal!

So, I'm super stoked about this week. I've got alot going on academia wise, but also some pretty cool events to look forward to. For one thing, tomorrow is the day that the founder of Post Secret comes to my school to give a lecture! Last week, I was in line bright and early to snag my ticket and guarantee myself a spot there. They "sold out" two days later (nearly 2000 tickets). They were actually giving them away for free on a first come/first serve basis and I managed to get two. But I gave one of my tickets away to stranger whom I heard ranting about how bad he wanted to go, but couldn't since the tickets were all gone. I pretty much made that guy's life. I planned to go alone anyway. There's just something about the anonymity of it all that makes it feel okay to go it alone.

And then there's V-Day. No, I'm not talking about Valentines Day. I'm talking about the fact that on February 13th, the Women's Film Festival on campus is making a Vagina Monologue documentary. And guess what? I'm going to be interviewed for it! The film will be edited and screened on March 1st. If I find an online copy, I'll post it:)

The "Date" That Ended Too Soon

Yo and hello, blog fam! How were your weekends? Mine was busy, busy, busy. So, busy that I totally and completely forgot about the Grammys. But I hear from a few reliable sources that it was a grand old scandalous fest not worth watching. I couldn't contain my laughter when I found out that Mr. Chris 'Squeaky Clean' Brown was on the run for beating up Rhianna. Wowzers.

My weekend was full of surprises as well--the good kind. On Saturday morning before going to work, I checked my bank account to find that $330 had been deposited into it from my university. WTF??? I checked my school email and saw that they had accredited me a refund because I had some extra scholarship money left. I can't even tell you guys how ecstatic I was. Especially since I've got a bunch of bills coming up, as well as having an over due hospital bill from February of '08 lol. Oh, and not only did I get a refund for that, I also got refunded for the money that that bogus ass vending machine stole from me. Saturday was turning out to be a pretty fantastic day.

But it didn't stop there. While I was at work that day, I received a text from that guy I was crushing on (because he's one of those guys who doesn't know how to pick up a phone and talk, we'll call him Sir-Texts-Alot.) He asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him...That night. I was giddy of course because it's been a hot minute since I've gone on a date. So, I agreed. We were going to see Taken but it was sold out. Then I suggested He's Just Not That Into You but he said he didn't like chick flicks. We settled for Underworld, which by the way, was sappier than any chick flick I've ever seen. Not worth the money unless you're a fan of the series.

The date went without incident. He picked me up 20 minutes before the movie started and we chatted in the theater for a while. The inevitable "ex" conversation came up; he told me about his, I told him about mine. I told him the Cliff's Notes version of the story and he says, "Ohhh, so ____'s the one that made you defensive?" LOL. Turns out that he's very well acquainted with Ex because they took about four classes together during their Freshmen year. He dropped me off as soon as the movie ended. I was forewarned many times by my BFF not to let him come up to my room, but that wasn't at all necessary. He didn't even ask. He was the perfect gentlemen, giving me a hug and a graciously thanking me for accompanying him to the movies. The whore in me was extremely disappointed in his propriety.

Afterwards, I started thinking, maybe this wasn't really a "date". He and I have had countless text conversations about what it is we're doing. He says that since he just recently got out of a relationship, he's only looking for someone "to talk to". A friend. But my thing is, if you're asking me on a one-on-one date, we've surpassed the "friend zone". Or am I wrong? I feel like I'm just getting a little too old for male friends. Is it just me? Any guy that I'm talking to in my adult life is potential mate material. I'm not looking for a friend. I'm not necessarily looking for a boyfriend either, but I do want to date. That's just where I'm at right now.

So, ever since he told me that he's just looking for a friend (this was before he asked me out), I backed off. Didn't ever text him first and pushed him out of my mind. But then out of nowhere, he asks me on a date and stays texting me out of the blue. However, his body language at the theater was straddling the line between "I like like you" and "I like you as a friend" so I don't know what to think. The unfortunate truth is, I don't know how to just be friends with a guy. At least not now. I only (figuratively) mess with guys who I'm attracted to. Which is why I even give Sir-Texts-Alot the time of day. I like his personality and I'm attracted to him physically too. Being that I've been single for over two years, why would I just want to be his friend?

Was it a date or just friends hanging out? I have no idea. All I do know is that it's been wayyyy too long. Hate to sound like a hoebag, but if this guy is really trying to "just be friends" than I might have to give him the old heave ho. My body needs fulfillment pronto but I've still got the Three Month Rule to think about. So, if he's not trying to get with me at some point, I've got to cut him lose and move on to the next. Of course there's always the chance that he's just trying to take it slow/be a gentleman, but I'm just too much of horny old slut to recognize that.

So, is he just not that into me or do I have good reason to be a little confused?

UPDATE
Let's just be clear on something, for those guys who think they know what's up. I'm not one of those delusional females who read into every little thing a guy does. If any other chick was on the receiving end of his actions and words, she'd be just as confused as I am. I know when to stay and when to walk away so, please, don't try to school me on recognizing subtle hints, fella(s). Seriously. Ugh. Making me want to put another 'ladies only' disclaimer and shit...

Blogoversary!

So, exactly a year ago, I made this blog. My verfirst post was called "Mistakes" on Februrary 6, 2008. But, even though I created it, I flaked like I usually did when it came to blogs. I didn't write again until the 26th of Februrary when I made this post: "Can Ex Lovers Really Be Friends?"

Now, the story behind this post was that I originally made it as a Facebook note lol. Yep, as personal as it was, I wrote it one night because of I needed to vent. But this was way back when before Ex had blocked and deleted me. The note hadn't been published for more than five minutes when I get a phone call from him, telling me off for writing it. "Why you gotta put our business all out there like that? Everybody knows you're talking about me. Are you trying to get attention or something?"

I'll never forget what he said. He was right though. Facebook wasn't the platform for that kind of thing. So that very night, I logged into my abandoned blog and reposted it here. And the rest is history.

So, dearest Ex, I guess I have you to that for making LIAM what it is to day. If you hadn't bitten my head off for my Facebook note, I wouldn't have had a reason to commit to this blog. So, a million thanks! Lol...I'm kind of loving the irony here.

Umm....

Why did this almost happen to me today?



Okay, I seriously need to get some.

The Donut Theory

About of a week ago, I was watching a rerun of Law and Order that sparked a theory in me. Well, that's not entirely true. The theory was mentioned in the show but I sort of arrived to my own conclusions about it. So, the police were trying to solve the murder of a local fire fighter. They began picking up clues that he may have been having an affair. The obvious thought was that his murderer could've been his lover. The only problem was trying to figure out who his lover was. The conversation between the male and female detectives went a little something like this:

Wheeler: If he was seeing someone, the nearest donut theory says she lived near the firehouse.
Logan: The what?
Wheeler: Men are lazy. Even if there's a good meal across town, they'll usually just reach for the nearest donut.

It turned out that the guy was having an affair with another guy who actually worked in the firehouse. But it demonstrates the same point. Men really are lazy and do tend to shit where they eat. And I'm not talking about the normal relationshit (not a typo). I'm talking the messy, shitty shit. The affair-ish shit.


I'll be honest, I used to be the donut. When Ex and I were having our big affair, it was convenient for him since I was right down the hall. We lived in the very same building. He could've taken that five minute drive to his girlfriend's dorm to have his "good meal across town" but instead he settled for me--"the donut". Sidenote: Ugh, never never never again will I allow myself to be the chick on the side. Even though our relationship sort of evolved into that, I should've walked away as soon as he declared her girlfriend. But anyway, after hearing of this Donut Theory, I started thinking that maybe it transcends the physical. Maybe guys aren't just lazy in their sexual endeavors. I'd argue that guys are even lazy in their emotional affairs.


I see it everyday. Guys who stay with girls they don't really love, like, are attracted to, or passionate about. Granted, some stay in relationships for more sentimental reasons, but more often than not, they do so because they don't feel like going through the trouble of searching for someone they're truly compatible with. Now, let's not get this confused with single guys who are serial daters. They have no problem testing the waters and seeing if the grass is greener on the other side. I'm talking about guys in relationships. Those who feel "locked in". Even if the passion/excitement dies, they'll stay in the relationship because the effort it takes to break up, court someone new, and then commit, is just too labor intensive for them. More often than not, they stay in those relationships, however, they end up cheating. Which, often times, eventually gives them the ultimate 'out'.


I've got to make a point here that I am not referring to anyone specific. I don't know the dynamic of Ex's relationship with Baby Spice, so I'm not making these statements based on them. Guys cheat for a number of reasons, and his may not have been because he was unhappy with her. But I am saying, if you (people in general) have to cheat at all, ask yourself why you're doing it. It's because you feel unfulfilled in some way, shape or form. Even if you've got the girl who's good on paper and is everything you should want, if you're not completely happy with her, it's okay. You owe it to yourself to be happy, and if you're not happy with her do what you need to do. Work until you find someone who suits you in as many ways as possible.


I think that women have a better concept of work ethic when it comes to finding their mates. Some call it picky, but I call it selective. If there's a guy who doesn't meet our expectations or leave us feeling fulfilled in the most important areas, we'll leave him in a heartbeat. And we'll keep looking until we find that illusive One. We'll sacrafice the superficial things but we'll never skimp on chemistry, butterflies, or fireworks. Even if we're with a genuine good guy, we'll leave him if the connection isn't there. But men, for some reason, are more inclined to settle. They aren't willing to exert the extra effort it takes to look for someone that they'll be happier with in the long run. They settle for the convenience of having a significant other at the cost of the passion he should be feeling. They'll stay with the girl who's good to them because things are...nice. I mean if they're content, why not stay, right?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being complacent. If you're content with being content, than more power to you. But, me? I want to be more than content. I want to be happy with the person I call my own. So, fellas, you guys can go ahead and grab that Big Mac. I know it's easier. But I'm going to keep looking. And I'm not stopping until I find my Filet Mignon.

My Favorite Superbowl Commercial

...heheh

Weekend Wrap-Up

Hey people! Hope you all had as great a weekend as I did. Weather here reached the 40s and people were walking around like it was Summer time. I can't blame them though. It did feel like it compared to the 18 degree highs we've been having lately. This Saturday it's supposed to be 50. If it is, I swear I'll be out their in a tank top and some capris.

*So, my weekend was fun in a non-spectacular sort of way. A definite plus was the opening of six new exhibits at my museum. They were all pretty amazing but I was ecstatic when I found out that we were exhibiting original Andy Warhol portraits and photographs. Andy. Fucking. Warhol. There was an opening reception with at turnout of about 600 people. I managed to snag alot of pictures of all the exhibits but I'm only posting a few because I took over 100.

Okay, so this knife was displayed as a piece of art....Uncovered. Really? I can't help but wonder what those mofos expected me to do is some psycho decided to pick that bad boy up and try stab my black ass.

A piece from the abstract realism exhibit.


Just one Warhol...I might pull it down though because I'm not sure if this is copyright infringement.


Part of the digital art exhibit.

Panoramic Narrative...This was pretty awesome.



Also part of the digital media exhibit...

This too...

...and this.

I manipulated the color here. This exhibit was of called the Four Seasons. These photos don't do it justice.

Hehehe...I love my job.

*Aside from work, I didn't do much else this weekend besides chill and homework. There are alot of campus events and parties coming up in the next month so I opted to take it easy until then. One of my girlfriends from last year visited me. We kind of fell off because she moved out the dorms and into an apartment. Anyway, she also smuggled a little something extra in with her.

Isn't he just the cutest thing ever??? I absolutely fell in love with him and he took to me quickly too. I want a puppy sooooo bad. I've had every pet imaginable (cats, birds, turtles, fish, lizards, rabbits) but never a doggy:-(.

*Oh, so my crush turned out to be a bust lol. He and I had been texting consistently since last Sunday and then all of a sudden he just stops. I haven't heard from him since Thursday and I refuse to text him one of those Why you no call me messages. Nope. I'm just going to keep going about my business cause I've got plenty on my plate now. Besides, he served his purpose. I'm not even bummed a single bit because, like I said, I was just happy that I had it in me to still have a crush. Let's me know that it's not hopeless and I'm not so cynical that I can't be genuinely be excited about someone. I just need to find a guy who I can spark with.

*By now, most of you know that I'm big fan of Post Secret. That is why, when I found out that the founder Frank Warren, would be speaking at my school in a few weeks, I nearly did a cart-wheel. He'll be here next Tuesday (Feb. 10) and the event is free. But over 1,000 people already RSVP'd and the tickets are first come, first serve. Tomorrow is the first day they start giving them out, so wish me luck in getting one.

*I've been working really hard to shed my Freshman 30 (lol)...I'm been doing the Power 90 program, not to be confused with Power 90X. This is a milder but equally effective version. I did it a few years ago and lost 20 pounds in about a month and a half. Back then, I didn't go the whole 90 days so this time I'm committing to the entire program.

I'm two weeks into it now and I'm already seeing pretty good results. Now, only because I love y'all, I'm going to post my busted ass 'before' picture and my current 'after'. But please believe that both will be coming down within 24 hours.

Missed it!

See my baby 2 pack trying to come through? lol. I still don't know how much I weigh but that's not my concern. I just want to be able to comfortably fit into clothes I wore pre-Freshmen year, and I'm well on my way. I'm already down a pants size and I can fit into some shirts that I didn't dare wear in the past few months. When I gain weight, it usually goes straight to my boobs and I can't ever wear button ups or even certain types of zip up jackets. But now the girls are shrinking back to normal size and I can! Yay me!

Whenever I talk about Power 90, I feel like a freaking infomercial. But the program is truly amazing. It's the most straight forward and effective workout routine I've ever done. You can't help but get great results if you really commit to it everyday. Anybody who's trying to lose some weight before Summer (or even Spring), I highly urge you to download the workout here via Rapidshare. You can find links to Power90X there as well, if you're looking for more of a challenge. And I'll also keep you all posted of my results as I go along:)

So yeah, I had a pretty cool weekend. I am still very appreciative to all you ladies for your advice because it certainly has helped. Things are getting easier with each passing day and I'm feeling extremely balanced. Mentally, physically, spiritually, academically. I've been working out, eating right, and staying up on my homework as well as my social life. I don't think I've ever been this well balanced in my entire life lol. I'm happy. Genuinely=). So thanks again for all your advice girls. It has truly been a big help to me.