Monday, February 9, 2009

The "Date" That Ended Too Soon

Yo and hello, blog fam! How were your weekends? Mine was busy, busy, busy. So, busy that I totally and completely forgot about the Grammys. But I hear from a few reliable sources that it was a grand old scandalous fest not worth watching. I couldn't contain my laughter when I found out that Mr. Chris 'Squeaky Clean' Brown was on the run for beating up Rhianna. Wowzers.

My weekend was full of surprises as well--the good kind. On Saturday morning before going to work, I checked my bank account to find that $330 had been deposited into it from my university. WTF??? I checked my school email and saw that they had accredited me a refund because I had some extra scholarship money left. I can't even tell you guys how ecstatic I was. Especially since I've got a bunch of bills coming up, as well as having an over due hospital bill from February of '08 lol. Oh, and not only did I get a refund for that, I also got refunded for the money that that bogus ass vending machine stole from me. Saturday was turning out to be a pretty fantastic day.

But it didn't stop there. While I was at work that day, I received a text from that guy I was crushing on (because he's one of those guys who doesn't know how to pick up a phone and talk, we'll call him Sir-Texts-Alot.) He asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him...That night. I was giddy of course because it's been a hot minute since I've gone on a date. So, I agreed. We were going to see Taken but it was sold out. Then I suggested He's Just Not That Into You but he said he didn't like chick flicks. We settled for Underworld, which by the way, was sappier than any chick flick I've ever seen. Not worth the money unless you're a fan of the series.

The date went without incident. He picked me up 20 minutes before the movie started and we chatted in the theater for a while. The inevitable "ex" conversation came up; he told me about his, I told him about mine. I told him the Cliff's Notes version of the story and he says, "Ohhh, so ____'s the one that made you defensive?" LOL. Turns out that he's very well acquainted with Ex because they took about four classes together during their Freshmen year. He dropped me off as soon as the movie ended. I was forewarned many times by my BFF not to let him come up to my room, but that wasn't at all necessary. He didn't even ask. He was the perfect gentlemen, giving me a hug and a graciously thanking me for accompanying him to the movies. The whore in me was extremely disappointed in his propriety.

Afterwards, I started thinking, maybe this wasn't really a "date". He and I have had countless text conversations about what it is we're doing. He says that since he just recently got out of a relationship, he's only looking for someone "to talk to". A friend. But my thing is, if you're asking me on a one-on-one date, we've surpassed the "friend zone". Or am I wrong? I feel like I'm just getting a little too old for male friends. Is it just me? Any guy that I'm talking to in my adult life is potential mate material. I'm not looking for a friend. I'm not necessarily looking for a boyfriend either, but I do want to date. That's just where I'm at right now.

So, ever since he told me that he's just looking for a friend (this was before he asked me out), I backed off. Didn't ever text him first and pushed him out of my mind. But then out of nowhere, he asks me on a date and stays texting me out of the blue. However, his body language at the theater was straddling the line between "I like like you" and "I like you as a friend" so I don't know what to think. The unfortunate truth is, I don't know how to just be friends with a guy. At least not now. I only (figuratively) mess with guys who I'm attracted to. Which is why I even give Sir-Texts-Alot the time of day. I like his personality and I'm attracted to him physically too. Being that I've been single for over two years, why would I just want to be his friend?

Was it a date or just friends hanging out? I have no idea. All I do know is that it's been wayyyy too long. Hate to sound like a hoebag, but if this guy is really trying to "just be friends" than I might have to give him the old heave ho. My body needs fulfillment pronto but I've still got the Three Month Rule to think about. So, if he's not trying to get with me at some point, I've got to cut him lose and move on to the next. Of course there's always the chance that he's just trying to take it slow/be a gentleman, but I'm just too much of horny old slut to recognize that.

So, is he just not that into me or do I have good reason to be a little confused?

Let's just be clear on something, for those guys who think they know what's up. I'm not one of those delusional females who read into every little thing a guy does. If any other chick was on the receiving end of his actions and words, she'd be just as confused as I am. I know when to stay and when to walk away so, please, don't try to school me on recognizing subtle hints, fella(s). Seriously. Ugh. Making me want to put another 'ladies only' disclaimer and shit...


YoungBlackBeauty said...

I totally understand where you are coming from. Im single. Just got out of a relationship..sorta. Not really looking for a boyfriend but very opening to dating.

I think maybe he's in the same place you are. Even though we say we're just "friends" of course ( at least with guy-girl relationships) it's a little more. Unless you really are friends. Not dates or texts. I think he's just taking it slow, feeling you out and dating and enjoying your company and if it turns into to something more it will.

That's what my outlook is right now and it seems like urs too. I'll date you long enough to determine if you can be a potential partner and if not that we wont date. But that doesn't mean Im "actively looking" for a boyfriend. We can just be "friends" and move from there...or not.

If that makes sense.

karrie b. said...

i think its too soon to make a definite call on anything. i mean, he did pick you up and take you to the movies, right? he's into you. niggas aint takin you out if theyre not interested.


Bloggal said...

@ young black beauty: yep, that all makes perfect sense. at this point in my life, i'm not really into time wasting. you're either in it to possibly date me (casually of course) or not. i think the whole prospect of another relationship probably scares him, which is why he's choosing to slap a "friends" title on it.

@ kb: that's a great point. since it's beens so long, i'm extra thirsty to figure out what his deal is, but i'll try to cool it for a while. like you said, he wouldn't have taken me out if he wasn't slightly interested.

strangetimes said...

Some guys are very patient/careful and methodical. They want to make sure all of the signs point to yes before they proceed any further.

The "Ohhh, so ____'s the one that made you defensive" remark would also indicate to me that he thinks he needs to take it slow for you; that if he is too forward or bold it will be determental to him and his pursuit of you.

Either way, I think it is very obvious that he does like you and he's just trying to be a gentleman about it. I get the feeling if you dropped a significant hint, he would speed things along very willingly.

Jaded said...

I don't know bloggal. If he says he's looking for a friend/ someone to talk to, it may be JUST that.

Your equivalent of a date may be his equivalent of hanging out. Especially since he didn't ask if he could come up (not that you would have let him).

I'd err on the side of believing exactly what he says instead of reading into it. I'on know. Maybe that's just my cynical ass?? lol.

Bloggal said...

@ strange times: i like your take on it. maybe he is tring to take it slow. but jaded raises a great point.

@ jaded: believe me, my cynical side is also telling me that he just wants to be friends. but he's just throwing me off by his late night texts and gentlemanly gestures...i don't know. but for the time being i'm going to just play it cool and see where things go.

clnmike said...

Doesnt sound like a real date to me, if he didnt push up on you and the convo was platonic than it sounds like dude just wanted some company.

Than he took you straight home?

Maybe he was just testing the waters.

Bloggal said...

@ mike: maybe, just MAYBE, he isn't a dog who thinks it's necessary to "push up"/hump on the first date. it could be what you said of course, but i'm just throwing that one out there...

Anonymous said...

hmmm the "I just want a friend" sounds like a bailout strategy, guys are not our friends willingly nor do they want to befriend us unless there is nothing there, he could might want to hit it or hook up in the foreseeable future but he'd want to be able to say: We still FRIENDS, right??

so I'd say leave him be unless you are ok with that arrangement, if you want something more mutual or more out in the open or dating-like methinks is going t o have to be with another guy cause either he's not at that point, or not trying to be...

Brothers Blog said...

well just because he didn't push up on you doesn't mean he isn't into you. I normally press up 1st date. But the person I'm "seeing" now I really like.

So it honestly took me more than a few dates to feel her out and make sure I wasn't the one in the friendzone. Not to mention the fact that I liked her I wanted to make sure I was the perfect gentleman I should be.

So I wouldn't immediately rule that he's not feeling you like that. Could be he likes you and doesn't want to over step any boundaries too soon.

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