Thursday, February 26, 2009

Alone I Break?

First off, I'd just like to thank everybody who encouraged me to keep my blog the way it is. I think I needed the reminder that this is my blog, and I can write about anything I want here. So, I'm ousting the idea of creating an entirely new blog. I'm not that good at managing one, let alone two. The most I might do is give this one a makeover. We'll see. Dope Fiend, I might have to take you up on your offer for a new design:).

Anyway, it's finally finally the end of the week. Is it just me, or was this one extra unbearable? I had absolutely no energy or motivation to do anything for some reason. Didn't feel like getting out of bed, doing homework, exercising, going to class, going to work. Didn't even feel like blogging, which is strange, considering I blogged everyday this week. More than anything, I didn't feel like being around people. As soon as classes were done for the day, I retreated to my room and didn't come out until I absolutely had to.

Although this week I was particularly anti-social due to PMS, I'm no stranger to being a loner. I don't know why, but I just don't like being around people. I used to think it was just me liking my "Me Time". But every night is pretty much "Me Time", which is basically time alone. It struck me today that I'm alone pretty much 98% of the time. Not physically alone, but technically. Go to class alone, work alone, do homework alone. You'd think that, by the end of the day, I'd like a little human interaction. But no, it's when I get home that I really want to be alone. Because then, I'm alone alone. Physically alone.

I'm just one of those people who likes being by myself. I don't need a lunch buddy. I don't need anyone to accompany anywhere. I don't like doing things by committee. People look at me weird when I sit at a lunch table by myself, but I look at them weird because they can't bare the thought of eating a meal alone.

I will admit though, that my solitary lifestyle is border lining reclusive. I don't just like being alone. I like being left alone. When someone knocks at my door after 5pm, I wince. "Ugh, who is thaaaat?" It's gotten so bad that sometimes I just don't answer my door because I don't feel like seeing anybody.

I like to see it as, I like to keep to myself. I'm not a hermit; I do know how to go out and have fun when the time is right. But Mon-Fri, I don't like to see anybody but my own reflection. I never considered that to be unhealthy, but maybe it is. Maybe I need to force myself to be more social...


G-Ron said...

I don't want to call you introverted but those are traits of an introvert.

Just a thought.


Bloggal said...

why not? i'd definitely call myself an introvert. that's not an insult.

antithesis said...

everything you said is absolutely the way i feel. i felt that even moreso in undergrad. i felt the height of it my junior year and i really thought something was wrong with me. senior year, i forced myself to be a bit more social. im glad i did because it was my senior year and it was only right i made the most of it but since graduation that going out and being social kinda stuck. it feels somewhat un-natural sometimes and when i feel that way i make sure i take some me time. i guess it's all about balance and stayin in YOUR comfort zone.

Anonymous said...

Bah! Being social "partying up"/schmoozing/ or is overrated, specially if you don't fucking feel like it!

Alone, comfy and productive IS very good, and if you like you it shouldn't even be a problem

strangetimes said...

I was in the same boat as antithesis when I was doing my undergraduate degree. I was anti-social and introverted for my first three years in Ottawa (the problem was exacerbated when I moved off campus in my second year).

Like antithesis, I more or less forced myself to be more outgoing and social in my last year. I still have introverted, homebody tendencies, but at least know I want to go out more and hang around with people more than I used to.

I do know the feeling you have though. After classes and the job, you just didn't feel up to any sort of activity or contact with other people. I just wanted to relax and spend some me-time.

Anonymous said...

Considering what you've gone through in your love life over the last year or so, I think it's perfectly healthy to treasure your time to yourself. The fact that you're enjoying your own space and company this much means that you'll become selective about who you allow in this space because it's sacred to you. I totally understand.

Muze said...

i think the fact that you are that comfortable being by yourself definitely speaks to your confidence and inner peace.

some people are alone because they feel uncomfortable around people but secretly long to be in the throngs.

if you are comfy doing you, with you, i don't see it as a problem.

and by reading your blog... we all know that you are NOT lacking in the socializing department. lol.

Anonymous said...

i can relate

YoungBlackBeauty said...

I agree with Muze, Some people aren't comfortable being alone and not feel guilty about it or a sense of void. I like my me time but I definitely like to be around people more. Lately i've been alone by force.

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