Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Donut Theory

About of a week ago, I was watching a rerun of Law and Order that sparked a theory in me. Well, that's not entirely true. The theory was mentioned in the show but I sort of arrived to my own conclusions about it. So, the police were trying to solve the murder of a local fire fighter. They began picking up clues that he may have been having an affair. The obvious thought was that his murderer could've been his lover. The only problem was trying to figure out who his lover was. The conversation between the male and female detectives went a little something like this:

Wheeler: If he was seeing someone, the nearest donut theory says she lived near the firehouse.
Logan: The what?
Wheeler: Men are lazy. Even if there's a good meal across town, they'll usually just reach for the nearest donut.

It turned out that the guy was having an affair with another guy who actually worked in the firehouse. But it demonstrates the same point. Men really are lazy and do tend to shit where they eat. And I'm not talking about the normal relationshit (not a typo). I'm talking the messy, shitty shit. The affair-ish shit.

I'll be honest, I used to be the donut. When Ex and I were having our big affair, it was convenient for him since I was right down the hall. We lived in the very same building. He could've taken that five minute drive to his girlfriend's dorm to have his "good meal across town" but instead he settled for me--"the donut". Sidenote: Ugh, never never never again will I allow myself to be the chick on the side. Even though our relationship sort of evolved into that, I should've walked away as soon as he declared her girlfriend. But anyway, after hearing of this Donut Theory, I started thinking that maybe it transcends the physical. Maybe guys aren't just lazy in their sexual endeavors. I'd argue that guys are even lazy in their emotional affairs.

I see it everyday. Guys who stay with girls they don't really love, like, are attracted to, or passionate about. Granted, some stay in relationships for more sentimental reasons, but more often than not, they do so because they don't feel like going through the trouble of searching for someone they're truly compatible with. Now, let's not get this confused with single guys who are serial daters. They have no problem testing the waters and seeing if the grass is greener on the other side. I'm talking about guys in relationships. Those who feel "locked in". Even if the passion/excitement dies, they'll stay in the relationship because the effort it takes to break up, court someone new, and then commit, is just too labor intensive for them. More often than not, they stay in those relationships, however, they end up cheating. Which, often times, eventually gives them the ultimate 'out'.

I've got to make a point here that I am not referring to anyone specific. I don't know the dynamic of Ex's relationship with Baby Spice, so I'm not making these statements based on them. Guys cheat for a number of reasons, and his may not have been because he was unhappy with her. But I am saying, if you (people in general) have to cheat at all, ask yourself why you're doing it. It's because you feel unfulfilled in some way, shape or form. Even if you've got the girl who's good on paper and is everything you should want, if you're not completely happy with her, it's okay. You owe it to yourself to be happy, and if you're not happy with her do what you need to do. Work until you find someone who suits you in as many ways as possible.

I think that women have a better concept of work ethic when it comes to finding their mates. Some call it picky, but I call it selective. If there's a guy who doesn't meet our expectations or leave us feeling fulfilled in the most important areas, we'll leave him in a heartbeat. And we'll keep looking until we find that illusive One. We'll sacrafice the superficial things but we'll never skimp on chemistry, butterflies, or fireworks. Even if we're with a genuine good guy, we'll leave him if the connection isn't there. But men, for some reason, are more inclined to settle. They aren't willing to exert the extra effort it takes to look for someone that they'll be happier with in the long run. They settle for the convenience of having a significant other at the cost of the passion he should be feeling. They'll stay with the girl who's good to them because things are...nice. I mean if they're content, why not stay, right?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being complacent. If you're content with being content, than more power to you. But, me? I want to be more than content. I want to be happy with the person I call my own. So, fellas, you guys can go ahead and grab that Big Mac. I know it's easier. But I'm going to keep looking. And I'm not stopping until I find my Filet Mignon.


antithesis said...

wow. so true.

karrie b. said...

had no idea what the donut theory was all about, but thanks for the tip. so true, in so many ways. women are less likely to settle cause we're on some 'he's still out there' shit...and this i know cause im one of those women.


Anonymous said...

Heh! I call it the "lazy bastard Default Position" and I see it SO often with dudes that try shit moves on me and some of my guy friends... is one thing having a companionship after a while, is a whole other thing to openly talk shit about your chick and what she doesn't do and generally being a passive aggressive little shit rather than walk out and BE happy

Experience is the best teacher. said...

I was a victim of the donut theory...


strangetimes said...

I never heard of the doughnut theory before this blog post...interesting to say the least.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

not all of us are lazy maam
..chk it

Charles said...

Even though this does sound like a valid argument, and you bring up some great points, I think there are some definite holes in your theory. You can't just place a blanket on all, or even most guys because of the actions of a few. There are LOTS of guys who are very selective, know exactly what they're looking for, and won't settle for anything less. Then within that set of guys, there are LOTS who find that one and are truly devoted, and won't stray. There are a few, who unfortunately get classified as most men, who stray, cheat, and do dirt for whatever reason. And then there are ALOT of females who do that shit too, so its not just a male problem. I've been victim to that more than once, and I know damn well that I'm not an anomaly. I think its unfair just to claim that guys are just lazy physically or emotionally, when some women are just as guilty if not even more so...having your honey where you make the money...seeing the guy in the building...or seeing the guy who goes to your school...when your true 'commitment' is at home...lives across campus, or just so happens to be in a different area/zip code at the time. No one wants to settle...no one really wants to lower their standards so they can find someone. There are different circumstances for everyone, and things just work out in weird ways.

Tuotierugif >^..^<© said...

I think this is very true, especially these day's it seems like boys don't want to put in work! lol

Brown Mommy said...

A man will go as far as you let him go..
You have to stand for something...It's that simple!

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