The Master Cleanse

I didn't plan on posting today, but my mommy just left so I think I can sneak a quick one lol.

Has anyone ever done/heard of the Lemonade diet? It's formally known as the Master Cleanse. It's like a fast but not. It's 10-14 day detox where all you drink is this concoction of lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. Nasty, right? But apparently the ingredients give you the calories, vitamins, and minerals you need to be sustained during the period. Thus, you don't get hunger pangs or feel weak.

I'm thinking about doing it. Not just for weight loss reasons (although that would be a plus. The average person loses 2 lbs a day during the cleanse). I want to do it because I've never done a detox before and I know my body could definitely use it about now. I've felt so sluggish lately. I read the book by the creator of the diet, Stanley Burroughs, and I think it's something I really want to do. Granted, 10 days is a long time to go without eating, but according to Dr. Burroughs, and other reliable sources, it isn't hazardous to your health. I don't know, I'm just up for the challenge. I want to see if I have the discipline to abstain from food that long.

Soooo, do y'all think I'm crazy now? And has anybody ever tried it before or know someone who has?

HOLA!!!

Well hello dear friends. It’s been a lonnnnge minute hasn’t it? I feel like a big nerd saying this but, I missed you guys! I hadn’t realized what large part my blog family plays in my life. Being away this long has made me appreciate you guys that much more:-).

So, here’s the situation. I have a new cord now, but still limited internet access. My computer is a desktop so, even though we have wireless in the house, I can’t use it. I could use my mom’s laptop once again but, as fate would have it, she found my blog. Yep, it finally happened guys. She clicked the lovely orange “B” in her dropdown menu and found her way to the most derogatory post I’ve ever made on Love is a Minefield. I won’t go into details though for the sake of time. Let’s just say the word “fuckery” is the latest addition to her vocabulary. She’s been using the word daily (in the wrong context) but I won’t even go there. Safe to say that I’m going to be pulling up Blogger as rarely as possible on her computer. So, what I’m doing now is typing my entry in Word on my own computer and then saving it on a disk to publish it on her computer. Cause that’s how much I love yall.

What’s the happy-haps? How was everybody’s Christmas? I know I’m late as ever and you’re blogs probably tell that story. Don’t worry, I’ll be doing rounds a little later. Christmas in these parts was wonderful. Not so much on the gifting end because the majority of my family has been laid off in the past six months (including my mom). I told everyone not to get me anything, and they didn’t. Times are too tough to worry about buying presents for people, and I know that. Although I had a couple of uncles who slipped me a few dollars, so I ended up with more than I expected to get. But enough about the material things. What I enjoyed most about Christmas was just being around family.

We have our celebration on Christmas Eve so I slept in and lazed around on Christmas day. The day after Christmas, I went to the movies with my sister and her ex/boyfriend. I’ve been wanting to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button ever since the summer when I saw the teaser, so that’s what we decided on. The movie was simply amazing. It’s been a long time since a film has touched me like that one did. It made me laugh, it made me cry. It was aesthetically pleasing thanks to the lovely and brilliant direction of David Fincher. He directed Fight Club as well. All of his films are awesome. Anyway, I loved every minute of it and there was never a dull moment even though the running time was almost three hours. I can’t even begin to review the movie here because I’d end up on tangents out of this world and it’s already late (3:42am lol). Hit up Karrie B.’s blog for her take on it. I’ll just say see the movie. I’m sure you’ll appreciate it.

Today I was supposed to see my father but that fell through as usual. He’s the most notorious flake in the world. I knew when he said that he wanted to see my sisters and I, that it wasn’t going to happen. But I’m used it by now.

Hmmm, what else is new? Absolutely nothing on the boy/man front lol. I somehow expected things to be different once I got home but nope. Still single as ever. I do have a “date” on Tuesday, if you wanna call it that. It’s with my very first boyfriend. He and I dated for about three months before I dumped him for Ex. Anyway, we’ve stayed on friendly terms since the break up. He’s been abroad in France for the past semester and he’s only home for a two weeks until he goes to Switzerland for second semester. We hung quite a bit during the summer, but I was determined not to get too close to him because I wasn't up to a long distance situation like that. How ever the date goes down, it won't mean anything because he's leaving again so soon.

I generally hate making the What I Did Today posts, but I figured one was in order since I’ve been away so long. I probably won’t be on my daily writing schedule until school is back in session, but I’ll make sure I post at least three times a week until then.

Hey friends,

Finally made it home last night! Unfortunately, my dumb ass left my power supply in my dorm room (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!) and I'm without a computer:-(. I'm on my mom's laptop but she's basically breathing down my neck right now so I'm gonna have to call it a break for the next few days or so. Maybe that's what I need anyway. A break from the internet because I am thoroughly addicted. You should've seen how I freaked when I realized I didn't have my cord. It lasted a good hour.

So, I'll be taking this time to get cozy with the fam and I hope you'll do the same. I'll definitely have some pics and stories for you guys whenever I come back. Until then, enjoy your families and your breaks. And if I'm not back in time, I hope everyone has a fantastic Christmas!

xo,
bloggal

Please Don't Touch My Panties.

Well, it's official guys and gals. My first semester is O-V-E-R! It's so easy to just dismiss the past six months like they never happened. Even though they'll come back to haunt (or delight) me in a week or two when grades are in. How ever things turn out, I'm just happy to be able to say that I'm DONE.

Sucky part is, I'm still here at school. All of my friends are long gone because their last finals were on Wednesday. I walked into my hallway just now and I swear I saw tumbleweeds. I'm the very last person to leave my floor. Either that, or I'm the only loser in my dorm on the last day of school. Whatever the case, it's both cool and creepy at the same time. I'm shocked I don't have a case of the alonesies.

::Leaves to turn on radio in the community bathroom::

So, here I am. And sooooo, ready to go. I've gotta tell this story about something that happened last night. I was tempted to skip the studying and immediately blog about it, but I knew that wouldn't be the wisest thing to do.

Okay, so last night I did some much needed laundry. I've let it pile up for the past few weeks and, since I didn't feel like dragging a bunch of dirty clothes home, I decided to just do it before I packed. So, I put on two loads and went to the computer lab to do some studying while I waited. Around this time of year, when the the laundry room gets severely packed, people start getting ignorant and impatient. It's not uncommon for people to remove someone elses clothes from a washer or dryer to put their own in. I set my timer for 30 minutes because I've heard horror stories about this happening. I didn't want it to happen to me, so after exactly 30 minutes I came back to the laundry room and put my clothes in the dryer for an hour. Set my timer once again, and went back to the computer lab.

After an exactly an hour was up, I head back to the laundry room. But when I get there, I see that one of my dryers has a bunch of jeans tumbling in it. How could that be, when I was using that one to dry all of my delicates? And then, there they were. All of my panties, socks, and bras, piled on top of a rusty ass ironing board. Needless to say, I freaked. I rushed over to my pile of undies ready to grab it up when....OH HELLLLLLL NAW!!! My shit is soaking wet!

What this means is some chick took my clothes out of my dryer in MID cycle! That's even worse than taking my stuff out after it was done. If that ain't triflin', I don't know what is. That's some clear people shit right there.

I had the mind to open the dryer and let her time run out, take her clothes out and pour bleach on them, hide her shit, or throw it away. But I did none of the above. I gathered up my wet panties and sullenly went back to my room.

I called my sister and told her all about it, because I was too heated. She asked me why I didn't do anything to her stuff and I was like "Duh! Two wrongs don't make a right. I don't need that coming back on me."...But I was ooohhhh soooo tempted to. God, you have no idea.

Then she tells me to at least confront the chick and I agreed to. So, I head back down to the laundry room, clothes in hand (because I did intend on drying them). I posted myself at the homework table and proceeded to study while I waited for this chick's clothes to finish.

Her timer hits zero. I look around. No chick in sight. I wait a few minutes longer. Nobody. Then I look around for an empty dryer to put my stuff in. All still going. I figured, what the hell. I'm justified in this case. I take her clothes out, set them on top of the rusty ironing board, and put my stuff back in. I guess I was in a fighting mood because if she did happen to come in at the moment of exchange, and tried to come at me about moving her clothes, I was too ready. But I never got the chance. A whole hour went by and this chick never showed. Disappointed at the missed opportunity to fight this broad in the face, I took my clothes out and put hers back in.

What gets me is the fact that this heffa was so thirsty to dry her clothes that she took mine out BEFORE the cycle was even finished. But then she's more than an hour late to get her own clothes? Ugh! I tell you about ass triflin' people...I just know she was clear.

Maybe I was being spared or something. Maybe if she did come down there while my stuff was in the dryer, an old fashion cat fight would've ensued. Maybe I should be thankful.

Whatever the case may be, I know there's a moral in here somewhere. Not quite sure what it is. But what I do know is, I'm missing a pair of my favorite panties....Bitch.

Game Over.

Just thought I'd warn you that this post has no order. I'm just ranting. Just saying.

Well, I think I just about bombed my Art History final today. I studied all day and all night for it yesterday. Even woke up early this morning to get a little extra studying in before the exam. And then I get there...Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It was one of those exams where I had to basically guess what would be on it. Everything from Roman architecture to Christian iconography could appear. Obviously, I didn't to test my luck and only focus on one thing. So I did a survey of everything. Only problem was, it didn't all stick like it should've. And, as luck would have it, everything I decided to skimp on, because it seemed so unlikely to be on the test, was there. Every single question.

So much for that 3.8...

Sigh.

Yesterday I reread the post I made a couple of days ago. You know, the one about the Facebook note. I was reading my own commentary within the post and in response to some of your comments and couldn't help but say, "Oooh...that wasn't nice." I had the mind to delete it, but decided against that because I never delete posts, unless they're too personal. So I left it. But then today, I got a few email notifications from a rare/new commenter. I don't know if this was his first time coming through, but what he left in response to "What Do These B**** Want From a N****" was: Such venom in here. Too much venom.


Now, it didn't bother me that this commenter didn't particularly care for our/my venom, because I still maintain that this blog is a place of free expression. So, I'll continue to say what I want here, and I encourage you gals (and guys) to do the same. What disturbed me was the fact that he was right. There was alot of venom. But what disturbed me even more was how much of it was on my end.

I've been really angry lately. Like, really, really angry. And not just at the world in general, because we all have those moments where we hate the world and everything in it (...right? lol). I thought long and hard about what's been causing me alot of strife lately and it hit me. MEN.

I've been hearing so many stories about men being...men. Lying, cheating, mistreating, abusing, abandoning, flaking, heartbreaking...I've seen so many strong women cry. I've cried myself. And it just makes me angry.

"The good ones screw you. The bad ones screw you. And the rest don’t know how to screw you." ~Sex and the City

You expect it when bad men do bad things. But when "good" men do it too, it just leaves a sense of hopelessness. Like, wow. Are there any decent ones left in the world?

Notice I'm using the word men and not boys? "I'm done talking to boys. I'm looking for a MAN". You know what I'm starting to realize? There's really no difference. Maybe I'm being too general here, but man or boy, most don't seem to know what they want.

He's 21 and she's 20. They were together for four years. She's a very beautiful young woman. She attends one of the top two schools in the country. And she's an incredibly devoted girlfriend. She just got out of school for the semester and decided to surprise her boyfriend at his. She bought a plane ticket, flew from Chicago to Florida...and caught him with another girl.

Oh, and did I mention he was a nice guy?

Now, I'm not even about to rant about men or bash them. It's not even worth it. I will say this though: When you hurt my friends, you hurt me. And I'm just...disappointed. Very disappointed.

Honestly, I feel like quitting. I feel like I'm holding my breath for a "good" one. I feel like he doesn't exist.

I'm just ready for this school year to be over. I'm ready to be home with family and old friends. I know getting away from school won't make a difference. Bad guys will be bad guys. And nice guys will be bad guys too. But, I don't know. There's just something about being around family that makes me not care so much.

A Farewell Kiss

By now, evvvveeerybody's seen this. But you probably haven't seen it in slow motion, have ya?!







Soooo damn close! How did that not hit him? You've gotta give it to Bush. He's got mad dodging skills. That mofo even looks fast in slomo.

Christmas Wishlist

There's only one thing I want:

...Or this would do the job too.

Hey Glo, foget about the iTouch Fund. How about the iTouch Myself Fund instead?

Sigh. I need sexy time.

Blah Blah Blah

Yo.

Today is a nothing post really. As I mentioned before, I'm in the midst of finals and any extra thinking is sure to cause a brain fart of some sort. So, I'll stick to blurbs today.

*So, how about that nonsense yesterday? It took every ounce of power inside of me not to 1) post my blog url as a comment to show them your feedback and 2) not to verbally rip them a new. I finally did comment on how his words were offensive and not well thought out. Of course I got attacked by one of his wack ass minions. But the author eventually replied and apologized for offending me and other women. What's sad is that, it wasn't until I commented that other females stopped co-signing with his stupidity and started saying how they really felt.

Sidenote: I've gotta plug Skinny's blog post about this. On point.

Anyway, the comment count has reached 105 and still growing. The author did admit that he was purposely trying to stir controversy, which is a slight relief but still doesn't justify for his ignorant slander.

But whatevs.

*I know you all have been hearing about how bad iWant an iPod. Well, I'm too broke to afford one and so is everyone else in my family. So, I bought the next best thing (well, not really, but it suffices). Just came in the mail today.

It's an 8GB Touchscreen Mp4 player I found on Ebay for like, 60 bucks. Yeah, I know it's no iTouch, but it's still something. I was walking around with a 512MB music player that I could barely fit 8 songs on, so this is a big upgrade for me. All of my so-called friends are trying to clown me for buying a generic player but I'm happy with it, so eff them.

Anway, it plays videos, music, has an eBook reader, holds pictures, etc. May not have a bunch of bells and whistles but it still serves its purpose. It has a 1 year warranty so if it decides to be as cheap as it was, I can just send it back to the manufactures for a replacement.

Yes, that is my cheap piece of crap phone next to my cheap piece of crap player.

Merry Chrismas to me!

**UPDATE**

I've taken the liberty of including this YouTube video for those of you who are wondering "what the hell this player is" (Charles lol).

"What Do These Bitches Want From a Nigga?"

This is why I deactivate Facebook about twice a week. This was in my News Feed today. A note called "What Do These Bitches Want From a Nigga?"

Females recently have had me trying to figure out the age old question "what do these bitches want from a nigga?" But i truely believe that we as men will never really know the answer. Now im not calling all females bitches thats just the name of the song so im gonna roll with it, BUT there are some true bitches out there some male some female but i digress from that topic. Anyways, i really dont understand the female race, especially with these songs that they listen to and praise like its the holy bible such as "Single Ladies" "If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it" ummmm no, not at all! Is that not preaching for a premature marriage? Or since i didnt give you a ring i guess i dont like you. Then you want to be treated like a lady but why are you in the club singing and dancing to "Bust it Baby" do you know what that is? Incase you dont let me clarify "She is adapt at talking dirty without prompting. She is unusually skilled at fellatio, and "throwing it back" when she is given "back shots." Basically, she is the woman you would kill everyone one on the Earth for because her coochie is so good you go partially blind after you hit it the first time"(UrbanDictionary.com) why would you wanna be "That Girl". Then theres "Bust Your Windows" by Jazmine Sullivan, Damn it if you break my windows ima break you, thats all i have to say about that. And Females, dont think for a minute that your irraplacable either...... So you wanna be "Independent" Which is perfectly fine with me i support it 100% But if i offer you something and you say "No i dont need your help with that" dont be suprised if i dont jump at the oppurinity to help you with it later. "If you were a boy" then you would understand why we do the shit we do. Stop choosing to hang around guys that you know arent worth anything thinking you can change they ways and when you cant act like you didnt know it was gonna happen. Dont get me wrong I love Women, a few of my bestfriends are ladies but DAMN ya'll can be annoying and confusing. Ok now that thats out of the way, whats with women using sex and pregnancy for power? Why must girls do that shit? That shit aint funny, Mr. Houston and I will speak on that very very soon. Anyways im done for now.

And a few comments on the note:

"Nigga u are my role model lol"

"Now of course diffrent women want diffrent things but for the sake of this discussion I will be very basic with this. So women just want a puppet slave! Sounds funny but its true. They want him to do everything under the sun for them but they still wanna be able to do whatever they want whenever they want, while the man sits at home and waits."

"very insightful..."


..... O_o

I'm not saying shit. I'll let you ladies speak for me.

P.S.

Dear "Niggas": please DO NOT comment on this post. Especially if you've got some ignorant ass co-signing shit to say. Please believe that your comment will be devoured and then deleted.

Dear Fellas: if you'd like to show us ladies that you're not all dumb useless fucks, please, do try.

Sucks To Be Cupid...

Today when I logged into Facebook, I had two notifications. The first said, "You are missing out on flirts because your date card is incomplete. Click here to complete your date card." The second said, "Here are new men for you to meet on SpeedDate..." and proceeded to list the guys who recently joined. Now, I don't even recall signing up for either of these applications (ahem), but that's beside the point. It's the fact that with all of our new age technology, dating isn't what it used to be.

What ever happened to the days of old fashion courting rituals? A guy would see a girl he liked. He'd catch her eye. They'd do a little long distance flirting. And then he'd approach her. I don't remember the last time I was physically approached by a guy. I'm not talking about a Facebook message or any other type of e-holla. I'm talking face to face. It's been a lonnnnnge time.

About a month ago I went to a lecture on campus called, "It's Not You, It's Me: Reflections on Commitment Phobia in the Late Modern Era," given by the author Eva Illouz. In it she proposed that the reason why dating is so complicated in this day and age is because of the way we go about doing it.

She opened with this analogy. In her home back in Germany, there is a larger Jewel-like supermarket she sometimes goes to. She said that she hates the store though, because it is large and crowded with so many brands of the exact same product, that she can never decide on what to buy. So, she prefers to shop at a quaint, private owned supermarket. Even though the prices are higher, she likes that she doesn't have to spend a year trying to decide what type of butter to buy.

What it ultimately comes down to is options. In this technological age, we have everything at our fingertips, including people. So, Illouz's point was that, because we have so many options of who we want to date with the aid of the Internet, it's harder for us to make any actual commitments. Before the Internet Age, people had to actually get to know each other individually. They had to put time into courting each other. But now, we're picky, impatient, and insatiable. We look through online profiles like we're walking through an aisle at the Walmart Supercenter, reading label after label and moving on to the next until we find the perfect product. We spend hours and hours in the bread aisle looking for the perfect loaf, but we never find it.

The point is, because we're living in this fast paced world of instant gratification and infinite options, old fashion dating rituals are obsolete. First there was dating. Then came speed dating. Then there was the Internet dating. And now there's Internet speed dating??? Have we really gotten that lazy?

Ugh, I hate the Internet. It's numbing and obscuring our humanity.

Final Exams

Yep, it's that time again. Luckily, this time it's not going to be anywhere near as stressful. I only have two final term papers to write, and two final exams to study for. And the due dates are all evenly distributed, which gives me ample time to devote to each. That said, I'm still going to be a little distant for the next week because this is the final stretch. I need to ace these essays and exams if I want to get a 3.8 or higher for the semester.

I'm not making any promises to not post though, because I never stick to them lol. If I'm moved to write, I will.

Good luck to everyone else who's preparing for finals!

xo,
bloggal

The Date Rape Christmas Song

This is by far one of my favorite Christmas songs. A real classic.

But.....

Is it just me, or is this song a tad bit rapish?

I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry well
Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move a little closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside


I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh baby, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious - Man, your lips look so delicious
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips look delicious
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Never such a blizzard before

I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your comb - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Making my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died (WTF??)
I really can't stay - Get over that hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

The Madonna/Whore Complex

A man with a Madonna-Whore complex is one who will sleep with and lust for a sexual and beautiful woman, but he will never respect her as "wife" material or marry her. In his eyes, she is tainted, impure, unworthy of the status of wife---yet he may possess passionate and contradictory feelings for her. He may even be in love with her but will never allow himself to be with her in any real sense. He will look for a "good girl" to marry---usually a woman who is cold sexually but, for example, is good at "wifely" domestic things: cooking, cleaning, homemaking in general, etc. A proper, pure "madonna" type woman who will bear his children. -Urban Dictionary.com

So, I know you guys are wondering: Which are you, Bloggal?

Well, this may come as a total shock (heheh) but based on this criteria, I'm definitely the "whore."

But lets, from now on, refer to this as something other than the Madonna/Whore Complex, so as not to offend any other "whores" who are sensitive to that word...Let's call it The Good Lover, Bad Mother Complex.

Brace yourselves for a little TMI. I'm not ashamed to divulge my "number" (and you shouldn't be either). I've been with four guys eversince I first became sexually active. But even before I lost my virginity, I was already very aware of my sexuality. So, when I had sex for the first time, it all came very naturally. Granted, it took me a little practice in the technique department, but I inherently knew what it would take to leave my partner satisfied. With every guy I've been with since then, I've gotten better and better at what I do.

While the guys were all appreciative of the special attention I gave them, there always seems to be a downside. The trend was usually that we dated for a while, I gave him amazing sex, and then he'd eventually dip to hook up with a more "wholesome" chick. A girl who seemed less "out there", less frank about her sexuality. A pure, virginal girl. One who made him wait a little longer. Or one whose resistance made her that much more desirable.

Now, I'm not saying that the reason most of my long/short-term relationships ended was just because the guys I was dating thought I was too much of a freak to take seriously. But there is a definite correlation there. It's a shame we live in such a close minded society where a woman who knows how to handle her business in the bedroom is thought to be impure, or unfit for mother/wifehood. That's some super prehistoric shit right there. Since when does a woman's sexuality dictate her parental and matronly abilities? I'm one of the most devotional and nurturing people you'll ever meet. But apparently that doesn't matter in a culture wracked with societal double standards.

I'm not gonna lie, I used to let it get to me. And sometimes, it still does. Sometimes I feel like, in order to be respected and taken seriously, I'd have to suppress my sexuality. Appear to be a prude who's all icky about sex, and then maybe they'd want to stick around. But then I realize that I like sex far too much for that shit. I know I have alot going from me. It should be known that, while I'm good in bed, I also make a really great girlfriend. I'm Loving. Loyal. Passionate. Supportive. But at the same time, I know how to keep things interesting. If a guy was smart, he'd stick with chick like me.

So, if being a good lover makes me a whore, I take it as a compliment.

Ms. Officer

Did I ever tell you guys that I'm a security guard? lol. Yep, that's my job at the lovely Krannert Art Gallery. I get to have a walkie-talkie and everything! [insert sarcasm]...But believe me, the job isn't as exciting as it sounds. There are never any attempted thefts of paintings or sculptures, thus no necessary tackling maneuvers. The most action I ever get is on "Kids @ Krannert Day", when children were allowed to come to the museum and do crafts, while us guards prayed they don’t put their dirty little hands on the exhibits. So, most of the time I'm pretty much standing around twiddling my thumbs.

Sidenote: I know you guys are probably wondering why I complain about a job where I get paid to do next to nothing. That's precisely the point. Boring jobs are the worst kind. But I actually have grown to enjoy the quiet solitude of the museum. I love it there.

So, I figured since I'm always mentioning my job anyway, why not give you guys a virtual tour. Enjoy!

I know these are some pretty lame close-ups, but I wanted to see my camera's zoom ability and quality. Me likey!

I'm not gonna lie. I was just really thirsty to use my new camera lol.

"It is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed: it is shyness before any sort of new, unforeseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope. But only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical will live the relation to another as something alive."~ Rainer Marie Rilke

Losing My Religion

It's funny how things work out. I started composing this post a couple of days ago, but decided not to bother finishing it. But then, I've been hearing/reading alot of things that are more or less relevant to the post, so something's telling me I should continue.

Although I consider myself a spiritual person, I've never been a big fan of organized religion. I hate the labels, hypocrisy, intolerance, and enigma of it all. I prefer the much more base belief that the universe is governed by various metaphysical laws and moral codes. However, just like it's healthy for one to question his or her religion, I sometimes question the my own beliefs. Keep in mind that, I'm playing devil's advocate here.

Karma: The Cosmic Justice System

Through the law of karma, the effects of all deeds actively create past, present, and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain and joy it brings to him/her and others. What goes around comes around. You reap what you sew. Treat others the way you want to be treated. We've known about these concepts since childhood. We've been taught that, if we are good people, good things will happen. And if we are bad people, bad things would happen. Most of us go through life holding firm to this belief, doing our best to be "good" people so that only "good" things would happen to us.

But sometimes it doesn't matter. Bad things indeed happen to good people, and vice versa. Sometimes we live the most virtuous life we possibly can, and it seems as if the slightest mistake causes misfortune. Like a less than perfect lifestyle means we're in for a slew of bad karma. Because, really, what constitutes being a 'good person'?

The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction says people's thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) dictate the reality of their lives, whether or not they're aware of it. Essentially "if you really want something and truly believe it's possible, you'll get it." I've been interested in this theory since before The Secret made it a mainstream phenomenon. I love the idea that you are ultimately in control of what happens in your life. I

The downside to the Law of Attraction is that by putting a lot of attention and thought onto something you don't want means you'll probably get that too. Which would explain why I seem to run into Ex and/or New Boo everywhere I go. Because I'm constantly hoping that it won't happen, it always does. What if I can't help it that I'm a obsessive compulsive thinker or a natural pessimist? Does that mean that, because I'm in constant fear of a loved one passing, it will actually happen?

Serendipity

...Guess it wasn't meant to be, huh?

The definition of serendipity is actually: the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely. But the word embodies much more. It is the idea that everything happens for a reason. Everyone we meet, every action we make, and everything that happens to us is no coincidence. There is always a reason.

The expression 'everything happens for a reason' is commonly used to comfort someone who's dealing with trauma. A lost loved one. A broken heart. An eviction notice. It's like saying, "I know things are tough right now, but it will get better. Something good will come out of this." But then this raises: Why did this happen? What was the reason? And most importantly, when will things get better?

During Thanksgiving break, I got an email that the Residential Advisor on the floor beneath mine had hung himself in his room. I was stunned; I actually knew this guy. We weren't by any means friends, but we were friendly acquaintances. And now he's gone...Really? Everything happens for a reason?

***********************************************************************************

Lately all of my belief systems have been rocked, along with many others, for various reasons. These are trying times we're living in, and I'm not just talking about the economy. It's easy to lose your faith in the Universe, The Force,Mother Nature, God, Buddha, a Higher Power, the Greater Good--whatever it is you believe in. But what we all have to remember is, while it's okay and perfectly natural to question our values, it's important not to give up on what you believe in.

One belief that always holds true for me?

This too shall pass.

What do you believe in?

Hypocrit-itis and other short blurbs

*At the risk of getting my ass beat by Mama QQ, I just have to divulge a little information about Ex because it's just too funny to conceal. I found his blog, yall. Hehehe. It isn't a personal blog though. It's for a class that I took last year, and he's taking now. Anyway, even though it's strictly academic, he had the nerve to be mad at me for looking at it. I guess he felt a little violated and/or "spied on" because I knew his class schedule and other minor details that will remain unmentioned. Hmm, well let's see. I found his blog via my old class blog. It's not like I was looking over his shoulder when he was on his blog and memorized the URL or anything...Kinda like what he did to me. So, I think it's kind of funny that I've been reduced to a stalker/spy. He's really one to talk when he has hacked into my email and Facebook accouts on more than one occasion. But that's hypocrisy at it's finest ladies and gentleman. Maybe now he sees how it feels.

*I've decided to remove my site tracker because I'm getting a little obsessive compulsive about checking it. I almost feel like I'm stalking my stalkers. So, creepos: feel free to browse away, because I'm no longer monitoring your creepy asses.

Also, I'd rather not know when certain people are reading. It indeed alters what I'm willing to write here.

Sidenote: I feel the need to explain what I mean by "stalkers" so that I don't offend anybody lol...I'm all for blog stalking and lurking. I do it my damn self. I do frequent certain blogs a few times a day. And I get it, sometimes you may not have much to say or you may be a little too shy to comment. That's totally fine with me. Get your stalker-lurk on. But I'm a tad bit creeped out by people who raid my archives everyday single day, more than 20 times a day. Don't know who you are, or where you're from but please, show yourself because you're giving me the heebie jeebies.

*Once again, a million thanks to my blog buddies. You're comments are always greatly appreciated. I love you all like family *e-hugs*.

iHate

Hate (2) Dictionary.com. To dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward.

Hater (1) Urban Dictionary. A person who feels anger and/or jealousy for someone who has succeeded in something they have worked hard for.


Everybody hates at some point in their lives. It's a natural emotion. I've been a hater once or twice, although only a benevolent sort of way (ahem...QQ...yep, still hating :o). No ill feelings or anything. But lately, I've been finding myself doing some real hardcore, megaloathing. What's worse is that I've been DOUBLE hating: being envious of someone who has something I want and abhoring their existence.

Okay, Hate is a strong word. I never use it. Especially not when referring to people. So, I take it back. I don't literally hate anybody. But....

iHate how he treated me.
iHate how I feel right now.
iHate how I felt before.
iHate what I see.
(iHate that I have to semi-censor this)
iHate that I'm the only one affected.
iHate that I know what he thinks I don't.
iHate that I hate.
iHate that I still care.
iHate that he can still make me cry.
iHate that I think about him.
iHate that I can't get away.
iHate that I can't get over it.
iHate that I can't move on.
iHate that I'm so bitter.
iHate that I can't get closure.
iHate that he doesn't care.
iHate that I wasn't enough.
iHate how hard I tried.
iHate that rejected me.
iHate that he lied to me.
iHate that he strung me along.
iHate how much I invested.
iHate how cynical I am now.
iHate how afraid I am of ever loving again.

**UPDATE** iHate that he always happens to check my blog whenever I write something about him. Freakin eerie man! lol.

iHate that I'm still dealing with my past. iHate that it seems like I'll never be able to forget it. iHate that everytime I start to, something or someone remindes me of it.

iHate it.

Hate. Ugh. So unlady like. So very unbecoming of me.

p.s.
I want an iPod. Feel free to buy me one.

Thanksgiving Break Down

Yo and hello to everyone. How does it feel to be back at work and school? Hopefully you're all feeling rejuvinated and ready to take on the rest of the year like I am. I admit, I'm dreading Hell Week Part Deux, which will be hitting universities everywhere in 2-3 weeks, but at least I had some time to collect myself.

As for the post title--relax kiddies, not that kind of break down. Since I'm back at school now I thought I'd give a brief recap of my week. Let's see...

Well, most of my break was spent doing my braids. From Sunday to Thursday, I worked at it and this was the finished product:

I'm pretty satisfied for it being my first time. I've been getting tons of Poetic Justice jokes, but it's cool cause I like them.

Aside from that, Thanksgiving was great. I saw lots of family that I hadn't seen in a while and I got quite a few belated birthday presents (cash baby, yeah!). I took advantage of the "Black Friday" sells, but only on Saturday because I knew people would be acting a damned fool on Friday. So this weekend I managed to get three new pair of jeans, a new coat, two hats, two scarves, a purse, a sweater and a pair of boots all for about 80 bucks. Hehehe, I know. Pretty amazing. I'll definitely take some pics of a couple ensembles because I now have my very own camera! Yay!!! I know I've posted pictures in the past but those were all pirated from my friends' Facebook accounts. Now I can take my own pics:) Be forewarned that for the next week, I'll probably be a little snap happy.

Let's see, what else...Hmm. Nothing really. I guess my break wasn't too excited. Or maybe I'm just not feeling inclined to write with a whole lotta umph since I know for a fact that NOTHING can top QQ's Thanksgiving weekend. Nothing at all. Yep yep, I'm a hating little horny bitch right now.

Oh well, hopefully some bomb ass sex is in the post for me...Aha, who am I kidding? lol

Why I'm Convinced I'll Marry A Gay Man

This Bitch Is Feirce.

Insomniac Blurbs

Tonight I'm feeling random and blurbalicious.

*I loved all of your responses to my last post. How is it that you all always know just what to say? You guys like frickin Hallmark cards and fortune cookies. It was a relief to see that all of the comments were optimistic "don't give up on love" messages. Sometimes it get's so hard out there that it's easy to get cynical an cold. But thank you ladies for reminding me that it still exists:)

*Do you ever have the desire to radically change your appearance? I get that impulse every six months or so. For some reason, I want to go back to school looking totally different. New hair, new wardrobe, maybe a new piercing or tattoo...But I'm kind of broke right now, so I'm going to have to settle for a new hairstyle. Don't laugh at me, alright. I'm going to try and do my own braids for the first time. I've mastered sew-ins but I've never attempted extensions before. I'm doing kinky twists, but not in the traditional way you see them. I'm using a softer textured hair, and they're gonna be longer, thicker, and semi-straight. Kinda like this:



Sidenote: I've been lovin' Kelis lately. I've had Kalidescope, Tasty, and Kelis Was Here in HEAVY rotation for the past week. She's that bitch.

I've been at it since Sunday morning and I'm a little less than halfway done. I'm praying that I'll be finished by Thanksgiving and I won't have to rock a hat or one of those bogus ass pony tails that chicks wear when they're trying to hide an unfinished center. Either way, I promise to post pics of the finished product since you guys didn't get to see my haircut. Even if they turn out wack as hell, I'll post them anyway. But don't be surprised if the flash is off. Just a warning.

*I feel so unloved yall lol. Since coming home on Friday, I haven't had to charge my phone once. You wanna know why? Because I haven't received not one phone call/text since I got home from school, therefore I still have two whole bars left. My last incoming call was on Friday at 3:30pm. I checked my call log and all it said was Mommy, Home, Sister, Best Friend, Mommy, Home, Sister, BF, etc. And now that I am home with my mommy and sister, nobody is calling my ass. Sad.

*I've been on a cell phone plan with my mom since I was in high school. For convenience purposes, I'm still on the plan with her, but I pay my own bill. Anyway, I've never been a big texter, but I just recently decided to get an unlimited texting plan since I've been doing alot of it lately. So, I gave my mom an extra ten bucks in addition to the $50 a month I give her and asked her to add texting to my line. This was sometime in October. Why did this broad just slam me with a $40 bill the other day??? I according to her, she doesn't recall me requesting unlimited, so she only got me 250. And U.S. Cellular charges 25 cents (hey, I just noticed there isn't a "cents" key on the keyboard lol). So, now I'm $40 in the hole. May not sound like much but 40 dollars is A LOT to me (I only get 150 per check--I know, that shit is sad).

So, I will not be texting for a while. At least not from my phone. I'm gonna do it the bootleg (free) way and email peoples phones from my computer. I get free incoming so, yes QQ, you may continue to bless me with the shwingshwong shots...*swoon*

*Is it just me or did the YouTube screens like, double in size?

*This blurb is just for the ladies. All you fellas may want to head over to clnmike's blog right about now because I'm about to dip into "female issues." And if there are any ladies who would prefer not to hear details about conditions pertaining to the bajingo, I'd advice you to skip to the next blurb as well.

Soooo, about a two weeks before school let out, I started feeling like I was developing a yeast infection. I had all the symptoms, and I assumed that's what it was. So I just skipped the examination and asked for a prescription to get rid of it. A week later, all the symptoms were still there. Afraid that it was "something else" I made another doctors appointment. The lady gave me a pap smear and said that everything "looked normal" and I had "nothing to worry about". But she ran tests anyway. Long story short, it turns out that I have Vulvodynia.

Those of you who are familiar with this episode of Sex and the City have heard of this condition. It's basically like a yeast infection but a little harder to get rid of. The symptoms are caused by an imbalance of pH levels in the vagina, and all you have to do to cure it is take antibiotics and antidepressants. Yes my friends, you heard right. My vagina is depressed. Go figure.

I neglected to write this on my blog for two reasons. 1) I wanted to be on the rode to recovery (only 3 more days of antibio-depressants) before I did so, and 2) I new it would probably give a lot of people a case of the ickies. But I thought, what the hell.

*There's a humongous spider on the wall and I know I won't be able to go to sleep while it's still alive.

*This is about to be so random, but here are various Youtube videos I've bookmarked over the past two weeks.



Otters fucking holding hands? Seriously? I nearly died of cuteness overload.





No this bitch did NOT just say "I love you" and then do that beautiful wolfy ass howl. This dog is gorgeous.



I know I'm a fool for this one but it crrrracks me up!

Ummm, I think that's enough randomness for one night. It's 2:09 am. I'm about to try to take my ass to sleep.

I Believe(d) In A Thing Called Love...

Yes, I know that just about all my post titles have been song titles recently. Sue me. I've been loving my music lately.

Soooo, yes kiddies. I survived Hell Week! I turned in my last essay at 3:30pm on Friday, and my mom was at my dorm to drive me home by 4. I am feeling so much better guys, I can't even tell ya. I was stressed beyond belief and it had me freaking out for real. Now, I have a week to unwind and replenish because once I go back, it starts all over again lol.

I would've posted Friday night, but I figured I'd wait until Monday and bask in the newness of my vaca. Besides, I was a little preoccupied when I got home that night. My little sister had been talking my ear off all week about wanting to see Twilight when it came out. I promised I'd see it with her so that was the first call of duty when I reached home.

For those who live under a rock and don't know what the movie is about, here's a little synopsis courtesy of IMDB, most likely written by a 14 year old fan (cause I'm too brain dead to write it myself right now).

The movie was mediocre. It didn't suck, but it didn't blow me away either. I've read the first book of the Twilight series way before there was even a sequel, and there were tons of things that didn't make the film. That's usually the case though. The acting was actually pretty good, and yet the movie was extremely dramatic; I still haven't figured that one out. It was full of cheesy one liners, it was sappy, long winded, and oh so cliche...All that said, I absolutely loved it.

I found myself doing alot of scoffing and eye rolling at the beginning of the movie. I frequently leaned over to my mom, who decided to tag along for the ride, to whisper "Ugh, this is so ridiculous. She JUST met the guy and she's talkin about 'I can't live without you'. Could this be any cheesier?" But then occasionally, I'd look over at my little sister--13 years old. Young. Niave. Unjaded. Her eyes were glowing as she watched the illogical romance unfold on screen. I decided to shelve my cynicism for an hour, and watch it from the perspective of someone who had never been burned. Someone who had never even been in love. It was only then that I could really appreciate it. By the end of the movie, I felt a bit lighter. While my mom was whining about spending $20 on "that mess" I was actually glad that I forked out the cash for it.

It made me kind of miss the days of young, passionate love. The kind of love that changes you. That you feel in every fiber of your being. That love that is so devestatingly beautiful. The love that is agony and ecstacy. The love that is bitter sweet. The love that makes you feel as if you'd die without that person.

I don't want to "fall" in love again. Because when I fell in love, I fell hard. And I shattered into a million little pieces. But what I do want is to feel passionate about someone again. I want to look forward to hearing his voice. I want to be giddy and anxious when I know he's visiting. I don't want to settle. I want chemistry and sparks and butterflies. But I know I'll never have those feelings again. You only experience that kind of love once in a lifetime.

I used to be such a hopeless romantic. I know every girl says that, but I really was. I lived for love stories. For love itself. I believed that it could truly conquer anything. But now I'm not so sure I believe anymore because in my case, love didn't conquer all. It didn't conquer anything. I hadn't realized how disenchanted I had become with love. I guess I just don't feed into the "you're all that I live for" love anymore. Does that make me cynical, or a realist? I'm not sure. What I do know is, watching that movie (re)awakened a desire for unfettered Love in me (see, you're not alone kb ;-).

I'm kind of on the fence whether I believe in love or not. I mean, I want to believe. But I'm not so sure if I do. Maybe all it takes is the right person to come along and remind me that it's out there. And it's real.

If you're a sucker for cheesy love stories, go see this movie. You won't regret it.

Hey everybody,

I know my blog has been sucking mighty big balls of late. I've been all out of sorts because of my midterms, and my writing is reflecting that. So, I've decided to take a true hiatus until Thanksgiving break (don't worry, that's just two days lol). I won't write until my head is clear and I can make a quality post because frankly, I'm annoying myself with all this blog whining.

I especially want to apologize to my new readers who found me by way 20 Something Bloggers (I just joined the network about a week ago. If you're in your 20s, I highly recommend you join too. It's a pretty cool community). I promise I'm not usually as nuerotic, emotional, or spastic as I've been lately. It's just that work and school kind of torture my soul. I'll be back to normal when I get a break.

Also, I just want to make a little statement about comments. Someone (who shall not be named, but whose IP address is now blocked ;-) has been making alot of negative and uneccesary comments on my blog. Remember what they taught you in grade school? If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I'm not saying at all that you can't disagree with my posts or offer constructive criticism. But making ignorant and rude remarks just for the sake of being a douchey asshole is NOT acceptable, mmmkay? So, for anyone who has a problem with what I say on MY blog, keep on lurkin' or keep on truckin' :)

To everyone else who has expressed concern via comments/shout box/email, I just want to say thank you. I really appreciate your care and advice. I've been having a rough time lately, but I'm pulling through thanks to your love and support. *Big cyber hugs for everybody*

So, my apologies again. I tend to be an emotional little bitch when stressed out, but I'll be okay soon. For realsies.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

Letter to Self

DELETED....A little too personal for Blogland :-*

Anyone who read this post (or didn't) and is curious what it was all about, email me (riprue@yahoo.com).

xo,

bloggal

Broken Heart Syndrome

Remember that guy I wrote about a few posts back? The 40 year old who started going coo-coo bananas when his first love dumped him? Well, his claims that his "heart hurt" and that he felt like he was "going to die" weren't totally unfounded. According to this article, a tragic or shocking event (such as a break up) can stun the heart and produce classic heart attack-like symptoms, including chest pain, shortness of breath and fluid in the lungs.

Luckily, unlike a heart attack, Broken Heart Syndrome (medically known as Stress Cardiomyopathy) is reversible if diagnosed early. Patients are hospitalized and can recover within days with no permanent damage to their hearts. Once medical issues are stabilized, seeking a trained mental health specialist will help cure the emotional trauma.

Wow, who knew?

Cry Me A River

Bloggal had a full-blown breakdown last night.

I've always prided myself on being the type of person who doesn't let stress get to me. I'm usually the one comforting my friends who have stress induced panic attacks and freak-outs. But last night I had an extreme case of writers block. It was 1 in the morning and I hadn't even started writing a paper that was due at 12 noon. I freaked the hell out. I sat there staring at a blank screen for hours and nothing would come. Nothing at all. So I cried like a big ass baby. And I couldn't stop crying for the life of me. All of the things I was suppressing caught up with me and I had to let it out. Truth is, your girl's been pretty stressed for the past three months. I do school work Mon-Fri and then I work work, Saturday and Sunday. And then it starts over again. I never get a break. I haven't been able to sleep more than five hours in God knows how long. Though I've been killing myself, I've been trying to keep a positive and upbeat attitude. But the truth is, I'm beat.

It's funny too, I just wrote about how I haven't cried in a long time. I haven't really had a reason to. No boys to disappoint me, no terribly worrisome situations. Just the normal everyday stressors. But I guess School was like: "Hey bitch, I heard you were single....and happy? Well, I can fix that."

I cried for hours and hours like a little punk because I was tired, sleepy, stressed, worried, lonely...Of course, I didn't realize I was as holding all of that shit in. When I talked to my sister, I was like:

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel perfectly fine. I haven't cried in months."

To that she said: "That's why you're crying. You were all backed up."

I think she's right. They had to come out sometime. Now that I got it out of my system, I do feel a little better. I guess you could say my waterworks were comparable to a man's wet dream. If you don't get one off every now and then, they'll come when you least expect them to...except tears are alot easier to clean up.

Do You Wanna Touch?

You know me, I couldn't really stay away:). Being the little nerdy weirdo that I am, I've decided to take my one and only break of the day to blog. Not to sleep, not to chill or watch a movie. To spend more time in front of a computer screen pecking away...I think I have an addiction.

It's been a busy week. But more than being busy, it's been lonely. It's always when I'm overwhelmed with an enormous workload that I become aware of the fact that I'm alone. When I say "alone" I'm not just talking about being single. I mean, I am physically alone most of the time. When midterms creep up, I'm forced to decline every invitation to mingle with the rest of humanity.

Friends: "Hey, do you want to grab a coffee tonight?"
Me: "Oh, I can't--homework."

Family: "I haven't talked to you in days! When can we catch up?"
Me: "Never--homework."

Guys: "Are you doing anything tonight? I was thinking we could watch a movie or something."
Me: "Sorry--homework."

I kind of hate school right now. It's robbing me of the time to do everything I want. To write, read, date, spend time with family and friends; time to be around people. It sucks.

I understand that I'm probably just having a Midterm Meltdown. It doesn't help that I am also post-menstrual at the moment (my Bitchy McBitch symptoms last about 4 days after my last "day"). But I don't think this is only stress and hormones talking. I do miss being around people. But more specifically, I miss male company. The male presence. The male touch. And I'm not just talking about sex. I miss the closeness, the warmth a man. There's a void in my life that a vibrator just can't fill...No pun intended (hehehe).

"Science tells us that a touch triggers the release of brain endorphins: an endogenous analgesic more powerful than heroin or morphine. But touch is more than just a scientific confluence of brain chemicals. A touch provides comfort in a freezing night. It makes us feel secure because it unites us with an affectionate, loving, and feeling human being. The warmth it brings is better than the warmth a fireplace can provide. " (click here to read more).

According to this article, physical contact is essential for proper development and general well-being. In a nutshell, this means that people who have the privilege of being touched are more or less happier than those who don't (moi).

In my own research, I've come across these tips for fulfilling the desire to be touched.

• Give, and ask, for hugs.
• Snuggle with your children.
  
• Pet your dog.
• Link arms with the elderly and help them across the street.
• Splurge on a manicure, pedicure, haircut or even a massage

Unfortunately, The Touch isn't the easiest thing to find on a college campus. I can't very well walk up to someone and say:

"Hey, can I have a hug? I kind of need to be touched right now."

I mean, I guess I could but only at the risk of being told to fuck off. Aside from that:

• I have no children.
• I have no pets.
• Elderly people on a college campus? Come on.
• I can't even afford a new toothbrush, let alone a massage.

*Sigh*

For your viewing/listening pleasure, here are a few videos. Gary and Blondie...They feel my pain.

"Do You Wanna Touch Me?"-Gary Glitter

*Sidenote: This video is adapted from the movie Velvet Goldmine (said to be based on David Bowie's career). If your a fan of glam rock, homo erotic sex, glitter, musicals, and orgies--watch this movie! (This means you QQ lol)

"I Touch Myself"-Blondie

Enjoy your weekends! Get touched on my behalf:-)