Sunday, September 28, 2008

Damn, Damn, DAMN!


I think Ex read my blog.

Remember when I mentioned that he stopped by my room the other day, but said it wasn't worth elaborating on? Well, maybe I it was.

It was a completely random and unexpected visit so when he knocked on my door, I was in the process of blogging. I yelled, "Come in!" because I figured it was just a floor mate or someone. Once he walked in, I tried to minimize my blog but before I could, he caught sight of it. So, he of course, wanted to read it. I didn't mind showing him the latest entry that I'd made because, for once, it wasn't about him. But I realized that I had recently made a few posts about Mr. Cocky, and I didn't want him to see them, so I kind of made a fuss about him not scrolling down. Anyway, he eventually gave up and we chatted a while longer before he left.

That was Monday. Tonight I ran into him and he seemed kind of weird. Though he was on the phone, he barely made eye contact or even said hello. So, once I made it back to my room, I gave him a call but he didn't answer. About ten minutes later, he calls back and greets me in the coldest tone. I asked if everything was okay, and he insisted that it was, but I could tell it wasn't. After a while, he admitted that something was bothering him, but said it was 'no biggie'. At first I thought it was a fight with his girlfriend, but it turned out that it was something about me. After nearly 15 minutes of trying to get it out of him, he got off the phone with me because he was on his way to his girlfriend's house.

Okay, he definitely knows about Mr. Cocky, was my initial thought. But how? I started to wrack my brain for possible explanations. Is Cocky going around bragging to his friends? Did that nosey girl on my floor turn out to be a friend of Ex, and she told him that she heard me getting freaky at 5 in the morning?

And then it hit me. Gasp...My blog!!!

Thinking back on the moment when Ex was fighting to read my blog, I realized that, for a good 10 minutes the URL was in plain view. He could've easily seen it, took a mental note, and visited it later..It may sound a bit nuerotic and far fetched, but I don't know what else to think.

Ugh, I'd be mortified if he read my blog. If he's reading it right now....I hate that I still care what he thinks of me. And I hate that he can still get to me like this. Only him...

I'm so used to being persistent when he does the whole tight lipped routine, but I'm wondering if I should just leave it be this time. If he knows, he knows. If he thinks I'm a slut for it, then so be it. I guess I feel the need to explain my actions to him for some reason. But I know I don't owe him an explanation.

Remind me I don't owe him an explanation...

6 comments:

Camila said...

mmmm...here's a far-fetched idea: have you thought about asking him if he did?

[and if he didn't, he'll probably want to look at it even more, but...]

i don't know. i don't think you being paranoid is bad at all. i mean, after all...it IS your blog.

let's go with the assumption that he did read the blog. now what? so he read it...i mean, you're pretty much doing the same thing he's doing, so...

i say ask him, but that's just me.

and NO, you are not obligated to give him an explanation. you're not forced to explain/justify your thoughts to anyone. if he doesn't agree, well, then that's just gah-reaaaaaat. you don't owe him jack.

[i've been in your same exact position just a lot worse...so trust me. it is what it is. if he's willing to listen, that's just fantastic, but you can't go justifying yourself for feeling the way you do.]

kisses.
camila.

Qucifer said...

Letmesee;


hey Baby!, Bloggal!, o Hai is your fairy sluttygodmother QQ:

YOU DON'T OWE HIM AN EXPLANATION, HE AIN'T YOUR MOMMA, OR YOUR MAN FOR THAT MATTER, YOUR BILLS ALSO DON'T GET PAID BY HIM....

just a friendly reminder, he should mind his business, LOL...is your blog, your downtime, your rant, and so what if he knows there is a new person? did he expect you to stay alone pinning for him forever or something of the sort?

Jaded said...

You don't owe him any explanation, nor do you have try and pry out why he's angry.

I mean really. He does have a gf right? Y'all aren't dating (right!?! lol j/k).

It's your space you've been discreet (ie. you haven't mentioned his name etc).

I bet it'll eat him up when you let him wallow in his anger (not thats what you're doing).

You're good.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

no u dont and whats wrong with him reading it hon and opine to this pls

rebecca said...

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Skinny Black Girl said...

Umm. He has a girl, right? So you owe him an explanation about your life as a single girl because....

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