Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Sick Day

Wow, Wednesday already??? Time flies, I tell ya. Sometimes I still accidently write 2007 on my papers and it's nearly 2009. Where's the time going?

Today I decided to slow down a little and take a sick day. It's justified too. I've had this bug since last Friday, but I haven't given myself the time to heal. Though I've doped myself up on cold/flu drugs, I haven't given them time to go into effect. So, I'm using today to catch up on my rest and my work and my blogs...Doesn't sound much like a sick day anymore lol.

Hmmm, today is feeling like a rant day. I rarely do them so here goes.

*I miss my family. This summer, I got super tight with all of them. My parents separated when I was very young, so for a long time it's been me, my mom, and my two sisters--all ladies in the house. In my angsty teenage years, I didn't appreciate their company. But after going away to school and coming home again, I realized how nice it is to have all women in the house because it enables a closer bond. My mom is 43, older sis 21, and younger sis 13. The age difference sounds big, but we were like girlfriends. We had a blast this summer. My mom had gotten laid off from her job at Business Magazine (surprisingly to her delight) and decided to venture and discover herself. After all, the nest is almost empty. Meanwhile, my sisters and I just hung out. Chilled. Got to know each other better. The age gap between my younger sister and I has kept us from getting close. But now that she's 13 and going through all those teenage issues, I can be the big sis I've always wanted:). Anyway, I love my mom and sisters, and I don't know what I'd do without any of them.

*Last night I had what could possibly be the most embarrassing moment in a long time. Mr. Cocky unexpected popped up at my door. When he walked in, he was laughing and out of breath. His face was beat red. "What happened???" I asked. When he finally managed to catch his break he said, laughing, "A girl out there just asked me, 'are yall gon' have sex again tonight'?" LOL. I was mortified. I knew I was getting some funny looks yesterday morning while I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth. Damn that rickety ass bed! My roommate from last year offered to give me her blow up mattress so that nobody would hear us anymore. See, I love my friends. They support me even in my most skanky habits lol.

*My best friend, who I've referred to several times on this blog, is pregnant. She's 19 and she attends the University of Chicago. The girl is smart as hell and has BIG things going for her. She's 10 weeks along and she still "doesn't know what she's going to do". I told her she'd better figure it out soon because the longer she waits, the more of a moral dilemma she'll have. I support her 100% in whatever she chooses to do, but there's just one problem...She just broke up with with father. When I say this guy was an asshole, I'm not just throwing the word around like I usually do. He actually told her that she's annoying, he can't stand to be around her, and ever since she told him she was pregnant, he's "hated her more and more each day." That shit is foul. Especially to hear that when you're pregnant, vulnerable, sensitive, and emotional--he crossed the line. Aside from that, he treated her like shit in every other respect so I think she did the right thing by leaving him.

So, now she's single, pregnant, and lonely. We've been friends since the 4th grade so that basically makes me the baby's daddy. I just feel like a bad friend though because I don't know how to tell her that I literally don't have the time to sit on the phone with her anymore. I know that sounds insensitive, but hear me out. I'm in school now. I can't just talk for hours like I did in the summer. It doesn't help that UofC doesn't start until a month after most other universities. That means, for the past 4 weeks, I've been getting phone calls at the most ungodly and inconvenient hours, trying to be the supportive friend. But...I'm growing a little impatient. And I feel bad for it. Not that I don't want to be there for her, but she calls me 8 times a day (not exaggerating, between classes when she knows I have a 10 minute break and everything) with the same problems. When I try to offer solutions, she never heeds. I feel terrible because I know she's going through something I can't fathom...Ugh, I feel like a bad friend. And I didn't realize that was bothering me as much as it was.

*Have you noticed anything lately? I haven't made a post about Ex in a long time. In fact, I haven't seen him for a long time (except for when he stopped by to visit about a day ago, an incident not even worth elaborating on). When I met Mr. Cocky, it was like Ex fell off the face of the earth, which is truly bizarre because we still live right across the street from each other and I still frequent his building for one reason or another. What's also a coincidence is that I no longer see his girlfriend either. She has a class in the same lecture hall I do, right after me so I used to run into her at least twice a week. But now, no sight of her. I'm not complaining though. It's just weird. Maybe this is just God's way of helping me move on completely. Out of sight, out of mind.

*I feel old at heart, but I'm only 19. That sounds so young. I'll be 20 in November, but still, I feel way older than that and I look it too. Not in a life-has-worn-me-down sort of way, but I just feel like I don't look like most girls my age. I always thought it was strange how only men (like 24 and up) talk to me, but guys in my age group never did. I'd truly be shocked if a 19 year old ever tried to holla, and I'm not so sure I'd be interested either. I was told it's the way I carry myself. I've also been told that I look intimidating. Whatever the case may be, men gravitate towards me, not boys. I wonder why that is.

*Speaking of my birthday, I'm buying myself a Nano Chromatic. I've been wanting an iPod for a long time, but never had my own money to buy one, so now I'm going to treat myself.

*I feel fat. I want to lose 20lbs this year. I gained the Freshmen 15 and never lost it. This makes me sad.

8 comments:

antithesis said...

i did NOT realize you were 19. you are def. wise beyond your years.

Camila said...

AHHHHHHHHHHH! I have to come back to post a long-ass comment on this one. I feel eeeeeeeexactly the way that you do. I'm nineteen, too, and I absolutely am in your shoes.

I have only talked or dated or messed around with older men [mid twenties] and even though teenyboppers [and by that I mean around our age] will lust after me, I have a hard time taking them serious. It's like a fucking joke?!? In my head, I'm like, "Why would I talk to you? You're like fricking 19?!"

Oh fuck. Me too.

Okay. I started, but I'll come back later. Muaah!

Jaded said...

Sick days are essential...even when you aren't actually sick.

I can't believe your 19!!! I feel so old!. Jeezus.

You are NOT a bad friend. Merely listening is sometimes all that is necessary. See you've got yourself an outlet (this blog), maybe you can suggest she start one (although I know writing isn't for everyone). Personally, without my blog and the encouragement of my commentors I don't think I'd have been where I am so quickly in regards to the heartbreaker.

This might help her vent a little.

It doesn't surprise me that you aren't really seeing either of them...it should be outta mind, outta sight lol.

Enjoy your sick day!

Gotta Let it Out said...

I too never realized you were 19... you have "an old soul" as my momma puts it. Glad you and sisters got closer... I always wanted sisters myself.

LMAO @ you being the "baby's daddy"... you're too funny. I feel you on offering ppl advice, and them not taking heed to it. After I've given my advice, opionion, and attention, and your ass is STILL going through the same shit, I'm done. I make it perfectly clear that there is nothing I can do for you, and obviously they want to conclude this on their own, so so be it.

Damn women... so indecisive and shit.

You're sure as hell not fat-- total hot stuff you are girly!


Yay for your birthday! And you must love the fact that you get MEN swinging at you and not boys... all women can't say that. My ass gets the white men chasing me... I just don't get.

Anyhow... there's a speacial shout out to you on my blog, FYI. :-)

Gotta Let it Out said...

Yea... I don't need hooked on phonics...

*special*

Qucifer said...

*"A girl out there just asked me, 'are yall gon' have sex again tonight'?" LOL. *QQ dies*

*Ughh Your best friends situation is HORRIBLE, no ifs and or Buts... poor thing, either way is not a happy place to be at.... ughh, dude should be taken out back and beaten within a second of his sorry self!

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

lol
dont be so loud

n0days0ff said...

Lol @ you being the baby daddy by default.

Ihave no time to be on the phone listening to my friends womp womp womp.just send me a text and ill be fine

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